Chapter 3

Sola’s POV

That day ended with me not going to class. I just remained to stay in a stock room while forcing myself to write. For me to stop thinking about all the stuff that was running inside my mind.

After what happened on that rooftop, I don’t know what happened next. Hindi ko na inalam pa.

The only thing that I know is all the things that happened to them were my fault. I was the one who made them, to begin with. I was the one who wanted to let other people know how empty I feel right now.

I was dead tired when I got into the owner of this life's house. Agad akong napadiretso sa kaniyang kwarto matapos kong maglinis ng katawan. I tried to find something that I can use to go back to my old life.

Nang wala akong makuha’y natawa na lang ako nang mapaupo sa sahig.

“Why do I even want to come back to my old life when someone’s not even waiting for me?” natatawa kong tanong sa sarili.

Why do I even try to find ways when things are just the same either way? It doesn’t really matter anymore. Napangisi na lang ako bago naghanap ng ilang pupuwedeng pagsulatan dito. I need to write. I feel like I can’t breathe at all when I’m not writing. In this way, I can continue living.

I tried to open the owner’s laptop but I don’t know her password at all. In the end, I tried to write in a notebook but I can’t. I just keep on staring at it as if it will be able to write itself.

Napasabunot na lang ako sa aking ulo bago ko kinuha ang maraming disenyong notebook at nahiga na lang din sa kama. Napatitig ako sa notebook na ‘yon habang nakahiga. Unti-unti kong napagtanto na journal ito.

July 25, 20xx

‘Omg! I’m so happy writing this entry! I want to dance in joy because Mommy finally told me that she wouldn’t mind if I’ll be studying at Free Dream University! Daddy was so supportive. We’ll find a dorm na rin! Can’t wait to go to my dream school :))’

It looks like some of her entries in her diary are just months ago. She’s really lucky with her life. Napangisi na lang ako roon at ibinaba ang kaniyang journal. 

Nahiga na lang ako sa kama bago ko sinubukang buksan ang aking cellphone. Nagbabaka sakali lang na gumawa itong muli. Agad akong napaahon sa aking pagkakahiga nang nagkailaw 'yon. Natataranta ko ‘yon na binuksan. The phone is completely fine now subalit hindi ako makahanap ng signal. Napakagat na lang ako sa aking labi at napabalik sa pagkakahiga.

When I open one of my notes to write. I saw some of my entries.

June 6, 20xx

I stopped studying now. I need to write in order to live. I won’t chase after that dream school I have. I’ll just be thankful that I have writing.

Napangiti na lang ako nang mapait sa sarili bago binitawan ang cellphone na hawak. Should I just stay here? I should just live here. To begin with, writing is all I got kahit sa kabilang mundo pa man.

I thought that it was the best way to do subalit bawat araw, tila minumulto ako ng bawat karakter na isinulat ko. I can still remember how they died. Para akong masisiraan ng bait habang sinusubukan kong bumuo ng salita gamit ang mga letrang mayroon ako.

Isang katok ang narinig mula sa labas ng bahay.

“What?!” malakas kong sigaw. Agad kong nakita si Rough na naroon. Isang ngiti ang ibinigay niya sa akin.

“Uh… Tita cooked food for you. You keep on hiding on your room she said,” anito habang nakatingin sa akin. Tinignan niya pa ako nang mabuti.

“Are you even taking a bath? And do your parents know that you’re not studying at all? Nag-aalala na rin si Tita para sa ‘yo.” I don't know why his eyes feel so warm.

“Pakialamero ka, beh? You don't have a say on whatever I should do in my life so can you please get out?” Maybe I shouldn’t really come with him here. I wonder where’s the owner of this house. Hanggang ngayon ay wala pa ring umuuwi na kamukha ko sa bahay na ‘to.

“I am. I’m sorry for that but I just can’t stop thinking about you. You know your room is just next to mine. I always hear you typing on your laptop whenever it’s night. I feel like you’re not sleeping at all,” he said while there was a pout on his face. Bakit ko nga ba siya sinulat as someone who can't sleep thinking about other people's problems? So annoying. 

“You don’t have to worry about me at all. Thanks.” Isasarado ko na sana ang pinto subalit agad niyang nagawang ipangharang ang kaniyang katawan.

“You need to exercise and eat healthily, Solus… That’s your name, right?” Ngumiti pa siyang muli bago nilagay sa aking kamay ang pagkain. I don’t have a choice but to take it when he go away from the house.

That’s what happened for the next few days, I received a lot of calls every day from the parents, friends, and colleagues of the owner of this house. And then, every night, Rough was always in front of my house to deliver food. Minsan ay kasama niya rin ang Mommy ni Hugh at si Hugh mismo. They were worried about me or should I say, they are worried for the owner of this life? And every night, I thought I'll be able to go back to my old life.

“I think it’s already too much. Hindi ka na lumalabas at pumapasok sa eskwelahan mo. Ano bang problema mo, Anak? Is something bothering you? Someone?” Napabuntonghininga ako roon.

“I’m fine po. I’ll start going to school again… I just needed a break…” mahina kong saad. In the end, this is not my life. I guess  I don’t have a choice but to live this girl's life even if I’m not sure at all if I can do it. Or maybe she will come back soon.

After the call with this person’s mom. Nahiga lang ako sa aking kama while I can’t find words to write again. Napakagat ako sa aking labi bago tumayo at kumuha lang ng kahit anong damit na masusuot. Yakap-yakap ko ang aking sarili habang palabas ng bahay.

I want to try going in my home again. Doon ako nagpahatid sa driver ng taxi.

“Nako, delikado na riyan, Ma’am. Gabi na po masiyado kung aakyat pa kayo sa bundok,” anito kaya nginitian ko lang ng tipid.

Nang makababa’y natulala lang ako roon at hindi lubos na maisip kung bakit nga ba ako dinala sa lugar na ‘to. Matagal lang akong napatitig doon hanggang sa tuluyan na akong naglakad pabalik ng lungsokd.

As usual, people are busy while walking around. Nasa gitna lang ako ng maraming tao, bawat kulay ay nadadaanan ako. Minsan iba-iba. Nakakahilo.

Napapikit na lang ako bago nagtungo sa isang convenience store just to eat the usual food I eat, noodles.

I was about to sit beside the window. Nahinto ako nang makita ang isang babaeng naka-hospital gown na nakaupo rin doon. Napansin kong nakabukas ang aklat nito. Nang maramdaman niya ang tingin ko sa kaniya’y agad siyang napatingin sa akin. Isang ngiti ang ibinigay niya sa akin bago siya nagsalita.

“Are you planning on sitting here, Miss? You can sit beside me,” she said with a wide smile on her face. Tahimik akong naupo sa kaniyang tabi. She continue eating her noodles too bago binaling ang mga mata sa dumadaan sa convenience store. She look at peace. Nang tignan ko ang title ng kabanata sa kaniyang libro. Nasa huling kabanata na rin ito.

I know her. She’s Gaile. One of my character who have a brain tumor. She’s so pale now. Maski ang kaniyang labi’y maputla na rin. Her life ended here in the convenience store. All of the nurses know that she’s going here every night, pinagbibigyan na lang ng lahat ito dahil alam nilang kaunting oras na lang ay tuluyan na siyang maglalaho.

Gaile always visits the convenience store where she met him. Those two months that she experienced with him were the happiest days of her life.

“Did you run from the hospital?” tanong ko bago sumubo sa aking noodles.

“You’re right.” Humalakhak pa ito habang nakangiti. Napatitig ako sa kaniya. I still remember how she always try to reminisce all the memories she has with the person she likes in this convenience store.

“Once I’m gone, do you think that the night will remain the same?” nakangiti niyang tanong sa akin. Napatingin din ako sa labas. I feel like I was just talking to myself. Of course, some of her thought are mine too.

“It will…” Nang lingunin ko siya’y kita ko ang ngiti niya roon.

“That’s what I’m wishing for.” Sumubo pa siyang muli sa kaniyang noodles habang nanatili lang ang tingin ko sa kaniya. Katulad kung paano ko siya sinulat, she look happy while just waiting for her time.

“Aren’t you mad at Him?” mahina kong tanong kaya nilingon niya ako.

“Huh?” Nagtataka niya pa akong tinignan subalit mayroon pa ring ngiti sa kaniyang mga labi.

“You mean Him?” Turo niya sa itaas. Napatango ako roon.

“It’s unfair sometimes…” sambit ko bago sumimsim sa binili kong inumin. Napangiti siya roon.

“I always think like that too whenever I’m in the hospital room when I was younger but now? I’m thankful to Him for giving me this life. For making the last year of my life happier…” Isang malapad na ngiti pa ang kaniyang pinakawalan. She's shining right now.

As if all the pain she experiences is nothing because of the last two months of her life.

Gaile was diagnosed with Leukemia when she was younger until she decided to run away from the hospital when she heard that she’ll die soon. While she was in hiding, she met Franco. A musikero who doesn't really have any dreams. He was just doing music with a hobby in mind. He was just living his life while having gigs.

Until two lives collide. Both of them wanted to live their lives to the fullest. They had a deal that they’ll be living their life like they want it to be in two months. Gaile was the happiest when she was with Franco but she still hides the fact that she was sick. She acts normal around him. As the feeling grows longer and as Gaile's life is coming to an end, their deal is already off too. Gaile cut off their connection after that. Without even telling Franco that her life will end.

After their goodbyes to each other, Gaile finds herself going back and forth to the convenience store where they first saw each other. She didn’t regret anything. She’s aware that Franco likes her but she doesn’t regret not confessing her feelings to him at all. She’s thinking that Franco will live his life with what-ifs if the two of them date each other and she ends up dying too.

“Aren’t you mad that after a fire of hope ignited, he easily let the rain pour?” Before she could answer my question, someone talk to me.

“Hi, you finally went out!” nakangiting saad sa akin ni Rough before he sit beside me. Agad na napakunot ang noo ko sa kaniya. He has his usual wide smile again. Tusukin ko kaya ang dimple nito?

“What are you doing here? Tita thought you are just staying on your room again,” aniya bago walang hiyang sumimsim sa inumin ko.  Mukhang hindi rin napansin na may kausap ako. 

Napaawang lang ang labi ko habang nakatingin sa kaniya. Masamang tingin ang ibinigay ko rito nang matauhan subalit humalakhak lang siya at napakibit ng balikat.

Hindi ko na sana siya papansinin ang babalikan na sana ang kausap subalit wala na ito at nang hanapin ko siya’y nagtatago na sa isa sa mga stall. Napaawang naman ang labi ko nang mapagtanto na nasa naglalakad si Franco mula sa labas. Napangiti na lang ako ng tipid doon.

Fate is really cruel. The world is really a big bully.