"So, you were..."

"No, I wasn't!"

Dev nods as he begins his interrogation session with me after the incident and I curse the power cut internally. I feel the need of a good talk with them. Someday.

"Then, what were your hands doing on her b..."

"Breast?" Barun finishes for him. He seems more concerned and I'll have a talk with Kanchana.

"I wasn't touching her breasts! My hands were on her dragon tattoo on her upper chest."

"That's too a molest. I can't believe you are my brother! You are molesting a woman!"

I narrow my gaze down at his dramatic expression. I was relieved that only a few people of the crowd who surrounded us heard her and not our parents or any gossip crews as they stood a few distance away. Otherwise, I would be accused of molestation. Guess, I've had too much whiskey.

I clench my jaw and walk away to the pandal as now, the mandap(pavilion) is full with people and the marriage ceremony will begin.

Dev and the rest of them comes behind me then they encircled me in a half circle from my behind. Angshu is there sitting on a peere(wooden plank) for sitting on the ground before fire and beside him, the pandit. The pandit is chanting already and everyone's waiting for the bride to come.

I move to find me a suitable spot and the half circle behind me moves with me. I turn at them who seem to be engrossed in the matras* the pandit is reciting. I know, they don't even know half of their meanings.

I move to the right and the circle moves with me and I turn around hissing, "What are you guys doing?"

"Saving the women from your *Potato Syndrome," answers Dev making my brows tie into a knot and I ask, "What?"

"You know the syndrome where you can't control your hands because there are some perverted thoughts going on your mind."

I shoot him a glare.

"Dev. This is too much!" Anger is boiling in me when the high pitch sound ulu* snaps us from our banter. And I turn to the mandap and the Saat Paak* begins.

The bride comes carried by her brothers on a peera while her face is covered with panpata(betel leaf) that are in her hands. Dhak, Sankha and ulu dhwani fills the place. Angsu stands up and the people who is carrying Bratati, takes seven rounds of him while Barun shouts, "Ah! Angshu, now is the time to run before you see her face!"

And all of the audience laughs out including Angshu.

Angshu shouts back, "Can't Barun da(brother). I'm already trapped here."

Everyone laughs and pulls Angshu's legs via their comments. Even my dad shouts, "Beta(son), welcome to the miserable husband committee."

My mom gives him a look and everyone burst out in a fit of giggles. Where everyone else is busy to pull the couple's legs my gaze is trying to find Agni. But there is no trace of her. I move my eyes at every corner and a guilt builds up in my heart. She must have thought I molested her and maybe she's ashamed to come out.

I've been hearing many whispers of her being divorced and the stupid move I've done made me feel very low. I have made her day worst in her own cousin's marriage.

The brothers of the bride has finally done taking seven rounds of Angshu and finally Bratati comes face to face with him, still hiding her face behind the leaves. However, her brothers are barely managing to stay straight with their exhausted hands and legs. Sweat covers them in the cold night of January and their clothes glued to their skin.

A few of them shouts, "Are joldi koro!" (Hurry up!)

I have sympathies for them. Though, Bratati is a slim girl but the amount of golden ornaments and the heavy banarasi* saree she has wore, increases her weight two times greater than her own weight.

Bratati's mother and a few of other females wraps a clothe(lajja bastra) around them and the camera men get ready to capture the best moment of the marriage: Subho Dristi*.

Very slowly, Bratati moves the betel leaves away from her face and looks up to Angshu's eyes. Angshu on the other hand, is already turning red and looks at her, his lips curl into a smile.

"You have to look into each other's eyes more than five minutes, otherwise, the marriage is cancelled!" A comment flies from Angshu's dad and Bratati's eyes turn down in a shy manner while again we all burst into laughter. It is fun to tease them and no one seems to leaving the opportunity to leg pulling them.

Again the couple try and looks slowly into each other's eyes but barely manages twenty seconds before both of them turn red and the crowd shouts with joy.

A small smile tugs on my lips but at the same time I feel guilty that Agni isn't here to witness the fun activities. While Dev and other's attention are solely on the couple I find an opportunity to sneak out.

The couple are now given garlands* and the begin to exchange it. I surge forward through the crowd, my eyes drifting everywhere in searching for that violet locks and tattoo bearing girl.

Again, the females starts to ulu and the shahnai's music fades into it.

I chew my lip and feel, I should as well go to the cottage. I no longer have any interest to stay here when my gaze find a shadow of off white lahenga. My heart takes a rapid speed of 100km/s and my feet moves on its own to the figure.

"Agni."

Her eyes met my brown ones and a gap forms on her lips. She stands near the door of their house, watching the wedding from a distance with a dolour filled gaze.

"I...I'm sorry!" I say my voice staggering in her cold, sad stare.

"Let's have a cigarette," she says and I nod.

*****

She lights her second cigarette and leans on the stone behind her at our previous secret-drinking-spot while I sit beside her with a frown and my loud thumping heart.

Maybe she's going to say how dare I ruin her day or maybe she would no longer wants to see my face or something that will make her sore mood gone because, we are sitting here for the past fifteen minutes in silence. The more time is passing the more I feel my heart increasing its speed and by now, I'm drenched in my own sweat. I want to hear something or anything but she's only sitting in silence inhaling cigarettes and dominated by sadness.

She brings out another one after finishing her last cigarette and this time, I catch her hand.

"That's enough for today, Agni."

A few muscles on her jaw clench and her eyes that filled with fatigue, meet mine. My heart stop. There is so much hurt and pain in them that sipping out her skin and reaches me. A few teardrops cleansed her red cheeks and the guilty wraps me more after running into her vulnerability.

"I'm so sorry," I whisper and feel bad at my silly movements. Bloody hormones!

"It's not you, Aditya."

Her low tone makes my brows crumble together.

"The memories are hard to bear. The rituals Bratati is doing, I've done them before." More tears come out as I clench my jaws. It confirms, she's divorced.

She let out a whimper as she continues, "It's all coming back to hunt me."

She sniffs and without a second thought I wrap my arms around her and she leans on me. It maybe a silly move but I don't care. Nobody knows how breakable she is inside that hard layers of skin. She cocoons against my chest, slowly her walls that she has built crumbling into pieces.

"It's alright. Past is past, Agni. You can't move on if you let it hold you back."

"I know. But I loved him."

My heart skipped a beat and I loose my hands around her. Suddenly, I feel the air is sucked out of my lungs and it's becoming harder to breathe.

"I'm sure, you do," I mumble trying best to conceal my breaking voice.

She looks up to find my eyes and I cast her a tight lipped smile. Her nose becomes red while her face is a mess with the smudge make up. But still she manages to looks cute with the continuous sniffing.

"It has been one year but the people around me won't let me forget them."

I know, I've heard all the whispers and the talks behind her backs. It's ridiculous to think they won't reach her. And people don't even think it might hurt someone who's going through it.

"What happened?" I ask and pulls her ruffled violet locks behind her ears. I want to release her from this untold burdens she's bearing all alone.

"Suresh, my ex-husband and his family only wanted to take away the properties and the money, I've earned throughout the years of my writing." More tears run through her cheeks and I can't hold my hands to wipe them away.

"They confined me in a room and told my mom that I wanted to savour my relationship with everyone in my family," she tells in low voice that is breaking like an ancient paper.

"They didn't even let me write for one year."

I feel anger building inside of me and it's so justified why did she divorce him. The rumors Shanaya said were all fake. It wasn't like she was unable to handle a family but it was her ex family who didn't let her continue. She loved him yet, only a fool would want to bind her in chains. She's not someone who can be detained in just four walls, she's a Phoenix who is here to rise and shine and spread her fired wings to fly beyond everyone's expectations. That only justified the Phoenix tattoo behind her back and my heart flattered like it has gotten wings.

"Where you going to kiss me?" She asks and it halts my thoughts. Colour flourishes on my cheeks and I cough, "No!"

She looks up at me, her vulnerable side evaporates and replaces with a cheeky grin. She maybe trying to make that walls again but her eyes still glinted in sadness.

"I'm sure you weren't. Then what were your hands doing on my upper chest?"

"I am very intrigued with your dragon tattoo," I say.

"That tattoo is a momento when my book got me an award after my divorce. It cheered my spirit and I carved a dragon on my upper chest so, it can always remind me I am not alone. I have my writing with me."

An air of encouragement sweeps through me and I let out a deep sigh. I feel like a new and exciting life awaits ahead of us.

"No wonder I was so interested in that tattoo."

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- Glossary -

Mantra- is a sacred utterance , a numinous sound, a syllable, word or phonemes, or group of words in Sanskrit believed by practitioners to have religious, magical or spiritual powers in Hinduism

Potato Syndrome- It's not a syndrome but it's called 'Alur dos' in bengali. A very famous phrase. Alu means potato in other words(in a non-veg way) balls (part of men's reproductive organ). I get you get the meaning. A man who can't control his perverted ways are assumed to have potato syndrome.

Ulu/ ulu dhwani- is a high pitched vocal sound accompanied with a rapid back and forth movement of the tongue and the uvula. It's used almost every hindu-bengali rituals, festivals and celebrations. You may search the google as it has a scientific reason and earlier (centuries ago) it was a sound code to communicate and let people aware of upcoming earthquakes or threats. It's a very interesting concept. And Bengali rituals are full of scientific reasons and methods.

Banarasi Saree- is a sari made in Varanasi, an ancient city which is also called Benares (Banaras). The saris are among the finest saris in India and are known for their gold and silver brocade or zari, fine silk and opulent embroidery.

- Rituals -

Saat Paak- The brothers of bride carries the bride and takes seven rounds of the groom.

Subho Dristi- Literally it means 'auspicious sight'. In traditional arranged marriages, the boy and girl never used to see each other until this moment. This used to be the time when they would see each other for the first time. The bride is supposed to keep her face covered with betel leaf unless all seven rounds of the bridegroom is complete. After that the couple is covered by a 'lajja bastra' and are asked to see each other. The idea is that their eyes would meet. These days of course in most cases the couple already know each but still is a very fun ritual where even the girls doing a love marriage feel shy to look at the boy. The friends and family get a lot of opportunity for leg pulling and the scene becomes full of laughter and joy.

Garland exchange- The Varmala Ceremony, also referred to as Jaimala, is the commencement of the Hindu wedding, serving as the first time the Bride and Groom meet before starting the wedding ceremony. Mala is the Hindi and Bengali word for garland, usually consisting of flowers bunched together on a string. The exchange represents the acceptance and union of their forthcoming nuptials.

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5th October, 2020