I can't count the times I've heard the phrase "if they wanted to, they would."Or "if you wanted to, you would." It sounds simple. But if it is so simple, why is it always so dam complicated? Is it because we aren't being honest with ourselves? Or because they aren't being honest with themselves? Or maybe its because they are not being honest with you.

Well...it's all three. People are so scared of something ending that they take alot of  risks. In some cases, it could be a good thing, but in other cases, most cases it could be devastating. How many women have heard a guy say to them, "we are friends," but then the guy is sexual with them. Or how about "I'm not ready for a relationship." or "I'm better alone." But will be willing to fuck you!

These phrases are complete utter bullshit, and here is how I know. I have 2 very good male friends. Now, have they thought about me sexually? Probably. Have they pursued it? Nope. Because they knew sex with me would ruin our friendship, especially if they had no intention of a relationship. Also, because they value and respect me as a friend. So what this taught me is that we can conclude that a friend who is a male who values you as a friend will not ask for sex.

Now I once had a guy tell me we were friends,  but continuously asked for sexual things. I repeatedly asked him if sex was all he wanted, and he repeatedly said no. So I thought ok maybe he wants a relationship or wanted to date. So, I asked him if he wanted to date or if he was interested in a relationship. His answer was no. He said he was not ready for a relationship and is better off alone. So I said to him so sex is all you wanted? And of course, he said no.

Now let's go back to the beginning of this story...we established a man who values your friendship will not ask for sex even if they thought about you sexually, we have also established that a man who wants a relationship will tell you he wants to be with you that way. But when you ask the question, "Is sex all you wanted?" Their reply is immediately No. So why do they do this?

They do this because if they say yes, they know they won't get what they want from you anymore, men like attention too, so dont let them make you feel bad for wanting the right kind of attention. Although they dont seem to care whether they do or dont get it from you, mainly because the next victim is not far behind you, and because they still wanna keep you on the hook for as long as they can. Don't get me wrong, women can do this too, but men are terrific at this. They use words to explain why they use sex the way they do, to make you feel better about the situation and get you to stay. Why? Because they know women like connection, so if they can make you feel like you are connecting it will make you want to stick around.They will tell you it has nothing to do with you. And honestly, that's probably true, but it is also manipulative.

Men detach, women attach. I remember telling a guy once that I didn't want to get attached, and he went out of his way to tell me how not to get attached so that I would have sex with him. Needless to say. I never did have sex with him. But it showed me this man's true colors. He has already done exactly what he is telling me to do with many other people by simply trying to "teach me" on how not to get attached. It was pretty clear to me that he had done this considering his insight on the topic. He probably hurt many, just for a little pleasure to deal with whatever agony he was dealing with.

Here's the thing fellas, women love sex too. But we don't like being used. If sex is all you want, just fucking tell her that! You may be surprised. She may say ok yea let's fuck! Grant it there is a huge chance she will say peace and keep on moving, but at least you did not waste her time. And if she does do it with you, and she begins to ask questions, be upfront about what you want. Keep it straight forward and honest. Be gentle, but make your responses clear. If you need to leave her alone, then do so. But do not string her along just to get what you want from her. It's selfish. She has things to do, and she doesn't have time for your dumb antics while you figure out what it is you want. And if you truly don't know what you want, then don't pursue her for sex  because you will confuse her. When you use a woman like this, it shows us the biggest thing about you ever, It shows us that you are not happy with who you are, because people who are happy with who they are do not use people.

Ladies, we gotta get better. The men have done this to us for years. Why have we not caught on yet? We know that this will hurt us, and yet we continue to allow it to happen. Don't be afraid to ask questions, listen to what he says, how he moves, and compare. If the words do not align with the actions, something is off. Do not have sex with him until they align, unless sex is really all that you want, but you have to be sure of this because if you cant be sure and you get your feelings hurt, its not on him, he was honest. And if he gives you the line that you are friends, here is two indicators that he is not...1. If you tell him something personal or if you are about to and he tells you that you dont have to tell him and he freaks out if you do, that means he was never your friend. I've never told anything to my two male friends that freaked them out. Why is this? It's because they are my  friends.  Friends do not freak out over hearing something personal that you have went through and are always there if you want to talk. If they freak out it's because they are afraid it may turn them off from you. And number 2. If they ask for sex after saying that the two of you were friends. There is no guy who is truly a friend that will ever ask for sex if he values that friendship. If he does, he was never your friend. If the two of you do have sex, you are not friends, you are simply two people who had sex. That is it. Friends with benefits is not a thing. No matter what they say. The only way that friends with benefits can exist is if both parties agree that this is what it is. And let's be honest...when has that actually worked out for anyone?

Think about it, they have no problem telling you they don't want a relationship, but why is it they have a problem with telling you that sex is all they want, especially when the evidence is right there in front of you? Trust your Insticts, trust your gut. And believe me no matter what the situation is...if a guy truly wanted you...and I mean you..not your body, he would do whatever he could to be with you, why? Because if they wanted to....they would.