You made me cry
When you said goodbye
Ain't that a shame?
My tears fell like rain
Ain't that a shame?
You're the one to blame.

Being with her was white and leaving her was black, but it had to be done. John lived in a different universe than Charlotte did, and although he loved slipping out of his crazy, hectic lifestyle and into her cozy, normal one, it wasn't real. What was real was the fact that he was Beatle John Lennon, wedded to Cynthia Powell and father to Julian Lennon, and that always, always lurked in the back of his mind when he was with Charlotte, telling her a bunch of nonsense that wouldn't mean anything much when he left her.

Everyday with her was like a countdown, only she didn't know the clock was ticking, and he was trying to pretend he didn't either. He hid it away the best he could, dismissing any conversations about the future and relishing in the now, but when the clock ticked its final tock, there was no stopping the harsh reality that had to follow.

John broke it off with Charlie the last day of the 1966 American tour, and he told her everything - how he was married and had a child, how it was 'just some silly fun' they were having, and how they couldn't be anymore. Some of the things he said held truth, but most of the words that stumbled out of his mouth that day were only working as a shield for his heart. He was doing as John did that day, fooling himself into thinking this was just another one of his affairs so it'd numb him, and make him immune to the way her cries would make his heart ache. He pretended it didn't faze him, the way she crumbled to the ground when he told her the 'truth' and it really hadn't in that moment. He'd numbed himself just right before setting off to her place, drinking some and smoking a bit of marijuana merely just thirty minutes before he crossed the threshold of her home. He was okay when he left the states but that numb faded, and over and over he repeated a pattern of drugs and alcohol to numb him again. Then, he found Yoko and he thought life was okay, but she'd sent him away too, and he'd begun to started the circle all over again.

When he walked into that restaurant three days ago, he'd been on that pattern for three weeks already. He'd been living with a bunch of men who liked to party, so that's what they did, they partied and drunk themselves into a perfect state of oblivion, and not until he saw the way Charlie's blue orbs flickered in disgust did he think that this pattern wasn't what he wanted. It'd been all in good fun to drink endlessly and take drugs recklessly until Charlie had called him an asshole, and then it didn't seem so fun anymore, so he stopped doing it. He was trying to get himself straight, and this was the third night. He hadn't touched a drink and he'd only took a few hits off a joint and slowly, he was beginning to see what Charlie meant.

In addition to seeing how horrible he was, John also had begun to realize how stupid those around him were acting. They were all being so childish and foolish - even Ringo who'd John never thought would turn out the way he had, and he needed an escape from it. If he wasn't in the state they were, it just wasn't any fun, he found. So, every night for the past three days, to get away, he'd head back to the restaurant. He never went in, just lurked around the place and he stayed around long enough to see Charlie leave. She never saw him because he was always lurking far away when he she came out, but he wanted her to. He needed to apologize for a lot, and he felt if she were to just cast her eyes in his direction it'd motivate him to do it, but she never fucking did. And so he never did either, but he promised himself tonight he'd do it.

Two minutes -- that's how long it'd be until she made her way out of the restaurant, and to a red car parked on the far end of the parking lot. That was if his guesses at what her schedule was like we're correct, and he hoped them to be. If not, it was really just three days wasted.

He played with his cigarette as he waited for her to appear. His eyes fell upon the glowing embers at the end of the white stick, and he grew interested in the way they burned away slowly. For a minute, he just watched the paper burn up in front of him, but he came back down to earth and realized he was wasting a good cigarette, so he placed it back between his twin-flesh & inhaled. His eyes searched elsewhere for other, less wasteful sources of entertainment, but to no avail. It was alright though, she'd be out soon, and that's what keep him going.

Charlie did emerge, but much later than he thought she would - about forty minutes - but when she did, it sent a jolt of electricity throughout him. He'd grown so bored he was about to leave, but something inside of him told him to give her a few more minutes...& then a few more, & then a few more after that, but she'd finally came into view & he knew it was worth all the boredom he'd experienced. John didn't approach her right away; he just stood still against the wall of the building, letting his eyes take her all in.

She was different than when he was involved with her, but not in a bad way. Her features had aged but much better than his own; she looked more like a woman than she did a little girl now. Her hair, which was once a light blonde was now a dark brown & for the first time in his life he preferred it to be that way. It look good around her tanned features. She always tanned well. Something about having Indian blood, he remembered her telling him.

John loved just sitting there watching her but he knew if he didn't approach her fast, he would lose the chance he was waiting for all night. Casually, he pushed himself off the wall with his elbows and strolled over to her car. She was standing there, searching for the keys in her purse when he got close, but she didn't even bother to look up at him. The action, or more appropriately, lack off the action made John feel dejected but he made sure not to show it.

"Charlie," he spoke and that caused for her blue eyes to flicker upwards. They held contact for only about three seconds before she scoffed. She paid him no more attention, and focused completely on getting the keys in the car door but her fingers were a bit shaky and the lighting probably didn't help either. It wasn't pitch dark were they stood, for there was two street lamps illuminating the area, but Charlie's car was in the darkest part of the parking lot & she'd never had 20/20 vision, either. At least from what he remembered, he didn't think she did.

John reached out to touch her but she moved away so quickly that it caused for him to jerk his hand back. He feared that he'd really upset her and perhaps he had, but when she looked up at him her blue hues were unfazed. He gave her a weak smile.

"Won't you speak to me?" Silence. The jiggle of keys. "Charlotte, come on don't be this way with me now." Silence. The jiggle of keys. A quiet 'fuck' whispered under her breath as she missed the keyhole again. She wasn't even paying attention to the thing any more, or she would've gotten the key in. It hurt John to know she was trying that hard to ignore him now. "Charlotte, fuck won't y'-"

He stopped speaking when she looked back at him, anger & annoyance contorting her features. He smiled anyways, because at least she was acknowledging him now. "See, wasn't so 'ard was it?"

"Leave me be."

"It was a long time ago, Char." Wrong move, he knew it as soon as it slipped passed his lips, but he couldn't take it back. She'd already begun to stare at him in bewilderment. "I---I mean...I'm sorry."

"Oh, piss off John. Time doesn't change a fuckin' thing when you were as cruel to me as you were."
That hurt him but he didn't yell back at her for it, or try to take an easy way out because he deserved it. He deserved all the yelling from the woman in front of her. "I'm sorry Charlie. For everything. For lying, & leaving, &--"

"I said piss off." And with that she got the key in the hole. This made John panic a bit, so he did what his mind told him to: He jerked her away from the car gently & closer to him. This was a wrong move too, but he didn't care because it allowed for him to touch her. It did result in her slapping him for it, but it was worth it. The sting on his cheek felt a lot better than the ache his heart experienced whenever he thought about her.

"Y' finally did it. Y' hit me, after all these years of waitin' for it," he chuckled lightly, rubbing the swore spot on his features. Charlie looks less furious with him than before, but anyone could see the resentment was still evident in her eyes. He hated it too, because he just wanted to hold her. "Charlie, I really am sorry, & I've changed since then, y' know? I haven't grown much, but I changed enough t' know that I really cocked it up with y'."

She nodded her head. "Yeah, you did John. I really fucking loved you, but I changed too. I changed enough to know that it was a mistake."

'No it wasn't!' he wanted to scream, but he pushed the urge away, trading it in for another sad half assed smile. "I miss y'," he whispered, like it was a secret or something. He even leaned forward a bit to tell her it.

Charlie looked at him differently for a moment - softer and similar to the way she did during the days in '64, but it seemed to go as quick as it had come. "John, please. I want to go home now and relax."

"Take me with y'!" He suggested, quickly adding, "So we can talk & the lot," when she looked at him like he was mad. Which he was; this was a very mad thing to do, but he needed to do this. He had a lot to tell her.

"No John," Charlie replied simply. She walked over to her car again and opened the door, but didn't get in. "We've said enough, don't you think? We've had our good fun? 'Sides, I know you've got another wife now, John, & a lover too. I'm not your fool anymore."

"Don't go yet." He walked over to her door, holding onto to it so she wouldn't leave him yet. "I never said I wanted t' sleep with y' or anything, luv. I jus' said talk."

"But it's neither been just talking with you. That's the whole reason we're in this mess. You were suppose to just talk to me at that party too, to keep me company, but look where we're at now."

She was right, he wasn't the talking type, not when it came to birds. He didn't understand it, why he was so addicted to them all but he was, and one thing always lead to the next. He always cocked everything up when he started talking to a pretty bird, that's what happened with Cyn and Yoko. Not with Charlie, though. What went wrong with Charlie was that he'd been far too broken and screwed up when he waltzed into her life. Of course, he was still married and in a relationship, which was probably just as bad if not worse than what he'd been stuck with originally. It didn't mean he was willing to give up yet.

John's brown orbs went soft as did his features, prodding her as if to say 'Please, please, please' without even opening his mouth. He did that too, though just for support. "I'll behave Char, jus' let me talk t' you."

Charlie sighed, pushing some loose strands of hair behind her ear as she pondered what to do. John stood there patiently, waiting for her answer.

She shook her head. "No John. I can't--I can't let you hurt me again."

"I won't!" he promised but he knew this was fruitless. She wasn't going to give in. "I'll come back until y' let me talk t' y' properly, Charlie. I'll come inside and wait all day if I 'ave to."

She chuckled. "Well then I guess I'll be seeing a lot more of you then, huh?"

Charlie dropped her gaze from him soon after she let the words fell from her red-stained lips. She didn't look back at him as she got into her car. He moved his hand away, letting a frown etch into his features as she shut the door on him. The car engine started and he watched defeated as she pulled out of the parking lot, and zoomed down the road to whenever we belonged now. It used to be his arms but maybe it was another man's now. Or maybe she still lived alone, with a dog or two, or maybe she had a kid or three. He didn't know, and nothing made him feel worse than that fact.

"'m sorry," John said quietly, staring the road she disappeared onto.

And God, was he ever.

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I finally updated this thing. I promise I'm going to fall through this one, okay. It just takes me a bit to come up with ideas but I think I've got a good idea of what I want this story to be like now. Thank you for reading! Comment, vote, do whatever you please, etc.