I wait a month.

Some might say that's too much time to give someone space, others may say it's not enough. In response to that, I would have to say it was never my intention to give Blake space in the first place. For the past thirty days, I haven't been keeping my distance, waiting for her to call me to tell me if she wants me back or not. She made her decision to live her life separately from mine for a little while, and that was that.

But now it's time for me to make my decision. Which is exactly what I intend to do as I hop into my truck, knowing where I am going to end up before the thought of leaving even registers in my mind.

Night has fallen by now, turning the sky from a dark blue to a deep black. It's not too late, just a few minutes past ten, though it's probably considered too late to be doing something along the lines of what I am now. Yet I don't turn around, because I've done enough giving up in my lifetime already.

I don't stop driving until I end up parked in the lot that belongs to the apartment building of Jess and Blake's place. I have no clue what I'm going to say or do as I climb out of my truck, only knowing one thing for sure: I have to talk to Blake.

I don't think as I ascend the steps to the apartment, stopping once I reach the fourth floor. My feet absentmindedly lead me to the door marked 118. Standing in front of her door, I inhale a deep breath before knocking lightly, making my presence known before I can do something stupid like turn around and drive off as if I'd never been here at all.

I hold my breath as the sound of shuffling and footsteps takes place from behind the door, nerves beginning to eat at me. Maybe I wouldn't be so anxious if I had actually planned this visit, or if I had told Blake I was coming, or if the last time I saw Blake hadn't ended the way it did. Unfortunately, none of this happened, and I'm stuck having to nervously anticipate how this evening will play out.

Suddenly, the front door opens to reveal Blake herself. I study her for a moment. Not seeing her for a month has felt like an eternity. Her dirty blond waves are pulled up into a messy ponytail, a few loose strands framing her face. Her features are remarkably free of makeup, and I can just make out the light spray of freckles across her nose and cheekbones.

My gaze meets hers, finding her brown eyes full of curiosity and disbelief. Furrowing her eyebrows, Blake questions, "Noah? What are you doing here?"

"I have to ask you something," I mutter.

Blake tilts her head as she glances up at me, puzzled. "What's so important that means you couldn't have just called? You have to do this in person?"

"I know you don't want to see me," I mumble. "If I were you, I wouldn't want to see me, either. But I just . . . I need to know something, Blake."

Blake crosses her arms as she stands in the doorway, staring at me as if she thinks I'm crazy. She makes no effort to invite me inside. I get the feeling we're going to have this entire conversation standing by the door. I don't mind, so long as she doesn't slam it in my face.

"Well," Blake prompts, "Go on."

I inhale a shaky breath as I glance down at her, knowing this is it. Her answer to my question will determine if this is the last time our paths will cross for good. It will all be over after this, for better or for worse.

"I need to know if you're really done with me, Blake. I need to know if you can see your future and if that future doesn't involve me. Because until I know for sure, I can't move on."

Blake's eyes are wide as she stares up at me, clearly shocked by my straightforwardness. Her mouth opens and closes over and over again, evidently unsure of how to answer my question. This is fine with me, because I'm not quite done asking questions yet.

"Tell me, Blake," I continue, sounding desperate as I step closer to her, staring into her eyes as if they're a lifeline I need to hold onto. "What do you see when you think of the future? Do you want to know what I see when I think of mine? I see you. From the moment I first laid eyes on you, I have known what I wanted out of my future. Because I want you to be my future. I want to marry you, Blake. I want to wake up next to you in the mornings, knowing I'm the luckiest guy in the world just because I have you. I want to spend every waking moment of my life with you by my side, trying to make you laugh, or smile, or lift you up when you're down. I want to take you out on your bad days, take naps with you on the couch while you're in my arms. When the time comes, I want to start a family with you. I want kids with you, and to be able to tuck them in at night and tell them the story of how I met their mother and how I couldn't help but fall in love with her. I want to grow old with you and sit together in silence as we look back on all of the good times we shared. No matter what happens, I want to love you forever. So please, Blake . . . if that's not what you want, if you see a different future for yourself, tell me now."

Emotions fly through Blake's cloudy gaze so fast I can't even begin to read them. Her lips press into a thin line as she absorbs my confession, features contorting into a sad expression once her initial shock disappears.

"Say it," I plead as Blake stands before me in silence, needing to hear her answer. "Tell me I fucked up, Blake. Tell me you don't love me. Tell me you never want to see me again. If you don't want me anymore, release your hold on me so that I can move on. Please." My voice cracks as I speak, revealing the emotion I try to suppress.

Blake blinks rapidly, signifying that she's holding back tears. Her cheeks flush as she shakes her head. Clearly, I've caught her off-guard. I almost feel bad for dumping all of this on her, yet I need this. I can't go on any longer, living within Blake's grasp if she doesn't want to hold me any longer. If Blake wants to cut our ties here and now, then I need to accept that and find a way to move on. All this time I have been living for her, and if that's not what she wants, then maybe it's time I learn to live for myself.

"Please, Blake," I beg, voice strained, "tell me what you want. Tell me to go, and I won't come back. I need the truth."

"I can't!" Blake suddenly exclaims, voice shaky and full of raw emotion. Tears make paths down her cheeks as she glances up at me. I watch as they fall, feeling a stab of pain shoot through my chest. This always seems to happen when we're together nowadays: I end up making her cry. Maybe we're just not fit for each other. After all, a match and kerosene may start a fire, but even fires die out with time.

"Yes, you can," I counter. "We both know I'm not good for you. We both know you're better off without me. So just say it, Blake. Let me hear you say it so I can let you go."

"Noah, I can't!" Blake repeats, tears falling steadier by the minute.

"Why?" I press, on the verge of tears myself. Why can't she tell me the truth? Why can't she just admit that we're better off alone, where we can't hurt each other?

"Because it isn't true!" Blake shouts, appearing almost angry as her hands fall defeatedly at her sides, glaring up at me. "There! Are you happy now, Noah? It's not true!"

I stare down at her and wonder what she's holding on to. How many times do we have to walk away from each other before the distance sticks? Why do we keep doing this to ourselves, leaving and coming back, just to let go again? Where does it end?

"Blake—" I start, worn out and tired of fighting.

"I've been trying so hard to let go, Noah," she sobs. "Because you hurt me. And I don't want to hurt like that again. I try to push you away, but you always find your way back to me. It's always you, Noah. It's always been you. No matter how hard I—"

Whatever Blake was going to say next, I'll never know. I don't think as I step forward, taking her face in my hands as I angle mine towards hers. I press my lips against her own without a thought, the urge to kiss her too strong to deny.

I've never been good at resisting temptation.

For a moment, Blake doesn't react. However, her shock fades quickly. Her hands rest on top of mine as she kisses me back, her lips against mine reflecting the intensity of the moment. She takes a step backwards, the two of us stumbling into her apartment without breaking our kiss.

I only pull away when I need air, still holding Blake's face in my hands. My palms are slick with her tears. Looking down at her flushed face, I know in my heart that I have never and will never see anything quite as beautiful as she is.

"Tell me the truth," I whisper, "just say it."

"I love you, Noah Reed," Blake whispers back hoarsely, eyes on mine as they well with tears once again. "I love you so much. I'm sorry. I'm so, so sorry. Don't leave. Please."

I wrap my arms around her instinctively, heart swelling with her words. I can feel her fingernails digging into my back as she clings to me tightly, as if she's never planning to let go. I press my lips to her temple as she cries into my chest, both of us realizing that this is it. We have made our way back to each other, and that's all that matters now.

"I love you, Blake Rhodes," I whisper in her ear. "I'm sorry, too. I'm not going anywhere. I promise."

Deep down, I know that is a promise I will keep for eternity.

____

a/n: i am in a sappy mood so here are some pictures i have taken with my girlfriend that i felt like sharing: