every year, dan dreaded his birthday.

it wasn't that he didn't like birthdays, or think they were worthy of celebrating, but he had never had a good one. on his forth birthday his parents had had a huge fight right in front of him, and it resulted in the neighbors calling the police before he could even blow out his candles.

ever since then, dan hadn't had a single birthday that felt like it meant anything other than extra stress for the entire family. he started seeing himself as a burden, to not just his parents but everyone around him. he was just a dark ink stain on an otherwise perfect scene. every time he came around the clouds seemed to darken, conversation fell silent, laughter died. that's how dan saw it, anyways.

but phil didn't seem to think that, which was part of the reason dan was so fascinated in him. how could he not see it? how did he see only the best parts of dan?

but when dan woke up on his birthday with an aching headache and an even deeper ache in his heart, he didn't even bother getting up.

he attempted to go back to sleep, but sleep wouldn't come. finally he rolled over, just staring at the ceiling until his vision went fuzzy, white spots showing up and staying even when he closed his eyes, illuminated against his eyelids.

after a while, a familiar thumping sound came from outside his window, but dan didn't react. he considered jumping up and hiding in his closet, but he knew phil would find him in a moment, and that would just bring an endless torrent of questioning on why in the world dan had been hiding from him. he really wasn't in the mood to be interrogated by a hyper thirteen year old.

finally he heard the window click and slide open. he closed his eyes, trying to seem asleep, his breath slowing down until it came in soft shaky gusts.

"dan?" phil's voice was as light as it always was. in dan's head he saw a million dandelions taking off in flight when he spoke, as if pulled upwards by the invisible force of his soft tones and the way he lisped just a bit every time he came across an 's' in his speech. it brought tears to his eyes, but he kept them shut.

he heard the boy pad across the room, his footsteps soft against dan's ratty carpet. a soft exhale; a sigh of annoyance or maybe just disbelief.

"i know you aren't asleep." the bed creaked as phil climbed onto it, and dan let out a shaky breath when phil moved on top of him, straddling his stomach. he opened his eyes, knowing the effort was fruitless.

"g-go a-away." his voice cracked, falling apart at the seams just like dan was right then. it took everything in him not to burst into tears, to let phil hold him and comfort him and make it okay. phil's hugs could hold together the entire world, or at least dan's world.

phil frowned, a familiar crease of confusion appearing in the middle of his forehead, between his brows. dan was tempted to reach up and smooth it out with his thumb.

"why?" he asked, his voice betraying a tiny sliver of hurt. "we have to go, we're gonna be late to school."

dan's face contorted the tiniest bit, molding into an undeniable pout. "i'm n-not g-going, phil."

his frown deepened. "why not?"

"i'm s-sick."

phil raised his eyebrows, as if he could read dan's lies, as if he could see inside him to tell if the information he was offering him was the truth.

"no you aren't," he decided finally. a burst of frustration exploded in dan's stomach and he reached up to push him off of his bed, but phil grabbed his wrists, his grip firm, unbothered by dan's attempt to discourage him. "why are you lying to me?"

with phil's fingers wrapped tightly around his wrists, his eyes icy and locked on dan's face, dan could feel himself crumbling. he felt his control slipping away and he let out a soft choked noise, a tear streaming down his face before he could stop it, veering due to the angle he was in and staining his sky blue bedsheets.

"b-because it's my b-birthday," he said finally, his voice collapsing, the sadness and pain in his tone evident and undeniable. he searched phil's gorgeous blue eyes, his own shiny and a deeper shade of brown than usual. the hint of a teasing smile that had been prominent on phil's features melted away, his grip loosening on his wrists in his surprise.

"what? why didn't you tell me?"

dan shrugged, his face crumpling like paper. "i d-didn't want it to be a big deal..."

"well..." phil's voice slowed down as he attempted to process this new information. "are you having a party or something?"

dan shook his head, letting out a noise somewhere between a whimper and a sob. he didn't want to fall apart like this in front of phil. "i'd h-have no one to invite."

"don't be silly," phil said softly. his voice was like honey to dan's ears, infiltrating his brain and filling it with unattainable warmth. "i'd come."

"i k-know, but-"

before dan could finish speaking phil climbed off of him with an air of finality. "you're coming over, we're skipping."

dan blinked, staring at him. "w-what?"

phil nodded. "come on, get up." he took dan's hand. "you're having a proper birthday, dan."

dan blinked. he knew there was no point in arguing with phil once he had made up his mind, and the look on his face suggested that he had. and, frankly, dan didn't want to argue.

he let the boy slide his fingers between dan's, his heart swelling unconventionally at the familiar feeling of his skin against his. phil helped him out the window like before, and they made their way over to phil's home.

the second their feet hit phil's carpet a loud voice came from below them. "phil? is that you?"

phil flinched in a way that seemed insincere and he shook his head at dan, giggling. "yes, dad!" he called back, taking dan's hand again and squeezing. a burst of warmth shot through dan's skin so fast he felt almost dizzy.

phil tugged him downstairs, not noticing how dan struggled to keep up.

elias emerged from the kitchen, his eyebrows raised in question. the look on his face suggested that this wasn't the first time he had caught phil doing something bad, and also that he didn't exactly care very much. he smiled warmly in dan's direction.

"what are you two up to...?"

phil bit his lip. "er..." he paused, glancing at dan. "we, um... we weren't skipping," he muttered, even though it was clear that was a complete lie. elias seemed to see that as well.

"oh, really?" he teased, crossing his arms. "makes sense, no son of mine would ever dream of skipping school."

phil's face went a rosy shade of pink and it came to dan that this wasn't the first time phil had stayed home from class without permission, either.

"it's his birthday," phil said softly. elias turned to dan, blinking.

"what?"

"it's his birthday and he has no way to celebrate," phil explained before dan even had a chance to speak.

"ah," elias said after a second, speaking slowly as if deep in thought. "i see." he paused, biting his lower lip, looking at some place behind the two children as he pondered the situation, working it out in his head. "okay, well, don't tell your father."

phil's face broke out in a grin and he squeezed dan's hand again, tightly. dan's heart skipped a beat, his insides flooding with warmth.

maybe phil was his ticket to enjoying things again.