A/N:

Disclaimer: this is the first thing I ever shared online, so...yeah. Take it for what it is — a silly, lighthearted thing written by a kid.

Also wrote this (obviously) before Phil came out online, so lmao sorry Phil for 1. assuming you were bi instead of gay and 2. assuming your mother didn't know. (that is jokingly addressed to him, I feel like I shouldn't have to say this, but just in case: Please, please don't send/link phan stuff to either of them!)

⁠—

"Come on, I'll just turn up my music really loud and mum won't be able to hear anything. When I lived here I always had my music up loud. She won't think anything of it, I promise."

"Okay, but Phil, know that I completely blame you if this comes back to bite us in the butt."

"I could do that too, if you like," Phil said mock-suggestively, wiggling his eyebrows.

Dan laughed. "Shut up, you spork."

***

Phil's mother sat back tiredly and rubbed her eyes. She had been trying to read, planning to relax alone whilst Phil's father was out of town, but Phil had had his music blasting. She had thought at first that they might turn it down eventually, but it had been three songs now and she couldn't concentrate. 

She smiled a bit fondly at the thought that three years ago this wouldn't have been a bit of a problem, as she had learned to tune out the loud music so well, but now she'd gotten out of practise, and she couldn't even think right now. Sighing, she got up and began making her way to Phil's room. 

She briefly contemplated knocking, but realised that they probably wouldn't be able to hear over the music. Oddly the lights appeared to be off, but she supposed it was late enough, and perhaps they were just using the fairy lights he had strung up around the walls of his room. She opened the door slowly, so as to give them a bit of warning in case they were talking about something they didn't want her to hear ⁠— they were adults after all. She poked her head in the door and blanched — all she saw at first was skin, so much bare skin. 

They were using the fairy lights, as it so happened, but that was certainly not what caught her attention. For a second she couldn't look away, it was like watching a train wreck: she didn't want to see it, but for some reason couldn't stop staring. 

She quickly stepped back and closed the door. She sat down on the floor in the hallway with one hand over her mouth in shock. That was something no mother wants to see, she thought, but those few seconds kept replaying in her mind.

She saw that boy Dan's ankles locked securely behind her son's back and his head tipped back. On his face was a look of pure bliss: his eyes were shut and his mouth open, presumably in a moan none of them could hear over the pounding music. She saw her son shift his weight onto one arm so he could gently cradle Dan's head and bring it up to where he could kiss his mouth. 

She saw this scene replay over and over even as she tried to scrub it out of her head (because really, who wants to see their kid having sex?).

Honestly, she would never have expected to see that. She knew they were roommates, but that's completely normal, and Dan had just been introduced as a friend. She had met several of Phil's girlfriends before and he had seemed perfectly happy with them, so why...?

She got herself up off of the floor and went to the study. It might seem ridiculous to some, but she was at a loss for what to do, so she went to answers.com. Mrs. Lester as a general rule did not do well with confrontation (and she definitely didn't want to have that conversation with Mr. Lester over the phone whilst he was away), so she asked what she should do and hoped she would get a response by the next day. She wasn't even sure she would be able to look at either of them.

***

"Hey mum?" There was a gentle knock on the bedroom door. Mrs. Lester glanced over at the clock. 11:30 PM.

"Yes, Phil?" She asked tiredly, not bothering to get up.

"Can I use your computer to check up on my YouTube channel?"

"Sure honey, just use it next time and don't bother waking me up." 

"Thanks." She heard his footsteps receding. 

She turned over to go back to sleep, but of course now she couldn't get her mind to shut down. She stared up at the ceiling, wondering if anyone had answered her query yet. Suddenly she heard from down the hall, "What the⁠— Shit!" and running feet up the stairs. She idly wondered if Phil had stubbed his toe or something as her mind finally began to go fuzzy.

***

"Thanks." Phil made his way down the hall to the study and pulled up his last video to check the comments. Whilst it was loading, he opened another tab to check if there were any new videos in his YouTube subscription feed.

He scrolled idly down the list, not seeing anything new and clicked back to his comments, but accidentally closed the tab. He heaved out a very put-upon sigh and went to the 'recently closed tabs' He was about to click his schedule when he saw the one below it: "Answers⁠— What do I do if I saw my son ha..."

He wondered briefly what that could be about and clicked his work schedule. He was about to close the window when his curiosity got the better of him. He knew he shouldn't pry into his mother's business, which is why he didn't click it in the first place, but he figured that it was likely about him, seeing as his older brother Martin hadn't been home in several months. He clicked the link and chewed his lip impatiently as he waited for it to load.

⁠—

What do I do if I saw my son having sex with another guy?

I accidentally walked in on my son having sex with his roommate that was introduced to me as a friend whilst they were staying at my house, what should I do? They didn't see me, but I feel like I need to tell them. And I didn't know he was gay! I've met several girlfriends of his in the past and he seemed happy with them. How do I confront them about this?

Submitted by: Anonymous

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Phil read through it twice before he processed what he was reading. "What the⁠— Shit!" He got up and ran down the stairs to his bedroom.

Dan looked up from his phone, startled when Phil burst into the room.

"What? What's wrong?"

"Oh this is bad," Phil muttered to himself.

"What? Why are you freaking out?"

Phil sat down on the edge of his bed and took a few deep breaths.

"Okay. Um. So when I went up to look at the comments on my last video, I looked in the history and my mum had asked a question online about what to do about her son so I clicked it and she somehow saw us having sex earlier."

"What? Okay, back up. How does any of that connect? You went to check on your channel, correct?"

"Yes."

"And why were you looking in the history?"

"Because I accidentally closed it the first time so I went to Recently Closed Tabs."

"Okay, and you saw that your mum had asked a question about her son and you clicked it."

"Well first I looked at my channel, but then I got too curious and I opened it."

"Okay, and what exactly did it say?"

"Um, it said 'What do I do if I saw my son having sex with another guy?', and then she said that she accidentally walked in and saw it, and she doesn't know what to do because we didn't see her and she didn't know I was gay, and she doesn't know how to confront us."

"But you're not gay."

"Oh my God Dan, really, that's what you got out of that? She didn't know I was anything but straight."

"Ireland or France?" Dan asked nonchalantly.

"What the hell Dan, I'm freaking out and you are just seeing this like a joke. What are you even asking?"

"Where we're going to disappear to tonight, because I sure as hell am never looking your mum in the eyes again. How the hell did we not notice? Why didn't she say anything?"

"I don't know, but we're definitely staying here and talking to her in the morning."

"You want to talk to your mum about our sex life after she saw us having sex? That's not going to happen. I'm never going to speak to your mother again!"

"I don't want to talk to her about sex either, but we kind of have to. We have to somehow address it or she'll never be able to look at me again. The awkward elephant in the room will still be there when she's on her deathbed!"

Dan rolled his eyes at Phil's dramatics.

"I'm sure she'll figure out a way to confront you individually before then."

"She's not a confrontational person. Where do you think I get that from? We're each going to refuse to be the one to bring it up for years until it's been too long and then it would be even more awkward so we'll definitely never bring it up."

Dan sighed and rolled onto his stomach so he was face down on the bed. Phil tried again.

"If you come with me to talk to her in the morning I promise I'll make it worth your while."

Dan snorted and turned his head to the side to speak.

"That's more of a threat at this point. The sure way to kill my boner now. She'll probably walk in whilst you're doing whatever you're planning!"