✧ S t e l l a

(do yalll see the gif?)

The night ended after what seemed so long, I found myself sitting on the table in front while the pack members were adamant to show me each of their talents in gratitude. It seemed that to them, a night that was supposed to turn bloody has turned into a night of festivity.

As I watched, I couldn't help but feel overwhelmed with how welcoming they were to me now, how they're opening up to me even though I am still a stranger to them.

In the back of my mind, I can't help but compare this pack to my small town. How cold they all were, unaccepting, hateful they were to me because I was different from them. In a way, even in this pack where I am supposed to belong, I still feel different.

I didn't grow up the same way, I haven't known what they have known and neither have they experienced what it truly means to grow up as a human. I feel like I have one feet in both worlds and I'm not truly sure where I belong. I don't feel accepted in both but I am supposed to belong in both.

Nevertheless, the pack was trying their best to be accepting and the fact that I am a werewolf like them must have helped with their acceptance and them opening up to me. Although I can't help but have questions if I were truly human, would they still accept me?

The answer, I'm not really sure.

"C'mon, let's get outta here. I wanna show you something," Cassian says suddenly when the people have started leaving.

I look around and see the pack helpers that were starting to clean up. "Wait, let's help them first."

Though, Cassian holds my hand and squeezes it lightly. "It's okay, you can help them out tomorrow, you're tonight's star."

I look at the pack members who just nodded at me with a smile as if giving me permission to go now and reluctantly, I hold Cassian's hand and stand up.

I don't know where he got it, but he got me a cape that almost seemed like Rebecca's, but it was white. Cassian put it over my shoulders and tied the strings into a knot in front of me. The cape was heavy and covered all of me instantly. He even made sure to make me wear the hood and although I was asking him what it was for, he didn't bother to give an answer.

With only a smile, Cassian held my hand as he led me outside the pack house, all the way through the forest. To prevent me from asking any further questions, he distracted me with stories about how he ran through these forests during his childhood.

How he first shifted when he was 13, the youngest the pack has seen someone shift. How he became the Alpha at 18 and how he's tried to find his mate the first few years but gradually gave up when I wasn't in sight.

I listened to him, not saying anything, listening to his story was enough for me. My hand in his, just the two of us, it's enough for me. Even if it's just for a little while...

"We're almost there," Cassian says for the nth time, assuring me that he really was leading me somewhere legit and not just anywhere and I could only laugh.

The night air was cold and I am now thankful for the cape that Cassian covered me with because it's freezing, but I felt warm.

"Aren't you cold?" I ask my mate, taking note of the light jacket he was wearing. He only shook his head and I trusted him. Ruth did explain that they didn't feel cold as easily as humans do.

As we were nearing the end of the trail of trees, I can now see why Cassian brought me here at this time. At the edge of the forest, was a cliff that extended far up north and south. And below, the forest extended more, a canopy of darkness at night, but I am sure it's all just trees.

There were no more trees covering the sky above and opened to the view of thousands of stars glistening and twinkling.

"Wow..." I whisper in amazement.

At the wonder of it, I unknowingly let go of Cassian's hand and turned around to see all the stars.

"It's beautiful isn't it?" Cassian says beside me. I turn my head to him with a big smile on my face.

"I've never seen anything like this! There's so many of them! It-- it looks like a river of stars," I say excited and point at the sky, "They even have different colours!"

"Winter is coming up soon, I'll bring you here once the northern lights are out. I know you'll love them."

"Yes, I would love that!" I say, turning to Cassian once more at the mention of the northern lights. I've only ever seen pictures of them and it's always been a dream of mine to see them in real life, but that's all it was. A dream.

With Cassian, I know that it won't be a dream much longer.

I was caught off guard when Cassian was staring at me, a smile on his face. He was not even looking at the stars above us.

"Why are you looking at me like that?" I asked, suddenly conscious. I'm suddenly grateful that it's night time so he won't see my cheeks burning up.

"Just thinking of something," Cassian answers, shortly and not giving me any concrete answer. I squint my eyes, not convinced.

"Tell me."

"You sure you want to hear it?"

I nod, my heart beating hard against my chest, suddenly unsure of my answer. I have a bad feeling about this. I can never really tell what Cassian is thinking, I can never tell wha he will do next.

And I was right. He took my hands in his and brought it closer to his lips and planted a kiss behind the palm of my hands. As if my heart could beat any faster, it went even wilder. And then he looked up to me.

"I was just thinking how perfect it'd be if I kissed you right now."

My breath hitched at his words and I almost curse at how good he is with them. Just how many girls has he trapped with his words alone?

My face was hot and with how fast my heart was going, my body was starting to feel hot even though it's probably negative fifteen out here.

I muster my courage to say the next words.

"S-so? What are you waiting for?"

It was Cassian's turn to be caught off guard as I watched his eyes widen a little in surprise and soon followed with a smile.

And then his lips on mine.

The wave of electricity that surged through me was inexplainable, it was shocking yet gentle, almost rejuvenating.

Cassian's kiss was slow and sweet, taking his time as if savouring the moment and it was making me breathless both figuratively and literally.

The emotions were swirling as he deepened the kiss, making me open my mouth and taking me by surprise. When I absolutely needed a gasp of air, I push away to take a breath but not long after, Cassian claimed my lips once more.

On instinct, my feet tiptoed as if to get closer to him, my arms wrapped around his neck bringing him closer to me. As for Cassian, his arms dropping to my waist as our tongues fought on who should get the upper hand.

"I--I can't breathe," I say after a while and Cassian pulls away much to my dismay. Who knew the day would come when I would hate having the need for air.

"I'm happy to hear that I take your breath away too," Cassian jokes and I almost roll my eyes at him, but I was too shy, too dazed from the make-out session to do so.

My mind is blank, I can't think of anything other than trying to understand how good that moment felt and how overwhelmed it's making me feel.

Cassian lowered his head, undoubtedly in an attempt to kiss me once more, but I quickly cover my lips with my hand. Seeing this, my mate laughs and resorted to resting his forehead on mine.

"Are you scared you'd lose control?" he asks, almost taunting and making me flustered that he's read me perfectly well again.

"It seemed to me like you were the one losing control," I defend myself and push him away. I turned from him and looked up the sky, trying to focus on calming my out-of-control heart.

How could the mere touching of our lips make me feel so... so... good?

Cassian only laughed from behind and I suddenly feel his arms lacing up behind me and drawing our bodies closer and his face beside mine, planting a kiss on my cheek. The proximity of our bodies was making me feel things that I know are dangerous, but I didn't want to draw myself away.

I like how we are right now, like this.

"Although I must say, I feel upset. Who taught you to kiss so well?" he whispers the question and I get goosebumps all over. All attempts of calming my heart is now gone.

I willed myself to look ahead and watch the stars. "That was my first kiss," I confessed.

I turn to Cassian when he didn't say anything only to find him looking at me with a bewildered face as if he didn't believe me causing me to laugh.

"It's hard to be desirable when everyone views you as a monster you know," I continued. He frowned immediately stole another kiss.

"You're hardly undesirable, if only you knew..." he says his voice faltering behind but I chose not to press on. I didn't want him to feel bad for me.

And then I remember the jokes Chase, Claude and the others said in hushed tones, careful so I would not hear. I then take Cassian's hands off me and turn to him.

"And you? You seemed somewhat of an expert," I tease but with a hint of seriousness. Of course I already knew the answer.

Of course he must've kissed others, he's probably done more than that. And-- oh goodness gracious, the very thought of it was already driving me mad.

As if a child caught red-handed, Cassian looked away.

"I won't lie that I've had my fair share of kisses with some girls..." Cassian starts and looks at me finally for a reaction but my frown was not helping him, "but they didn't mean anything, really! It was all purely physical."

The jealousy and madness was like a fire that was set ablaze when he mentioned it all being physical. For some reason, the emotions that started out as teasing were now real and I was starting to feel truly upset.

"Purely physical? So you mean to tell me you've done more than just kissing others? I thought mates were supposed to be a sacred thing?" I ask one after another and although I wanted to say more, I held my tongue off. I didn't want him to see just how upset I am truly feeling.

I haven't even realized that my fists were already balled. The air was now colder and Cassian was just stunned with my outburst, not knowing how to answer.

All I can remember now was Ruth telling me about the mate culture and how sacred it should be. How the werewolves must stay loyal and devoted to their mate even if they have not yet met, but she did also tell me that it wasn't always the case.

I didn't understand what she meant then but now that I do, I suddenly feel affected and... betrayed.

"Stella, there's no excuse for the things I've done in the past I know that, but please believe me when I say I truly regret it. I knew I wasn't supposed to but I was young and stupid. And later on, when years passed by and no signs of you, I just accepted that I didn't have a mate."

Cassian was willing me to look him in the eyes, but I couldn't. It was like the passion from a few moments ago was doused with the coldest water.

Of course, deep inside, I understand what he's trying to say, but still it hurt.

"But ever since I met you, I finally understood just how messed up my actions were. And punish me my whole life for it, but please... Please forgive me," he pleads as his fingers turned my head to look at him.

I was breathing heavily from my seething anger, but seeing his regretful and fearful face that I might not forgive him, my heart was too easy to soften up.

Cassian waited for me to say something but when I didn't open my mouth, he pulled me in for a hug almost as if he was afraid I was gonna run off and he had to hold me close. Although I was tempted to do so, I didn't.

I know very well that blaming him for things he did before we met is unreasonable, but it's the fact that he knew he had a mate and still messed around that was upsetting me.

"And if I forgive you, then how will you make up for it?" I say, still coldly.

Cassian lets go for a while and looks at me, a hopeful expression on his face, like he couldn't believe the words he just heard.

"I will love you with all that I am for now and forever," he confesses taking me by surprise and I curse at my heart for beating fast as it was right now. Cassian takes my hands again and rests his forehead against mine.

"I promise that you have all of me, and you always will. I can't take back the stupid decisions I made from the past but my future is a clear picture of you. I promise to love you, devote myself wholly and give you all of me, so please... Don't abandon me," he pleads, truly afraid that I won't accept him. The fear in his voice was so raw, the vulnerability so real that all the anger just melted away.

I bit my lip as my head fought with my chest, but looking at him, I knew that somewhere deep inside, both my mind and heart agreed with one thing.

"Then with the stars, the moon and the sky above as our witness, I accept your promises--" I started to say but Cassian claimed my lips right away when I haven't even finished what I was saying. When we were losing breath once more, I pull away to continue, "But please stay true to your words. I don't think I would survive if you ever betray me."

"I won't, I promise," Cassian vows once more and leaned in for another kiss but I block him for another time.

"And you bet I will punish you your whole life for it."