I was too often on the other end of a goodbye-call, shed tears and prayed to any deity that may be listening that they wouldn't do it.

Too often to ever call someone when I met that breaking point.

The countless times I tried to tell someone its worth living are unbelievable

Too many  to believe in them when someone tries to tell me the same bullshit.

I know they are all lies coming from my lips. 

At least they are for me

'Keep fighting'

'Its worth it'

'Don't give up'

All of then sound like empty promises to me and still I will always tell you the same

In hope you might think differently about them

In an attempt to make myself believe them

I will have my phone by my side every second of the day, even at night, so I will never miss one of these calls even though my breath gets stuck in my throat and my palms get sweaty when that buzzing sound wakes me