I haven't been single in quite a long time. What I have come to learn by watching a lot of my single friends on social media is that not a lot has changed when it comes to the search for your special person. Men still want sex and women still want connection, but it seems as if there was a shift in the balance of men and women as a lot of men have been seeking more connection these days and women have been seeking more sex. I began to think, why is this? So I started thinking if I were single, what would I want?

For the longest time, men have believed that women want the typical wedding, family, house fantasy way of life. And honestly, we do. That doesn't mean we don't want to have a quickie in the car or be bent over a balcony, we like adventurous sex too. But we know that having kids is something we were biologically gifted to do. We are wired to want that connection and to have it we have to overcome many obstacles, And the Main obstacle, is time. Women know that they are on a time clock the moment they step out into the world, and in today's world where women want to conquer everything it makes it hard at times. Consider this, women have to work twice as hard to get into college. If they go straight after high school, they have 4 years to earn their degree, another 2 years to begin a career, and then another 2 to make their mark in a workplace. That means the first 8 years of her adulthood between ages 18 and 26 (a woman's prime years for fertility) will be spent building herself and her career. Fertility for women begins to decline after the age of 30. Of course, if the woman is lucky enough to find the one before the age of 26, she would still have to get to know this person, build a connection, fall in love, and marry him before a child is brought into this world. That would leave 2 to 4 years for a woman to conceive and carry a child to birth. Considering there are 9 months of gestation involved we can assume that she will maybe get 2 kids going this route. But that's if she is lucky enough to find a college boy who is ready to settle down right after he graduates college. It's tricky.

Now, let's say a woman's life takes a different route. Let's say she decides or maybe life just happens, and after high school, she has a baby. Well typically, these women are at higher risk of becoming single moms because what guy at 18 years of age wants to be a dad? So the part of her that always wanted a career or a college degree then becomes put on hold. So she spends her first years of adulthood raising children and if she does meet someone they either run because they do not want to be a stepdad to children that are not his or he stays and it works out but only for so long, in rare instances, it actually works out permanently. Eventually, her children grow up and she finds that she is alone. By this time she is almost 40 years old, so starting a career or going back to school now means, there is a good possibility that her debt will outlast her life. And dating? Ha. finding a single man now means either settling for guys who never matured or being alone.

Now, men can go on to have children for many many years. Much longer than women. They are not on the same clock. They can take their time and enjoy every aspect of it without feeling like they are sacrificing anything. Not that men don't make sacrifices, they do. But they can have the degree, the career, the wife, the family, and the house as they have more time, biologically to do it all. Women wanted to be more like that. Women wanted to be able to take their time and experience all the things that life has to offer. But unfortunately, Mother Nature says, thats fine you can, but as long as you do it in this time frame because otherwise your f@#$%d.

So this is why women are in a hurry. This is why our brains are wired in different directions, seeming as if they are crazy. But in all actuality, they just know they have to use their time wisely. Which is why for so long we became tired. Tired of men wasting so much of our time. Women paid attention, they listened to the things that men have said over the years. They memorized it, they internalized it. And even though it rings true that women don't want to waste their time, a lot of women have decided to just say screw it. Why become everything and drive me crazy doing everything when I can just be more like a man and have a lot of sex?

Just the other day, I heard a story from a friend of mine whose brother was dating a girl who only wanted sex. It made me think huh? Sounds like a man. But he was torn up about it because he really liked her and even though he was sexually attracted to her, he wanted more. She on the other hand didn't. I remember asking well what exactly did she say? And he replied, " I just think we should just have fun, I'm not looking for anything serious right now". And right there I said, that sounds like something a man would say. That's when it hit me, men are geniuses and women are starting to catch on. Men are really good with word selection.

It does not matter what stage of life a man is in, whether it be his teenage years, his early adult years, or his senior years. Men will always want sex. Now, does this mean that guys are all bad and all guys want is to use you? Not at all, I believe that men are just driven, initially, by sex, while women are driven by their future, because of time. Men may even think deep inside that they want to fall in love, but they just want to have a lot of sex first. Women tend to always be 10 steps ahead of men. Men, especially when they are young, see the steps, but would rather just hang on step 3, and jump over steps 1 and 2. Beyond step 2, depends. A man can want sex and yet still not want her as anything else or he could actually really like her and want to see where it goes, but first, he has to have her sexually. It's like the first thing they want no matter what. So what have women done? They risked it. Every time, and found that they were most likely not going to get what they wanted from most men. So how can women decipher when a man wants to be more than sex buddies with her if initially, all they want is sex no matter what?

The thing is, we don't. We don't decipher anything. Men are good with their words, I call it word selection, and men have mastered this skill. Word selection is the dance that men use around their words to avoid hurting a girl's feelings (although it still hurts) so that way they get what they want, without having to commit or guarantee anything. They know that certain things they say will either chase her away and then he gets nothing from her or will make her stay. And if she stays he decides to choose his words wisely. Especially if she mentions the R-word. Yes that word, relationship. If you say that word to a man in the beginning you will likely catch him running for the door. It's time women faced the facts about men that we already know deep inside....the moment he sees you he wants nothing else but your p@##y. It's true, even men who really like you and you end up marrying you even, I will repeat... in the beginning, he wanted to f@#! you and that was it. The rest of the stuff, he will either like or hate and that is something he weeds out with time and he will resort to once again... the word selection! And he uses this to let you down gently by saying things like, "I'm not ready for a relationship, but it was great being with you."

But how many guys do women have to go through before they find the one? And this here is why women have decided to say screw it, I'm going to use word selection too on men and just have lots of sex. The result of this is we now have a bunch of men realizing how lonely it gets when the only thing that is wanted from you is your body. If I am wrong about men feeling this way in this day and age, then I am only wrong temporarily, as that feeling will come soon fellas. So beware. And even if she doesn't go out and just have sex with guys, women are now tired of the game and are just simply saying "Listen either you in or out, stop half-stepping." And soon men will begin this too if they haven't already. So what should both single men and single women do? Honestly, I can't answer that for every man and woman. But I will say we really need to simply respect one another. Dating is complex but women for far too long have been sacrificing a lot and it's long overdue and time to set some boundaries so that we can live and achieve all the things that we want to in life without the hassle that men have put us through, throughout the years, as if time restraints with our biological clocks haven't been enough.

So here is what I have come up with and these are my thoughts. When it comes to dating, I always found it odd when a man asks "What do you look for in a guy?" on the first date. Women always make the mistake of telling them everything they look for in a man. But what this does is give him the answers without doing the work. He now has the key! He knows exactly how to act, what to say, and how to behave to be the kind of man you want, this is not a good thing because it causes the other person to not be themselves trying to be the person you want them to be so that they can either get laid, or to be with you. This could be intentional or not intentional, but in time, when they reveal their true nature or intentions, you could end up hurt. So number one, don't do this to each other! Instead, ask things like "What are your thoughts on traveling?" or " How do you feel about global warming?" I know that question seemed a bit odd, but the point is it takes the pressure off of both parties in trying to be the person that the other wants and you end up just having fun. Another thing is when responding to these questions you should try to avoid saying things like I want, or I like. Keep the other person guessing at least until the second or third date. That way the excitement will still be there, and by the time of the 2nd or 3rd date you will hopefully feel a lot more comfortable being yourself around them.

If nothing else I hope this entry inspires someone to not give up on their search for true love. I hope it makes them understand that sex is not everything, it is important, but not the most important thing. Be respectful to each other because in the end we are all just trying to live a happy life and it is way too short to not do the things you want to do. So tell the person you love, that you love them, even if it is the most ridiculous thing you think you will ever say. You may not ever get another chance at the rate that it's going now. Do not miss an opportunity to be happy even if the risk is scary. Just do everything with good intentions, and if you can do that, I guarantee happiness will find you.