Chapter 20

Sola’s POV

“I don’t know… Maybe we are just really bound to meet but not end with each other…” Bakas ang lungkot sa tinig ni Neela nang sambitin niya ‘yon.

Hugh and I were just looking at her.

“Shot pa,” anang kupal na si Hugh at iniabot ang alak kay Neela.

“Iiyak mo lang ‘yan,” aniya pa kaya hindi ko alam kung matatawa ako o maawa sa mga ‘to. Agad akong tumikhim nang pareho nila akong pinagkunutan ng noo.

“Why are you smiling?” Kumunot pa ang noo sa akin ni Hugh kaya agad akong napatikhim.

“Huh? I’m not…” ani ko na napakamot sa aking ulo.

Iyak lang nang iyak si Neela hanggang sa tuluyan na siyang bumagsak. She and Justin already broke up. Both of them realize that they are not really meant to be. Hindi ko alam kung bakit sobrang bilis. Their relationship suppose to end next year pa kaya hindi ko rin alam kung paano agad nangyari ‘yon.

Inihatid na namin siya ni Hugh dito sa apartment ko dahil wala rin siyang matitirhan sa ngayon. I just change her clothes para maginhawaan din siya. Mahimbing na mahimbing na rin ang tulog nito nang makahiga na. Napangiti na lang ako nang tipid bago ako naglakad paalis doon.

Nang lumabas ako’y naroon si Rough.

“How is she?” tanong niya sa akin dahil nagpaalam din ako sa kaniya kanina na iinom para damayan ang broken hearted na si Neela. Alam niya rin namang naging kaibigan ko na ‘to. I didn’t know that Neela’s really kind. Personality that I want to see from people in the real world.

“You should take a rest too, Love… I just bought you soup so you can cook it tomorrow… Good night,” bulong niya sa akin bago ako hinalikan sa noo. Agad namang kumurba ang ngiti sa aking mga labi.

“I will… Thank you, Rough…” Napatikhim naman ang naghihintay na si Hugh.

“Napaka-korni niyo,” aniya na nailing pa sa aming dalawa ni Rough. Ngumisi naman sa kaniya ang pinsan.

“Hanap ka muna nang pagkakakornihan para hindi ka naiinggit,” mayabang na saad ni Rough dito kaya napairap ma lang si Hugh.

“We’ll get going now at baka magtagal pa sa kakornihan niyo,” ani Hugh na hinila na si Rough paalis ng bahay.

Napatawa na lang ako habang nakatingin sa kanila. Bahagya akong napangiti. Rough and I are already dating for a while now. Starting on that mountain. Dating him was the happiest days of my life. Kahit simpleng pag-uusap lang namin ay nabubuo na ang araw ko. I didn’t know that I’m capable of loving someone like this.

But as I think about all of that, hindi ko rin maiwasan maisip ang kahihinatnan ng kwento ni Rough… Maybe it won’t happened now… It won’t happened anymore. His book was still close but I know something change. Nakasulat doon na isa lang ang magiging ex nito and that was his first love. Impossibleng ako ang tinutukoy roon dahil hindi naman ako tiga-rito.

Hindi ko na rin namalayan ang antok dahil sa malalim na pag-iisip.

Nagising lang ako nang makitang nakatayo na si Neela subalit mukhang masakit pa rin ang ulo.

“Oh, Neela, gising ka na pala.” Bahagya pa siyang napatalon dahil sa gulat kaya napangiti na lang ako.

“Yup… I’m sorry for what happened last night, Sola… I was too drunk that my emotions are already slipping away,” nahihiya niyang sambit kaya hindi ko maiwasan ang mailing bago ginulo ang buhok niya. I know that we are just same age but I feel like she was my own. I know what she feels. I know what’s going around her mind right now at kung hindi ako nagkamamali, this was suppose to be the time kung saan siya napalayas ng Tita niyang manggagamit, her friends turn their back on her and grades are falling apart. This is when she needed Justin the most. I wonder why all of it happened now?

“It’s completely fine, Neela. Ikaw na rin ang nagsabi, we’re friends…” Can you believe how I’m treating someone as my friend now? Hindi ko mapigilan ang ngiti sa aking mga labi roon. I’m just really glad that I have that kind of someone now.

“Thank you, Sola…” mahinang sambit niya. Mayamaya lang ay nag-init lang ako ng soup for her. She was just silent while waiting kaya ngumiti ako sa kaniya.

“You can always stay here you know…” ani ko kaya umiling siya bago ngumiti sa akin.

“It’s fine, Sola… I actually already find an apartment na rin naman…” she said bago ngumiti. Tumango ako roon. Alam ko ring hindi siya mapipilit dahil kahit paano’y binase ko siya sa akin. She was just like me who doesn’t want to burden someone else.

“I know you are not okay right now so tell me if you need to have a night out again. Puwedeng-puwede kami…” Wow, desisyon ka, beh?

“No, I’m fine now…” natatawa niyang sambit kaya nanatili lang ang tingin ko sa kaniya. Hindi rin naniniwala.

“Neela…” tawag ko sa kaniya kaya nilingon niya ako.

“Hmm?” Ngumiti pa siya sa akin doon.

“Don’t you regret letting him go?” tamong ko sa kaniya kaya bahagya siyang nahinto bago napatingin sa akin. Isang malungkot na ngiti ang pinakawalan nito sa akin.

“I can’t say that I’m not sad at all, Sola but no, I don’t regret anything. I don’t regret on letting Justin who I needed the most right now. If I continue on being with him? I’ll surely continue on holding on… I realize that I don’t really love him, Sola… I just needed him. I just needed the comfort that he was giving me…” she said kaya bahagya akong nahinto. I already read her lines for how many times habang sinusulat ko ‘to but it feels different when I’m hearing it from her.

Just like that, I remember writing. I used to love it more than anyone else when I was a child but now, I feel like it was the one caging me. Like I won’t breathe unless I write. I feel like I’m not really living my best life at all. I don’t really love it anymore, I just needed it to be alive. To live.

I don’t know if I came here for this. Funny how I was the one who wrote them but they’re the one teaching me. Bakit ko nga ba nakalimutan ang lahat ng ‘to?

“I’m actually happy that I let go of him instead of using him for my own benefit,” ani Neela na ngumiti pa sa akin. Unti-unti na lang din akong napangiti habang nakatingin sa kaniya.

Their love story was really ideal too, Justin setting aside her dream for Neela but in the end he grow with someone else. He cheated for someone else, Neela blind herself for love. She knows but she needs him until she can’t take it anymore. She let go of him. Justin was more than willing too, he didn’t know if he was just taking pity of Neela or really loves her but he found that love to the person he cheated with. That’s how it all ends. I just don’t know how things will turn out right now lalo na’t wala namang third party involve. They just don’t want to continue anymore.

After that talk, Neela went to her newly found apartment to finally move out, we just help her nina Hugh at Rough.

“Love, should we go now?” nakangiting sambit ni Rough bago ako hinalikan sa pisngi. Mabilis naman akong napatango roon.

“Edi sana all na lang kami rito sa gedli,” ani Hugh na napairap pa habang nakatingin sa amin ni Rough na naglalampungan. Hindi ko maiwasan ang matawa roon bago napailing.

Sanay na sanay na sila sa aming dalawa ni Rough na hindi rin talaga mapaghiwalay nitong mga nakaraang araw.

“Your parents are probably waiting for us now,” ani Rough. Napatango naman ako roon. Laging tumatawag ang Mommy at Daddy para kumustahin kaming dalawa.

Bahagya akong napanguso dahil masiyado na rin talaga akong nasasanay na tawagin sila sa ganoon. Or maybe I was just already getting use for being this Sola.

“What if I’m not really the person you love, Rough?” Hindi ko mapigilan ang makuryoso ngayon habang nasa byahe kami.

Hindi niya ginamit ang kaniya motor ngayon para umuwi, nag-commute lang kami.

“Hmm? What are you talking about again?” natatawa niyang tanong sa akin. Masiyado nang nasasanay sa mga ganitong tanong ko.

“Stop asking me that question because you’re you and the person I love is you.” Ngumiti pa siya sa akin. Unti-unti ring kumurba ang ngiti mula sa aking mga labi. Hinalikan niya lang ako sa labi kaya para na namang drum na paulit-ulit hinahampas ang dagundong ng tibok ng puso ko ngayon.

“I like you, Sola… So bad…” he whisper while smiling at me. 

I just didn’t know that those smile will slowly fade just like how fast the days changes.

“What’s wrong, Rough?” nagtataka kong tanong sa kaniya habang narito ako sa kaniyang apartment. After we spend our days together with his family and my family, we went back to study again and now I went to his room while carrying my notes for our study date.

But he looks like he wasn’t himself while looking at some piece of paper. Agad siyang napatalon dahil sa aking presensiya.

“Oh, should we go now?” nakangiti niyang tanong sa akin kaya nanatili lang ang tingin ko sa kaniya habang ang kunot ng noo’y hini pa rin nawawala. Agad ko ring nakita ang mabilis niyang pagsiksik sa kaniyang notes ang paper na hawak.

“What’s wrong?” Ramdam ko ang lakas ng tibok ng puso habang nakatingin sa kaniya ngayon. Hindi ko alam kung bakit tila ba bigla akong kinabahan.

“It’s nothing. Tara, baka wala na tayong mapwestuhan sa library,” aniya bago ngumiti sa akin. He looks like he was hiding something from me when he push me to go out. And I know… I know what it is but I refuse to think that it was the case. Baka naman may bagsak lang siya, ‘di ba? Baka love letter na hindi niya gustong ipakita… It’s not something I should worried about… right?

Rough and I really went to the library. Hindi na mawala-wala pa ang tingin ko sa kaniya kaya hindi niya maiwasan ang mapatingin sa akin.

“Stop staring at me,” he said before shaking his head.

“You won’t leave me, right?” tanong ko sa kaniya nang hawakan ko ang kaniyang kamay. Bahagya siyang nahinto nang mapatingin sa akin.

“Right?” tanong ko pa muli habang nakatingin sa kaniya.

“I won’t…” he whisper before kissing my forehead.

Mariin kong kinagat ang aking labi habang nakatitig sa kaniya. He won’t really leave me, right? He won’t really let me live this life without him, right? Things already change… It won’t happened at all…