Thoughts speak louder than words. They always have. They jump out at me, begging to be acknowledged, stubbornly struggling into the depths of my head.

I spent too much time feeling isolated, and I spent too much energy limping down this winding road, turning in circles with no end in sight. Each twist made my heart stop and stutter somewhere deep in my chest. I learned to drown the gaping loneliness. I learned to breathe beneath the crashing current.

The first seventeen years of my life, I was a dead girl walking. I was made blind with this arresting glow and deaf by a voluminous noise. It's hard to see over the light of others. It's hard to hear with too many voices.

My life began with the roughness of blue scales and an unexpected trip into the woods. My life began with the company of seven other kids, just as lost as myself. My life began when it was under the most threat of falling apart.

Funny how these things work out.

I found love amongst hate. I found riches when I had nothing. I found family amongst strangers. I found beauty within the pain, and Christ was there a lot of pain.

I can understand the entire composition of a person in a split moment, but this is the story of when I finally learned my own.

Thoughts speak louder than words, but I will learn how to be louder than the thoughts.

So, this is the story of my life, and how it got tenfold more interesting than I could have ever predicted. For now, though, I'll start at the beginning: high school, a temple of unoriginality, cruelty and miserable character building.

Hold onto your hats. This is going to take a while.

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- eli