Chapter 12

Aloof

Miscommunication can be the cause of misunderstanding. For the past years I distanced myself from others. But now I thought to myself that there are situations like this that I can't let a misunderstanding get in the way of my daughter. Yes, it's for Dahlia. And I can do anything for her. I realized that with our situation right now, other teachers and staffs or even the students here in my daughter's current school may have their thoughts of us. So I put an effort to communicate with them to avoid misunderstanding because I am too aloof.

Sinabi ko lang din at kinumpirma ang pagiging Mommy ni Dahlia. I know that in most cases people might think of potential favoritism. Since I have become my daughter's school teacher as well. But aside from knowing that Kiel, Dahlia's father, supports the school, matagal na rin napatunayan ng anak ko that she can be really at the top of her class. Kahit noon pa na wala pa ako rito. And I don't really have to do anything for my daughter with that. At alam na iyon ng mga teachers at kaklase niya. Kaya sa huli ay hindi na rin kami nagkaproblema pa sa parteng ito.

I've been aloof with everyone else for a long time... Ibang-iba sa dating Ada na lumaki sa bundok ng San Carlos na palangiti at palakaibigan. That was before I met Kiel and everything happened. And the reason why I'm aloof was because I'm scared. I'm scared to talk about my life with others... And I feel like if I make connections with others, then I'll have to start telling them things about me, too. And I'm not a bit comfortable with it. I'm not ready...

"Hi, Kai! Dahlia's here!" I happily told him and showed Dahlia to him through the laptop's camera. We were doing a video call. And he's still in Japan right now spending time with his family.

Noong sinama ako ni Kai sa Chicago may kailangan lang talaga siyang puntahan noon para sa business nila. And after staying there for a couple of weeks, and we're about to leave Chicago, I told him that I wanted to stay there... At pumayag naman si Kaizen.

"Hello, Dahlia!" Kai smiled as he greeted my daughter.

"Hi..." Tumingin sa akin ang anak ko. "Who is he, Mommy?" Dahlia asked.

Tumingin ako sa anak ko. "Oh. He's Tito Kai, anak." I smiled to my daughter. She's staying for the night at my apartment again. And of course I am very happy.

Nanatili pa ang tingin ng anak ko sa akin at tahimik lang siya na tumango pagkatapos...

And then I realized...that...

That maybe Dahlia realizes that I can be friendly with Kai... And aloof with her dad...

Bata pa siya at hindi pa niya naiintindihan. One time I witnessed how close Dahlia was with Kiel. Nasa bahay nila ako noon at weekend to visit Dahlia. And as if I just realized that Kiel raised Dahlia... Siya ang nakasama ng anak namin sa mga nakalipas na taon. I wasn't there as they build their relationship together as father and daughter.

I want to get my daughter and take her back with me. Gusto kong mamuhay kaming dalawa lang ng anak ko. Parang gusto kong bawiin iyong mga panahon na nawala sa amin. Na nawalay sa akin ang anak ko.

But then I realized that I was being selfish... Oo at galit ako kay Kiel. Hindi basta basta na lang iyong ginawa niya sa akin noon kahit nakaraan na iyon. It was painful and a frightening experience. Na hindi ko iyon basta na lang na maibabaon sa limot. Ni hindi ko na naisip pa na magiging maayos pa kami ni Kiel. Gusto ko na lang ibaon lahat sa nakaraan ang nakaraan namin. At ni ayaw ko nang alalahanin pa. Wala na akong maramdaman sa kay Kiel kundi ang takot at galit para sa ginawa niya sa akin. It was truly a bad experience for me. And was done by the person I loved and trusted...

At first I couldn't believe that he could really do that to me. But he did. Hindi ako makapaniwala at parang isang masamang panaginip lang ang lahat...

At bukod pa sa takot at galit ay ang sobrang sakit na pinadama niya sa akin...

Mariin akong napapikit bago nagmulat muli ng mga mata at nasa harap na naman ako ngayon ng bahay ni Kiel. Halo-halo pa rin ang mga nararamdaman ko sa kaniya. Magkahalong takot at galit. At hindi ko alam kung saan ako nakakuha ng lakas. Because I felt like my strength was stronger than any other emotion I have or my fear of him. Siguro dahil simula noong nakasama ko nang muli ang anak ko ay mas malaki pa sa takot ko ang kagustuhan kong makasama ko pa siya at ayaw ko nang pakawalan pa itong pangalawang pagkakataon naming dalawa na magkasamang mag-ina.

Nagkasalubong pa kami ni Kiel nang palabas naman siya ng bahay at mukhang aalis. He's in his formal suit and looked like he's about to go to work. Kunsabagay ay maaga pa nga at napaaga rin ang pagpunta ko rito ngayon to visit Dahlia.

Nagkatinginan kami.

May kasambahay din na nakasunod kay Kiel na agad niyang binalingan pagkakita sa akin. "Tell Dahlia that her mom's here." utos niya sa kasambahay na agad din naman tumango at sumunod sa utos.

At nagtawag pa si Kiel ng isa pang kasambahay para samahan na ako sa loob ng bahay. "I have to go to work now... Enjoy your time with Dahlia." Tipid siyang ngumiti at aalis na.

Isa pa siguro sa nakatulong sa akin ang hindi pagpipilit ni Kiel sa sarili niya sa akin, o na mag-usap kami. I know that he has questions about what happened to me, or where did I go for the past years... Alam kong may mga tanong siyang ganoon pero hindi niya pinipilit na magtanong o kausapin ako. Hindi niya ako pinapangunahan. At alam ko rin na dapat kaming mag-usap kahit para na lang kay Dahlia. But Kiel doesn't do anything about it. Or he just let me be, hinahayaan niya lang ako at mukhang naghihintay lang din siya...

Tumigil ako sa pagsunod sa kasambahay sa loob ng bahay at lumingon ako sa likod ko para makita ang likod na lang din ni Kiel na papunta na sa sasakyan niya. Bumuka na lang ang bibig ko para tawagin siya...

"Kiel..." I called...

Bumaling naman siya sa akin sa tawag ko at nagkatinginan kaming dalawa. At mukhang natigilan din siya. "Yes..." marahan niyang sagot.

Saglit akong lumunok at nagsalita habang magkaharap kaming nakatayo rito sa harap lang din ng main door ng bahay at may naghihintay pa na katulong sa tabi ko. "Maaga ka bang uuwi mamaya?" I calmly asked him.

Hinarap pa ako ni Kiel nang mabuti. "Uh, yeah...Why?"

"Kung may panahon ka lang mamaya. Baka pwede tayong mag-usap..." I said. "Maghihintay ako sa pag-uwi mo mamaya."

Kiel looked a little stunned as his eyes widened a fraction while he looked at me. "S-Sure..." Bahagya siyang tumikhim to clear his throat. And he remained looking at me.

Tumango na ako bago siya tinalikuran at tuluyan na rin sumama sa katulong sa loob ng bahay. Where my daughter was already there waiting for me. I automatically smiled when I saw Dahlia and my daughter went to greet me.

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