iv // Lost in Approvals

Talking to Ylva didn't go as terrible as she had thought it would go. Mostly because Ylva was smiling the whole time Dolores was talking. She didn't know if Ylva was being passive-aggressive on the inside or if she was genuinely happy, but Dolores wasn't about to comment on it any time soon.

So she explained the whole issue once again, like she had explained it to Bridget, leaving details that weren't important to Ylva (like when Kieran told her about diving into things instead of thinking too much of it and when he told her she was smart and a bunch of other compliments).

She waited while Ylva was thinking through things—already thinking the worst of the situation and how she'd react.

"Do you want to go?" was the first thing Ylva said after she had let her silence persist long enough.

Dolores sighed, running her hand through her hair. "I don't know."

Which was obviously the truth. She didn't know. Her mind had been blank whenever she asked herself the very same question. Of course, a little part of her wanted to, but it just didn't feel right.

"Look, Dolores, I love you and I forever will. Do what makes you happy."

Dolores narrowed her eyes at what she had heard. She wanted to shake Ylva, ask if she was alright, make her see that Dolores wanted to go to Paris. Though, she didn't do any of it there and then, she did wonder what was up with her.

"What?"

"I'm serious," Ylva sighed. "You seemed really hopeful when you told me about Kieran."

Was it so easy? It couldn't be. She thought Ylva would disagree—tell her that it would be a huge mistake on her part for ruining something they had planned forever. It had always been the plan: to travel somewhere together. She just didn't know it would be so quick and right after graduation.

"I'm not a person to just ditch her friend like that," she interjected quickly.

Ylva shook her head quickly. "Trust me, I know you're not. But look, you wouldn't have come to me with it if you didn't at least consider it, right? I know you," she laughed. "You're sweet and kind, but like, I think you should do what you want. I don't want you to be on our trip thinking of what would have happened if you said yes to this guy."

Dolores was convinced something was going on with her best friend. "But it has always been our plan."

She felt terrible. What else could she feel when she had just torn their plan apart with a sharp knife?

"Don't mistake me," Ylva chuckled, somewhat bitter. "I'm disappointed. But I also know that we've been friends for far too long to let a boy get between us. We'll get more of these trips, I know it."

"What do you think I should do?"

"Babe, if a gorgeous boy with a great personality asked me to join him to London with no strings attached, I'd take it."

Even after her friend's reassurance, she felt awful. What kind of person was she, anyway? A terrible one, that's the right answer. According to the Buzzfeed quiz she took yesterday, she was a good person who everyone loved. She hated these kinds of tests because they were wrong and she was a rotten person who took everything she had for granted.

In this situation, it was her best friend she took for granted.

Or well, she didn't take Ylva for granted, per se, she just threw her to the side like a chew toy, and decided to ditch her like the vile dog Dolores felt she was. Dolores had no idea as to why she was comparing herself to a dog, but she might as well be one.

"I want to slap myself."

Ylva rolled her eyes. "Stop feeling sorry for yourself. You've made a decision, so it doesn't matter what you feel anymore."

She was right. It was she who had to endure this, not Dolores.

"What are you going to do, then?"

She shrugged. "I'm still going to Paris whether you're joining me or not. Maybe meet some hot French guys and drink martinis. I think Vanessa Jamison said something about travelling there too. Maybe I'll hang with her."

Dolores nodded.

"Are we really going to do this?"

Ylva smiled. "Yes, we are. Next time, we're travelling to Mexico, ok?"

"That's a deal."

"Great!"

With that, they both knew the conversation regarding London/Paris was over and Dolores didn't mind it a bit. Mostly because she felt bad just thinking about it, but she had promised herself to not feel bad about herself when it wasn't even in her place to feel so.

"So, we're really going to university this fall, aren't we?" Ylva said, falling down on her bed while staring emotionless at the ceiling.

"Trust me, it's a topic I've suppressed as far down as I can."

She hadn't thought of it before, but she felt like most of the reason behind why she had suppressed it was because she hated change. Despite the "don't think, Dolores. Act" mantra, she still didn't feel completely on-board with it.

Did it make sense that she never imagined she'd get this far?

"We're both going to amazing schools," Ylva commented. "You to Stanford. Me to MIT. Shouldn't we be over the moon?"

"We should," Dolores replied.

Sometimes, she felt like she was too self-centered that she didn't know that somebody else felt the same way. She had no idea that Ylva also felt like she did about change.

She was self-centered, definitely.

"Then why does it feel like I want to run the opposite way?"

There was a reason why they were friends; even though they were different in so many aspects, they were still the same. Different versions of the same person.

"I don't know," she said, leaning down on the bed beside her friend. "Maybe because we both like the way things are."

She could hear Ylva laugh. "Dolores, we both know that's not completely true and that you want more." Something that isn't being my shadow. The sentence was never uttered, though Dolores could feel it.

She wasn't wrong and the fact that Ylva knew her so well made her sigh. She didn't want to be who she was. She wanted something different—she wanted to be someone different. Still herself, but different. Did that make sense?

"Yeah. And you want something that's the same."

"Exactly."

Dolores wondered why things had to feel so complicated. Why did Nathan Crosley cheat on her? Why did Kieran Blayney ask her to come with him to the other side of the planet? Why did Ylva encourage her to go with him? Why does things have to change?

Change was complicated.

"We could run away," Ylva offered.

Dolores couldn't help but laugh. "That would be a nice adventure."

"Yeah, it would."

Both knew they couldn't do that, though. Everyone had to follow a certain pattern, so who did they think they were to break it?

Dolores hated herself—or rather what she was about to do. Not literally, she just disliked it very, very much. She figured saying yes to Kieran wasn't a bad idea anymore. But at the same time, wasn't hating herself for it a sign that she disliked it?

So she picked up her phone from her table and decided to dial the person who had been putting her brain through an awful spin for the last two days.

He had given her his phone number that day at the café, telling her to dial it if she ever changed her mind (to which she had replied, "You wish"). She genuinely thought that she would never dial it, though. So now that she was, she could only laugh at the irony.

Kieran Blayney picked up the phone on the second ring. "Hello?"

"Um, hey. It's Dolores Reyes."

She could hear him chuckle on the other end of the receiver. "Changed your mind?"

Dolores closed her eyes, cringing. "I thought I had because that was what I was going to call you for, but no. I can't say yes to you."

She could hear Kieran whistle lowly. "It could have been a fun adventure, Dolly."

Dolores had to sharpen her ears, wondering if she had heard correct.

"Did you just call me Dolly?"

"Is it terrible?" He laughed.

Dolores shook her head, but then had to remind herself that he couldn't see her.

"No, it's not like that," she interjected. "It's just that it's always been Dolores without any nicknames and being called 'Dolly' makes me feel like I can literally be anyone I want to."

She could hear shuffling on the other end of the line. "You can be Dolly in London, if you want to."

Dolores was silent. Did it sound too bad to be someone else? The idea seemed nice. She could be whoever she wanted to be in London. Not the same old Dolores Reyes who was in the shadow of her best friend, but Dolly, the girl who knew what she was doing. Truth was, she didn't hate it. Hated the name maybe, but not the idea that it symbolized. And no matter how hideous the nickname was, she couldn't say that she didn't like it. Because she did.

"On one condition, though."

"Sure."

"You don't get to call me that atrocious name when no one's listening."

Kieran laughed. "It was in the heat of the moment thing."

"In the heat of the moment thing to call me Dolly? I feel like you called me that after Daisy Duck, or well, Dolly in Norwegian. Spoiler: I read a lot of Donald Duck comics."

She remembered when she showed Ylva her comic collection and her best friend had commented, "oh yeah. Dolly Duck."

She could hear him taking a moment to reply, so she wondered if she had said something stupid.

"Hey, you wanna meet up later? It's three pm, and I don't have anything to do."

She felt giddy and butterflies were everywhere. "Sure. Give me the time and place and I'll be there."

They had talked about the trip to London before meeting up. He had given her a date and time, and offered to buy the ticket for her so that it wouldn't be much of a deal later on. She had quickly denied, "The hell? You're not paying anything."

To which he had laughingly replied with, "Calm down. My family might be rich, but I'm broke. You can pay me later."

She had calmed down at that and apologized for cursing.

After that, they decided to meet up at the front of the mall. She took Pa's hideous Opel Zafira (he had offered to drive her, but she had declined kindly, grateful for the offer), and took off to the local mall.

She had just parked and was on her way when she noticed Kieran on his phone, and smiled. She didn't want to seem too desperate, so she didn't hurry herself like she would normally do. When she got a bit closer, she realized that Kieran seemed anxious about something, as if standing there was difficult for him.

"Hey," she said when she was a meter away from him.

He glanced up from his phone and smiled quickly at the sight of her, all trace of the anxiousness gone. If she didn't know any better, she'd say it was an act.

"I'm glad you could make it."

"Me too." The corners of her mouth turned into a wide smile. "I'm seriously craving pizza."

"They've got a pizza restaurant here, don't they?" He curiously asked. "They were still working on building this mall when I left so I'm not totally sure."

Dolores nodded. "They do."

Kieran nodded, and they started walking in. The loud voices of people talking and low music booming from every store greeted them.

"It's actually not bad," he said, looking around. "Quite modern for Oakridge."

Dolores nodded. "True. It's big."

They must have  walked for at least five minutes until the pizza place was in sight.

Meanwhile, Kieran had said that black coffee might as well be his religion, while Dolores said she hated it and that she preferred Earl Grey tea. He had noted the irony since they were going to London in less than a week.

"What do you want to order?" Kieran asked, staring at the menu where they were seated.

"It's actually whatever."

"Is margarita alright with you? I don't eat meat."

Dolores nodded quickly, not minding a bit. "Of course."

He walked to the counter to order as she brought up her phone to check her Snapchat. She'd gotten a snap from Bridget saying she was tired. She stared at their streak, which said they were at one hundred and twenty six days. It was a big number, but she had six hundred and forty eight with Ylva, which was an extremely longer streak.

When Kieran got back, he had made sure to bring two plates with him as well as two pairs of knives and forks and two Pepsi's. "I wasn't sure if you preferred knife and fork, but I brought them either way. And also, Pepsi."

"Perfect, thanks."

"No problem."

He sat down, smiling.

One thing she had figured out about him was that he liked to smile a lot, and if he didn't smile, he usually had the shadow of a smile traced over his lips. Which was weird, because what she saw in front of the mall before wasn't anything like it.

"So, what do you want to do in London, then?"

"I'm not sure. You're the one that has been living in London for the past two years, aren't you?" She laughed.

"I live in Brighton, not London" He shook his head. "I rarely stay in London for a long time, so I'm just as lost as you are in that aspect."

She nodded. "Ah, I didn't know."

He waved it away. "Everyone thinks I live in London, so don't sweat it. I've heard the London Eye isn't too bad, though."

Dolores nodded. "For sure."

"Tell you what, Reyes," he said, his eyes lighting up as if an actual lightbulb was over his head. "Write a list of stuff we can cover in two weeks."

She stared down at her hands, thinking about it, then up again. "Good idea."

She watched as he played with the pepper and salt shakers, sliding them from side to side, not really paying attention to it while he stared intently at her.

"You don't seem like the type of person to read comics," he noted, not taking his eyes off of her.

Dolores had to laugh. She knew she didn't look like the type to read comics, but her childhood had been filled with them. The comic book shop was less than ten minutes away from school, so it was only convenient that she went there after she had gotten her weekly pocket money from Pa.

"I read all kinds of things. Donald Duck comics, Archie comics, Marvel, DC. You name it. But yeah, mostly a Donald Duck fan."

She didn't miss the funny look on his face as he kept going on with the salt and pepper. She had to admit, though, she never quite knew with him when he gave her these types of looks. He seemed like an open book with nothing to lose, but at the same time he was closed off as if he had everything to lose.

"What?" It wasn't meant in a rude way, but in a curious one.

"It's just . . . You think you've got someone figured out, yet they keep surprising you." Dolores wanted him to elaborate. "I don't mean it in the wrong way, but I thought you were the kind of person to just look too much into things and plan them, so that things on the side—the fun stuff—gets lost."

Dolores had to laugh of his first impression of her, but wondered if the reason for why he agreed with his grandmother about inviting her was because of that first impression. "Everyone has more layers than they let on. Almost like onions. For what it's worth, I thought you were obnoxious and talkative. Not to mention philosophical as hell."

"Shrek, I love it. And?"

She didn't understand what he meant. "And?

"Am I obnoxious and talkative?" He waited patiently for an answer. "And philosophical as hell?"

"Depends. Not obnoxious, just a bit talkative when you have something to say. Maybe not philosophical, but you know some stuff."

Kieran looked humored at her and leaned back on his seat. "I know some stuff," he repeated, tilting his head. "I kind of like that."

She laughed. "You know what I mean."

The corners of his mouth curved into a small smile and he nodded.

Kieran was a witty person, and she liked that about him. He didn't take things too seriously because he was always up for a good laugh. Which was stupid on her side because she took a lot of things serious. Not to the extent that it would become annoying, though.

Before going out earlier, she had panicked. It had dawned on her that her parents couldn't know about the new route she had chosen. If they did, they would boycott it faster than she could say "England." She was eighteen, a responsible adult who could make decisions for herself, but that wouldn't stop them. They were barely up for Paris with Ylva, so London with a stranger—especially a boy?

Oh, please.

It didn't take long before the margarita pizza was on the table and they devoured it.

"God, I love food," Dolores moaned. When realizing what kind of sound had come out of her mouth (Kieran had noticed too), she laughed at how stupid she might have sounded.

"Food is a gift," Kieran replied, although not as enthusiastically as her. Mainly because he was focused on his own slice.

She let it be like that, and they ate in silence. She appreciated it because it was such a rare thing to experience in her own home. At least there was one huge thing coming out of this.

"I have to admit," Dolores spoke up when they were finished. "I'm terrified of this. Don't you think it's weird that you asked me to come with you like that? I could be a murderer or something."

His shrugged. "Not really. Stranger things has happened, so we're good. Besides, you've got nothing to fear, right?"

She paused, thinking through it. She had a lot to fear. Her parents for instance. She had to tuck her long hair behind her air. "I do. My parents have no idea."

Kieran scrunched his face. She could see he was thinking over her confession. "You're eighteen, right?"

She nodded once.

"Then I don't see the problem."

"I guess," she shrugged.

She didn't bother making more out of it, because that would mean she had to explain that her parents aren't like his. They don't let her travel wherever just like that. She had to work for it, in a way. Everything she had done academically had led to this, and she was jeopardizing it.

Maybe she should change her mind. It wasn't hard, right? Sure, Kieran would be disappointed, but he would surely understand, wouldn't he?

What if Ylva was right, though? She would be constantly having half her heart in it, because she would be too busy thinking of the what if's.

She sighed, and decided to just let it be. Nothing good came from overthinking, anyway.

Hiiii i am the WORST, I'm sorry! This was actually a stock chapter and I forgot I hadn't uploaded it yet!! Anyway, here you go. If you've forgotten everything, I recommend skimming through previous chapters! There's only three of them up yet, so I don't think it'll be much hassle!

Thank you for sticking with me after all this time. Make sure to give it a vote. feedback is much appreciated! :-)

Do you guys read comics? Also, if you do, tell me which ones!! I LOVE reading Donald Duck comics, I've got an entire collection in my room!