Hurriedly, she reached his side and stood close with worry written on her face. 

“What happened?” She asked, her voice filled with concern. 

He shot a fleeting glance at her but then looked away. Try as hard as she might, Sila couldn’t stop the unease that filled her. The distance between them was infinitesimal, but at that moment, she felt the walls around him were as impenetrable as ever. 

He was not fine. His every gesture vouched for it. He tried to mask his anxiousness, but Sila had seen the slight tremble to his fingers and the way he looked everywhere but at her. 

He needed her to hold him but he refused to let her in and that worried her the most. 

“Aahil—” 

“I need to leave.” His voice was barely above a whisper.

“Leave? To where?” She asked, confused. That question got him moving. He opened the wardrobe and began depositing whatever he would get his hands on into the suitcase. Sila patiently watched it unfolding but had to intervene when the silence became too unbearable for her.

“Where are you going, Aahil?” She held his bicep. That halted his movements momentarily. 

He sighed. “Boston.”

Sila hadn’t expected that. “Boston…? Why, all of a sudden?”

“...Something’s come up.”

Sila waited for him to elaborate further but it seemed, this was the only explanation she’d be able to elicit out of him. She wanted to prod him further but his countenance told her the attempt would be futile. 

Boston? That too on such short notice? And what about that call which moved everything in motion? 

On finding her silent, he gingerly held her from the side. “It’s urgent but I’ll be back in a day or two.” 

He hesitated, as if contemplating to tell her more but then, thought against it. Sila could see this wasn’t easy for him. This trip was the last thing he wanted to get on if his discomfort was well-read by her.

Then why was it so important for him to go? And why, for the love of God, he couldn’t tell her what all this was about?

“Take care.” He gently pulled her closer and kissed the top of her head. Was it more for her relief or his? Difficult to tell. But as usual, welcomed by Sila, even though she would’ve preferred words over gestures. 

It was a strange night.

𝄞

“Don’t be so shocked.” 

Alina looked up from the document and at the woman sitting before her. Tina Khakhwani’s smug smile would’ve made anyone else wary but Alina was well-versed in her quirks. She was excited about what she had on her mind.

“Let me process this, at least.” 

“Oh, come on!” Tina laughed at Alina’s response. Alina reciprocated it with a chuckle of her own. 

“I expect you to be ecstatic, over the moon, and a bit nervous, yes but apprehensive? No, we don’t do that here.”

“I’m not apprehensive, Tina,” Alina interjected. “It’s just…this is a huge step in my career. It’s so kind of you to consider me for what is your dream project, has been for years and—”

Tina rolled her eyes. “Babe, I’m not kind, just good at what I do for a living and even better at finding the talent I seek in my team. You’re part of this venture because you’re simply too good. I need a kickass stylist for my campaign and you’re that. Are you not?” 

Alina matched her challenging stare. “The best in the business.”

“Exactly! This is what I’m talking about!” Tina exclaimed, moving forward in her seat. “Just sign the damn contract, Alina.”

She wanted to. She oh, so wanted to but…

Yeah, but. The clauses on the papers before her were simple and easy to follow. Tina Khakwani was going to launch a new fashion campaign and in the classic Khakwani way, she was going all out for it. It was a big international launch for Tina, and keeping that in mind, she had contacted the best in the industry. She needed a top-notch team and Alina was a part of it.

The only problem? The campaign was based in Milan and everyone had to spend the next three months there, working for Tina and her core team. 

Alina looked at the documents and then at Tina’s expectant face. “I want to be a part of this.” She picked up the file as evidence. Tina was not impressed.

“No, I really do. But…”

“Yeah, here comes, The but.” Tina drawled but it was all in good nature. “It’s about your boyfriend, isn’t it?”

Alina nodded. “Of course. It’s a huge step in my career and we’ll have to live apart for three months, I have to discuss this with him. That’s only just and my right as an employee.”

Alina waited for Tina’s scathing remark but that never came. She leaned into her seat and played with the pen in her hand. “You two are going strong.”

That made Alina smile as if she’d gotten her hands on a treasure chest. “That we are. Pretty strong.”

Tina gave her a long stare. Alina thought back to all these weeks with Osama. The way both of them eased into each other’s routine as if they had never known anything else. The long drives around Clifton, holding hands on the beach, the late-night visits to 3-C, him bringing her food, naps with his head in her lap, evenings at his parents’ place, attending posh parties with his mum, him dropping her at her place every night and trying to steal every moment before he left for his own.

“I’m very happy for you, Alina.” 

Tina’s voice brought Alina back to her surroundings. 

“You deserve this and more.” She held Alina’s hand and gave it a gentle squeeze. 

“Thank you so much, Tina, and don’t worry about the campaign. If anything, Osama will be happier than I am to know this development.”

“Oh, I know he will be. This is big, Alina. For all of us. That’s why it requires the absolute best. Don’t refuse me, hon. I really want you on this project.”

It was not in Tina’s nature to insist on someone’s involvement in her work. She did that with a selective few and Alina was one of those. 

Alina wanted to do as she said. The offer had her reeling. A significant career boost never hurt anyone but she had to think on other lines as well.

Some very tricky lines. So, when she left Tina’s office, the affirmative response was still due. 

As she said, she’d need to talk to her boyfriend before deciding anything. They had lacked in this department the last time and she’d never let that repeat.

𝄞

Whatever followed that fateful phone call went in a flurry. Or at least, it felt that way to Sila. Aahil hurried through the mandatory protocol of traveling to a different country in swift movements. There was an urgency to his body language. He worked through every hassle in his way. This impromptu trip to Boston was important, that much Sila could decipher. Otherwise, he wouldn’t be doing all this. 

Guesswork had never felt this tiresome to Sila. After the initial try, she’d stopped her attempts to prod him. He wouldn’t tell her more than he already had. It felt humiliating to her that she’d have to go the extra mile to get something out of him. It was on him. She wanted to be there for him and do whatever he needed her to do but for that, he’d have to open up to her and he was unable to do that.

His flight was scheduled for later in the day. When he went inside the airport, Sila drove to her office with a heavy heart. She tried her best to immerse herself in the work but nothing could capture her interest. She was distracted. Everyone around her felt that. She brushed it off with a smile but from inside, she was on the verge of tears if the need arose.

This was bizarre and so frustrating. 

But her real worry began when after lunch, she got a call from Sabah. 

After the greetings, she came straight to the point and asked about Aahil’s whereabouts with desperation. He had taken a day off, but they had just come to know about his plans for the day off. The worry in her voice broke Sila’s heart. She didn’t know what to tell her, for she herself wasn’t aware of much. Sabah’s queries were put to a halt when the call ended. Sila was yet to take a breath of relief when she saw Faseeh’s name flashing on her phone screen.

It wasn’t every day her busy father-in-law would ring her number that too in the middle of working hours. With a thudding heart, she picked it up.

He sounded calm and composed—in alignment with his professional aura, a stark contrast to his wife. He didn’t ask her for anything, just that she should visit Jahangir Residence when she got off work. He hadn’t demanded that out of her, but since after Mrs. Irshad, he was the authority figure in the Jahangir clan, Sila knew what was expected of her. 

It wasn’t rocket science. Aahil hadn’t informed the family about the call or his trip to the USA. 

Anger was added to the myriad of emotions she felt for her husband at that moment. He had left her with nothing to work on and now, she’d have to face the family alone. That was not done, but what pained her more was the fact that it wasn’t like Aahil to do. He’d never let her be on the receiving end of such scrutiny. What had gotten into him? Why did he feel like someone she barely knew? His handling of this situation was not something Sila was accustomed to. This was not how Aahil faced problems.

Or maybe, she didn’t know him that way. 

The last thought trumped all others and intensified her hurt. With the same jumbled mind, she completed her work and reached the Jahangir Residence straight from her workplace.

The elders were in the living room when she crossed the door. Though the general atmosphere around there was thick with tension, only Sabah wasn’t able to mask the intensity of her worry. Seeing Sila, she stood up from her seat and gestured for her to come to her.

That was it. Sila had decided. It was not the time to open a case for Mr. Aahil Jahangir in this court, in fact, she’d have to diffuse the tension and assure these wonderful people that everything was fine.

She also wouldn’t like it if he was the subject of everyone’s disappointment that too when he was not even here. That didn’t feel right to her.

Or she loved him too much to let him be dragged that way. Love’s a pathetic asshole, she concluded.

Fifteen minutes later, she was successful in her quest to a great degree.

“There’s no need to worry, Auntie.” She held Sabah by her shoulder and hugged her sideways. “I dropped him at the airport myself. Saw him through the departure gate. He was as good as new.”

Not quite a lie but not the truth either. She dropped him at the airport but didn’t accompany him inside. He was in too much of a hurry. She was too much hurt. 

Sabah wiped her tears. Sila’s reassurances had done their work. She looked somewhat at peace now. “I said the same to all of them. He must’ve told you about his plan. See,” She glared at Adan. “I was right.”

Sila couldn’t meet her eye. But had to continue. For Sabah and everyone else as well. Mrs. Irshad was subdued, so much that she hadn’t said much since the moment Sila walked inside. The relief on the faces of Faseeh, Faran, Adan, and Nawar was also palpable. 

“He did. I was there when he got the phone call. He told me he had to rush to Boston. Time was short so he must’ve forgotten to let you all know.”

Again, not quite a lie but not the truth either. The way she narrated the happenings of last night, it appeared as if it was a team effort. The joke of the century.

“But still, Beta,” Faseeh began in a serious yet gentle tone. “He should’ve informed me or Faran, at least. Going there all by himself…” 

He muttered something under his breath. Faran held him by his shoulder in a comforting manner. “He’s not a child, Baba. He can take care of himself.”

Sila doubted he believed his own words. 

“Next time, he will, Uncle. I’ll make sure of it. And I’m sorry for causing you all so much worry. Wasn’t the intention but we got carried away by the time constraints.”

There. She had apologized for something she had no clue about. She didn’t know why he was in Boston, what urgent business he had there, and why Boston, of all the places!

But she had to cover up for him.

No matter how much she hated lying by implying, that too to all these beautiful people. 

The meeting dispersed soon after. Now that Sabah was at peace with Aahil, her sole worry was feeding Sila. Faran and Faseeh retired for the study. Sila hoped they’d be able to contact Aahil and give him an earful once he landed in Boston. Mr. Irshad caressed her cheek and made her way toward her room with the same silence that surrounded her today. She had no jokes on her, no sassy comments, and no jibes to tear her grandchildren a new one. Sila had never seen the woman so down.

Nawar went to see what the children were up to when Sila felt someone standing next to her. 

Worry lines were still evident on Adan’s face. “Did he really tell you where he was going?” 

Sila nodded in affirmation but Adan shook her head. “Sila, you must know that you don’t have to cover up for him. I assure you, no one will say a word to you if you tell them the whole thing. I know he messed up! I just know it.”

Oh, he did. But Sila would rather if it stayed between him and her. 

“I’m not covering up for him, Adan. I told you all that happened.”

“But…” Adan pursed her lips and shook her head in frustration. Sila stood her ground but felt that anytime now, she’d collapse.

Today was an enlightening day. 

There was something wrong in Aahil’s past his whole family was aware of but her. And it was monumental, otherwise, his family wouldn’t be so worked up over nothing.

He hadn’t said a word of it to her. She was completely in the dark.

Talk about trust.

𝄞

It was their last night at the resort. The trip had come to an end. They’d be en route home the next day. 

Unaiza snuggled into her jacket and tried to commit the scenery to her memory, for no picture or video would be able to do justice to this marvel of nature. She couldn’t believe she deprived herself of this once-in-a-lifetime experience for so long. But now that she had breathed in the air, lived among the hills, and tasted the rich nature here, she’d be coming back very soon. She was certain of that.

“Can I interrupt your me-time and sit here?” 

She looked in the direction of the voice. There was just a slight curve of her lips, no verbal affirmation but that was more than enough for Muaz. With a full-fledged smile on his face, he sat down next to her on the stool. 

“Before you get weirded out, we are about to leave, me and my friends. I said bye to your sisters but couldn’t find you there. Had to look for you then.”

“You’re leaving?” 

He nodded. “The plan was to leave tomorrow but we all are a bunch of curious weirdos.”

Unaiza was interested to know more. “How so?”

“On our first day here, the caretaker narrated to us a local folklore and told us that it was a true story. The lodging of the girl and her family the story is about is there in the next village. We insisted that he should show us. He agreed to send one of his employees with us. The guy is from that village. He’ll get a free ride to his home, we will satisfy our curiosity and then will be on our way to the capital. Easy peasy.”

Too much work to satisfy their curiosity in Unaiza’s humble opinion but she kept that thought to herself. 

“You want to call us idiots, don’t you?” Muaz inquired good-naturedly. Unaiza gave him a duh look but didn’t say anything. That made Muaz chuckle. 

“Yeah, I figured you’d say something like that.”

“I didn’t even say anything.”

He glanced at her sideways. “You don’t have to. The judgment was all on your face for the whole world to see.”

“Well, obviously. Do you realize that to fool curious adventurers like you and your friends, the villagers might have come up with this whole charade? What if that lodging never belonged to that girl and her family? What if there was never a girl and the folklore is just that, an imaginary folk tale?”

“Plausible but I like to imagine their version is true.  It's not my fault that my Ammi used to tell me stories when I was a child. Now, I’m always looking for one to be true.”

Unaiza dismissed his notion. “So did mine but do I believe in a prince charming on a white horse coming true? No.” 

Muaz shrugged. “It’s all about perspective, Unaiza.”

She gave him a sickly sweet smile. “And common sense.”

At that, Muaz gave a hearty laugh. For a second Unaiza couldn’t believe what had happened but when she did, her smug smile slowly dimmed.

When did she start bickering with people as she used to once upon a time? She cleared her throat and focused on anywhere but her hands.

It was after a while when she extended a crisp folded fabric toward him. “Your kerchief. Thank you.” She spoke in a calculated tone. 

Muaz looked at it but did nothing to take it from her hand. “Keep it but I hope you’ll never have to use it again.” 

Unaiza shook her head. “I won’t keep it. And rest assured I won’t need it as well.” 

The steely undertone in her voice was not hard to ignore. Muaz pulled the fabric out of her hand without saying a word.

“That night…” She began, her tone even more careful now. “Did you happen to hear my conversation with Farmaan?”

Muaz’s reply was in negation. “I didn’t. But even from afar, it doesn’t take a genius to know it was anything but a pleasant conversation.”

Unaiza sighed, looking up at the sky. It had never been this clear and this full of potential back in Karachi. 

“Some tragedies become your whole identity, Muaz,  the measuring scale of your worth, your character, and your morals. People don’t remember you, your face, or your name, but they do remember what happened to you and how that defines everything you do in life. In fact, your whole life. Isn’t that unfair?”

He took a deep pause. Unaiza didn’t peer her eyes away from the sky, as if certain that he’d answer her question anyway.

“It definitely is. But you know what I find more devastating? When we start believing the image people project on us and then start living our lives according to their whims and wishes. That is the utmost unjust one can do to oneself.”

“You have to adapt. Otherwise, dunya jeenay nahi deti*.” Her voice cracked as she uttered these words.

“Then let them declare us dead. At least that way, we’ll truly be alive.”

Unaiza couldn’t help her chuckle through her tears. “Do you realize, in a way you just asked me to die?”

He offered her the kerchief again which she refused. That didn’t deter him, though. “When you conform to societal pressure, you die every day. I asked you to live, Unaiza. Live the way you used to. Don’t be the Unaiza who’ll start second-guessing everything after one sassy remark of hers. Be that Unaiza who literally tore me a new one and still looked excited to do it all over again.”Her smile brightened. Her tears fell more rapidly. “It’s not going to be easy.”

“Take your time then. After all, our next meeting isn’t going to happen for quite a while.”

He stood up, ready to leave. “So, who will I meet the next time I see you?”

She also left her place. “Be ready for another civilian versus military debate, Major Muaz. It won’t be pretty, I assure you.”

“I look forward to it.” He gave her a salute. “Goodbye, Unaiza. Don’t be a stranger.”

She stood with a smile on her face. No tears. “Goodbye, Muaz. See you around.” 

And just like that, he turned around and left. 

No matter their cordial departing words, Unaiza knew the likelihood of running into each other in the near future would be too much to ask for. 

But the next morning, when she left her room with her luggage, the caretaker of the resort came running toward her with a small notebook in his hand. 

“Someone has left it behind. Is it yours? Or belong to anyone from your team?”

Unaiza shook her head. It was a diary and by the looks of it, the person it belonged to was habitual of recording every day in it. 

The person.

She opened it, certain that life wasn’t that predictable.

On the first page, the name of ‘Muaz Ikram’ was scribbled in clear, slanted longhand.

Well, maybe it was.

𝄞

“Here you go!”

Haleh announced as she placed the tray containing the carrot cake and tea cups on the table. Amal wasted no time in digging in, which earned her a shove from her best friend.

“Thank me first. Where are your manners?”

“Probably where your mind is at,” Amal replied and took a huge bite of her cake so that she wouldn’t have to get into a meaningless banter with Haleh. 

Haleh let it slide, only because it was after a long time the four of them had gathered for evening tea and she didn’t want to sabotage it in any way.

“Gosh, I missed this,” Rameen said, looking around at her friends. “Tea time is no longer tea time without you three sipping tea, both literally and figuratively.”

“I wouldn’t be too sure if I were you. Your sentiments are not reciprocated.” Haleh stated. 

“We know. Those who’ve witnessed the grandeur of a certain upscale residence that too twice by now, why do our modest tea arrangements be appreciated by them?”

Haleh glared at Amal. “I’m not talking about me, this one.” She pointed at Sila. “She looks as if someone forced her to sit here.”

Sila, who was until then lost in her thoughts, stood straight when their focus zeroed in on her.

“Oh, don’t mind her. In fact, be nice. She’s not feeling well.”

“Why?” Haleh was immediately concerned. “Don’t tell me she’s missing her man. I swear to God you all are so weak.”

Rameen gaped at her. “She’s the only one among us who’s married.”

Haleh shrugged. “I said having a man has made you all weaklings. Where did marriage come from?”

“I don’t have one.” Rameen contradicted.

“What an oblivious fool,” Haleh muttered under her breath. 

“Says another oblivious fool.” Amal’s whisper was only audible to Sila but she couldn’t reciprocate her laugh.

Rameen was concerned now. “Sila, you’re missing him a lot, aren’t you?”

Sila looked around at her friends’ faces and nodded solemnly. “Yes, I am.”

“Oh, come on! It’s just a small trip to the UassA. He’ll be back before you know it. And— Sila?”

Haleh’s worried voice had them all alerted. Sila tried to compose herself but ended up in tears anyway.

In no time, the three of them were around her.

“Hey, what happened?”

“Did you fight with him?”

“Oh, it must be his fault!”

“Did he do something to hurt you? I will break all his bones!”

“At least, let her talk!”

“Shut up, Reen!”

Haleh and Amal chorused. Rameen pushed them away and sat next to Sila hugging her. “Hey, what is it?”

Sila shook her head as she wiped her tears. “I just…miss him? If that makes sense. It hasn’t been a full day since he’s gone but look at me! What a mess. I just…” She ran a hand through her hair. “I just want to…I...I don’t want him to ever struggle. I want to stand before him and tell him that I’m here and you can share all your problems with me. I want to right every wrong in his life if he’ll just let me. I want him to know that his vulnerabilities, and all that he’s, it’s safe with me. I won’t hurt him. In fact, I’ll do everything I can to make things easy for him. I have to try no matter the odds because… because…because”

“You love him,” Rameen mumbled.

Sila nodded as more tears ran down her cheeks. “Yeah, I love him! I love him a lot.”

“Oh, Sila.”

Rameen caressed her hair as she tried to calm her. They had never seen her this way. They had never expected to see her this way. She said she wanted him to trust her with his vulnerabilities, did he know how vulnerable she herself was right now?

Amal and Haleh joined the hug, a bit subdued, a lot happy and a smidge apprehensive of what this love had in store for Sila.

“If he ever hurts you, he better sleep with one eye open at night!”

Sila laughed. “He’s not even here and it’s not his fault your friend has fallen head over heels for him.”

“Ewww! Don’t let him hear you phrase it that way. Safeguard it like a dirty secret. And his love is making you cry. I have every right to threaten his safety.”

Sila resorted to not gracing it with a reply. That was Haleh and winning from her wouldn’t be possible. 

“This means, one soldier down. Who's next?” Rameen asked. Haleh pointed toward Amal who raised an eyebrow.

“Your courtship period is going on and you have the gall to point at me?”

“What the hell does that mean? What courtship?” Haleh thundered.

“Next thing you know, she’ll ask where babies come from.”

The mindless bickering had eased the tension but deep down, Sila’s breakdown had scared all three of them.

As it had scared Sila as well.

𝄞

The fluorescent light reflected on the linoleum floor. The glare was sharp in his eye, as the tip of a glass shard. 

A mere ten step distance, but felt like 10 miles, or 10 decades. Confined in the space and time. 

The urge to run away.

The reality was that he needed to stay.

It was his fault. High time he took ownership of it.

He hated hospitals. The walls seemed to be closing in on him. Oh, he shouldn’t have come.

Just now, it’d happen. He could imagine it as vividly as it happened just yesterday.

The tall man will take off his mask and pat his shoulder, before saying those awful words. 

“We couldn’t….static…couldn’t….static.

“Mr. Jahangir?”

The voice brought him out of his troubled memories. He tried his best to mask his unease and stood straight to greet the familiar face.

“Dr. Davis.”

The man gave him a professional smile. “It’s nice to see you after so long but as I assured you on the call, we have it under control.”

“Someone trespassed on your hospital premises and breached the security. Then he went on to harass a patient. That’s far from under control.”

The man pursed his lips. “I understand your concern, Mr. Jahangir. You have every right to be critical of the situation. We slacked and we take full responsibility for it. The good news is, Mr. Rehman is out of danger now. His vitals look good and the disruption didn’t cause any harm, thankfully. If you want to, you can see him.”

Aahil took a furtive step back. “I don’t think that’s a good idea. I need the briefing on the security situation as we decided on the call.”

“Of course. Please follow me to my office.”

Aahil was about to do that when he stopped where he was and so did the person who had just come out of the opposite hallway.

From surprise to contempt and from contempt to hurt, she was a bellowing mess when she reached his side.

“What the hell are you doing here? Why did you come back!”

Aahil opened his mouth but words betray him. She was bitterly crying by then.

“Oh, why don’t you all leave us alone! First that break in his room and now here you are! Why do you come running to put a salve on our wounds when those wounds are there just because of you in the first place!”

“Ruby Auntie—” He tried but her nickname from his mouth was unacceptable for Rubina.

“Don’t! Don’t you dare! You lost that right years back. I’m no one to you.”

He hung his head, in anguish and resignation. Didn’t he know that?

“We haven’t gotten over what happened, Aahil. I doubt we ever will. Your arrival always brings the same pain back. The what ifs, the question marks. Please, don’t visit us here. Life for everyone got back to normal, including you but we’ve been living with this pain for years. If you can’t lessen it, please don’t add to it. Don’t visit us.”

Saying that she took brisk steps to get away from him. 

Aahil stood there as if a statue.

For how many times would the city turn him into stone?

𝄞

Translation

*The world doesn’t let you live