Rey changed from her wedding dress into a soft sleeveless night gown. The color was a pleasant bleu, light at touch.
   She lay down on the feather bed on one side, with her back to the door, and tried to rock herself to sleep. But the tears would not let her do so.

   She couldn't stop crying. She had been crying since she had entered the room, and now it was impossible to will herself against it. Her eyes were red and swollen, her face streaked with tears and her body shook violently when the sobs would come out.

   She was afraid. Of his father, of him, of everyone. She knew very well what his father wanted from her. And the thought made her feel helpless, vulnerable, trapped.
   And she dreaded the moment he would come to their room. He did not kiss her at their wedding in from of the whole court, but she did not know what he would do when they were alone, in the dark. She squeezed her eyes and tried to convince herself this was only a nightmare, and that she would wake up back in her old chamber, ready for a new training's day.
   Would he go so far as to wake her up if she slept, though?
  
   Ben walked over to the room and he wanted to push the door open. But he remembered: it was not only his room anymore. And he needed to respect her privacy. So he knocked one time.

   Rey heard the knocks on the doors and a new stream of tears fell across her face. It was him. Maybe if she pretended she was asleep, he would leave her alone, she thought. 
   She had hoped he would leave, but the knocks persisted. And she was afraid of what was about to happen when he came.
   And in the end she heard the door creak open. She squirmed to the edge of the bed, as not to be anywhere near him, trembling all over.

   When no one answered, he had dreaded the worst. He was afraid something happened to her on her way to the room. But he found her there, huddled in her coverlet.
   At first he had thought she was asleep. But as he took a better look, he saw her chest rising and falling fastly and noticed she was trembling.
   He felt sorry for her, and he knew it was all his fault. He had come home hoping that he could repair what he did wrong. But now he had ruined another life without even wanting it. He knew it must be hard for her, and he had no mind to force her into anything, whatever his father had said a million times. But she hated him like no one else and he couldn't understand why.

   He climbed on the edge of the bed and approached her from behind and placed lightly his fingers on her bare arm. "Rey." he whispered. "You need not be afraid." But he drew back his hand as she shuddered beneath his touch.

   "I didn't want any of this either." but still she did not respond. And she wept even harder. "Rey, no." he tried to soothe her, but did not know how. And he hated to see her in so much pain. All because of him. But if there was a reason he could live and change for, it was her. 
  
   "I know I did horrible things. And I'm not a good man and I don't deserve you. I don't deserve anyone. But I want to be good."

   He looked at her as she lay with her back on him. And he didn't expect her to turn toward him.

   "You are! A bad man." She said with hatred in her voice at last.

   And he nodded sadly as he lowered his eyes to the ground. And, to his surprise she sat upright and swung her legs over the edge of the feather bed, tucking the coverlet back under her arm as it fell off. Still she did not turn to face him so he wouldn't see her face.

   " I demand you to tell me all the crimes you committed." She said in a cold, commanding and unflinching voice. "As now I am your wife, I need to know."

   And suddenly she was the fighter he had seen when they had met in the street. All her fear and doubt were gone, replaced by courage and confidence. And that was what he had admired most at her, for this was how he knew her. But what she'd demanded was almost impossible for him. Saying what he did was like living those things again. And he just wanted to start over. But he had sworn to himself that he would never lie to her. And she deserved to know everything.

   "You're most right." he said weakly. "I can't erase my past, as my hands are covered in the blood of those I've killed and will always be. My acts define who I was. But I want to let it behind and be a new person. I'm no longer who I was before. Kylo Ren belongs to my past."

   He trailed off and waited for her to say something. But she remained silent, as if she wasn't pleased with his answer, as if she wanted more from him. And she was right to do.

   " I've betrayed my family, I fraternized with our enemy, I killed. You can't know what I did." he said. But somehow he knew she did. He was notorious for his war crimes and for his tyranny. Yet they could not have met before. She had been in Braavos while he had been up in the North. And the thought of her life reminded him that he did not know much about her. Only that she was once a slave. He dearly wanted to know her, to know her life, to know if she had a family somewhere, but that was her decision to take when to tell him, too.
 
   And her cold voice brought him back to reality.

   "You betrayed your parents, your people and your uncle, your Master. Do not deny it!" she said harshly.

   "Yes, I did." he said, ashamed. Even though he could not see her eyes, he didn't even dare look up from the ground. How could she know how he fled from Castle Black and from his uncle, Luke Skywalker? But yes, of course. She has been living around his parents for the last part of her life. And they loved her. At least his mother did. But he wondered how thay have treated her since she came here. Have they been kind to her? Has his father told her something to frighten her?

   But then her cold voice rang again in his ears. "You warred and plundered and burned entire villages and cities." she stated.

   "Yes, I did."

   "It is true that I am only a young girl and do not understand the ways of war. But you killed many innocent people, who had nothing to do with any side."

   "It was Snoke, I..."

   "Do you deny it!?" she cut him off.

   He wanted to tell her that never killed a child or a man who held no weapon. And that it always went hard for him when he disobeyed his master. But she would think he was lying. And for now, it was enough to admit it.

   "Yes, my lady, I did." his voice full of regret.

   He waited stiffly for the next question to land. But instead, she turned her head slightly in his direction so she could only see him out of the corner of her eye.

   "But rape?" she asked in a thin, small, shaky voice this time, almost a whisper.

   He could tell she was afraid, and he only hoped that that question did not come from personal experience.
   In an instant, he circled the bed and knelt in front of her. As he stared deep into her beautiful eyes, he said: "Never. I never did such thing my whole life, I swear."
  
   And Rey knew he was speaking the truth. She could see it in his deep, understanding, dark eyes.
   She let go of her fears as she saw he did not want to rush her. And she remembered her duty, remembered the only reason the queen and the king wanted her there. She hated the man in front of her yet she did not want to anger the king. She knew it had to come, sooner or later, and she didn't know if Ben would spare her this time.

   So she let go of the coverlet as she looked at him, her breath becoming more and more ragged. She felt like she had two left hands, both broken, as she slid one silk sleeve off her shoulder. "Shall I undress now, my lord?" she asked in a small, fearful voice.

   But as soon as she did that, he reached out and tucked the sleeve back in place. His fingers barely touched her skin. "Please, no." his words almost sounded like a plea.

    And she was surprised as he knelt back and took her hands in his and stared into her eyes. A tear shed from her right eye.

    "I swear that, I won't touch you. Not until you want me to. I swear it on my honor as a Skywalker."

    And she gasped. "And what if I'll never want?"

    "Then I will never do it." he shook his head with convince.

    And she could see the sadness that embraced his face.

    "I don't care what my father wants, I just want you. Rey, " he said with all his heart. "I never wanted to steal your freedom. All I want in this world is for you to be happy. Even it that means I can't have you. And you deserve more than I could ever give you. I'm not a good man, but I want to be."

   She had heard that before. Should she believe him now? He had spared her of some things she didn't want to experience, though. But she had no words to tell him.

  " I'll always love you. Even if that means I'll have to let go." he said, looking into her eyes that deflected the golden light from the candles that were set on her nightstand. He wanted to kiss her face, but resumed to her hands.
   They were still trembling in his, but it was maybe from the amount of tears she had cried until he had come. He kissed the top of her hands gently, and stood up.

   "Good night, Rey."

   She watched him towering her, and waited for him to get into the bed next to her. Shivers began to shake her again as now she looked into his eyes.
   But her fears remained unfounded.

   After he wished her good night, he left for the hard couch in the other side of the room, next to the window. He had no intention to sleep with her after they've just met.
   She stood there on the edge of her bed some good moments after he left. As if she was still afraid he would come. But she finally gave in, and he opened his eyes to watch her tuck herself into those warm covers. He wished it was him wrapping her in the white blanket.
   He watched as she blew out the candles and left him in a deep darkness. His eyes never left her until a heavy sleep forced them to close.

~Thanks for reading! ~

A/N: Were you able to feel Rey's fear and the thesion between them?