S t e l l a

*trigger warning: this chapter contains some disturbing scenes, read at your own discretion*

"Childhood should be carefree, playing in the sun; not living a nightmare in the darkness of the soul." -Dave Pelzer

We live in a crazy world.

And I have just about enough of it.

I let my clenched fist unclench and calmed my anger because I knew that nothing good would ever come out of it anyways.

Instead, I picked up my wet shoes that were thrown into the toilet. I hear a few snickers behind me to find the suspects of who may have done this.

Of course it was Jane and our other coworkers, but Jane liked to act as their leader. I took a deep breath and put the shoes inside a plastic bag so it wouldn't drip everywhere.

Seeing their contemptuous and mocking glances, my anger boiled and I wanted to let it take me over. But I knew that it was stupid.

Anything I would do to them would just prove that I truly was the freak that they paint me to be.

"Here it comes." I hear one of them say, pertaining to me.

"Don't look, something might happen to you." another said.

I walked past them, not giving them the time of the day. I refuse to give them satisfaction of hurting me. No, let's rephrase that. I refuse to give them satisfaction of knowing that they successfully hurt me.

Because to be honest, who likes to be singled out, bullied, and ostracized?

No one.

"Here's your tip for the day, Stella." my manager Rob said and handed a twenty dollar bill. I stared at it.

I'm, for a fact, sure that my tips were more than a single twenty bill. This is why pooling tips and dividing them at the end of the day was extremely unfair.

He observes my reaction and lets out a sigh as if he hated the trouble of having to explain the reason my earnings are so low for the hundredth time. 

"Stella, I'm sure you understand. All the other workers and some customers are complaining about you, the least we can do is give them a bigger share of tips for them to keep working." he explained as if the nonsense coming out of his mouth was reasonable.

I wanted to slam the bathroom-water-dripping-shoes that I had on one hand, but I held it off.

"If that's for the better Rob, then you can let everyone rob me." I say sarcastically, putting the bill in my pocket and quickly walking away before I suffocate at the toxicity of the place.

"C'mon, Stella! Try to understand!" I hear him scream from behind, but I didn't turn back. I passed by the kitchen and went out through the back door.

The cold fall breeze greeted me and with my wet shoes in hand, I walked towards the bus stop. I stared into nothingness until the bus came.

The bus driver recognized me and looked at the bag I was carrying today. He tried to smile encouragingly and I only nodded towards him and took a seat. Luckily, there was a single seat right beside the windows.

It didn't take long for me to arrive at my bus stop. Again, the bus driver spared me a pity look.

From the bus stop, it was another 10 minute walk to finally reach the house I lived in. No, it's not home. It's hell.

It was the only house in this part of town. Our neighbours are at least 5 minutes away and needless to say, they don't hear the screams that go off and if they ever did, it was always ignored.

The road was not paved and so I dragged my feet against the gravel ground.

I finally see the house from afar, I froze when I saw him standing in front of the door. A cold, paralyzing emotion washed me over and I had to force myself to still keep going.

He drank from a bottle of beer and had a look that could kill. My heart pounded heavily.

Wh-what's wrong? Did I do something wrong? Again?

"Come here this instant you wench!" he screamed. My chest tightened and my stomach started churning in the worst possible feeling.

I want to vomit now. It's all instinct when I see him.

I walked hurriedly and ascended up to the dangerous wooden stairs that were breaking. Not even a step inside the house, he grabs my hair and yanked me inside.

Shocked and confused, I let go of the plastic I was carrying to have him let go of me.

"You!" he says in anger and slams me to the ground and I scream in pain. As soon as I hit the ground, I get away from him so he won't be able to get a hold of me.

At this moment, I reminded myself that I really need to cut my hair so he can't grab it and drag it again. However, as I was thinking of where I last placed the scissors, he strides over to me again and sat in front of me where he held my chin, forcing me to look at him.

I could smell the alcohol in his breath and saw how he gritted his teeth.

"Gomez saw you around town looking for an apartment? You ungrateful--" he slaps the side of my head quite hard, "useless, monster!"

My chest was heaving up and down, my head hurt and his grip on my chin was so tight it could break my jaw.

"Get off of me." I say but then he strikes me again.

"What did you say?! You talkin back now huh?!" he says as he pulls my hair and hits my head against the wall. "You-- bury this in your head that you will never leave here until you pay every single cent we spent on you! What do you think, I'm running a charity here?! Huh!" he shouted and kept hitting me.

I was crying and begging him to stop, but the strikes kept coming and coming.

I hadn't even realized that he stopped when I heard a woman's voice.

"What's with this mess first thing in the morning?" she says irritated that her sleep was disturbed despite the fact that the sun rose twelve hours ago.

She sees the usual scene, she casts a look at me and then kneeled down. She grabbed my bag and opened it and saw the twenty dollar bill.

"This is all? You spend the whole day there and this is all you bring?" she says, her voice icy and filled with contempt.

When I didn't answer her, she stands up. "Get out of 'ere."

"Don't you dare go anywhere, I'm not done with you yet."

I hurriedly stood up and found my way to the stairs till I reached my room. I hear Gilbert screaming at his wife for letting me go and telling her over and over that he wasn't done with me.

Gilbert and Gemma were my foster parents for a few years now. The orphanage I used to live in didn't want to take care of me anymore because they said that I was a special case.

I was put up for adoption, but no one wanted me.

Instead, the social services decided to put me from foster home to another. When each of those foster homes rejected me, the services put me with this hell of a couple. They barely even visit and whenever they do, they pretend as if they don't see my bruises or the bad the conditions I was living in.

Not that they would care anyways. Who would care for a monster like me right?

So that's how I've been stuck in this home for almost five years now. Gilbert and Gemma only took me in for the money and when I turned 18, they had me work so I can provide for their vices.

I've been trying and trying to get away, but things are not so easy. I needed to save up first and as much as I hate it, it was better to have a roof than wander off in the streets. Besides, in a town like this, there was nowhere to go.

After three years of working, I finally saved enough to look for a safe place. A temporary place, just a place to get by until I can finally leave all of these behind me. But I guess that's not happening now, is it?

I thought I was going to be safe now, but as soon as I closed my door, heavy and ominous footsteps were going up the stairs. I heard the thuds against the wall, meaning that Gilbert was too drunk to even walk straight.

I locked the door hurriedly. He banged against the door screaming at me to open it. I was walking back and forth, not knowing what to do.

Next, I heard him kicking the door and because of the many years of abuse that the door suffered, it finally broke. He kicked at it some more until he was able to have his hand over the handle and open it.

I stood frozen in fear and I was pulling at my hair to think of a solution.

I NEED TO GET OUT OF HERE NOW.

He stood against the door frame, too drunk to stand up. "You want to get out here? When we're so kind enough to go through the trouble to take you in!" he walks towards me and pushes me to my bed.

Wait.

What is he doing?

I see him unbuckling his belt.

My heart stopped and everything in me was just frozen.

"You're a freak, no one wants you." he says with a voice that came off wrong. Really wrong. As if he had other intentions. "But, me, I'm not like them." he says when he sits beside me and puts his hand on my thigh.

"No! Get away from me! Please!" I was screaming at the top of my lungs as he was trying to make me sit still. Luckily, I was able to stand up and so I pushed him away.

But I was far too weak, I was already beaten up and to fight with a man twice my size was just impossible. He put his disgusting hand at my back, pulling me to him and ripping my jacket off me.

I was screaming and was pushing him away. In my head, I was giving up already. But I couldn't let him do this to me. If he does, I don't think I'll ever be able to live with myself. So with the most strength that I could muster, I pushed him away.

It worked because I pushed him so hard that he flew away from me and fell to the ground. However, it didn't knock him out. When he looked up at me, I saw the pair of eyes that were ready to kill me.

I ran.

Down the stairs I went, I passed by Gemma who was sitting at the living room couch. She didn't even bat an eye when I went down running.

I heard the steps of Gilbert chasing after me and I ran till I reached outside.

I ran like a madwoman, my hair messy from being grabbed and dragged around, my head was bleeding and so were some parts of my body. I only had one shoe and I noticed that my shirt was almost ripped. I was wailing as I ran, I can't afford to stop.

I saw the road and just my luck, there were absolutely no cars around. But still, I ran.

How long have I been running now? I've lost track of time or the distance that I've ran.

My legs were getting tired, my vision was dimming. I kept running. If I stop, I will die.

But is it even worth it? Isn't it better just to leave this crazy world?

I'm tired.

I've had enough.

It's enough.

My steps slowed down and I was dragging my feet in the middle of the road.

I hear a beeping sound from behind me.

Ah, there's a car behind me.

I didn't move.

I expected the final blow, the last hit that would lead in an eternal sleep.

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Reviewed: January 6th, 2022.
Please note that grammatical errors may still appear.