Dedicated to @shevvie
Because how do you complete so many great books without losing muse? Like no seriously please hmu with dem secret tips and tricks ty

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It was hectic.

Merlin is being wheeled on a hospital bed with four doctors trying their best to pump his chest just so he could breathe again. His throat is full of coagulated blood that it had began to block his nasal and oral passage, the blood that stained his shirt is now brown and oxidized. Jiminy rushed the pen as it glided away every information the sheet of paper required, cold sweat dripping from his blonde locks as he tried to ignore the situation at hand. His face was still bruised, and Jimmy still found himself licking the metallic flavor of blood off his lips as he cocktailed a believable story for the doctors. Ambulance came before its too late, and despite their assurance that Merlin is going to be okay, it did little to calm Doll down. It's her fault, after all. It's overkill to keep throwing punches when all Merlin did is lie stiff on the ground, encouraging more fists to be hit up against his face.

-----x

Tea is getting cold. The room, too. It's awfully quiet and that in itself is distracting, but not distracting enough for the little girl's mind. Andy felt the warmth from the cup disappear into her cold, bloody fingers as her eyes wander distant. Ale's warm sweater was over her small body, the shy redhead sitting next to her with a thin blanket over his towering height. She shouldn't have hit him, shouldn't have lost control like she did. Maybe Merlin wouldn't be so hurt if she could just hold the anger back, maybe she should just be tied down like a rabid animal or be forced to wear a strait jacket so that she-

"I'll warm the tea again," He spoke after what felt like hours of silence, taking the mug from her hand. She wrapped around them so loosely that it threatens to fall and break at any moment. "You should sleep it off, Doll." He spoke, placing the cup in the microwave for the fourth time. Unhygienic, sure- but she isn't drinking out of it anyway.

Finally, the blonde looked up. "Should I sleep off his funeral, also?" She spoke harshly, teeth biting her bleeding nails.

He stayed quiet, just watching the seconds on a microwave timer count down. Her blue eyes dart off to the distance; more specifically the oxidized blood splattered on Merlin's room wall. She did it.

"God. Andy, don't-" He sighed, walking over to close the door before he knelt under her sitting form. "It's not your fault. He asked for it, alright? He hit Jimmy and he shouldn't have done that. A-and um, Adam wasn't here to stop it."

"Oh, yeah, Ale. Its also his fault his jaw is broken, right? Its his fault his nose is clogged with blood? And obviously he's the one who stepped on his own neck and crushed-" She stopped to gulp, slamming her wrist against the table. "Crushed his throat."

Almost instantly, Ale grabbed her hands and kept them between his own. Their fingers intertwined, his thumb drawing circles on her calloused skin to stop them from shivering. He wanted her to be okay. Once the girl calmed down, he lets go of her bruised wrist and cocooned her in a warm hug. "Seriously, sleep it off. Please, Andy." He heard the microwave beep, slowly moving away from the girl who tried not to bawl her eyes out. "And don't blame yourself. I could've stood up for myself, but I didn't so you had to. Sorry, Doll."

Jimmy blames Andy, and she blames herself. Ale, though passively, blames Adam. He could've been here to stop it if he weren't out trying to get in Grace's pants. Actually, everything had always been fine until she showed up and hurricaned her way into their lives. Adam shouldn't have spoken to her; she shouldn't have gotten drunk that night. Their routine was perfect when all he could do is admire her sickening perfection through the window every morning, and all she could do was not notice. He should've stuck to only seeing her in his dreams. But even then, Adam has the choice of either them or her and they weren't his first pick.

The thought consumed Ale, despite his gentle expression when sitting cross legged on the couch. Doll chose the pitiful refuge of sleeping in her room after Ale confiscated all her sharp and heavy objects. Too many people in this house is problematic, and he isn't taking any more chances. Andy is obviously hurting, and the scars lingered deeper than those on her wrist. The only thing that stopped his train of thought is the door creaking to open.

"Oh my god, the dress she was wearing was just- ugh, fucking hell, she's so gorgeous. Like, I bet people on the streets were looking at us like 'how the hell did that happen?'." Adam swooned through the front door, dropping his weight on the couch next to Ale. Adam is slow to pick up that something is very wrong, and spent his sweet time relaxing before Ale brought it up.

He turned his head, cold eyes staring into Adam's. "Don't talk to Andy if she doesn't talk to you. Also, you have bills from the hospital." He started without so much of a 'Hello'. Adam, clearly taken aback, stood straight and returned the look. The atmosphere dropped.

"You wanna talk, buddy?" He scoffed, followed by a lighthearted smile.

"She's not feeling very well. Actually, Andy got to a fight with Merlin and gave him more than a black eye. He got broken bones and lost his breath, so you know the fight is good." He spoke sarcastically in a tone never before heard. "He's in the hospital with Jimmy - who's bruised to fuck, by the way- and god knows if he'll wake up. Andy drank cough syrup just to fall asleep, and when she sees scissors she wants to stick it in her aorta." The teen stopped to admire Adam's smile that he tore apart. "Wanna know the best part, Adam? You could've stopped it if you were here. Or if you picked up your goddamned phone after Jimmy rang it for the thousandth time. I hope the sex was worth it, you fucking pig."

That's the most sentences he had said in one sitting, as far as Adam knew. But it's far from a celebration, since obviously nobody wants him home right now. The only two people he shares the rooms with seems about ready to rip his throat, and the other two had treated the hospital as a second home. "Ale, I'm really sorry. Could you tell her that?" He sighed, pressing the bridge of his nose to curb the panging headache.

"Sure. I'll try to call her and see if she picks up after you're bleeding on the floor."

-----x

It hurts when he breathes, and that is when he even could. His chest aches, his vision is covered in reddish blurs and floating circles, his fingers felt numb and his ears rang from the drums that it's near unbearable. Ugh, its that mothball smell again- he must be in the hospital. Tubes are coming out of his hands, connected to various colorful solutions. Everywhere hurts, though his face is currently the worse. Even when he blinks, it felt as if a vein just popped; and he felt a sharp pain in his windpipe for every breath. Dollface sure did her best when it comes to fucking him up, and yet he felt no hard feelings towards the girl. He felt like he deserved it, anyway, after having punched Jiminy. He just felt horrible, and burning cigarettes to his skin wasn't enough this time that he needs to get a proper beating. He tried to move his arms, feeling the needle buried under his skin as making the boy wince. His fingers, though numb, brushed against the skin of something soft.

She woke up, brown eyes meeting his green ones. "Merlin-" Dee gasped, lips defying her wet cheeks and forming a smile. "You were sleeping for so long-"

"So were you, Dee." He croaked in a husky voice that hurts his throat to an unimaginable extent. He could feel blood when he gulped.

The girl kept her eyes on his left hand, eyeing the burn marks he made. She knew, of course, since his entire right arm is clean but his left is full of faded and new scars. "You didn't say much.." She mumbled, a little meekly. "I heard you didn't fight back either. Why do you like hurting yourself so much? Some of us are trying to stay away from hurt, you know..." Somewhere lost in the soft voice and juvenile smile, something is broken. Merlin couldn't help but return her stare, finding answers but none that would satisfy her.

Jimmy interrupted, walking through the door with patches of bandage stuck to his face and a roll of cotton between his teeth. "Merlin, shit-" He spoke, smiling as he rushed in to stay by his bedside. "I was just ordering flowers. I knew you hate roses, so I got those." Saved by the bell, it seems. The last thing Merlin would want to say is 'Dee, I hurt myself'.

Merlin gave a small scoff, and probably a middle finger if he could. Despite the idiocy performed, he knew better than to strain his voice, so a smug smile will do.

"Glad you woke up. Seriously, Andy just went on and on. Your room got redecorated with your blood, it was so sick." Jimmy uttered, obviously trying to sound gung-ho with it but not doing a very good job. Everything is not fine- it's so clear, and he wished Jimmy would just stop pretending. "So sick we're dead." He spoke, trying to sound like this doesn't bother him one bit by throwing references he'd heard Merlin use.

Dee-Kay caught up with the sparkle of disgust in Merlin's eye and cracked a giggle. "He did that? Never thought that he was strong enough." Anything to stir the conversation the other way.

"He wasn't. Barely hurts. Plus, didn't you hear? A girl whooped his ass." Jimmy laughed, wiping the tear off the corner of his eye- it wasn't a happy one. "Um- I'm gonna just head home. He probably wants to be alone with you anyway." Jimmy smiled, heading for the door. "So yeah. Don't die, Merlin." He smiled, closing the door behind him.

Almost as soon as the door shuts, the curve of her lips turned to a straight line. "You could've told me." She spoke; playing with Merlin's bitten and bloodied fingers. "You could tell me all sort of things, its not like you have nothing to lose. Your secrets die when I do-" Dee finally lets out.

Merlin forced himself up despite feeling like his spine is about to deteriorate. "Dee, what the fuck?" He spoke, not caring about the feeling of his throat being peeled from the inside. "You're not gonna die, yeah? You're gonna be all healthy, and I'll take you to fucking Disneyland or something. You'll make friends and talk about how annoying I am to them, and I'll tell my friends about how you're special and-"

"That's not going to happen, Merlin. Just accept the fact that I'm sick. The sun hurts me, the dust is dangerous, water makes me freeze. I cant do all these things and its not right to make you think we could ever- You're lying to yourself, and I find it cruel." Her voice cracked, tainting Merlin's image of the ever-happy girl. "I know your friends are saying it, but you wont believe it if it didn't come from me." Her gaze looked defeated, the rise and fall of her chest suddenly quickening. 

That was too soon. Too soon, too fast, and far too honest. Merlin could easily ignore the physical pain washing over his being now; distracted by the truth he tried to protect himself from. This what he wanted to avoid. He remained quiet for a while before he lets out a sigh, eyes on the ceiling. "I really fucking need a smoke."

He's stressed out, but Dee knows that the momentary pain is not permanent. He'll get over her; a guy like Merlin could be reeling girls and guys, left and right. He shouldn't be with someone like her who spends more time indoors and have more books than friends- he shouldn't even have gave her a second glance. Fate made it come to life, forcing the two to play a cruel game. She's done though, and it was fun having a friend for a while. But how selfish would she be to hog all the comfort and leaving him just a part of his heart when she leaves? Because when she does- and she will, Dee-Kay is not coming back.

On the small space beside him, Dee fit her small frame. Merlin was the closest thing she could get to warmth, and he's freezing. "I need you," The girl mumbled, playing with the filaments of his hair.

"Come again-" He spoke, turning his head her way with a curious glare.

"I think I love you. I think it's wrong because I'm kind of dead."

------x

These two I swear.

Could you tell I was listening to Dustland Fairytale when writing this because f e e l s. Normal is getting kind of hard to write since everything I do messes with the timeline so hardcore and I have to delete and rewrite and delete and rewrite and blegh. This one is much easier since I'm kind of just writing as I go, and hoping it goes okay. Ahahahhahaa. That's why what started out as AdamXGrace turned out to be cancer shitstorm lovechild.

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAANEEWHEI. Thanks for those who are somehow still interested. Like why and how guys what. Anyway, cough.

istherestillmagiiccc in the midnightttt suuuunnn

or did you leave it back at sixty oneeeee

in the cADDENCEE OF A YOUNG MAN"S EEYEYYSSSSSSS

WHERE THE DREAMSAALLLL DIEEEEEE-----

Kaythxbai