Chapter 42

It is my feeling that Time ripens all things; with Time all things are revealed; Time is the father of truth.

Seven months later……………………..

Freedom is the oxygen of the soul!!! 

And I feel like my soul is breathing now.

 I am shifting on my legs waiting for my luggage to arrive at the terminal. After 7 months did I step out of Dexter’s house. I am feeling so awkward. Suddenly out as if I am seeing the sunshine for the first time. I wonder how my dad convinced Dexter to let me come down to Texas to complete my semester. My biggest priority of coming here was not my exam but my mom who is suffering from kidney failure and undergoing her treatment since two months. No matter how much I begged Dexter to let me atleast for a day to go and meet my mom but he completely denied. He is too possessive about me.

 I do not know whom to expect at the airport. My mom is unwell, dad would be busy as he is handling the work alone. He was so used to be helped by my mom that he would be finding it difficult to cope now.

 Stacie and Cairo- I had called them only once after the wedding and when Dexter came to know about it. He made me swear on my parents that I won’t call them back. I wonder if he is the same Dexter whom I married to.

‘Come on you can do it.’ I told myself as I moved ahead to the arrivals of Texas airport.

 I roll the rod of the baggage trolley nervously and then I rub the sweaty palms with my loose pants.

 I suppress the hissing pain by biting my lip. I almost forgot about the bruises under the pants and wiped my hands off them.

 Come on! Come on! For your mom, I encourage myself as I tighten the grip of the trolley so that it doesn’t slip out of my hands like my life.

 I put on a fake smile to pretend that I am happy as I move ahead to meet the ones who care, who are here to pick me up.

 I have never had to lie to anybody, not deliberately all my life and today my journey starts with a lie.

 No! I cannot tell the truth. With my mom being unwell, she is very fragile and my dad critical with his business losses.

 So I put a determined smile and moved ahead.

I did not know whom to expect at the waiting areas. I am bad at expectations. So I keep my face straight as I move ahead to my old life though for a while but I don’t mind. I’d get the most of it.

 The natural sunlight outside the airport made me squint my eyes and I heard “Pearly” in chorus.

‘You have been preparing yourself throughout the flight from Florida to Texas. You can pull it’ I encourage myself as I put a broad animated smile on my face and reach to hug my two best friends Stacie and Cairo

 I was walking to the exit door of the airport. I had to work a little extra for my make up and my smile should be natural and broad, whoever comes to pick me up should have the impression that I am super happy with Dexter.

My loose full sleeved, high neck shirt and a pair of loose stretch trouser made me look like a married women and they added comfort to my wounds too.

 What a warm welcome for me as I was greeted by Stacie and Cairo with a bouquet of flowers. ‘Welcome home Mrs. Darwin” they hugged me tight.

 “Vow new hairstyle. You have changed Pearly” Cairo said hugging me.

 “Very experimental from long ones to simple chop, dared to huh! Cut them short” Stacie said as she moved around to check my new look.

 ((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((Florida {flash back}

 There was a long span of silence between Dexter and me, after the blow he had given me next day of our wedding. It didn’t bleed much. Holding it tight helped stop the bleeding. It was only paining but I took it as payback by heaven for you know what.[ditching him by kissing Josh.....] I promised I’ll take it happily.

 “Look that was my father. I was pissed off. You know between me and him” Dexter coldly explained with no expression on his face.

 I simply nodded too scared to utter a word.

 “We are leaving within an hour for our honeymoon. Get ready. Did I make it clear?” he said sternly this time.

 I answered with a nod. My eyes filled with tears and I was scared, very scared.

 Though I took it as a punishment but this was the first time I was assaulted and it trembled my soul.

 We boarded our flight to Las Vegas. I went to use the washroom in the plane and when I returned it was almost time to buckle up the seat belts. Dexter was gradually returning to normal, not the usual flirty one with good sense of humor one but straight, no temperament. I was returning to my seat when one of the fellow passengers, a young lad probably in his late teens, grey eyes and a charming face who was sitting ahead of our seats dropped his ipod. I bent to help him pick the same, he bending at the same time.

 “Looking for this” I handed his ipod

 “Thanks he said taking it from my hand accidentally brushing my hands against his. Unfortunately my hair got stuck in the wires of the earphones, easy to remove types and I immediately set them free.

 “Whoa what lovely hair. Gorgeous!” the guy who had dropped his music player appreciated.

 “Thanks”. I got up on my feet now.

 “No gorgeous is an understatement. They are beautiful. You need to go and sign in a commercial for the leading shampoo brands” he exclaimed trying to flatter me.

 “Thanks” I said blushing and walked ahead not wanting to communicate further. This guy was hitting on me in front of my husband.

 “Are you okay, I mean the pain?” I asked Dexter trying to open the conversation. I wanted to apologize him for sleeping on our first night.

 He kept on reading the magazine provided in the flight, ignoring me completely “Yeah whatever”.

The hotel was an enormous one, might have cost him a fortune.

 A perfect one that a girl would have expected for a honeymoon!!!

It was a suite on the top floor of the building. The walls were missing from two sides only glass frames and we could see the whole city from there, which means the building is designed in a semicircular shape. We could always put down the curtains and keep the room to our privacy otherwise too I doubt any body would be able to peep into it. It was one of the high rise.

A huge screen was displayed on the corner opposite a couch and a bunch of bright fresh flowers with scented candles were set on the tables’ aside the couch. It lived up to its name honey moon suite. The other room was colored white and purple with round bed draped with curtains on all the sides. The huge bed was covered with rose petals reminding me of the day when Dexter proposed me bringing smile to my face. The fairy tale types.

I was taking in the beauty of the room when Dexter entered the room. I can’t believe how can one be so good looking an equally sexy. Such a bitch I have been to sleep last night. I ran to hug him wrapping my arms around his neck. He pulled me to sit on the couch. My heart beating fiercely expecting the expected ‘say bye to your virginity’

I closed my eyes to feel for the moment. He wrapped his cold hand around my neck “Pearly”

 I opened my eyes to see hard hazel greens, not full of love but a feisty look He lifted his other hand which had scissors in them. Before I could absorb or make two and two together, he tilted my head with the strength he had in him. I was too subtle to react or protest and the scissors moved throwing my locks on the floor.

 “No Dexter please.” I begged with tears in my eyes but he was harsh, he was cold and very angry to take in my pleading. I just saw my hair lying on the floor as he did not stop till he finished, unevenly chopping my hair leaving it to a shoulder length.

 I cried bitterly. I did not know how else to react. He was so harsh that he did not realize that he slit my neck once when he was chopping my hair while I tried to back up from his grip. I reached my finger to itch the tickling feeling I had only to see droplets of blood in my hand. The blood was dripping as I could see later on my t shirt and my undies all red when I went for a shower.

 He did not talk to me after that neither did I have the courage to face him. He had attacked my hair which I considered as an asset, attacking my confidence. I was broken….

)))))))))))))))))))))))) Texas (flashback over)

“Pearly you are in Texas now.” Stacie clicked her finger in front of my eyes.

 “What were you thinking Pearly so deep?” Cairo asked concerned.

 “Missing Dexter a lot. First time after marriage, I am alone on my own.” I lied

I actually liked being on my own after 7 months which felt like years to me.

Months of torture mental and physical too.

 Rest of the ride home I pretended I was very happy with my life. We were a lovey dovey couple and Dexter was awesome. Stacie and Cairo also narrated their parts to me. Stacie was now seeing Deren and Cairo was also proposed by one of her classmates which she is thinking about. She also said that she wishes him to be like Dexter who would propose her like Dexter did one day. This brought tears to my eyes. When they asked me the reasons, I said dismissively that I was worried about my mother. They bought it quite easily. I was easily doing the lying part, not being caught by best friends. I think I’ll get better with time.

 I burst into sobs when I met my mom.  She looked so pale and now had dark circles around her eyes.

We were so close to each other and missed other so much. Now I could hardly talk to her on phone too, Dexter won’t let me talk. He’s told them that I work with him and am busy all the while so I could talk to my parents once in a week only after constant begging and even getting spanked once or twice by him. And this health issues of my mom, I badly wanted to see her when I got to know about her treatment as it accidentally slipped from my dad’s mouth when they were at the doctor.

“You looking pale, not eating well?” my mom asked typical motherhood.

 ))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))){Florida}flash back

After having a brutal and painful $ex, it was the first time that Dexter still stayed in bed with me otherwise he would simply leave for a drink session or his official work at the study room. My stomach was growling. I hadn’t had anything since morning as he had left for some work and I was not allowed to access kitchen or any other facility on my own. “I am hungry. Can I get something to eat?” I asked.

 He was still high. I’ll feed you something different tonight.

 He undressed his only boxers he was wearing last night. I was nude with him and he forced his shaft into my mouth. He repeated having me gulp his outcome. This was my first and did not how to do it and I felt bad and nauseated. I threw up soiling the bedsheet and floor.

 He was so frustrated he gave a big smack on my face which left his finger prints and made me starve for the whole day. He repeated it very often. I had now lost my appetite. Since I normally got very little to eat, Dexter would eat a lot not caring if anything was left for me or not. Now my metabolism was adapted to less eating stuff.

)))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))Texas (flashback over).

 “Oh my weight. I gained so much after the wedding, parties ,dinners and all that I was grown into a teddybear so I am on a diet lately.” I lied again giving a fake broad smile.

 “You are so pretty a couple of extras would only add to your beauty. You need not diet.” My mom said moving her frail hands on my head like her small baby. I missed this part of my life.

 “You look weak too. You should take care of yourself. You know me and dad need you. Right” I could no longer hold the tears dwelling in my eyes and hugged my mom.

 “Drama queens” Stacie shouted. “Your mom is being treated she’s gonna be fine in just couple of weeks. Don’t give her stress. That won’t let the medicines do their job.”

 “Right ma'am” I saluted Stacie getting into my made up mood back.

 “Lets go now, got a submission today.” Cairo called Stacie as they left hugging me one last time.

 I made a mental note to myself, no stress to my mom.

 Right then I made a responsibility to nurse my mom till I was there in Texas. Exams were no longer a priority for me. As it is Dexter was going to lock me in that mansion of his so a degree or not won’t make a difference. I however was in touch with the studies as I had carried my books along and being at home for the entire day and not being able to sleep as Dexter had inappropriate time of returning home and if he sees me asleep when he is back home, he gets angry like hell and unbuckles his belt of the jeans to give me a stroke of lifetime. So I stayed awake most of the day and nights too because he was a late night workaholic. Only time I would sleep was after he was physically satisfied with me with a session of his ruthless $ex with me. The pain and soreness would take hours to subside and then drift me to sleep.

I cooked hot vegetable clear soup for my mom and fed her with my own hands. But see a mother; she did not eat till she was assured that there was another bowl left for me in the kitchen.

 I unpacked the luggage. I did call up Dexter as instructed by him otherwise he said he would talk to my dad with things they won’t want to hear. He however did not know that his word was my command. I would do anything he wants me to do only if helps him with his pain. Something is hurting him deep inside which makes him take out at me. May be one day he’ll come out of it. I’ll wait for the day.

I took care of my mom, her meals her medicines and appointments with the doctors. She did not let me miss my college though as she said last few days before exams would help me with my revision. I still skipped them going to the library, sorting the books and helping Alfred. Though he had another assistant working with him but he liked my management skills. I also did study there. The practical thing was also worked upon well as I had already taken consent from the principal. I did it all at the library. I actually avoided going to the classroom, not having courage to face Joshan who I feared would read my face and gauge the sufferings of my life. I can never make up in front of him.

It was Friday. I finished with dinner, had a nice chat with my father convincing that Dexter was a gem of a person and I was glad that I took him as my husband. He was always proud of Dexter and liked him. He shared how difficult his work was getting without mom’s help but he was managing and wanted mom to be perfectly healthy soon.

He was tired so I excused him and went to my room. I had lost my sleep too. I was lying awake in my room calling Dexter for the last time in the day promising that I won’t cheat up on him and make this up to him once I am back.

Text

 Stacie: a night out for the weekend?

 Cairo: I’d love too. Like haven’t met since ages. Time for fun

))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))){Florida} flashback

 “Please Dexter, just one time.” I pleaded

“I said no” he was adamant.

 “Sam is been constantly calling.” I asked trying to convince.

 “Don’t take her calls. Isn’t it simpler?” Dexter said calmly encouraging me to try again

“Dexter we all are a group and she is my cousin too. How can I ….’

 And a tight slap hit my face making the left side of my cheek numb with slashing pain.

 “You don’t try.” He spoke with his eyes red with anger. He was so raged that I got scared. Never had I been hit by anyone and this violence at home was breaking my individuality day by day. I was so scared to talk to people that I started avoiding them.

 Last week when he was forced by his clients to bring me to the party, he introduced me to one of his peers who was very hot and sexy looking. He shook hands with me and he was keen to befriend me in a casual way so he stuck to the handshake leaving it for some extra time.

 Dexter got so jealous that he pulled me by my waist and smooched me full on in front of the entire party. Later when we reached home, he was back to his new self. He lighted a cigarette. He always kept one with him but never did he smoke in front of me. This was the first time. He did not smoke a proper one this time too. He took a puff and came to me, extinguishing it on my hand where that handsome guy had left his hand for unwanted long time. I took the pain not even flinching. I did not squeal or whimper but what I couldn’t control was the drops of tears falling down my cheeks, not bothering to wipe them. I folded my knees and hid my face behind them sitting on the corner of the room where the bed meets the side table attached to the wall. It was my only comfy place where I would hide myself after any such domestic violence. Many times do I feel like walking away, quitting my commitment but the vows I had taken would get so alive in my mind echoing over and over, “for better or worse I take you as my husband.”

 )))))))))))))))))))).Texas (flashback over)

 Deep in my heart I was still waiting for the Dexter who had proposed me, who was so romantic, so caring and so loving. I wonder what is buried deep in his heart that is bothering him. No where any chance that he knew about me and Joshan as the only person who knew about it was me, my and myself and I am gonna take it to the grave. Out of all the twist and turns of my life; deep down in my heart I still am waiting for my husband Dexter.

 I replied to the text keeping in mind that Dexter would not appreciate of this night out

 Me: sorry girls. Gotta lot to catch up with the studies. Can’t afford.

 Stacie: Spoil sport

 Cairo: no worries will catch up after exams.

I had to submit one of my projects to the teacher so I need to go to the classroom to hand it over to the teacher personally. I was pacing to and fro in the library with my file in my hand and the project on the desk of Alfred who is staring at me and the project alternatively getting disturbed but not reacting.

 I was so scared to face Alfred’s anger too. Fear had become my companion nowadays as my next upmost fear was to face Joshan and I did not want to meet him. He did call me once but I rejected his call as if my voice would open the secrets of my ragged marriage that I did not want to disclose to anybody.

 Alfred now stood up from his desk and I flinched of his outpour so I quickly grabbed the model in haste and walked towards the classroom.

 I was returning back after 7 months and almost been a week that I am here, today I am going to the class rooms for the first time. I felt knots in my stomach. There are going to be loads of people around. Also I was scared to meet Joshan. Was I mentally ready to meet him with a facade of lies?

 I walked through the corridors and a few feet from where my class was I saw a beautiful girl kissing a guy with passion. But she squirmed after a short while.

 My heart fell to its boots when I discovered that the guy being passionately kissed was the same masculine physique, great height, broad shouldered and a squared face sculpted to throb the million. His deep brown eyes were looking a shade darker than earlier and his perfect nose didn’t smirk as usual when he got a kiss. He did push his curly brown hair which now were a little longer than earlier and looked right at me straight with the hook of his perfect nose as his eyes caught me into vision.

Joshan….

 He was Joshan being kissed by Sandra; part of me felt jealous wherein the other part was happy to know that he stuck to his promise and is still with the girl he loves.

 I was in a fix now. I couldn’t avoid him. He was right in front of me. A part of me wanted to bump into him and hug him and stay with him. Other half was scared to go up to him what if he catches my secret? He can read me very easily. ‘come on Pearly the made up smile. You can do it’ I encouraged myself.

 I took a step and with my best pretended broad smile I said “Hi”

 “Who me? Do I know you?” he looked here and there confused.

 Do I need to say My heart shattered into million pieces once again........