I stayed up all night.

Mind racing,

tears staining my cheeks,

and body shivering from an abiding coldness.

They didn't believe me.

My own parents

didn't believe me.

It was already five o'clock.

I was exhausted,

but I couldn't manage to fall asleep.

My parents would be awake any second now.

My mouth was dry,

and it was hard the swallow the orange juice

I had poured for myself.

Minutes passed.

I could hear them getting ready.

Water droplets fell from the side of my glass,

cooling my hands.

The sound of their keys jingling sparked my nerves.

They were coming down the stairs.

I stood up.

Hey mom, dad.

They froze at the sound of my voice.

My dad glanced at me before looking away.

My mom's face was strained

as she tried to keep herself from crying.

Good morning, Sarah.

There was something about her voice

that wasn't so welcoming anymore.

My chest tightened.

They moved around me,

grabbing slices of Italian bread

and trying to ignore the elephant in the room.

Aren't you guys going to say something?

I broke.

They stopped moving;

the silence was deafening.

We just need time to think about it.

My mom replied.

Anger

and sadness

and pain erupted in my stomach.

Time?

Mom, I'm still me.

I'm not some other-

She cut me off.

You stopped being you

the moment you told us you were gay.

My eyes burned with tears as I stared at her.

Mom, you don't mean that.

She looked at me desperately.

Just like you didn't mean you were gay.

The bitter taste of blood exploded on my tongue

as my teeth bit into the flesh of my lips.

But I am, mom.

My voice broke as tears threatened to escape my eyes.

She shook her head,

pain evident in her stance.

No grandchildren.

No nothing.

She spoke softly before turning away from me.

Listen, Sarah.

My dad spoke up now.

We don't have time for this.

This is a lot for us to take in.

When I looked into his eyes,

I thought that I was looking into the eyes

of a stranger.

They were so cold and empty,

and then suddenly,

they were gone.

My hands began to shake.

Okay.

I said softly.

And just as the word left my lips,

the door slammed shut behind them

shattering another piece of me, too.

~Sarah