『Chapter Fifty-One』
『the regret』

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Adrian looked almost taken aback by that comment. Would you say that it hurt him? Kain wanted to laugh at the comment as a whole. There was a part of Kain that thought that Rocket's comment was true, there was a part of Kain that wondered whether anyone would ever be able to love someone like Adrian.

Why would anyone look at Adrian and want to kiss him or even have a solid relationship with him? Adrian was seen to many—or just everyone—as this psychotic assassin for hire who no one can catch long enough to get answers. No matter how much Adrian might have longed for that sense of comfort in another, he knew that no one would ever want to because of who he is. Not that he wanted someone to want him, but the thought that no one would want him made him feel a little insecure, though that was something he still didn't want to admit to himself.

Adrian's eyes found their way to Jace. Adrian was confused as a whole about his feelings towards the half-breed, though he wasn't exactly sure what they were. Obviously, Adrian knew that whatever these feelings were, Jace wouldn't return them—Jace had Kain, plus why would Jace ever look at Adrian that way? Why would Jace ever want to be involved with him even if he did share the same? What was he thinking? Clearly it was all a lie that he was telling himself, no matter how much he tried to make sense of his feelings, they'd never be accepted.

Adrian tried to shake off those thoughts, he knew that whatever feelings that he had for Jace was just him overthinking or not understanding the feelings that exist. Adrian knew that whatever he was thinking and feeling was something that didn't matter, something that he needed to get rid of before it took control and ruined his life. Adrian shook off the feelings as much as he could.

"Rocket, why the hell would you say, 'no offence,' and then proceed to say something offensive?" Gamora questioned, her eyes narrowed at Rocket.

Kain couldn't help but shrink down into the chair beside Jace's bed. There was a part of Kain which didn't want any of them to know considering that what happened was something between Kain and Jace and Kain wanted to talk about it to Jace and no one else. He didn't want to tell Peter when he was asked because there was still this part of Kain which was low-key scared of what Peter would have done if he confessed as to what happened.

There was a part of Kain that was worried in case that Peter were to talk to him about it, he was worried that Peter would get too protective as a whole when it comes to what happened between him and Adrian. Kain knew the relationship between Jace and Peter, he knew that Peter was aware of how much pain Jace was in when they were broken up, and that was something that made Kain a little cautious. Kain knew that he was being dramatic but at the same time he was still worried.

What ended up snapping Kian out of his thoughts was the feeling Peter's presence in front of him. Kain looked up to see the way which Peter's jaw set as he stared down at Kain. Kain almost shuddered under the cold look, being reminded of the way which his father looked at him after he and Jace was caught. The look alone was something that made Kain feel overly cautious in something that he knew that he shouldn't be.

"Is it true?" Peter asked. There was this tone in Peter's voice that was almost judging, displeasing, in a way. Kain couldn't fully notice or pinpoint what tone Peter was fully using.

Hesitantly, Kain nodded. "It is. The only reason I didn't confess it to you was because I thought it something which needed to be talked between me and Jace. I'm sorry that I lied, and I feel shitty about it. I tried to explain it, but Jace wouldn't listen."

He wanted to explain that he was afraid of what Peter would say to him about it, though he felt as if that wasn't appropriate thing to say. There was a part of him that wondered whether he should be worried on whether or not Peter was going to yell at him.

"Did he get himself stabbed because of what happened?" Peter asked. Kain wasn't sure if Peter were relaxing more, but he couldn't be sure. Though just by looking at Peter, Kain could tell that Peter was narrowing his eyes at Kain.

Kain shrugged. "I don't think so. But there was this Kree managed to get me on my ass. Adrian was already fending off three Kree soldiers and I—I, got overpowered. Jace is only like this because he used himself as a shield to stop me from being injured. It's my fault that he's like this. If you want to yell at me, then I'll understand. If anything, I probably deserve it after everything."

"I—uh—I wasn't going to yell," Peter spoke, tilting his head. That was something that was a relief that flooded Kain then. "Look, all I want is what's best for Jace. Okay? He's my little annoying shithead of a brother, and I want to believe that you're a decent person. You don't seem like the one to do this—please protect his heart, he trusts you and I can see that its already breaking."

Hearing that was something that broke Kain's heart, he knew that it shouldn't but at the same time, it did. Kain nodded. "I'll do my best, Peter. And I do love him—a lot, so I do understand what you mean." He tried to send Peter a small smile though he could feel it failing.

Kain wondered whether or not Peter was putting up a front knowing that they were in front of people, though that was something that he didn't want to think about. There was a part of him that wondered whether Peter would scowled him when they were alone though there was a part of him that tried to shake the thoughts off, knowing that he was being dramatic.

Peter turned his attention towards Adrian, narrowing his eyes slightly. "What do you want with Jace?"

Adrian tilted his head slightly. "I want to take him to Asgard. That's it. He needs to go where he's meant to belong."

Kain didn't like the way that Adrian phrased that. Jace didn't belong on Asgard, he belonged with his friends and those that he loves. The thought that Asgard would be a place that Jace would belong to was something that made Kain uncomfortable—not because he didn't believe it to be true, but because of this underlining fear that bloomed in Kain that Adrian might be right.

He knew that he was overthinking, but there was this small part of Kain that was afraid that Jace might decide to go to Asgard and stay once he realises that it might be good for him. That was something that Kain was afraid of, that Jace would stay on Asgard and forget the rest of them. He didn't want Jace to leave those that care about him.

Kain knew that his thoughts were wrong, that he can't assume, but at the same time, there was a small part of him that was afraid that it might be true. Kain tried to push those thoughts away, knowing that these kinds of thoughts wouldn't get him anywhere, that whatever Jace decided was something that Kain would support.

"Where he belongs is with us," Gamora spoke. "He's not going to Asgard, at least not with you."

Adrian leaned forward. "He has no choice on who he goes with. Either Jace comes with me, or he has to deal with the King. And I don't think that you'll be able to protect him if the King decides to come—that is if you don't allow me to complete this job."

Kain noticed the way that Peter looked when Adrian mention the King. He noticed the way that Peter tensed with this sense of knowing something, like Peter was thinking of something related to this King. It took Kain a moment before realised that maybe the king was the king that kept Jace up at night whenever he dreamt of the night his parents died.

There was a part of Kain that wished that Jace was awake just so that Kain could ask such a thing. He knew that if he were to think too much about any of it, he'd get more worried about whether the king Adrian mentioned is the same king from Jace's accident.

"Why should we believe you?" Drax asked, giving the assassin a cold look.

"Because all you have is my word. You all know that I'm only hired to either hunt or kill whoever I'm tasked with." Adrian told, his eyes scanning the group though they landed mainly towards Jace. "I'm not here to hurt him, I've never been tasked to kill Jace. All that I've been asked to do is to bring him to the King of Asgard."

"Jace wouldn't want that," Peter spoke. There was this sense of protectiveness in the way that Peter spoke which made Kain feel as if Peter had the same thoughts as him. "Jace doesn't care enough about where his mother was from."

Kain cleared his throat, he spoke before he could stop himself. "Actually, Jace has been interested in where his mother came from for ages. It's how we ran into each other again. Jace has wanted to know where his mother came from since he has been told about being a half-breed. Though I'm not sure if he'd consider going to Asgard."

Peter gave Kain a look as if he'd been betrayed in some way. Kain could tell that Peter was confusion as to what else was being hidden from him by both Jace and Kain. Peter wondered why Jace never bothered to tell him that he wanted to know exactly where his mother came from. Peter rubbed his hand over his face, there was a lot which was going through his mind at the moment yet knowing that Adrian wasn't going to kill Jace was a worry which faded.

If there was one thing of which Peter knew it was the fact that he was going to have a long talk with Jace when he wakes up. If—if he wakes up. Which Peter hopes he does. He couldn't bear to lose someone else he cared about. He wanted Jace to wake up. The fact that Jace was laying here in a hospital bed was enough to bring up the memories of his mother and that made everything worse for him.

After a moment, Peter walked out of the room, the nauseas feeling within him growing. He couldn't be in a room where he could watch another person he cares about die. Gamora was the one who followed after Peter after telling Drax to take Adrian back to the Benatar, finding it best to have the assassin as far away from people as possible. Rocket ended up going with them, wanting to annoy Adrian as best as he could.

Kain watched as they all walked out of the room until he was the last one left. There was this part of Kain that want to leave Jace like this, he wanted nothing more than to stay by Jace's side throughout all of this and he didn't care if he had to watch Jace die. All Kain wanted was to make sure that Jace had someone beside him. He knew that it was stupid but at the same time, leaving was something that he couldn't do.

Hesitantly, Kain reached out and lace their hands. There was a part of Kain which told him not to, yet another screamed at him that it might help. No, he was being stupid, it wouldn't help—what the hell was he thinking? All his thoughts and ideas were stupid, he couldn't think straight, his worry over Jace's health was all which ran through his mind. That and the fact that he couldn't help but blame himself.

If it weren't for Kain then Jace wouldn't be in this position, if Kain wasn't such an ass then none of this would have happened. If Kain didn't give into what Adrian said then Jace wouldn't have been stabbed, if Kain never kissed Adrian then Jace wouldn't be like this. If Kain didn't do what he did, then Jace would be okay. All of this was his fault, and he didn't know what to do. As much as he wanted everything to go back to normal he knew that it wouldn't, everything would remain like how it was.

Kain couldn't help but feel sorry for everything that's happened. It wasn't just what he did to Jace, but what he'd done to Peter. As much as Kain knew that he hadn't done anything directly towards Peter, he knew that Peter would lose Jace's life if Jace were to succumb to his injuries. And that was Kain's fault more than anything.

Kain's hand squeezed Jace's, tears ran down his cheek, yet no sound came out. He was angry at himself for everything, angry that all of this happened because he was shitty. He wished that he could change what had happened to prevent any of this from happening, he hated himself because of it. He felt like the worst person to have ever existed, he knew that this was all his fault, that if he'd pulled away from that kiss and confessed to Jace then there was a chance that none of this would've happened.

He hated how weak he'd been when it came to that kiss with Adrian, he hated that he didn't pull away sooner, he hated that there was a part of him that even enjoyed it, he hated that Adrian managed to convince him to go into a battle, and he hated that he let Jace be stabbed when he was weak to defend himself. All that Kain wanted to do was to rewind time and change what happened, though he knew that nothin would change even if he could.

"Jace," Kain began, not even sure if Jace would be able to hear him. He could hear the way that his voice cracked as he spoke. "I'm sorry for everything. I know that it doesn't mean much in the position which you're in, but if I could change what happened, then I would. I know that you probably won't believe me, but you are everything, I shouldn't have fucked things up between us and I'm sorry. I know that sorry doesn't help in any way but it's all that I can think of."

He didn't know why he felt like he needed to speak to Jace when he was like this, but there was a part of him that felt as if this were the only time that he could get to tell Jace anything and everything that he was feeling. Hell, there was a part of him that had no idea what he was doing, he felt as if this were something that he needed to do, he just wanted to get everything out of his system, hoping that it's something that would help him.

Kain took in a breath. "When I look at you, all I know is that I want to be with you. I know that you'd say something about what happened, but what I said will remain true. You said that you thought that this was a trick—that us being together was a trick—but I can promise you that it never has been, that I love you until the day I die. You mentioned that I was working with Adrian, that I'd conspire against you, but it so far from the truth,"

He shook his head. "I would never betray you, I would never work with someone like Adrian in my entire life. I hate that it's something that happened, I hate the fact that he kissed me, and I hate that I didn't do anything to stop it until it was too late. I never wanted to hurt you, but I know that I have, I hurt you in the worst way possible and that's something that I'll never be able to take back."

Kain felt the way that his tears rolled down his cheeks as he spoke. All that he wanted more than anything else was to curl up in a ball and sob in hopes that it helps his aching heart. "You mean everything to me Jace, when I lost you the first time I thought I'd never get through it and then you walked right into that goddamn shop on Zecon, and I never felt more happy in my entire life. You looked as if time was irrelevant, you looked the same, acted the same, and I knew that you were still the man I fell in love with."

He found himself chuckling dryly at that. "I never managed to get over you—even after five years of us being apart, you mean everything to me Jace. I never stopped loving you Jace. You showed me the galaxy and allowed me to understand who I was better just by being you—without you I don't think I would've questioned myself. Without you, I wouldn't have known what I want in my life. Nothing about this has been a trick, nothing about this has been against you to get back at you, my feelings for you never faded, and they never will. I'm sorry, I fucked all of this up."

Kain moved to place his shaking hand on the side of Jace's face. Jace's skin felt warm under his hand and Jace tried his best to remain focus on the warmth of Jace's skin than anything else, in hopes that it aids in calming him down. "I'm sorry for being a fuck up, for fucking all of this up. I love you, Jace Christopher Taylor. Until the day I die, with my heart and soul. You were—and always will be—my universe."

Kain had to bite down on his lip to prevent the sob which threatened to escape his throat. He swore that he wouldn't cry, not now, even though there was a part of him that wanted to let his cry out, but he knew that he had to be strong. He wanted Jace more so than anything else in his life. He wanted to spend every moment as he could with Jace no matter what, as long as he had Jace by his side then that was all which mattered to him.

Jace was—is—everything to Kain and he felt sick to even think about what he had done. He hoped that Jace would forgive him, but Kain felt that this kind of situation was something which couldn't be forgiven as easy as he hoped that it would be. He wished more than anything to be forgiven for everything, though he knew that it wouldn't be possible, no matter how much he wished it.

"Jace, baby, wake up."