THREE WEEKS LATER.....

Your pov:

What is love?

By definition love is an intense feeling of deep affection. To feel a deep romantic or sexual attachment to.

But what is it really?

Im asking cause i dont know if im feeling love or emotional numbness.

Im laying next to the man im supposed to love because ive loved him ever since i was 16. Ive had a crush on him.thought he was the cutest out off all his other brothers.
Weve slept together so many times its countless and each time still means nothing to me. Ive tried to force my love on him.

But no kiss,hug or flirt could make me love him.
No matter how many times i kiss him, hug him, or sleep with him. I cant love him.

I think about Max no matter how hard i try to tell myself i dont love him.

You cant force love no matter what you try.

Love comes naturally even if you dont want it to.

But never confuse love for lust cause thats what i realized i did.
I never loved joe.

I realized that now as i lie awake naked next to him.
But why do i stay this way why stick with him and act like im happy with him when truth be told im not.

I want the one person i cant have and im trying to avoid it by trying to fill a giant hole with one handful of dirt.

Hoping the feeling goes away but it never does.
Adam always told me that these past three weeks that i dont love joe. But that i love max and dont want to admit it to myself and dammit he was right.

I get up from the bed careful not to wake joe get dressed and drive to the offices. And teleport inside then turn on all the lights and go upstairs and grab my guitar. (Song in the media.)

Comparisons are easily done
Once you've had a taste of perfection
Like an apple hanging from a tree
I picked the ripest one
I still got the seed

You said move on
Where do I go?
I guess second best
Is all I will know

'Cause when I'm with him
I am thinking of you
Thinking of you
What you would do if
You were the one
Who was spending the night
Oh I wish that I
Was looking into your eyes

You're like an Indian summer
In the middle of winter
Like a hard candy
With a surprise center
How do I get better
Once I've had the best?
You said there's
Tons of fish in the water
So the waters I will test

He kissed my lips
I taste your mouth
He pulled me in
I was disgusted with myself

'Cause when I'm with him
I am thinking of you
Thinking of you
What you would do if
You were the one
Who was spending the night
Oh I wish that I
Was looking into...

You're the best
And yes I do regret
How I could let myself
Let you go
Now, now the lesson's learned
I touched it I was burned
Oh I think you should know

'Cause when I'm with him
I am thinking of you
Thinking of you
What you would do if
You were the one
Who was spending the night
Oh I wish that I
Was looking into your eyes
Looking into your eyes
Looking into your eyes
Oh won't you walk through
And bust in the door
And take me away
Oh no more mistakes
'Cause in your eyes I'd like to stay... stay.

By the end of the song i was crying my eyes out. I felt two warm arms wrap around me. I look up and see adam comforting me. I put down my guitar and hug him back and feel a few more tears fall from my face.

"Its ok to cry (y/n) you dont always have to be strong."

"This is stupid." I let go and wipe my tears. "Gosh im crying over something so stupid." I get up and go home. Only to be confronted by a concerned joe.

Tbc.....