Tracy's POV

I feel a sense of deja vu the minute i start to regain consciousness. The beeping of machines, smell of antiseptic and the cold air surrounding me reminds me i was here a few days ago. Why am i back? What's happening? I pry my eyes open but have to close them back just as quick when the bright light attacks my sensitive eyes. I do it more slowly this time allowing them to adjust to the light. When i can finally see without wincing  i notice my mom sleeping on the couch next to the wall of the hospital room.

I call out to her but my voice comes out all rough and scratchy, thankfully its enough to wake her from her slumber.

"Oh my baby your awake. How are you feeling? You want anything. Here have some water." she rants giving me a glass of water that was by my bed. I accept it and it cools my burning scratchy throat.

"Mom what happened?" i ask trying to put bits and pieces of what happened together.

My mom just stares at me eyes shining with unshed tears. She opens her mouth as if to say something but then seals her lips again. All i want to know is whats going on but by the deer caught in headlights look on her face i see i ain't gonna get anything from my mother in this state.

"Mom please your scaring me, what going on?" i ask her tears brimming my eyelids.

She still doesn't talk and keeps looking at me as if the world came to an end. I grab my head between my hands and i think maybe if i squeeze it hard enough everything will come back to me. My mom notices what am doing and takes my hands in hers to prevent me from harming myself anymore. I look at our hands and that's when i notice the infinity bracelet on my wrist. Christian and i got them online during one of the days we were baby sitting Cia. Christian didn't want to wear his because according to him it took away a piece of his manhood but i talked him into it. Oh My God. Christian! Race! Accident!

"Mom where is Christian? I need to see Christian! Is he okay? What happened? Moooom!!!!!!" i started to become frantic.

"Baby calm down." my mom told me trying to hold me down.

"Don't tell me to calm down. Where is Christian mom? Why won't you say anything?" i shout at her.

"Because baby i don't know anything. He's still under surgery and the doctors don't know if he'll make it. He was banged up pretty bad." she finally explains but i wish she hadn't.

I feel as if the whole world has stopped and everything goes quiet. I can hear my heart beating fast against my chest and an annoying ring in my ears. My eyes become blurry with tears and my whole body is now shaking fervently. Christian. Christian. Christian. My baby got hurt. He looked so good out there on the track doing what we both loved and then everything went to shit.

I could loose him, the most important person to me, the beat to my heart and my reason for getting up each morning. I knew that if i lost him i  would die too. You need to stop thinking that Tracy. Nothing is gonna happen to him so woman up and go see your mom.

When i became aware of my surroundings again i was surrounded by both my parents, my best friend, a doctor and a nurse.

" Miss. Steele welcome back to the land of the living. You gave us all a scare back there." the doctor said as he started checking my vitals. Apparently i had gone into shock as soon as i had realized what happened.

I let him make sure i was okay and as soon as he and the nurse left i turned to my family.

"Where is he? I want to see him." i said in a deathly calm voice.

"Darling he is still in surgery. You can't see him at this time." my dad says softly.

I look up at him and see how worried he looks but am dying inside and he must know that.

"Dad, mom, i don't care if you have to buy the fucking hospital but i want to see Christian right now." i demand in a cold voice even i feel the shivers down my back.

I can see the shocked faces on everyone's faces and if it were another situation am sure id feel really guilty but i cant bring myself to feel remotely bad for demanding to see the love of my life. My parents share a look before the both kiss my forehead and leave the room together. I know they'll make it possible for me to see him no matter what. I could see it was killing them to see me like this and i wish the situation was different but they didn't know i was dying slowly each minute i was away from him.

"Damn girl I didn't know you had a Dracula in you somewhere." Scola says and amidst all the sadness i actually manage a chuckle.

That is why this girl is my best friend. She sits on the edge of my bed and pulls me into a hug.

"What if i never get to see his eyes again or kiss him again or hug him again. What if...?" the rest of my statement if muffled due to my crying.

Scola rubs my back and holds me tighter. "I don't think Christian has got it in him to leave the best thing that has ever happened to him behind."

We pull apart and i look at her through my teary eyes"You think so? "

" I know so. So stop crying because you crying makes me wanna cry and i have to be strong for Jesse. He is in pretty bad shape." she explains.

"Oh my.. I'm so selfish. I didn't think of anybody else but myself. How is everyone else doing?" i ask sobering up.

"Well Jesse looks so terrible right now but he's hanging in there. I swear Trace I've never seen him look so broken before. Then there is his mom who hasn't stopped crying and his dad is trying to be strong for his whole family but you can see its also taking a toll on him. Leticia doesn't know what's going and is at a friend house." she explains and i nod.

Christian is loved by everyone and am sure am not the only one who is suffering. Now i feel bad about being such a drama queen about this whole situation. Almost.

"How long have i been out?" i ask her.

"Well including the little episode you just had, a little over twenty four hours." she replies.

"You mean Christian has been in surgery for that long?" i ask shocked.

"Well yes and don't freak out but there is a lot you don't know." she says and i get scared.

"I know its bad Scola so just tell me." i demand harshly. "Sorry please am really trying here."

She looks at me sympathetically and nods her head"I know girl i know. So Christian shattered almost every bone in his body do they literally have to reconstruct his whole body all over again. Am not sure about this but i heard the doctor talking with his parents about his spine or something." she explains.

A strangled bounce escapes me and Scola notices what's going on and makes me put my head between my legs to prevent an on coming panic attack. Spine means motor function. Christian may never ever be able to move again at all. This just got so much more real for me.

"What happened?" my mom asks coming back into the room.

"I may have told her the details of Christian's condition." Scola admits with a scared voice.

"Oh dear. Baby we managed to pull some strings and though its not what you expected you can see him now." my mom says softly and i look up immediately.

I feel a little dizzy due to getting up so fast but i steady myself before i get up from the bed. I cant walk around with an IV attached to me so i pull it out and everyone in the room looks at me shocked. Acting quickly my mom grabs a band aid and covers the little hole poked into my skin before blood starts gushing everywhere.

Before i leave the room with everyone my dad pulls me into his embrace and holds me tight. I let him do his thing because he needs it and in some way i need it too. He pulls away after a few moments and puts his hands on my face making me look up at him.

" Darling i know your going through a lot right now but remember we are all here for you and you don't have to go through it alone." he asserts.

"I know dad thank you." i reply honestly.

"Now let's go see that boy of yours." my dad says with a smile and i smile at him too though mine is a little bit forced.

We all get into the elevator and i lean into my dad for support. I don't pay much attention to where we are going but after a few twists and turns my dad opens a door and leads me into an all glass room. I look at hum puzzled until be points down and the sight in front of me drives me to my knees. There are so many doctors around him all in surgical wear cutting, probing and there is blood in a lot if places.

I look at his face and if breaks my heart. He is so pale and there is a tube on his mouth. Its so big am afraid its hurting him. There are all sorts of wires going through his body and it upsets me more seeing him like that.

"Baby i need to tell you something before we leave." my mom whispers crouching down to my level.

"Okay." i nod and look at her.

"This viewing room is usually used to access the surgeons during their work by the higher ups. It took a pretty hefty donation to get you in here and its worth it but there is one rule you have to keep. This room is not sound proof so you can't make a sound no matter what happens. Promise me." she pleads.

"I promise mom."

"Okay everything will be okay. Christian is strong and he has a lot to live for so he will fight." she kisses my forehead and gets up leaving the room.

My dad kisses my forehead and follows my mom.

"Be strong girl and i though you'd like to have this." she says handing me on of the many hoodies i stole from Christian.

I take it from her. "Thank you bestie."

"You got it now no more tears. Ill come check in on you soon." she says before hugging me and leaving.

I put on Christians hoody and take a whiff of his intoxicating scent. I place my hand on the glass as if trying to reach him"Fight for me baby please fight. We have so much to achieve together."

I sat there for rest of the surgery looking at what was going on below me. A few times when Christian flat lined and they had to bring him back i almost died together with him. This was the worst day of my life bit i knew if i lost him i would have even worse days. It was hard watching him under all that pain even though he couldn't feel it but i felt like i was right under surgery with him. I did as i was told and kept silent but one of the surgeons had noticed me and alerted the rest. I guess they put two and two together because they just sent me apologetic gazes and continued with their work.

I was probably numb all over because i hadn't moved since i sat down and this floor was not butt friendly at all. Scola kept bringing me coffee every one hour because she knew i didn't want to fall asleep and i appreciated it. They had to shave Christian's head to stitch him up and i know he wouldn't like that. Christian was like a girl when it came to his looks and he loved his hair and i did too but i knew it would grow back.

After the longest excruciating hours of my life the surgery was over and one of the surgeons asked me to go around and join the family as he delivered the news. I don't think i have ever moved that fast. I joined everyone else who was camped out in a private waiting room. I hugged his parents and Jesse too. No words were needed we just had to be there for each other.

The doctor arrived and you could tell everyone was holding their breath.

"I'll get straight to the point because it has been a long surgery and i know your all tired. Christian was in really bad shape and its miracle he is still alive but he is a fighter. To the bad bits Christian literally broke all his bones so he will be in a full body cast for the next three to four months. He is also coma so we don't know when he will wake up but he is alive and fighting with the help of the life support machine. Now to the heaviest blow. Am sorry to say but Christian will never be able to walk again because his spine was severely severed and its even going to be a bigger miracle is he ever moves anything besides his head from now on. Keep him in your prayers." he gives us the biggest blow and then leaves.

Everyone literally drops to their seats as they come in terms with what we have all heard. At least he is alive i encourage myself as i feel as if my whole world has just been crushed. I can hear the females in the room crying and taking solace in their male counterparts. But what me, my man was in there so who would console. I got up to follow the doctor so i can ask which room Christian was being transferred to.

I knew this was a turning point in my life but i would be strong for the both of us because i couldn't afford to be weak right now. Christian was my forever no matter what and i would always be there for him no matter what.

*****************************
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Love@Lyssah