『Chapter Forty-Seven』
『the conversation of pain』

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To say that Kain was far too comfortable in Jace's arms was an understatement. To feel Jace's arms around him was something that made Kain feel like he was home in some way, Jace was Kain's home and he hated that he'd ruined it all. The pair had fallen asleep on the floor while in each other's arms, Kain was nuzzled into Jace's side with his head resting on his shoulder while Jace had his arms wrapped around Kain's torso.

In a way it felt like it was wrong, yet the smile which was plastered on Kain's face was wide. This was the person who Kain wanted to wake up with continually. He took in Jace's scent, the familiar metallic scent filled his nose, it was a mix between metallic and fruit, for a while Kain had thought it was weird though in some twisted way it made sense or Jace. However, the smile soon faded when he remembered what happened and the guilt came back.

Kain needed to wake Jace up, he knew that he couldn't keep it quiet anymore. He wanted to tell Jace the truth, he knew that it was something that Jace needed to know even if it hurt him the most. Kain was afraid of what Jace was going to say when he confessed but at the same time it was something that needed to be done.

Though before Kain had the chance, Peter came barging in with a hand covering his eyes. "Jace wake the hell up! We have a job! Wake up!"

At the sound of Peter's voice, Jace instantly shot up with a little yell of surprise. Jace was still half asleep as he then narrowed his eyes at Peter, there was a small, confused look which began to write itself across Jace's face. "What year is it?"

"For God sake, Jace just get up!" Peter shook his head slightly as he then walked out the room with a sigh.

Jace looked around as his eyes tried to adjust to the dimness of the room. He blinked a few times though ended up rubbing his eyes. Though he then felt something warm around his arm, only to see how Kain was touching him, Jace gave him an odd look. His eyes widened slightly as his mind then went back to what had happened, the pain in his chest grew once more, his body had gone stiff.

To look at Kain was like looking at great pain, as much as he thought it nice to have Kain in his arms, knowing what he'd done, knowing that there was this possibility that Kain could've brought Adrian here, all of it was something that wrapped through his mind. His thoughts were something that destroyed Jace more than he cared to admit.

"Jay," Kain tilted his head slightly, confused, "is everything okay?"

The look on Kain's face was something that made Jace's heart clench, instead of saying something in response, he found himself getting up. He needed a distraction, he knew that Peter and the others would keep annoying him until he came out. Jace changed his clothing, putting on a Queen shirt, a pair a pair of pants and his leather jacket which Jace knew looked great on Kain.

Jace could feel Kain watching him, yet Jace didn't want to look at him. Jace knew that if he were to look at Kain, he might explode, alternatively, he knew that there was chance he'd forgive Kain. As much as he knew that he'd fallen asleep with Kain in his arms, Jace knew that he'd done it because Kain didn't exactly seem okay so Jace wanted to comfort him, that might have been because he'd  hoped that Kain would explain. However, just by being alone with him, there was a part of Jace which wanted to bring it up, to let every single thought out of his system.

He disregarded those thoughts, knowing that if he did, he'd delay whatever mission that they had. Plus, he knew that if he were to talk to Kain about any of this, he'd lose himself more whether it be in his own thoughts or his emotions. He needed time to think and process and being around Kain was something that he couldn't do. He knew that he'd break.

Jace went to walk out of the room but was stopped by Kain grabbing his arm. Jace looked back at Kain to see the confused yet hurt look which was written across his face. There was a part of Jace which wanted to kiss Kain, to feel Kain against him—but he couldn't until all of this was fixed, until they talked about what happened.

Yet bringing it up was what was hard, it hurt to think about it and Jace knew that he wasn't ready to know the answer to all the questions which ran through his mind. He knew that if he were to talk to Kain about it all, it would mess with his mind a lot more, he wanted to trust whatever Kain would tell him, but his overthinking mind would tell him otherwise. Jace knew that his thoughts were too chaotic and Kain looking at him like that broke his heart more.

"Jace," Kain began. "What's wrong? You look pale and lost."

Jace shook his head slightly. "Maybe I am a little lost, Kain." His face then changed, the look which he gave Kain was hard. "Lost as to why you decided to kiss Adrian Sanguis—the very guy who wants to kill me and had attempted to kill you." When Kain's face dropped slightly, Jace let out a bitter laugh. "Yeah, I saw. Now will you excuse me, I've got somewhere to be."

Jace pulled himself free out of Kain's grasp and walked out of the room, his heart heavy—he wanted to go back and talk about it, but he could feel the way that his anger was starting to rise again, and he didn't want to talk to Kain if his anger was going to get in the way. He couldn't talk to Kain at all if he felt angry, he didn't want to put Kain in that position at all.

No matter what Kain had done, he didn't need Jace's anger. Jace could hear Kain trying to call after him, Jace could hear the slight crack in his voice, yet as much as he wanted turn to Kain—he didn't want to. He wanted to turn around and accuse Kain of so much more, he wanted to accuse Kain of potentially working beside Adrian, he wanted to yell at Kain for everything. He chose that it was best to join the others.

When the pair made it to the main table, the rest of the Guardians were just waiting for Jace to join them. Peter's head snapped up first, his eyes went between both Kain and Jace—Jace knew that Peter would notice the look on his face, though that was something that he didn't care much about. Jace noticed the way that Peter looked behind Jace, noticing the teary-eyed prince who had been calling after Jace beforehand. Peter's eyes had darted between the pair, as if he was trying to figure out what was going on.

Jace knew that Peter would want to talk to him about all of this, there was a part of Jace that wondered whether or not he should confess everything to Peter, but at the same time he knew that Peter would go into that overbearing protective stance that he always did. That was something that Jace was unsure if he wanted to fully deal with. But he wanted to talk to Peter about all of it, about his own concerns, about what he saw, even if it was something that hurt him.

"What's the job?" Jace asked. He looked between the Guardians, waiting for a response, though he used as a way to snap him back into the reality of the present.

"We've been asked to protect Havaneth," Gamora explained. The screen then lit up to a green planet which glowed pink. "They're being targeted by the Kree's who plan to destroy and take from the planet."

Jace let out a small scoff. "I swear Kree just want to take on the galaxy."

"What's so interesting about Havaneth?" Rocket questioned. "They haven't got anything of value last time I checked. I would know!"

Peter gave Rocket a look. "They are known for their advanced weaponry; they have weapons which can destroy a city! Maybe half of a planet!"

"Yeah, you do realise that if I could, I would make something similar to that," Jace stated almost bitterly. "If me and Rocket decided to team up we could."

"I feel like that's a challenge," Rocket said, now considering it.

Peter stared between both Rocket and Jace. "You're not teaming up to make a weapon like that!"

Jace pouted slightly. "I could probably make a planet explode with my abilities if I wanted to." It was something that he hadn't tried, though now that he thought about it, he wondered whether or not he could do such a thing. Not that he wanted to try, but it was something that he could consider.

"No, you're not doing such a thing." Peter snapped harshly. He looked between both Rocket and Jace with a concerned look as if he was surrounded by idiots with a desire for explosives.

Jace found himself smiling slightly. He could see Kain within the corner of his eye with his head down, every so often Kain would raise his head and stare at Jace. There was a part of Jace which wanted to talk to Kain about everything, a part of Jace which wanted Kain in his arms again, a part of Jace which longed to kiss Kain.

He had to shake his head slightly, he had to concentrate on what was being said. Though it was simply just a plan on what they were going to do. All they'll do was shoot and stab at a group of Kree and just hope that they don't die. What could possibly go wrong?

Jace kept staring over towards Kain, his heart ached and his longingness to be with Kain was something which Jace wanted so much. Yet he knew that he couldn't, his anger which come and gone wouldn't help with the situation at all and as much as Jace wanted Kain to know how much it hurt him—he still cared for Kain and his feelings. Even if he thought that there was a chance that Kain was working with Adrian, that there was a chance that Kain was the one who drew Adrian here.

The thought of Adrian made Jace's blood boil. He wanted to skin Adrian for everything that he's done, he wanted to feel the life drain out of Adrian's body as he burned Adrian for coming into his life and ruining it. Jace didn't care how drastic it was over something small as a kiss, but to Jace it was for everything. It was for coming into Jace's life and telling him where his mother came from, for bringing the Terran files with him, for bringing up the old memories from the car crash, for kissing Kain. It was for everything.

Jace tried his best to control his anger, to control his need to destroy Adrian with every bit of strength that he could, and it was a struggle. He knew that he needed to push everything down, knowing that there was a chance that his abilities could show itself with how enraged he was becoming with his thoughts and his desire to beat Adrian up.

"What are we going to do with Sanguis?" Jace asked, cutting off whatever discussion was going on. "We can't leave him here alone on the ship, even if it's with Kain and Groot."

At the sound of his name, Kain looked up. He mainly looked at Jace with pain held within his eyes. Kain wanted to talk to Jace about what happened, yet there was this part of Kain which knew that Jace wouldn't exactly take it well—actually by the looks of it, Jace didn't seem like he did. All Kain could think about was how much he screwed up with Jace—no matter how much Kain thought about wanting Jace to forgive him, he knew that there was a chance that Jace wouldn't.

"We'll have Adrian stay within the custody of the Havaneth people, if that helps ease your dumbass." Peter stated with a slight shrug. "Though it would be best if he stayed on the ship, if he gets out of our custody, he'll kill you Jace. And whoever else he gets assigned to kill."

Jace's face somewhat hardened as he then nodded. There was this part of him that wanted to tell Peter that he wanted Adrian to come after him so he can hurt Adrian in the same way that Adrian hurt him. His eyes moved more to Kain; he could feel his breath catch in his throat at the thought of leaving Kain here alone with Adrian. He didn't want to; he didn't want something else to happen—yet he had to trust that nothing would.

God, he was being possessive, this wasn't him, yet every thought which circled around his mind he had to realise that what he was thinking wasn't him. And yet, there was a part of him that didn't care, there was this part of him that wanted to keep Kain within his line of sight all the time to make sure that nothing suspicious was going on. He didn't want Kain and Adrian to conspire against him.

"Okay," Jace shrugged slightly. "They'll stay on the ship, just keep Adrian locked up. Don't want him to get all handsy with the ship."

There was a small, pathetic voice inside Jace's head that was telling him that he was being idiotic, that he was being overly protective, but all Jace could see in his mind was that kiss. If Jace wasn't so angry at everything, he would've talked to Kain about all of it, but he knew that no matter what he wouldn't be able to bring himself to do as such.

Peter gave Jace a look, one of which was filled with complete confusion. To Peter, Jace had been acting strange since both he and Kain had gone to sort out Adrian. Though despite Kain saying that it was just something Jace found out, it made Peter wonder what could have been so bad to make Jace like this. Though there was the entire Jace digging at Kain yesterday in the Quantum Asteroid Field which Peter had to take into consideration. Peter wanted to shrug it off, but at the same time it was Jace, his brother.

"We're about to arrive, so grab what you need for this. We might need as much as we have," Gamora stated.

Jace found himself staring at Peter—who was giving him a look, as if Peter wanted to talk to him—it was enough to make Jace wonder whether or not he should confess to Peter about everything. He wanted to, he wanted to talk to Peter, to get it all off his chest, but he knew that if he did Peter would go into the overbearing protective brother mode that Jace didn't need within that moment.

What brought Jace out of his thoughts was Kain's hand on his arm. It was something that made Jace unintendedly flinched away from the touch, which made Kain look down slightly as his jaw somewhat clenched. From what Jace could tell, Kain looked as if he had been trying to stop himself from crying, his hands kept clenching at his sides. Kain rose his head to look at Jace, yet even at that it made Kain look somewhat worse than what he did before.

The look on Kain's face made Jace crumble in some way, the voice inside Jace's head was telling him to forget about everything and just hold Kain. Despite the fact that he was starting to believe this wild theory that Kain might be working with Adrian for Jace's downfall, all Jace wanted to do is hold Kain close as if he was the only being that mattered in this universe.

"Can I talk to you before we land?" Kain questioned quietly.

Jace pushed down his anger and nodded. "Yeah. Sure."

The pair made their way towards a small corner of the ship where they knew that none of the other Guardians wouldn't bother them—hopefully. They stared at either each other or at the ground for a moment, neither knowing what they wanted to say. Jace wanted Kain could go first, after all, Kain did have a bit to explain before Jace jumped into what he wanted to say.

Jace knew that he wanted to hear everything from Kain's point of view before he jumped into his accusations. He at least wanted to get some facts, whether he was going to believe anything that came out of Kain's mouth was something that he was yet to decide, though that depended on what Kain said.

"Well?" Jace muttered, his eyebrows risen slightly.

"I just wanted to say that I feel bad for all of it," Kain began. "I—I didn't want to kiss him, I wasn't interested. All I wanted to do was sort out the blood like we said that we was going to do. He came onto me, Jay, when I thought of you I moved away—I wanted to tell you because it didn't sit right with me to hide it. It was why I came to see you yesterday, but when I saw you I couldn't help but feel so shit about it."

"I heard you moan, Kain, to me it sounded like you enjoyed it." Jace mentioned, somewhat bitterly.

Kain let out a sigh, bringing his hand to his face. "I didn't mean to do it. I hated it, actually. Jace, I didn't want to kiss him, okay. If anything it made me uncomfortable. . . really uncomfortable. It felt wrong because it was Adrian."

Jace's jaw set, he looked away for a moment, considering that he was contemplating on throwing Adrian out of the ship. It sounded ideal, though Jace didn't think that the others would approve of it. "If you didn't mean to and it made you uncomfortable, then why do it?"

Kain shook his head slightly, placing his hands on Jace's shoulders. "Adrian was the one to kiss me, Jay. Understand that I wouldn't purposely do that. You know me, better than anyone, I wouldn't do something like that even if it meant the end of my life because I'm in love with you."

Jace looked down to the floor. He didn't know what to say. All the thoughts which had ran throughout his head had gone, he wasn't sure what to feel within that moment. He wanted to be angry, to yell at Kain—but everything seemed to have vanished within him. His mind was a blank.

As much as Jace wanted to throw his accusations, there was something about the sound of Kain's voice which made Jace feel bad about accusing Kain of such things. He knew that he should stick to his ideas and theories but the sound of Kain's voice was enough to shatter everything that he ever thought.

"I'm sorry, I fucked this up," Kain muttered. "I'm sorry. Shit. Please, please say something, my space boy." That was when Kain looked up at Jace, his eyes gleaming with tears. He tried to hold back his tears, yet the somewhat blank look which was written across Jace's face didn't help.

Jace didn't know what to do, he wanted to pull Kain into him and kiss him like nothing was wrong, but he knew that it wouldn't sit right. It wouldn't sit right knowing that it still happened. Yet the need to wrap his arms around Kain was something which Jace longed to do, he wanted to feel Kain close to him, he wanted to feel Kain's body against him, but he knew that he shouldn't.

"He forced you to kiss him," Jace spoke slowly, "was it him or you who started it first?"

"Him!" Kain said. "Please, believe me, Jay."

Jace looked around before he then looked at Kain. "I don't know, Kain. I mean, all that's going through my head is that there's something wrong with me. When I—" He then shook his head unable to even speak. "All I can think of is whether this was just a trick, whether the kiss was just a big trick or us getting back together. All I can think about is whether or not you brought Adrian here, whether you hired him or not to find everything out about me in order to destroy me and then kill me. I wonder, did you hire Adrian to come here and kill me?"

Jace saw the pain in Kain's face when he spoke, though he didn't care. The words didn't stop coming out. "I wonder whether or not you hired Adrian to get back at me for leaving you five years ago. You told me how much it hurt, Janus told me how much it hurt you. I would assume that this was something that you wouldn't do, but realistically, you could've changed within the five years we've been apart. I wonder whether you've been working with Adrian all this time."

Kain shook his head. Tears fell from Kain's eyes, he looked speechless at Jace's accusations as if that was something that he didn't expect Jace to say. "Jay," Kain's voice cracked, "it's not—I wouldn't do that to you. I would never hire someone to kill you. I would never trick you."

"I don't know anymore," Jace shook his head as his jaw then clenched. He knew that he needed to get out of here before he said something else he might regret. "All that I know is that I need to do this job and make sure that these Kree people don't destroy anyone."

In truth, all that Jace wanted was to be away from Kain, there was still this part of Jace that wanted to reach out and take Kain in his arms, to tell him that everything was okay, though he knew that none of this was okay. His heart still stung, his thoughts too angry, he knew that he didn't want to be around Kain while he was like this.

What he wanted to do was to let everything out, he wanted to throw himself into battle in hopes that it was enough to clear his mind as much as it could before he spoke to Kain once more. He knew that the longer he stayed in this conversation, the worse that it was going to get. He needed someone to fight and Jace was just glad that they had this job now, it gave Jace something to direct his anger towards.

"Jace, no," Kain pleaded. His entire body shook. "Not in this state, you're going to get yourself killed."

Jace's face hardened. "I don't care, Kain."