IV

KNOWING THE PAIN

THE FIRST day of the games finally came. Caecilia was waiting to sit next to Geta in the Colosseum, before Lucilla and her father could enter and be cheered by the people of Rome.

At the end, the daughter of Marcus Aurelius decided to join in, just like Caecilia and Acacius. They were almost forced to watch the games, especially Lucilla.

«You look great.» Caecilia suddenly said, speaking to her father. She had noticed his restlessness that morning, so she decided to help him think of something else. «You look good in white.»

Acacius smiled, turning to her. His daughter was such a sweet and beautiful woman. He still saw her as a child, but he knew he was wrong. And the fact she wanted to join his plan was the proof of that. «Your mother told me the same.»

«My mother also told you that you are an egocentric man.» Caecilia teased him, making him laugh. For a moment, she managed to make her father think of something else.
«How do you... Ravi.»

«Sometimes he talked about my mother, just like you do.» Caecilia explained, shrugging. The moment of the games was almost arrived, and the peolpe's noises were the proof of that. «But he also told me things that you omit.»

Acacius was about to reply, but he was interrupted by the arrival of the two emperors. Caracalla smiled at them, as did Geta. But he also stopped to whisper something to Caecilia. «Thank you.»

She knew what it meant, so she smiled. It was a sincere smile, because Geta was truly greatful for her presence, beside him. For a moment, she saw the Geta of years before. Not a tyrant, just a man.

In fact, the two emperors were not used to thank someone, so Geta's words to Caecilia were an exception. Everything Geta did for Caecilia was an exception, actually.

After his words, Geta joined his brother. «Emperor Caracalla. Emperor Geta. Citizens of Rome.» the orator shouted, making the crowd roar as the two emperors took their entrace. «These sacred games are held to honor the victory of Rome over the barbarians of Numidia.»

Caecilia entered a moment before of her father and Lucilla to join Geta who was waiting for her. «And to honor Rome's legionary commander General Iustus Acacius.» the people cheered him as did Geta and Caracalla who turned to him and applauded. «And Lucilla, the daughter of emperor Marcus Aurelius.»

«Acacius.» Geta called his general, inviting him to join him and his brother. Acacius looked at Lucilla for a moment, then decided to join them. Caecilia knew he was forcing himself to do so.

He didn't seek glory, unlike the two emperors. He didn't care if the people of Rome cheered him as they did that moment. He just wanted to live in peace in Rome, and save her.

«Speak to them.» Geta demanded, looking at his general, before he could join Lucilla to watch the games. Acacius would have preferred to say nothing, but Geta was right. The people were waiting for him.

So he did. He got closer to the emperors again, and took a deep breath before beginning. «I'm not an orator, nor a politician. I am a soldier.» he said, making Geta and Caracalla smile.

But Caecilia noticed something more. She knew too well her father and right away he looked... troubled. And maybe she also knew the reason. Because she would have done the same thing: using normal words to allude to something more specific.

«I've seen bravery in men and women during war and even once in this arena.» Acacius began, looking around. The people were listening to him, almost as if he were an emperor like Geta or Caracalla. That demostrated how Rome loved her General. «So if you ask anything of the gods, ask for that same bravery because Rome needs it now.»

Geta closed his eyes slightly, as a serious expression came over his face. He was thinking about Acacius' words. He was not stupid, he knew something was wrong. But he didn't know what.

«My father knows what words to use. Don't worry.» Caecilia whispered, catching Geta's attention. She was trying to convince him that the words of her father was only to prepare the people for the games in the Colosseum.

Her plan seemed to work. Because Geta smiled at her, before turning his attention back to Acacius. «You're right. I chose your father as my General for a reason, remember?» he then said to Caecilia, while nodding to Acacius the moment he finished to speak and returned to Lucilla.

Caecilia knew what Geta meant. And she remembered that day. It had been years, after Geta and Caracalla's father was dead. The twin emperors, after their coronation, decided to entrust command of the army to Acacius.

That day was also the way Geta and Caecilia met for the first time. Or rather, the first time they spoke. Because Geta already knew her. He had already seen her before that day, but he had never found the courage to talk to her.

Thinking about that Geta, Caecilia wondered how it was possible that guy suddenly changed in a few years. He was no longer shy. He was too sure of himself. Maybe it was power that changed him, or maybe not.

«From the South Gate... fighters from the stable of Macrinus of Thysdrus.» the orator woke Caecilia from her thoughts, catching her attention. She had waited for that moment since the day before. Hanno was finally there, in front of her, ready to fight and show what he could do.

Caecilia was still looking at him when he started to look around and finally saw her. Hanno held back a little smile as he watched her sit down next to emperor Geta. It was to be expected.

«And from the stables of Emperors Caracalla and Geta themselves: the undefeated champion Glyceo the Destroyer!» the orator introduces the opponent, making Hanno look away from the girl.

«Hail Cecaer!» he greeted the two emperors, bringing his hand to his chest and then extending it forward. Caracalla returned the gesture, while Geta just applauded.

The man began to advance with his rhinoceros, but the gladiators didn't move. «Hold, Hold!» Caecilia heard Hanno say to his men. At that moment she understood he had a plan.

Just before the rhinoceros could hit them, they moved along the walls. At that move, Caecilia noticed Geta sigh and Caracalla smile lightly. She knew they liked that scene. Men who risked their lives for freedom.

And the moment the rhinoceros managed to kill one of the gladiator- the one who had not listened to Hanno - the two emperors looked at each other before laughing together.

Caecilia saw the rhinoceros advance towards Hanno. He raised dust to confuse the animal, who remained stuck with his horn along the wall.

The two emperors immediately stood up, as Ceacilia did. They wanted to see more fun, while she wanted to see Hanno being safe. And he did.

Hanno was fine, as good as he could be fine. He quickly stood up, before the fighter could hit him. They fought, and the fight seemed to be on equal terms.

«Brother, is that poet, is it not?» Geta asked, still looking at the gladiator in the arena. It was strange for Geta, but not for Caecilia. That day would be the day Hanno would prove to be the right person to save Rome.

«I can't remember. That night was a blur.»
At Caracalla's words, Geta turned to Caecilia. That was why he had wanted her by his side that day. And Caecilia understood what Geta had meant the day before. Caracalla was getting worse. «Smooth as... I forget. Smooth as the scent.»

«Smooth is the descent, easy is the way.» Caecilia heard Lucilla say those words. Geta didn't hear her, but Caecilia did. So well. At that moment she understood that something was weird, and that Lucilla knew something important that she didn't.

Caecilia decided not to think about it anymore. She would ask Lucilla later, because she had more important things to do right away. Make sure that Hanno survived. And he did, until Glyceo hit him and made him knocked him to the ground.

People was yelling to mercy. Caecilia hoped that Geta would listen to his people. Hanno deserved to live, and she needed him for her plan. So she began to pray silently to Geta.

«Blood.» Caracalla suggested to his brother, making Caecilia hold her breath for a few seconds the moment Hanno looked at her. But Geta didn't listen to him.

«Caecilia.» Geta said, turning to her. She knew what he would do later, but she didn't understand the reason. «Shall we show mercy?» Suddenly there was silence in the Colosseum, because everyone was waiting for Geta's decision.

«Mercy.» Caecilia said, looking at Hanno. He looked back at her, but at that moment they had different feelings in their heart. Hanno had rage in his eyes. Caecilia was worried about his fate.

«No mercy!»
Stupid man. That was Caecilia's first thought. Geta had just spared him, also thanks to Caecilia's help, and now he refused mercy. Who would ever do such a thing?

«Your life has been spared by the gods...» Geta tried to say, looking at Caecilia for a moment. She had helped him decide, and he had listened to her. But Hanno seemed to think otherwise.

«I would sooner face your blade than accept roman mercy.» Hanno's words were heard by everyone in the Colosseum. This was an arena, and the sound was amplified. Besides, the silence of the crowd didn't help hide Hanno's voice.

Caecilia rolled her eyes, as Geta looked at the gladiator for a while longer. He was trying to figure out if that man was brave or just stupid. And Caecila would suggest him the right answer.

And so, the fight resumed. Hanno was ready to face him alone while his companions simply watched, as the others would. Just a few moves. He fought like no one had ever fought for a long time, and then... he won.

Hanno wounded Glyceo mortally, and waited for the emperors' judgement. «Death! Death!» the crowd was yelling that time. And Geta satisfied them, closing the hand into a fist and then raising the thumbs upwards.

Hanno shifted his attention from Geta to Glyceo, after the emperor's judgement. And then, in just one move, cut the head of his enemy making the crown cheered.

«That poet, as you called him, is not just a poet.» Caracalla told his brother. Geta was thinking about something Caecilia didn't understand.
«Yeah, I noticed that.»

«What's going on?» Caecilia whispered in Geta's ear, as Caracalla was distracted by Dundos for a moment. She had gotten to know him. There was something that didn't add up to him.

«Nothing. It's just... never mind.» Geta gave her a little smile, trying to push that thought out of his mind. The same thought that had appeared in Lucilla's mind. «You're coming? There are celebrations for the first day of the games.»

«In a moment.» Caecilia told him, without taking the hand Geta had held out to her. She smiled at him, trying to appear calm. «Start to move forward. I'll get back to you as soon as possible.»

≫ ──── ≪ • ◦ ❈ ◦ • ≫ ──── ≪

Caecilia went to his cage, just as she did the day before. After ordering the guard to let her in, Caecilia placed some money on the marble. «What's happening?» Hanno asked, a confused expression came over his face.

«Your money.» Caecilia explained, looking at him. He had more wounds than the last time they  had met, caused by the fight he had moments before. «You win, I win. Remember?» she tried to remind him, but he didn't seem to care.
«It's your money. Not mine.»

«But you need it.» Caecilia replied, pointing to the money. «I don't need money. I already have it. But you...» she paused for a moment, trying to find the right words to use. «You need it if you want to buy your freedom.»

Hanno said nothing for a moment. He was thinking. About what? Caecilia didn't know. But he took more time than expected. «Why do you care so much?» he then asked, crossing the arms over his chest. Now, he was curious.
«Because I don't like this.»

«I thought rich ladies love entertainment.» Hanno was about to laugh, but Caecilia didn't. Why did he also joke in moment like that?
«Entrainment is not playing with men's lives.»

Hanno was almost to reply, but Ravi interrupted their conversation. «Caecilia.» he called the girl, leading her to turn to him. «Geta's soldiers are here.» Ravi said before leaving them alone again.

«Your husband asks about you.» Hanno laughed, teasing her after Ravi's words. Caecilia rolled her eyes for a moment, knowing what he was doing. He was making fun of her. But then... then she decided to play his game.

She got closer to Hanno and looked at him. His blue eyes were so magnetic, but Caecilia tried not to think about it. She just wanted to win that little game. «I know you would like take his place, Hanno.»

«As emperor or as your husband?» Hanno innocently asked. He was making fun of her, again. He was starting to like that girl. The way she smiled, the was she talked, the way she looked at him... If only he had known who she really was.

«As both.» just two words, spoken by Caecilia. Just two words, but full of meaning. As both. Hanno would have been an emperor, and he would have been a husband. Her husband.

«I'm not interested in power, or in love.» Hanno suddenly admitted, almost if it was a confession. He had to move on, and he knew it. But he couldn't, or he couldn't find the rage and the strength to get his revenge.

«You lost someone you love, didn't you?» Caecilia asked him, hesitating for a moment. She didn't knew what had happened to him, but she knew the feeling. «I can see it in your eyes, but I won't ask about her because I know what it means losing someone important. I know the pain, and I don't want you to suffer.»

Hanno thanked to her with a smile, before looking down. «Ravi told me about you, yesterday.» he admitted, looking at her again. «I'm sorry for your loss too.» and he was sincere, because he knew what a loss meant to a person. Especially a mother's loss.

Caecilia didn't pay more attention to Hanno's last sentence. Instead, she did it for the first one. Ravi told me about you yesterday. That meant a lot, and she wanted to know. Maybe the plan was going where she wanted it to. «Why did you talk about me?»

Hanno was caught off guard. He was wrong to said that, but he did. And Caecilia heard him, very well. «I asked him to...» he couldn't lie to her, even if he tried to. Caecilia was too smart.
«I?»

«I'm just a curious boy, lady.» Hanno shrugged, trying to hold back a little smile. But he couldn't, not after seeing Caecilia do the same thing. She was amused by the situation, just like him.

Moments of silence and an exchange of glances and smiles. That was all. Nothing more. Just the two of them. Hanno was looking at her, trying to understand why she was too familiar to him. And Caecilia tried to do the same.

«These days hold on tight Ravi. He's a true friend. And he can help you to stay alive.» she then advised the gladiator, before walking away from him. She had to join Geta to the celebrations.

She couldn't keep him wait or he would suspect something. And Geta mustn't know what she was really doing at that moment.

«Do you care about me?» Hanno suddenly asked her, before she could finally get out of his cage. It almost seemed like an excuse to let her spend more time with him.

«I care about my money.» Caecilia replied, trying to be serious but teasing him. She looked at Hanno one last time, then she left saying anything else.

As soon as she was out of the cage, Ravi approached Caecilia. «I told Geta's soldiers that you came here for me.» he whispered in her ear, after hugging her. They had to be careful.
«Thank you.»

Ravi made a little bow, making Caecilia laugh. She could understand her mother. Ravi must have been a really a good friend to her. «At your service, lady.»

And with that, Ravi made room for her to pass. «Protect him, please.» Caecilia whispered, a worried expression came out over her face. Ravi had never seen her like that. That was weird.
«Do you care about him now?»

«He's more important than you think.» Caecilia admitted, and Ravi noticed the seriousness she used to speak those words. «I cannot tell you more. So I ask you to trust me.»

«I will protect him, I promise.»

≫ ──── ≪ • ◦ ❈ ◦ • ≫ ──── ≪

The celebrations that Geta and Caracalla organised were always fantastic. Fantastic, if it had not been organised for the deaths of the men in the Colosseum.

Caecilia loved the celebrations, but not the reason they were organised. That was why she decided to stay aside, after came back from Hanno's cage.

Acacius, her father, was talking to the Senators. Caecilia knew that the smile on his face was fake. He was just pretending to be amused, because it was part of the plan. He had to recruit as many people as possible. Especially Senators.

Caecilia expected to find Lucilla on her father's side, but the daughter of Marcus Aurelius was not next to him. She was sitting around a table apart, smiling and pretending to be calm. But she wasn't, and Caecilia knew it.

«You shouldn't talk with him.» Geta suddenly said, making her startle. He appeared behind her, without her being able to notice him. «Ravi is always a gladiator.»

For a moment, Caecilia thought Geta had discovered the truth. But then, she remembered what Ravi told her. «Ravi conquered his freedom years ago, and now he just helps gladiator. That's all.»

«I was just suggesting what's best for you.» and that was the truth. Geta wanted Caecilia being safe, and talking with a gladiator is not the best thing to do. If only he had known what Caecilia was doing, especially who she was talking to.

«He knew my mother, Geta. I need him to know something new about her.» Caecilia replied, hoping Geta could believe her. And he did, at the end. Because his feelings for her helped Caecilia convince Geta every time.

«I'm sorry, I didn't mean to make you bother.» the emperor apologised to her, right away. At the same time, however, he advised her. «But you should meet him somewhere other than the Colosseum.»

«He belongs to that place. He lives there now.» but Caecilia was firm in her thoughts. She had to go in the Colossuem, to Ravi, to something bigger. She had to go to Hanno, so she needed Ravi to do it.

Geta knew it was difficult to make Caecilia change idea, so he decided to help her in some way. «I could demand my guards to follow you. It's a dangerous place.» he proposed, but Caecilia didn't want to. That would be worse.
«I can do it.»

«I know. You are not like the others.» Geta whispered, making Caecilia smiled a little. «I'm glad you decided to sit next to me today.» he then changed the subject.

Caecilia continued to smile at the emperor. Sometimes she liked Geta. Sometimes, when he didn't play to be a God. The old Geta is better than the new one. «You needed help, so...»

«I needed you.»

Humanity. Pain. Fear. That was what Caecilia saw in Geta's eyes after his words. He needed her, and she knew it. But she didn't think he was such in pain because of his brother.

Before one of them could say anything, Acacius join them. «Emperor Geta.» he greeted his emperor, who smiled at his general, then turned to his daughter. «We have to go. Lucilla is waiting for us.»

Caecilia nodded. «Goodnight, emperor.» she whispered, trying to manage a smile. She was still shocked by the words Geta had said to her a moment before. She couldn't even call him by name.

«What happened, Caecilia?» Acacius asked her the moment they left, noticing a thoughtful expression on his daughter's face. Geta couldn't hear them anymore, so they were free to talk.
«Nothing.»

But for a moment, Caecilia was thinking about the plan. She had to trick Geta to obtain what she wanted. The plan was this. But Geta was showing her more humanity than she believed.

Would she have been able to do it?

AUTHOR NOTE:

Hello everyone! The first day of the game is finally came!

Hanno has been a stupid man to not accept Geta's mercy, just like Caecilia thinks. But we know he's not stupid. His rage leads him.

By the way... Can you start to feel the tension between Hanno and Caecilia? BECAUSE I DO. They are so sweet, especially when they tease each other. But it will come the moment they will be more serious and... no, no spoiler I'm sorry.

Another point... I LOVE writing about Geta (thanks Joseph Quinn, my crush since Stranger Things), and I want to tell you something about his character.

I know he is described as a tyrant in the movie, but a moment before he is killed, he also showed a little humanity. So I decided to explore that side of his character.

I can describe his fragility, his pain, his humanity. And I used his feelings for Caecilia to describe them. So I hope you like the way I'm writing about him.

AND...

I ask you...

I plan to write a fan fiction about Geta. So... who would read it? :)