Chapter 34

It is only sometimes when your brain overpowers to what your heart wants to do!!!!

I did press the Send button, not listening to my heart and hid behind the window to check if he misses to see the message and bumps into my room. I mean I need to be prepared for it. My heart was aching for the kiss again, how desperately my lips were waiting to meet his like the unlike poles of a magnet trying to meet each other. I kept on touching my lips again since last night still having the feel of his hot lips on mine.

He walked to my door and stretched his hand to the doorbell. He suddenly stopped, pulling his mobile phone from his back pocket and read the text; it is supposed to be the same one which my traitor thumb pressed the Send button for.

 I was glad to at least be able to look at him. Rightly said Love is crazy, ‘blind’ I did understood last night because it did not see that it is falling to an invincible hottest lad of the town. I mean there are thousands of boys in this town, not thousands but millions and whom do I have to fall for? 'My Best Friend'. Blind love. Sarcastic na! And how much did it hurt to see him walking back in his car and pedaling off in a swoosh!!!

I felt warm water dripping on my cheeks. They were tears. 'Get used to it Pearly' I told myself.

 I let cold water pass my body as I took a chill shower. I had to come out of my lovesick mode. I have to live like normal Pearly. Is it ever possible? But I have to.

I had commitments for the library so I better rush up for the forthcoming day and ‘All the Best’. Try and succeed to avoid Joshan as much as you can.

Crazy this love thing is. I have started talking to myself so much that I feel I am spacing out.

I reached my college just in time for the lecture. I did see Joshan talking to Deren on the entrance but I rushed towards my class. I sat in an already occupied chair which only two could share, in case Joshan shows up then he cannot sit besides me.

He did come to the class too but seeing me in the class, he gave an upset look and went away a little sad. Damm I hate his sad face. This is the most ridiculous character of Love. The one whom you love can hurt you or upset you anytime but you cannot even see a glint of sadness in his eyes. So much did it hurt me to see him getting upset because of me? Deep down in my heart I am aware that he too is struggling and missing me. Missing me as a friend* yeah asterix added.

I feel so sorry for him. But I still feel ignoring him will help as I can regain myself being his friend again and may be I realize this all is a timely lust and would vanish away soon. I wish it was. I know that I can never admit that I am in love with my best friend. It is going to be much more difficult for me.

I finished my classes and headed towards the library to resume my work. One thing was good that there so much work pending that I couldn’t think about anything else but finishing it. I did skip my lunch because there was no chance that I wouldn’t see Joshan there and ignoring him there would do nothing but create further complications.

 I am carrying my apple since two days and have unfortunately been successful in ignoring Joshan these three days. Unfortunate because I wanted to see him. I missed his smile, his company and the way he looks at me in whichever way it is as a friend or a best friend or a helper or a simple companion, the way he would play with my hair.

”Urgggghhhhhh!  stop this chick flick thing”. I cautioned myself.

I was working with the books returned to check and sort them when a chit of paper fell on me. I lifted my head to see a pair of sparkling brown eyes looking at me.

“Come with me” he ushered.

“Joshan I am busy. Pending work” I said very slowly indicating the pile of books kept in front of me.

“Stop your tantrums Pearly. I know you are ignoring me” He spoke it loud this time earning glares from Alfred and other readers occupied there.

“Please go. I will meet you tomorrow.” I pleaded him in a very low voice.

He shrugged and went out of the library.

I received a text seconds later from Joshan.

Texts

Joshan: I can create a scene and force you out of this place but I request you to come on your own. ONLY if you trust me.

Me: I am coming.

I did send a reply. I did not know what I did was right or wrong but one thing was sure I do trust him to my dead body and also I did not want to hurt him by behaving cold.

I picked my bag and took my leave for the day. Alfred was not very happy with it but I convinced him to make it up next day.

He was waiting downstairs for me and I joined him. None of us uttered a word. I simply followed him to the nearby park where he motioned me to sit on a stone bench. I did as he signaled, my eyes looking at the ground. I couldn’t look at his face; my hormones were killing my insides as I wanted to attack his lips and get lost into a different world again.

He did not sit besides me instead he bent down putting his palms on my knees.

“Please look at me Pearly.” He said in a husky tone making me look at his beautiful face immediately. He had the power to get anything form me done.

“I am sorry. I am so so sorry. Please forgive me. I promise I would never repeat it again. I know it is awkward for you. It was your first kiss and I ruined it for you. Can you ever forgive me?” he said with his eyes sour due to mixed emotions of guilt and sadness.

It hurt me deep to see his face. God I want him to be happy and see what I have done. I cannot do this to him. Love doesn’t allow me to see him like this.

“Joshan please don’t do this.” I said not knowing where my trail of words was going.

I pulled him to sit besides me.

“It was my mistake too. I should have retorted. So you need not feel sorry.” I tried to comfort him.

“No you are so innocent. Freak’ my player attitude”, he threw a stone with his toes trying to remove his frustration.

“Don’t hurt my b..best friend.” I warned him.

He moved his hand on his head then scratching the hair behind his neck, his trademark style to show his nervousness that I love. I now realize that I love each and everything of his, his smile, his smirk, his gestures, his…

“Pearly I am so glad you forgave me.” He sighed in relief bringing me back from my reverie. I think love sends you in your own world every now and then.

“I was never upset with you. I told you. So please come out of it.” I said trying to be casual.

“And I thought that I lost your trust. I broke your trust. What all shit my mind was thinking? Wait wait!......Then why were you ignoring me?” he asked very innocently.

‘what do I reply now’ I asked myself ‘think Pearly think’

“What’s wrong with you?” he asked shaking me out of my spacing out again.

“No no.. I am okay. It was like I did not know how to react and things were like…. I was nervous because of the dance thing.  I wish I could explain” I said whatever I could to hide my truth, my love and my emotions.

“So tomorrow at 9 I’ll pick you for the orphanage.” He stated now relaxed. I loved his relaxed muscles too. I think he’ll convert me into a perv.

“WHAT?!!!! I TOLD YOU TO GET IT DONE RIGHT AWAY” I yelled spoke to him.

‘No you never told. You texted me” Joshan answered his tone cool like a cucumber and teased me now, “Payback” for ignoring me.

“But Joshan this was urgent” I said softly and convincingly.

“You are wrong here. This was our dream and we would do it together. A small mistake cannot force take our dream from US” he said explaining like a lecturer.

“But Joshan…………………………………..That mistake. It was not a silly stupid mistake. No that was a kiss damm freaking kiss. That was nevertheless a mistake. That was love and I enjoyed every bit of it. I felt it. I feel love for you. I love you.” I wanted to say it loud but words were trapped in my mouth. I couldn’t utter an ell of it. I cannot. I better be content with his friendship than his rejection.

 I hope this was not a mistake.

“Back to earth Pearly” Joshan sniffed.

“Sorry” I flushed and walked back to the college. I was silent all the way; neither did Joshan made an attempt to break it. I was glad that we were back to same friendly terms again, at least he was.

 He reached my door at 9 and I stepped into the passenger seat of his Audi.

“Hi” I greeted him, my heart beating wildly with his killer looks as his designer blue shirt and ragged jeans made him look hotter than ever. I tried not to stare too badly as I felt like pouncing on him and telling him how much I loved him but did not have the courage to do so.

The ride was quite silent with Taylor swift numbers running on his deck, I was savoring the lyrics of his songs as I was in the same cliché thing. How obnoxious of me.

 M/s Rachel was more than pleased to take the cheque and offered me to join her to shoppe for the fabric for the curtains. She also asked us to visit the children as they were very fond of Joshan and his humorous tricks that he would play with them.

We headed back in couple of hours as I had lot of pending work at the library. I thought of skipping classes and finishing it off.

Joshan turned off the deck and was shifting restless in his seat. I hadn’t spoken much to him till now.

“I am leaving tomorrow.” Joshan said.

“Where?” I asked trying to keep my expressions flat how much I was going to miss him and long to see him.

“Louisiana. My dad’s work.” He said.

‘Oh okay. Good we went to Santa Monica today.” I commented, keeping aside the pain I’ll have not seeing him.

“I will be back in around 4 days.” He added.

“Cool” I said.

“Pearly…”

“Say it Joshan.”

“I am in love.” With those words traveling from his mouth to reaching my ears, my whole universe had changed. Those were the most beautiful words I had ever heard in my life. The sun, the moon and the stars were smiling down at me. I really had done something great in my last life that I am blessed with those words. I was doing a small happy dance inside and a broad smile was about to reach my astonished face which was a gaped with his sudden confession.

“Sandra from the New year’s batch” he blurted and I was muted so he continued “Sandra Michell from Bio chemistry. You remember” his next words hit me like a stone on my head making me semiconscious.

“From the day one I saw her, I felt something towards her…………..