Niall’s P.O.V.

I sat in my flat, staring at the wall. Judge me, I’m lonely. I would probably never tell her this, but without having Brielle here made the flat feel empty. I missed her. It felt like hell without her.

But you were an idiot and told her that she was a murderer, I thought.

Shut up, I told myself.

It’s the truth, a voice said.

When I start talking to myself, that’s when I know that I need to get drunk, and fast. I reached for my phone then hesitated. My New Year’s Resolution was to not get wasted all the time. What the hell, I thought, and reached for my phone.

“Hello?” Harry answered.

“Hey Harry, want to go get wasted?” I asked, not even bothering with a hello.

“Sure,” Harry said.

“Meet you at the bar in ten minutes,” I said then hung up.

I shoved my phone in my pocket and stood up. My flat was a mess. There were empty pizza boxes everywhere, and dirty clothes. I ignored the chaos and walked out the door. In no time flat, I was in the bar, holding a beer in one hand and waiting for Harry. When he finally walked in the door, I had a nice buzz.

“What’s up, mate?” I asked.

“Nothing much, you?”

“I’m just an idiot,” I said conversationally then took a swig from my beer.

“How?” Harry asked curiously.

I took another long drink. “Brielle’s on trial,” I informed him.

“What?” Harry looked shocked.

“Brielle got arrested, you know, and when she came home from jail, I was on the couch with another girl,” I shrugged.

Harry smacked me on the head. “Why the hell where you cheating on her?”

I shrugged again, too drunk to even care. “I dunno, I was bored.  Brielle wasn’t going to give me any any time soon, and I’m a guy. I went to the bar when she was in jail, and I got a little drunk.”

“If you weren’t my best mate,” Harry said. “I’d fight you right here, right now.”

I grinned, my smile a little crooked. “What Harry? Got a little crush on Brielle? What about Lacey?”

Harry shook his head. “I have an interest in not letting dicks like you hurt girls like Brielle. I don’t know Niall. You used to be really nice and fun to hang out with. I don’t like this new Niall.”

I blinked a couple times. “Come on mate, you don’t think I’m a dick, do you?”

“Yeah, Niall, I do,” Harry said. “All you care about now is alcohol and sex.”

“That’s not true,” I said in a small voice, like a little kid. “I care about Brielle.”

“Yeah?” Harry raised an eyebrow. “You sure don’t act like it.”

Harry got up and walked away. I watched him leave. Who needs him? Hell, I don’t need anybody. I need another shot.

“Another!” I called to the bartender.

He raised an eyebrow, but slid me another bottle. I cheered to him and drank deeply. After I had almost downed the beer, I got up. The room swayed, but I stayed on my feet.  I made my way to the dance floor, where I danced like I was dying.

A girl, a blonde girl, somehow made her way next to me. She was a good dancer, and she knew it. I started eyeing her, and one thing led to another.

“I’m Stacey,” she said, putting her hand on my chest.

Stacey-Lacey. Lacey-Harry. Harry-thought I didn’t care about Brielle. I was going to prove him wrong.

Who needs to prove him wrong? I thought. I know how I feel about Brielle, and that’s all that matters.

“Niall,” I shouted.

Stacey smiled, and we spent the next couple songs dancing with each other. One thing led to another, and soon Stacey led me off the dance floor. I followed her, until I realized where I was going- a club bathroom. Let me tell you, club sex is not good. It’s hot and sweaty, and it means absolutely nothing.

“No,” I protested, stopping.

Stacey stopped and looked at me. “Come on Niall,” she whined.

I noticed then that her voice was kind of whiny, and that she looked like Crayola raped her face. How had I not noticed this before?

“No,” I said. “I’m going home.”

I turned around and left her there, whining like the slut she was. I managed to get home alive, and I collapsed on my couch. I was exhausted. All I really wanted was Brielle to come home and call me an idiot, but then smile at me with that little glint in her eyes that told me she was kidding.

I loved that glint.

And I had to be an idiot and let her go. I tried to tell myself that she didn’t let me follow her, that she disappeared. But I know that it isn’t her fault. Its mine. I was the one who cheated, even as a pathetic reason that I had. I was the one who didn’t even have a good explanation of why there was a girl sitting on our couch. I was the one who told Brielle I loved her then backed out of my promise, saying that I really didn’t. And all that time, she had loved me.

I just told her that I loved her; I was more vocal with my feelings. Brielle had her own way of telling me she loved me. A simple kiss, the way she brushed my hair back, how tightly she curled up against me, all were her telling me she loved me.  Brielle didn’t need me to tell her that I loved her every day.  All she wanted from me was actual proof. She wanted me to do all the little things, the small kisses, taking care of her, listening to her stories about her day, holding her tightly at night. 

I love her, and I told her so. Just saying it didn’t prove it. My actions did. Me, cheating on her, proved to her that I didn’t love her, even though I did. Oh God, I did. I loved her so much that I did. I fell for her hard, harder than I’ve ever fallen for anyone. She was my princess, even though I was too dumb to realize it when she wasn’t here.

God, I needed her. I needed her to breathe. Losing Brielle had made my world collapse. And I wasn’t even an idiot once, I was an idiot twice. At the trial, I had lied and said that I think she actually did it, when I knew in my heart that she didn’t. And if that wasn’t harsh enough, I called her a clingy, bitchy murderer.  

I knew Brielle, and I knew that she could handle hate. But there was one thing that could make her cry in under thirty seconds, and that was people thinking she was a murderer. I was angry at myself, really, that’s why I did it. I was angry that I had let her go, so bitter so when I saw her, so close yet so far, and not even close to being mine, I was angry.

So angry that I snapped at the only girl I’d ever truly loved, making sure to hit exactly where I knew it would sting.

When I saw her face, I tried to apologize, but she ran. I don’t know where she went.  All I know is that she was gone, long gone. And I had absolutely no chance of getting her back. 

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God, I'm crying. Oh my actual God, this hurts. I didn't expect it to. But damn, this hurts. Why, I'm not exactly sure. I mean, I wrote this. I knew this was going to happen. I"m not an idiot. But here i am, saying it hurts. Maybe I'm in pain because I fell in gym class yesterday.... 

yeah, that's it. Anyway, I haven't been on Wattpad lately, (sorry, O2L is just perfect) so when I noticed I had over 2,000 reads, I decided that that deserved an early update. So here you go, enjoy it. If I make you cry, I'm sorry. Oh, and while you're reading, listen to the song on the side(It's Hunter Hayes, sorry, I have the Hayes Craze) soooo it really goes with this chapter. Ummmm yeah, that's pretty much it. Please check out my update on CD Girl if you haven't, I updated it earlier this week.... um yeah. I gotta go- Wisconsin Badgers are playing very soon. I am a die-hard fan, I have the T-shirt, and since they're playing for their life, I'm not missing this for the world. Bye!

Love ya!

-11tay99