I've always marvelled at how the darkness can change things. A sunny street, welcoming in the day's light; eerie and frightening come nightfall. Funny thing is, the same can be said for humans. We always prefer what we're shown at face value. The smiles, the laughs and bright eyes. What about when the light goes askew, and shadows are cast? When smiles turn to frowns, and laughs become silence and bright eyes let tears fall. When we're no longer beautiful, and our ugly sides show. Why are we suddenly deemed less valuable? Why are we suddenly avoided? When did we start believing that dark stars can't shine?

Skyy always shined in my eyes. He glowed, he was radiant. He smiled and laughed and his eyes crinkled at the corners as they sparkled with amusement. He had so much life in him, it felt unrealistic that so much life could simply vanish. I didn't want to, but as I walked down the dark streets of my town, I couldn't help but wonder if he was more truthful to strangers than to me; his own brother.

The streets were damp from the rain that seemed to cease momentarily, hopefully long enough to reach my destination. I watched with a bored stare as green lights turned to red, washing the streets with crimson. Like I said, everything feels different at night. Everything changes when the light is taken. A stranger could be a threat, a dark alley could be the home of monsters that keep children away and home safe with their night lights.

I smirked, lighting yet another cigarette. There's more frightening creatures in my mind.

That's just it, isn't it? It's not that we become reckless, or we don't understand the dangers of the world, but when you battle things that can't be seen--that you have truly no weapon against--day in and day out in your head, real life doesn't seem as frightening. I knew how to react if someone attacked me, I knew how to fix and heal any physical wound a person could give; but, I didn't know how to stop the thoughts that assaulted me at night, or how to close the wounds they inflicted.

I walked down the hall of the apartment complex, stopping at the door with a number four nailed on it. I knocked three times, the door opened before I could a fourth. "Who are you?"

She was blonde and her make up was heavy, but I guess she was kind of pretty, "Damien. Eli invited me."

Her blackened eyes looked me up and down, making me feel uncomfortable when they stopped anywhere for too long. I hated feeling like I was under the microscope. Being surrounded by cameras and a mother who deemed looks to be everything did that to you. Made you feel like an item--meant to be looked at, never heard. 

Don't complain, Skyy wasn't seen nor heard.  My thought whispered.

"I guess I can see why," She said, batting her lashes in a way that made me hold back a grimace. "He's out on the balcony I think."

Nodding a thanks, I left her and her creepy doe eyes behind and went in search of the boy who practically dared me to come. When my father found my room empty, I knew I'd be in for it. I just couldn't find it in me to give a damn. If he wanted to hurt me, I'd take it because I deserved it. For letting Skyy down--letting him fall apart right in front of me.

I shook my head clear of thoughts before stepping out on the balcony. There were too many people for my liking, and much too close, but eventually I squeezed past them all and was stood in front of Eli. He looked different than he did earlier. His formal clothing swapped for dark jeans and a black t-shirt. Odd, seeing as it's kind of chilly. His light brown hair messed and brushed out of his eyes that turned to bore into my own. In the dim lighting, the dark brown looked nearly black; and I hoped that's why a shiver ran down my spine.

"You came," was all he said, taking another pull off the smoke in his hand.

Shrugging, I reached out and took the cig, taking a drag as he stared in amusement, "You asked me to."

"Do you always do what's asked of you?"

"Only when I want to."

He smiled at that, walking past me, and I followed simply because it seemed that's what he wanted. Why I continued to do the things he wanted me to was beyond me, but I did it anyway. I followed him all the way to a back room where a group of people were laying across the couple couches crammed in a corner, and some on the bed.

I noticed Eli's sister, Natalie, and almost let out a laugh when she tugged me down on the bed--almost. The people around didn't even pay attention to me as I fell among them, Natalie propping herself up on an arm next to me as she smirked--clearly not sober. "Glad you decided to show, pretty boy."

As if on instinct, a smirk fell upon my lips as I slipped on my metaphorical social and flirtatious mask I was always taught to wear, "I never disappoint."

Her smirk turned into a playful grin as she shook her head and leaned over, taking a joint from one of our bed neighbours, taking a hit before handing it to me. I watched in fascination as she held the smoke in her lungs, before meeting my gaze and slowly blowing it up towards the ceiling. My eyes lazily trailed down her jaw to her throat, the way her head tilted back and the strap of her dress slipped down her shoulder.

I took the joint. Staring at Natalie's careless form as she leaned back and watched me in amusement, I inhaled and forced myself to hold the burning smoke in my lungs before slowly exhaling. Natalie giggled senselessly as she took it from me and passed it along, semi falling on me in the process. 

For the first time since Skyy left me, I felt an odd quietness take me over. My body relaxed against the mattress, even with all the other bodies pressed close. They were almost warm, and comforting. My mind felt lighter, and for once the quiet didn't scare me. My thoughts didn't go astray, as if they couldn't go any further than the present that was before me. Even with Natalie practically laying on top of me, I didn't care about anything.

My eyes lazily swept the room, and my eyes met dark--nearly black--brown eyes. His lips quirked upward before he nodded me over. I couldn't help the lazy smile that fell onto my lips as I got out from under Natalie and moved towards him, my movements feeling fluid like. Nothing was distorted, and I was in my right mind, but somehow everything simply felt better. 

I found myself sat next to Eli, all too aware of his closeness, but I felt like I needed to be close to hear anything he said. I told myself that. Then he gestured to the coffee table in front of us, where I only just noticed what was going on. People all around were snorting lines of white powder, which I could only assume was cocaine and my eyes widened, the care-free spell breaking. Heart thundering, my mind wondered what made me think any of this was a good idea. How I got myself in this situation, was no longer clear to me. 

"Interested?" He questioned.

I shook my head, my smile quickly fading. "No."

"Suit yourself," He said with a shrug, leaning forward. 

I glanced away, suddenly feeling uncomfortable. This isn't where I should be. I want to stop hurting over Skyy, not fuck up my life. He'd be disappointed in me, he'd shake his head sadly and tell me I'm better than that. 

"Funny. We mourn the dead while continueing to do the things that slowly kill us."

I don't answer and we lapse into silence.

"It's true what they say, huh? You and your brother... polar opposites," Eli muttered, shaking his head while staring at me in slight amusement, and perhaps a hint of wonder. "He was always down to try something new. I don't think there was ever a time I heard the word no leave his lips. He'd have said yes, but not you... you're different. You look alike, but something tells me that's where the similarities end."

Anger flooded my veins, "My brother would never do this shit. Don't act like you knew him better than I did, just don't. Just because you're fucked up, doesn't mean you and all your friends can keep shitting on his image in front of me, trying to convince me he was someone different from the brother I knew. He's dead, you bastard, have some fucking respect."

"You don't have a clue, do you?" To my chagrin, he just smiles at me. "I was right before, the show is just beginning. What's to happen to poor. little. Damien when his perfect world is just shattered completely right before his eyes?"

"Fuck you," I seethed, jumping to my feet and storming out of the smoke filled room.

I swore I saw red in that moment, the rage shaking me to my core, and just when I needed an outlet to take out my pent up emotions on, the perfect one seemed to appear. A hand wrapped around my wrist, pulling me into a different room. This one, empty and dark; and with a bed. Lips met mine, and I didn't care who she was. I just wanted that sick Eli out of my head. I wanted to return to feeling good, and not feeling anger and sadness and questioning who my brother was. I wanted to believe he was exactly as I knew him. Other wise, what else did I have to hang on to? I refused to believe all I had were false memories.

My hands grazed over her hips, pushing her slowly back towards the bed. I could nearly feel the pulse of the music outside under my finger tips as they grazed her soft skin. My mind felt foggy, and my mouth a little dry, but my body felt like a livewire with every touch. It had been so long since I'd actually let myself go this far with anyone. Most of my girlfriends disgusted me with their promiscuity, but in the heat of the moment, I didn't care who I was with. Only that we both reached our end goal.

Within moments, I had her pinned beneath me--stripped down to her bra and panties--and I smirked as she impatiently gripped at my boxers; the last of my clothing. "You said you never disappoint, why don't you prove it?"

I stepped back quickly as if I'd just touched fire, "Natalie?"

Actually getting a good look at the girl, I could see her mischevious grin in the dark, my eyes finally having adjusted. She must have followed me after my little scene. "I certainly hope you weren't expecting someone else."

My brow furrowed at that, but she brushed it off and shook her head, "Are you going to shut up and fuck me, or am I wasting my time?"

I shook my head, trying to think beyond the high and slight alcohol I'd consumed earlier in the night, "Stop talking."

With that, I claimed her lips with my own, stripping her and myself of the last of our clothing. My lips moved down her jaw, to her neck, and I found myself smiling in satisfaction when she trembled at my touch. Her hips rising to grind against me, causing a moan escape. Impatient, I easily spread her legs and quickly rolled on the condom she handed me from the bedside table and pushed myself inside of her until our hips met, tightly pressed together.

Her moans and whimpers only encouraged me as I thrusted harder and faster, pinning her arms above her head. She smiled, assuming I was just the dominating type and I was happy letting her believe it. The truth was, I hated to be touched. I didn't care about this girl, and other than the obvious contact needed for us both to reach the ultimate pleasure, I felt disgusted at the thought of her hands all over me. There were very few people in my life who's touch didn't make me cringe.

"Harder," She gasped, throwing her head back with her eyes closed in ecstacy. "Please."

My thrusts became rougher and more erratic as we both neared our peak. I could feel myself getting close, and it became harder to keep a steady rhythm. 

"Ah, Skyy," She whispered, and I felt my entire body freeze.

She seemed to realize her mistake as her wide eyes met mine, and if it weren't for the anger and confusion and heartache I felt because of the single word that left her lips, I may have found her expression comical.

"Damian, I-"

"What the fuck did you just say?" I demanded, pulling out and gathering my clothes. "You sick--is this some kind of joke to you all? What do you all want from me!?"

Her eyes watered, but she quickly blinked the tears away and shook her head, "The only joke here, is you."

"Excuse me?" I snapped, but she just walked towards the door after we were both dressed and gestured towards it.

"We're clearly finished here. It's time you left," her voice hardened.

"Get help, bitch," I growled under my breath as I passed. My clothes were thrown on haphazardly, and it didn't take a genius to look at me and figure out what I'd just been doing. So, it was pretty clear to everyone, including Eli, when I walked out of that bedroom. Our eyes met, and it bothered me that I couldn't read his expression, and even more so that I wanted to know what he thought.

A flash of light from the living room washed over us, and for a moment I thought I saw him smirk in amusement, but the emotion vanished along with the light; and so did I.