『Chapter Twenty-Eight』
『the guilty conscious』

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The walk back to the Benatar had taken Jace far too long to walk given that every few blocks Jace would let out a small heave as if he meant to cry, he wanted to cry, all that he felt like he needed to do was to just break down and cry. He looked down towards Kain only to be greeted by him lifelessly hanging in his arms, it was enough to make Jace feel like he was slowly losing his mind. He should have listened to Kain and should have just left instead of trying to demand answers.

He was stupid, he knew that he was stupid. He should've listened to Kain, he should've just left Adrian instead of demanding answers that he wasn't sure if he could trust. He let this happen, he knew that, he let Kain get shot. There was a part of Jace that believed that he deserved that stab to the leg. It was something that he hadn't thought about until now, though even still, he couldn't focus on it. His mind swirled with these thoughts about Kain and how he should've listened.

As much as he knew that he wanted answers to where his mother came from and everything relating to his mother, it should be something that he finds out by himself, without the influence of anyone else. Jace knew that there was a chance that it was because of his own selfish desires to finally know where the King that killed his mother came from so he could at least see why his mother had to die, but at the same time he knew that it was something that he should learn himself.

Jace walked up the runaway of the Benatar, closing it behind him to have some form of privacy, he found himself laying Kain's body on the table near the stairs to the cockpit. For a moment, Jace found himself staring at Kain's body while he laid there unmoving, there was a part of him that didn't want to believe that he let this happen. He rose his hand, letting it rest on the side of Kain's face, stroking his cheek. Jace's eyes watered, he bit down on his lip in hopes that it would hold down his cry.

He just got Kain back, he couldn't lose him as soon as he got him back. He couldn't. He wanted Kain to stay with him. He wanted Kain to be by his side until they decided to find a place to live if and when Jace decided to part from the Guardians. He thought that there was a chance that the pair of them could fully reconnect after everything that they'd gone through—after everything Jace made them go through.

Jace hoped that he'd have the time to talk to Kain about why he did what he did fully, he wanted to tell Kain everything about what happened previously. He knew that he should've done it earlier, that he should've talked about his guilt over his actions previously and that he was too afraid to even admit everything. And now, he was worried just in case he wouldn't get the chance.

"I'm sorry," Jace croaked out as he stroked Kain's cheek. He could tell that his voice broke as he spoke, but it was something that he didn't care much about. "I'm sorry, I couldn't protect you. I'm sorry."

He could feel the way that the tears ran down his cheeks as he repeated those words over and over again. He felt weak, like at any moment his legs were to give out. Jace found himself sitting on the table, pulling Kain's body close to his chest, repeating his apology into Kain's hair. Kain's hair that was always soft tangled with Jace's fingers as Jace stroked his hair repeatedly. He knew that he could've done more to protect Kain, and yet he didn't, instead he watched and froze as Kain got shot.

There was so much that he could've done in order to get Kain to safety, he could've listened to what Kain was saying instead of acting on his own selfish needs of wanting answers. He should've listened, he should've been more cautious instead of jumping into whatever he was feeling when it came to wanting the answers he knew he wanted for a while. Jace wondered whether the outcome would've been the same if he'd listened, though he shook his head slightly, he knew that it would've been the same. He had the opportunity to leave before anyone got hurt, but he was stupid and reckless, and he didn't think. Instead, he jumped into something without thinking of who could've gotten hurt.

He felt the way that he tightened his hold on Kain, his head buried awkwardly against Kain's head. His thoughts were nothing but chaotic, wanting nothing more than for Kain to somehow come back to him. This wasn't how he hoped any of this would go, he'd just gotten Kain back, he'd gotten the prince of his heart back only to get him killed because of his own stupid desires.

Jace shut his eyes tight, he knew that the more he prayed to whatever higher form that existed was something that wouldn't work, but he hoped that by some miracle, someone was listening. He wanted his prince back. This wasn't how they were meant to go, he knew that he wanted another shot with Kain to make up for his stupid actions.

He felt the way that he heaved slightly, there was a gaping hole in his chest. As much as he knew that he'd lived a life for the past five years without Kain, the thought that he'd have to live in a universe knowing that Kain wasn't alive was something that he couldn't bear. All that Jace wanted within this moment in time was for Kain to wake up, he wanted his prince to wake up.

"Jace," Gamora's voice spoke softly, placing a hand on his arm. "Let him go."

Jace found himself looking at Gamora, he hadn't realised that the others had gotten back. For a moment, Jace wondered when they all got back and how long Jace had been sat here like this. He wondered for a brief moment where he wondered how much time had passed and what day it was. The pain in his chest knowing that Kain wasn't awake was something that he couldn't deal with.

Jace shook his head. "No. I don't want to let him go."

He couldn't bring himself to part with Kain's body. He couldn't. Kain's body was still warm though he couldn't tell if it was because of Jace keeping him warm. Even still, all that Jace wanted to do was keep Kain close as if it was the only thing that mattered to him, because he felt as if it did. Kain's hair was still soft in his grasp, one of the only things which Jace could focus on fully.

"You have to, Jace, come on," Gamora told. She held onto his shoulder as if it was a way to comfort him.

"You have to let them go, Jace," the nurse spoke to him as soft as she could. "You're parents have gone to a better place."

The only thing that the eight-year-old could do was cry ever since he found out the news of his parents. Although he'd watched as his mother died, it was still something that he couldn't believe. How could he believe that his parents were dead? As much as he knew that they were dead since the accident, being told that they were dead, and that they weren't coming back wasn't something an eight-year-old needed to be told.

He wanted his parents back, he'd told the nurses about the king that killed his mother though he knew that they thought that he was experiencing a head-trauma from the accident. He tried to tell them, he tried, but they didn't believe him in the same way that he didn't want to believe that they were dead.

"No! I don't want to let them go!" The boy whined. He wanted his mother and her hugs; he wanted his father and his stories. He wanted them to tell him that everything was okay. He wanted his parents back, that was all that he wanted more than anything. His parents were his entire world, the people that he loved with his whole heart, and he wanted them. He wanted them in a way that a child would want their parents.

His chest hurt, his body ached, all that he wanted was his parents and they were gone. They were gone and they were never coming back, no matter how much he wanted them to. His parents were dead, but his small mind was something that found death hard to believe.

"You have to."

"You have to," Gamora said. Her voice was gentle when she spoke, her eyes were gentle. There was something about the way that she spoke that almost made Jace cave, but he couldn't. Kain.

"Jace," Peter's gentle voice said. "Kain's gone, he's dead—"

"Shut up!" Jace snapped. "He's not dead! He's not!" Jace's grip around Kain's body only grew, he wasn't dead. Kain wasn't dead, no this was all a lie. He didn't want to believe that one of the few people that he loved and had left was dead.

"Dipshit, let the body go." Rocket harshly spoke.

Jace turned his head towards Rocket who had been sat on one of the seats, crossing his arms. He felt the way that his jaw clenched. "Shut it, rodent," Jace growled.

Jace felt the way that Peter placed a hand on Jace's shoulder, as if to get Jace to snap back into reality though the one thing that Jace hadn't expected was the way that Peter brought him into a hug. It took Jace a moment before he happily returned the hug, he had almost latched himself onto Peter as the tears rolled down his cheeks. It was comforting in some way to be hugged by Peter—Peter who knew him, who knew everything that happened before.

"I just got him back." Jace mumbled over and over again.

He didn't even have the chance to talk to Kain about anything that happened before, he never got the chance to explain his side of everything. He thought that there would be time, he thought that he'd have time to reconnect with Kain about everything with their past. He knew that there was so much that he wanted to say to Kain that he never got the chance too and he knew that now he wouldn't get a chance to.

"It's okay," Peter muttered as he rubbed Jace's back.

Jace felt a sense of comfort come over him as the silence between them all grew. He knew that his sobs were something that filled the Benatar, though he didn't care all that much. All that was going through Jace's head was everything that he knew he wished he'd told Kain and how comforting it was to be held by his brother. Peter kept his hold on Jace as Jace cried into Peter's shoulder, there was just something comforting about being like this once more.

Jace kept his eyes shut trying his best to calm himself down as much as he could, though he knew that it was something that he wouldn't be able to do as much. It took Jace a moment to realise that he could feel something small pressed against him, which was enough for Jace to open his eyes to see how baby Groot was hugging him. Jace found himself choking slightly at the amused thought that Groot popped out from Peter's pocket in order to give him a hug.

He wasn't sure how long he'd been in this position for, though he knew that at some point he'd broke away from his hug with Peter, baby Groot stayed with Jace when the pair broke from their hug. In a weird way, the sight of Groot was enough to calm Jace down, given that Groot kept mimicking the times when Jace would use his powers around Groot to make small balls of light—similar to how the other Groot did in Ronan's ship. It made Jace smile as he made the tiny balls of light for baby Groot's amusement.

Jace found himself watching as baby Groot reached out to touch the little lights Jace made, Groot even looked back up to Jace with wide eyes. Even in the pain that sat in his heart and chest, he couldn't bring himself to cry or shudder when Groot was such a distraction even when everything felt too great.

He could hear the sounds of the others talking around him, though it was just noise to him as he looked at Groot who was trying to eat one of the balls of light. Groot fell slightly though Jace placed Groot in his hand so Groot could continue. As much as Jace felt the need to continue with his crying, the distraction of Groot trying to eat the balls of light that Jace created was something that amused him.

"Jace," Peter said. Jace rose his head, taking notice of the gun that was in Peter's hand. It was the gun that Adrian used to shoot at Kain. "You have three of these guns, don't you? We found this on. . .Adrian, after you left. Which one was this one?"

Jace found himself tensing up slightly, he felt himself shudder. The balls of light Jace made wavered and disappeared, he'd heard the way that baby Groot yelled in what Jace could describe as a small tantrum. He ended up placing Groot on his shoulder. "I-I don't know. I don't know which one that is. Ones to kill, one to stun, and the other one I made just to put someone to sleep and—"

Jace cut himself off as he straightened up slightly, he shuffled off the table and almost ran to his small section of the Benatar. In a draw he had three guns, all of which had different functions though the one he made was if he didn't want to kill anyone. He had been working on it since Xandar—since all their records were wiped and they started fresh, Jace remembered the question Drax had asked about murder. Jace decided that he wanted to create a gun which allowed someone to appear dead yet were asleep, it slowed the heartbeat to the point where it seemed as if there wasn't one.

He couldn't remember which one he took with him, god, he'd been so distracted with this idea of taking Kain on a date that he hadn't even stopped to consider to focus on which gun he took. Though at the same time, he didn't think that he'd be using his weaponry while he was out. Jace pulled out a small draw that held the guns he made. There were two. He'd taken one yet he forgot which one he took, he knew that forgetting to label them would come and bite him in the ass.

He closed his eyes and took in a deep breath as he tried to calm himself down from the bitterness he felt for himself for not protecting Kain. The crowded worries which clouded his mind was something that rattled in head, he didn't like this idea that his own inability to remain focused when he picked his weaponry.

"Jace, what's the third one?" Gamora called out.

Jace let out a small breath, pinching the bridge of his nose. "Check his heartbeat. Get it on the screen and wait a moment."

"Taylor!" Drax snapped. "What's the third one?!"

Jace slammed the draw shut. "It makes someone appear to be dead, slows their heartbeat. They're alive but asleep. I think that's the gun I had but I need the validation that it was."

"Why would you make something like that?!" Peter asked. Peter sounded surprised by it as if Peter didn't know what all of the guns he made did.

Jace stood up, turning to walk back. "Because of the fact that our records were wiped and the fact that we can't kill people when we feel like it!"

Gamora managed to do what Jace asked, there was a pad across Kain's chest. On the screen, there was a smaller version of a heart monitor, it looked as if the heartbeat was flat, that Kain was dead. "Jace. . ."

Jace rose his hand, causing Gamora to fall silent as Jace stared at the monitor. The tears threatened to roll down his cheek. He could still feel Groot who was now sitting on Jace's head. The feel of Groot was the only thing that was stopping Jace from losing it once more. He moved to Kain's side, placing a finger on his neck as his eyes never left the monitor. If he saw the line go up, Jace wanted to feel the heartbeat as well. He needed that certainty.

He could feel the way that his jaw was set, he tried to not think too much about the way that his body trembled. He tried to focus on Groot and the way that Groot was playing in his hair all while trying to remain focused on finding the pulse. For a moment, there was nothing, and Jace thought he was going to lose his mind, knowing that he was the one who got Kain killed. And then there was a thump. It was easy to miss, yet it was there.

Jace let out a small sigh of relief as his hand then moved to Kain's cheek. "Kain, baby, wake up. Please."

Jace cupped Kain's face, muttering something under his breath. How could he be stupid enough to allow this to happen? it shouldn't have happened. Jace shouldn't have let his guard down around his mother and heritage. He should've listened to Kain and left when they had the chance, yet he decided to fight Adrian about it. He could feel the way that Groot was removed from his hair, though Jace couldn't focus on who took Groot.

Jace shook his head and let out a breath. "Can we leave this planet?" He then turned to look at Gamora. "What happened with Adrian? Kain mentioned him being an assassin."

"He's with Ophelian police, we made sure that he stayed put when you left," Gamora explained as the others left. "I'm pretty sure you broke his nose, Jace. And you broke his arm."

"I would have done a lot worse if I had the chance." Jace muttered. "He mentioned something before the fight. My mother and where she came from. He knows what I am."

Gamora gave Jace a look. "I know Adrian Sanguis, though I take it you do too now. Whatever he's after, Jace, you have to understand that there's a chance that he'll kill you. You have to stay with us, we can try and protect you."

There was a small part of Jace that wanted to shake his head, to tell Gamora that if they were to go against Adrian once more, then he wanted to fight Adrain until he gave Jace all the answers. And yet, he felt as if that was something that both Gamora and Peter would disagree on the most.

Jace clenched his jaw and found himself nodding. "Okay." He turned his attention back to Kain. "I'm gonna take him to bed, I just hope that the effects ware off soon. I can feel his heartbeat, so, it won't be long until he wakes up."

Jace didn't wait for the others to say anything about it, though he found himself picking Kain up though found himself stopping when he noticed the way that Gamora moved. "Jace," Gamora placed a hand on Jace's arm. When Jace turned to her, she awkwardly hugged him. It felt odd in a way. Jace somewhat saw Gamora as this somewhat distant assassin who wasn't a hugging person. Yet in a way it felt nice. Gamora broke away as she then left him alone. Jace gave her a small smile then.

He turned his attention back to Kain, picking Kain up from where his lifeless body laid and took him to one of the rooms of the ship. It was the same room which they both spent the night prior, both Drax and Rocket said that the pair might as well keep it. As if there wasn't multiple little rooms where they could sleep. Even still, Jace laid Kain down and pulled the blanket up to his shoulders, he found himself brushing a strand of hair from Kain's face before rubbing the tears from his eyes.

He was stupid, Jace shouldn't have brought any weapons with him, he should have listened to Kain when he had the chance. He knew that if they ran into any trouble, he would've used his abilities, but he chose to be safe. He shook his head and let out a sigh as he sat beside the bed and rested his head against the edge. Jace should've assessed the gun before he took it out, he was stupid for even considering taking it.

It pissed him off that he took it and that Adrian had shot Kain. Kain was under his protection and is the person who Jace loves more than anything, and yet Jace allowed Kain to get hurt. Jace allowed Kain to end up like this where he doesn't know how Kain would be when he woke up. He hoped that it wouldn't take long for Kain to wake up, it was the one thing that he was worried about the most.

Jace was so unsure on a lot of things with the gun he made, it was enough to make him worry that when Kain wakes up something might be wrong. It was something that he didn't like but he knew that it was something that he might want to consider. He could feel the worry build up inside him, he wanted to know so much yet he wants sure exactly what he wanted to know. All that he knew he wanted was for Kain to wake up and hug him, he wanted to tell Kain how sorry he was for all of this—for getting him hurt, for everything.

He wanted Kain to just open his eyes and to be safe, he hated that he was the reason as to why Kain was in this position in the first place. He hated that there was nothing that he could do while Kain was like this. It felt as if Jace was always going to be the reason as to why Kain got hurt in some way and that was something that made Jace believe that leaving Kain once again would mean that it would be safer, but he couldn't bring himself to leave.

Jace found himself looking down at the ring on his finger and played with it. Kain meant everything to Jace, he didn't want to lose him, he couldn't. Not after everything Kain went through with his dad (or well, still is), Kain deserved a lot more than all of it. He wanted nothing more than to protect Kain, but he was unsure on whether he was the right person for such a thing.

Jace wanted what was best for Kain, he always has. He knew that they only just found their way back together a few days ago, but even so, Jace was willing to lay down his life for Kain. Kain was the love of his life and he meant everything to Jace, he didn't want to lose Kain, Kain was everything to him. He'd do anything if it meant that Kain was safe.

The half-breed sat on the chair beside the bed, leaning his forehead against the bed as he then reached for Kain's hand before closing his eyes. Kain's hand still felt warm in his grasp and that was all that Jace could find comfort in at the moment, the only thing that was calming down his chaotic mind. He took in a deep breath, trying his best to calm down enough to at least sleep.