dan didn't understand why phil hated jackson so much. he was nice, he had good grades- he had good manners and he was unnecessarily sweet. but phil just seemed to hate him, as if he had done something personal to him.

dan truly understood the first time when phil climbed through his window for the first time in ages. dan had been sitting at the mirror, weaving sheer pink ribbons into his messy hair and humming to himself. phil's shoes hit his floor and dan jumped and cried out, but seconds later phil's hand was over his mouth, keeping him quiet. dan squeaked and looked up at him with wide eyes. phil gave him that crooked grin, that grin that rendered him absolutely helpless, his defenses crumbled.

"hey, wendy."

dan grabbed at his sleeve and managed to push his hand away, panting for breath. "p-phil?"

phil rolled his eyes, stepping back to sit on his bed. "no, captain hook."

dan didn't know why he was making all these peter pan references, he only knew that they made his heart ache for him. when he said things like that it made dan feel like he could get through anything phil threw at him, anything as long as he'd be with him at the end of it all, like a fairytale. of course, the magic was always long gone by the next day.

dan anxiously played with a ribbon, weaving it through his fingers. "w-why are you, why are you h-here?"

phil grinned at him, laying back with his arms behind his head nonchalantly. his black shirt tugged up a bit, revealing a pale, muscly stomach, and a trail of chestnut hair traveling toward the button of his jeans. dan swallowed.

"wanted to talk to you." he searched his face in a way that made dan feel like he was having his soul examined. "you'd do something for me, right?"

dan nodded before phil had even finished speaking. phil laughed softly, but his expression was now solemn.

"i want you to stop talking to that kid. jackson."

dan blinked, dragging his lower lip between his teeth nervously. "w-what? why?"

"i don't like him." phil's face scrunched, as if he was disgusted. "he's just going to use you, dan. i've seen the way he looks at you. like he's hungry. i've seen that look before."

his words made dan's heart jolt painfully, but he felt even worse when it wasn't about the things he was saying about jackson. where else had he seen that look?

phil stood up again, and pushed his fingers into dan's hair. dan looked up at him with solely admiration.

"please, baby," phil muttered, his voice almost breathless. dan felt weak. slowly, he nodded, hardly aware of what he was doing. phil smiled at him, carding his fingers through his hair. it felt so good dan couldn't think, like he was extracting every bad memory he had of him.

phil dropped to one knee so dan wasn't looking up anymore. the air was thick and hardly breathable, and dan would have asked if phil could breathe either if he didn't think it would make him sound stupid. phil's eyes were so rich, dan could see creation in them. who was this, kneeling in front of him? was it phil? or an angel? dan had fallen in love before he had learned that people could be evil, and there was no turning back at this point. he was in too deep.

phil was still smiling. smiling, smiling. dan wanted to hold phil's lips against his ear until he whispered something sweet to him, something he could hold and cherish and know as a fact, as foundation.

phil's thumb slid down his cheek, and dan nearly moaned. everywhere phil's skin touched his felt like new territory, felt like a thousand things all exploding at the surface.

phil's eyes were on his face, searching and traveling across his features. hungry. like jackson. like the unnamed girls hanging off phil's arms in the hallway. like dan. dan was starving.

phil's thumb was on his lips, his other hand on dan's neck, as if he couldn't be trusted not to fall apart. he probably couldn't. dan couldn't recall a single thing that had led to them being here, but he felt positive phil was about to kiss him.

"don't you have a-a girlfriend?" dan asked finally, his voice quiet. he felt like he hadn't spoken in a million years. phil's fingers tapped on his neck dismissively, and dan heard it like a drum.

"i don't want to think about that right now."

"why n-not?"

phil sighed, irritated with him, and dan would have apologized if phil hadn't leaned in, his mouth landing on dan's. even though he had kissed him before, a thousand brand new sensations burst on dan's skin. his mouth was warm, it was new, was it his? maybe it was his, maybe dan could call it his. at least for the moment.

phil's fingers tightened on the side of his neck and dan gasped, automatically grabbing at his shirt. he could feel phil smiling, but soon he could feel nothing but his cold fingers on his stomach.

a moment of bliss in the purgatory of loving phil lester.