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Chapter 9 Irrelevant Conflicting Feelings

Sabrina Luthferd

I love a certain person. I will do anything to see him smile. His smile lights up everyday of my life. He is my beloved.

...And he is my brother.

...My brother? He is my brother... Is he?

In the garden where roses bloomed, a girl ran to her brother, filling the air with her cheerful laughter.

"Julia!"

"Brother!"

I felt my lips form to a smile as I watch the two of them embraced each other.

"Julia stop running, you'll hurt yourself."

"Brother is so soft.. And fluffy." She giggled before turning to me. "Right??"

...Turning to me..? So I am not this girl?

This is too confusing. Everything turned to pitch black and the green fields turned to a dirty, chamber floor.

"I said stop your pleas!" He shouted, whipping me and... That girl.

*******
Surprised, I opened my eyes, sitting up and gasping for air.

...What just happened? I am drenched in my own sweat and my heart is beating too fast.

I vaguely remember my dream but it still leaves me in a daze. I am beyond confused to what just happened.

Attempting to calm me down, I looked at my surrounding. I was in a familiar room that has its delicate embroidery with the color maroon. If I am not mistaken, this is my room in the manor.

Once I have calmed down, I looked at my right to see Bro- Ciel's sleeping stature. He was leaning on his chair that makes him look awake if it was not for the fact that his eyes are tightly closed.

I felt my heart melted at the sight of him waiting for I to wake up from my deep slumber... And then I remembered what he really feels towards I. My heart started to turn into a freezing, cold object.

The door suddenly opened and due to bewilderment, I lied down the bed once again and covered myself.

I might not appear too convincing but if I remained in this position, the person who entered shall leave me to my satisfaction.

I heard footsteps nearing my bed. I tried to slow down my erratic breathing.

"...Young master.".. If I am not mistaken, that is Sebastian's voice. "Young master."

"Hmm...?" I heard the sound of shuffling.

"I think that you must sleep in your bedroom. You have been neglecting your health and responsibilities as the head of the Phantomhive manor for the past two days." Sebastian said.

"Leave me be until I see my sister's glistening eyes." Br-Ciel answered.

My heart melted once again upon his words. I just cannot simply stay angry towards him, can I?

"If I shall remind you, it is your fault that our Young Mistress was so distressed to an extent that her frail body cannot handle it."

"Shut it." Brother snapped. I mean Ciel.

"However, Young master, even you are to wait or not, she will not wake up from her slumber unless she wants to." I could have swear I heard his tone directed to I.

...Seems like Sebastian knew that I am awake already.

"What you needed to do is attend to your duties and apologize once she awakens." He continued.

"I did not do anything wrong, Sebastian. She did. So cut your nonsense. I just want to know if she is well."

What did I do wrong?

"She did? Master, I cannot see what is wrong with what she did. Perhaps, you just felt jealousy?"

There was a long pause.

"...I give up with this preposterous argument! I shall go to my study room. Bring me my tea." And with that, I heard heavy stomping followed by a loud sound of a door shutting.

"Yes, my Lord."

I sighed. "That was some nice opera." I sat up the bed once again.

"Of course. My Young Mistress was the guest of honor after all." Sebastian answered. "How are you feeling?"

"I am in my best condition, I suppose." I answered.

He nodded thoughtfully. "Does that mean that you can join Young Master to dinner?"

....Am I indeed ready to talk to him..?... Well, sooner or later, I have to face him and I think that delaying it further will not help in any way.

I nodded slowly. If I shall remain honest, a part of me still wants to delay our meeting. With what I have just done, I delayed our conversation for 2 seconds. If I dress up slowly, I shall be delaying it more for 7 minutes or less.

Sebastian left my room with a bow and I slowly stood up, thinking of what I shall say to Bro-Ciel.

"Good Evening, Ciel." ...That is too formal.

I put on a red gown I first found and brushed my unruly hair.

"Greetings, Ciel." I said in font of the mirror, noticing my cheeks are flushed for some reason I did not bother to know.

"Ciel." I said, trying to sound intimidating.. But I ended up looking like a lost pup.

"Ciel, you are here." ....Oh, am I so smart.

I growled and let my head rest on the desk in front of me.

I feel my anxiety creeping unto me. I do not know how I will act towards a person I not so despised and extremely love.

....Did I just mention the vague word 'love'? In what way do I love Ciel Phantomhive?

Seeing him smile is the best thing my eyes have lay upon on just like the fresh flowers in spring. His eyes remind me of the calm ocean in a hot summer afternoon. Seeing his dismayed face makes my heart break to pieces just like the leaves falling in a late autumn evening. His laughter sounds like the pleasant chiming of bells upon my delicate ears during winter night.

Words cannot express much how I strongly feel for him. Even with the harsh words and lies he have inflicted towards I, I cannot reject the fact that I love him very much.

Yes. I love my Brother very much. Not in a way a family should. But in a way that I see him as a man.

..And this disgusts me so much because what I am doing is not morally righteous.

I sighed, standing up from my seat.

This feeling called love is irrelevant. I shall forget about it.

But nevertheless, I still have to face my Brother and I shall do that now.

I took a step towards the door to be met by strong hands pulling me backwards.

Quickly, I turned around to look at the person at fault to find a stranger with a sinister look on his face. As adrenaline rushed through my veins, I kicked him between his legs and started to run for the door as he growled in pain.

But I did not anticipate what happened next as another person held my body close to him.

"BROTHER!" I screamed before it was muffled by a piece of cloth.

Sweet scent erupted from the cloth, making my eyes grew heavy and lose my consciousness.

My last vision was a young boy with large ocean blue eyes, smiling at me.

Ciel.

~~~~~~~~~~~
[Bakamono: Yayzzzz. More cliffhangers!! *throws papers around* I'll update more if you give me motivation *raises eyebrows up and down, staring at you and the comment box and vote button*]

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