dan blew bubbles in the water, his face half submerged in the warmth. he closed his eyes before sinking down the rest of the way, his hair flowing around his face.

phil's parents had graciously allowed him to use their bathtub, as dan's mum was currently using his own to drink in and scream at the air. phil was at football practice, and as much as dan enjoyed being in the bath, every second felt like a game of luck. phil could get home any minute and get even more angry at him.

phil had been angry. he had gotten so mad his face had gone pink and he had stormed off down the hall without saying a word to any of them. dan had watched him go, surprised, jackson's arms still wrapped around him.

now it was after school and he had sneaked through the back door with red eyes and an aching heart, covered in mud. someone had pushed him and he was filthy now, his elbows scraped and the skin broken in several places.

he had instantly been crowded around by phil's parents who had nearly shoved him into the bathroom.

he looked down at the water that wasn't nearly as clear as before. it had an odd pink tint to it and there were little clumps of dirt resting at the bottom of the white tile tub. dan stuck his tongue out in disgust, sighing.

even if phil didn't get home soon, the water was lukewarm and getting disgusting, so dan knew he should probably get out soon.

dan chewed on his lip, pushing himself up, the water sloshing around the bathtub. he grabbed a towel quickly, not wanting to be alone with his own body for very long. worries clogged every thought, he honestly just wanted to sleep.

when dan was finally dressed and emerged from the bathroom, phil's dads were huddled by the kitchen table, speaking in stressful hushed whispers. dan sighed. he was only partially curious as to what they were talking about, the rest of it was just worry. he wanted phil's family to be a happy one when his wasn't, and clearly that wasn't what he was going to get.

howard looked up and stood up straight abruptly when he saw him, his cheeks tinted a light pink color. he cleared his throat and elias stood up too.

"hey, dan..."

elias was generally very good at lightening up any situation, but this time, it just wasn't working. dan sighed again, his wet hair hanging in his eyes like a curly mop.

"h-hi."

howie glanced at his husband anxiously before turning back to dan. "so, we were just talking about... your predicament."

dan frowned, surprised. they had been talking about him?

"you were?"

"yeah," elias cut in. "about... well, whenever you come around, we see so many bruises and cuts and stuff..." he seemed very reluctant to talk about this, and dan honestly felt the same.

"i'm f-fine," he said slowly.

"honey, we aren't saying you aren't," howard said softly. "we know you can take care of yourself, we just... have you told your parents?"

dan shook his head, his eyes widening a bit. the best that would happen if he did that would be he got ignored, the worst... dan didn't want to think about that. if the best chance scenario was getting ignored, why even try?

howard sighed. "a teacher? anyone? have you told anyone about how much you're bullied?"

dan suddenly felt... almost mad. how dare they speak to him like he was a helpless child, when the head of all the bullies was their son? he huffed.

"no, and i d-don't want to," he muttered. "i'm fine."

the men shared another look and dan shook his head, whirling around. "t-thanks for letting me use y-your bath," he muttered, pushing through the back door to the lester's back step. as soon as the door was closed he nearly collapsed, sitting on the step and hugging his knees to his chest.

he felt so silly... they were right, he needed to tell someone if he ever wanted to survive school. as it was, he constantly felt seconds away from getting eaten alive.

dan whimpered, a drop of water rolling down his forehead and falling when it reached the arch of his nose.

dan let his chin fall and he frowned when he spotted a little white box, hidden beneath the dusty welcome mat. he reached down, pulling it out.

it was a half empty box of cigarettes, and a black lighter slid down the steps, un-lodged by the mat shifting.

dan gasped softly when he realized it had to be phil's. then he felt like crying again... who was he? who was this boy he'd let kiss him, the boy who cleaned up his wound in the boy's bathroom before leaving without a word?

everything was hopeless the day that dan couldn't find anything good to think of phil.

tears streamed down dan's rosy cheeks and he cursed under his breath, opening the box with trembling fingers. if he could just be like him... if he could become like the people phil wanted to spend his time with...

dan lit the cigarette carefully, his thumb slipping on the trigger a few times before he got it right, and he brought it to his lips.

the smoke burned when it seeped into dan's lungs and he gasped, which made it worse, pulling the cigarette away in order to cough hard. more tears stung his eyes and he choked, hitting his own chest with his closed first.

"dan? are you-" the door behind him swung open but dan was in too much pain to be embarrassed. there was silence for a moment, before the cigarette was grabbed from dan's hand and dropped to the ground, stepped on.

for a split second, dan let himself hope it was phil. but then elias's strong hands were lifting him up, dragging him inside.

dan had never seen him so angry. in fact, he didn't really think he'd ever seen elias angry at all, even at phil. but he was seething. he shook dan gently by his shoulders.

"what were you thinking?" he nearly shouted at him. now dan was embarrassed. he whimpered.

"i j-just thought... since phil d-does it..."

elias scoffed, pacing and shaking his head. "since when is what phil does the right thing to do?"

"i d-dunno..." dan hung his head, ashamed. "i thought m-maybe he'd l-like me." hot tears spilled down his face.

elias stopped pacing, and dan heard him sigh.

"dan..." his hands were on his shoulders again, gentler. "don't ever do what he does just to impress him, or anyone, do you hear me? you be yourself. your cute, ribbon-wearing kind self, because you're amazing. if phil doesn't like you for that, he's a fucking idiot, and you're the cool one."

dan had never heard him curse before. he blushed.

"okay, sir."

"what was that?"

dan blushed darker. "okay, e-elias."

"good." the man patted his shoulder gently. "and if i ever catch you smoking again, i'll beat your ass." the smile on his face told dan he would do no such thing.