Standing on the Rhodes' front porch, a rush of nostalgia takes me over and captures me in a state of déjà vu. It's hard to believe it's been years since the last time I was here. I can still remember the first time I'd stood on this very porch, thinking back to how nervous I'd been, even though Blake and I hadn't started pursuing a relationship quite yet.

A flare of nerves course through my veins as I realize that I'm standing on Blake's front porch, I'm at her house, I'm going to see her. It's a lot to take in, to say the least.

My father joins me, Caroline trailing after him with Charlotte in her arms. Dad rests a hand on my shoulder and offers me a knowing smile, his eyes gleaming with concern. I force a smile in return, hoping it looks reassuring. The last thing I need right now is for my dad to think that I can't handle seeing Blake and her family. After all, I'm an adult now. My dad shouldn't have to worry about me.

"Why don't you ring the doorbell, Noah?" Dad suggests, teasing me. "For old times sake."

"Why not?" I mumble. I extend a hand and press a fingertip to the doorbell without a second thought.

Only a second later, I find myself wishing I had given the action second thought. Maybe then I could have prepared myself for the sight standing before me now; maybe then I wouldn't be left speechless and nothing but a jumble of nerves.

Blake opens the door, the sight of her taking my breath away. I study her appearance, gaze wandering over her now straight blond hair to her t-shirt and shorts, trailing her legs before rising back up to her brown eyes, surprised to find them already staring into my own.

Blake's expression is caught off guard, indicating that she hadn't been expecting to see me. Her brown eyes widen as they hold my stare, lips parting in surprise. For a moment the two of us stand in silence, merely staring at the other.

I clear my throat, though my voice still wobbles when I mutter, "Hi."

Blake's expression is pinched as she mumbles, "Uh, hey." I notice that she is quick to regain her composure, glancing over at my parents and greeting them with a wide smile. "Come on in you guys," she says warmly. "Everyone is in the backyard, but you know the drill. Hi Charlotte!"

Charlotte beams up at Blake, shaking a pudgy little hand in a wave. Blake offers her a smile that makes her all the more beautiful in my eyes. My heart feels as if it stills in my chest as I stare at the girl I used to know so well, realizing that I've missed out on years of her life. What Blake and I had in our past doesn't matter. I'm hit with the sudden realization that Blake Rhodes is now a stranger to me.

"I think we're going to head out back," my dad says. I remain in the doorway as he and Caroline walk off, leaving me alone with Blake.

I slide my hands into the pockets of my jeans, unsure of what to do with them. I feel awkward standing next to Blake, completely self-aware. It's ironic to me that there are so many things I wish I could say to her, yet I can't seem to find a single word to say to her in the moment.

Blake closes the front door before turning to face me, expression unreadable. She tucks a strand of blond hair behind her ear before shyly meeting my gaze, looking just as at a loss for words as I am.

"I didn't know you were going to show up," she says after a moment, voice soft. I don't know what to make of her statement. I can't blame her if she feels uncomfortable having me around. I suppose I would too if I were in her place, having to see me again after what I did.

"Caroline wanted me to come," I admit, "and I wanted to come too. But if you don't—"

"No!" Blake is quick to cut me off. "You should stay. I mean, you're already here. And I'm sure everyone would like to see you again. It's been awhile." Blake winces as she says the last sentence, the light shining in her eyes dimming somewhat.

"Blake." I don't realize I'm speaking until I'm saying her name. "I know that we haven't seen each other in years and things between us didn't end on the best terms, but I was hoping—"

"Noah." Blake shakes her head to stop me short. Her expression is worn, gaze sad. Instantly, I know that I've said something wrong. Guilt begins to eat at me. "You have nothing to apologize for, okay? Let's just leave the past in the past and move on. It's been years. I'm not holding onto anything. You shouldn't either."

Blake's words feel like slap to the cheek. I try to mask my hurt by nodding, ignoring the sting of the slap. "Yeah," I murmur. "Yeah, okay."

Blake offers me a tight smile that doesn't quite reach her eyes. Once again, I'm forced to realize that the girl standing in front of me now isn't the girl I once knew. She has changed—and that's not a bad thing—forcing me to see how much I missed out on. The Blake that stands before me now is tougher somehow, bolder in a sense that makes it clear she has grown stronger with time. As much as I respect her for this, something about the fact also makes my heart ache. I guess part of me knows that the reason Blake has become so resilient isn't just because she has matured, but also because so many people she trusted have hurt her in ways she'll never fully heal from. It hurts to realize that I was one of those people, that I hurt her in a way I promised I never would.

"We should head outside," Blake says without meeting my gaze, walking past me and into the kitchen. "That's where everyone else is."

I watch her walk off before I follow after her, knowing things are about to get pretty awkward. I haven't put much thought into what it'd be like to see Blake's family again after all this time, though I'm betting her relatives aren't going to be too fond of my presence. I ache as I think about all of the times I shared with the Rhodes', recalling family dinners and moments with her younger siblings.

Stepping into the backyard, I instantly recognize the faces I haven't seen in years, stricken to see how different everything seems while remaining the same all at once.

I spot the twins first, as it's hard to look past two people who look identical. I'm stunned to find that Reeve and Grayson look to be at least a foot taller, all grown up. They aren't kids anymore the same as I'm not, and—for some reason—this doesn't sit well with me. I used to think of the boys I'm staring at now as brothers of my own, and now they're completely unrecognizable to me.

My gaze drifts to the girl that stands across from them. I know she must be Jackie, though she looks nothing like the Jackie I remember. It's amazing how much she's grown. I remember Jackie as a toddler that liked to dress up in her mother's heels and put on shows for me and her family, but she's now a girl dressed in a soccer uniform, performing tricks with the soccer ball perched at her foot.

It's funny how much can change in just three years. It seems like such a small number, though it feels like a lifetime.

"Noah?" the sound of my name being uttered breaks me from my thoughts, and I turn around to find Blake's mother standing before me, looking shocked to see me. I'm somewhat stunned when she offers me a warm smile, her brown eyes sparkling as they meet mine. "Well, if it isn't Noah Reed!" she exclaims with a laugh. "It's so good to see you again! Where on earth have you been?"

I return Mrs. Rhodes's smile, though I'm suddenly nervous. "Hi, Mrs. Rhodes," I murmur. "It's good to see you too."

"Please, Noah. Call me Stacy." Mrs. Rhodes rolls her eyes as she beams at me, shaking her head playfully. "There's no need for the formality. I mean, we're both adults here, right?"

I laugh along with Mrs. Rhodes, still slightly on edge. I had assumed that Blake's parents would hate me, considering what I put their daughter through.

As if she can read my mind, Mrs. Rhodes's expression softens, an understanding light gleaming in her eyes. She rests a hand on my shoulder as she murmurs, "I hope you know that nobody here holds anything against you, Noah. And I hope you don't hold anything against yourself, either. After all that you've gone through, I think you deserve a break."

Mrs. Rhodes offers me one last smile before patting my shoulder and walking off. I stand by myself, lost in thought. It's hard watching the scene that's playing out before me and realizing that I don't fit into it. At least, not in the way I once did.

That's the thing about time, I suppose. If enough time passes, nearly anything can change. Just as time continues to go on, people continue to change. I'm not the same person I was years ago, or weeks ago, or even a day ago; and that goes for everyone surrounding me. I'm now left looking all of that time and change in the eye, and I'm not quite sure what I'm seeing.

I blink, returning to reality. Peering across the yard, I notice my dad talking to John, Blake's father. He hasn't seemed to notice me yet. Just the thought of talking to Mr. Rhodes leaves me unsettled. Caroline is occupying Charlotte in the grass while Jackie entertains her with the soccer ball. The twins are caught up in conversation with Blake. My gaze lingers on her for longer than it should, taking her in, my chest filled with longing.

I turn my back on the image, unsure of why I thought attending this barbecue would be a good idea. It's hard to face the past, knowing I can never get it back. I take a few steps toward the patio, needing a minute to myself. I hadn't expected seeing Blake to be so hard. Now I'm left wondering if it's really seeing her that's the hard part, or if it's seeing her happy that's getting to me.

I enter the house through the sliding glass door, closing it behind me and inhaling a collective breath. I turn away from the door, my heart rate spiking as I run right into Brooke.

The last time I saw Brooke Rhodes was days before I ended things with her sister, and the memory is fuzzy. Looking at her now, I'm forced to see that she has also changed after all this time, no longer the girl she was when I first left. She still looks eerily similar to Blake, though it's now easier to depict their differences. She appears taller, her blond hair is longer, and an aura of confidence now surrounds her that I don't recall her having in the past.

"I'm sorry," I manage to stammer, realizing that I've done nothing but stare since I nearly plowed into Brooke. "I didn't see you there."

I'm surprised when Brooke's lips curl into a kind smile, her brown eyes full of warmth as they meet mine. "I was just heading outside," she says patiently. "I should have been paying more attention. Nothing to apologize for."

"Well, then," I murmur, sliding out of her way, "don't let me stop you."

Brooke laughs, setting the tea pitcher in her hands down on the table. I'm struck by how different her appearance is when she turns to face me. I remember Brooke to be quite the vivacious personality, loud and confident. However, she now seems confident in a much different way, one I can't quite describe.

"It's been a while, Noah," Brooke says, flashing me another bright smile. "I didn't think you were going to show up today."

I'm shocked to find that Brooke wants to talk to me. Yet something about the realization is comforting. It's almost nice to think she doesn't hate me as much as I assumed she did.

"I wanted to see everyone," I choke the words out, finding that it's harder to do so than it should be, "see everything I missed out on."

"Well, I'm glad you came." Brooke's expression softens as she gazes at me. "We've missed you around here, Noah."

I shake my head, wanting to counter Brooke's statement. I want to tell her that she doesn't have to do this, she doesn't have to pretend to be friendly with me. However, before I can get a word out, Brooke is speaking again.

"Nobody is mad at you, Noah," Brooke says gently. "Nobody blames you for anything that happened in the past. We've all moved on. We've all forgiven you." Brooke surprises me when she rests a hand on my shoulder, looking at me with a soft expression. "I think it's time you do the same, okay?"

I open my mouth to respond, only to find no words come out. I'm not sure what I'm supposed to say in response to Brooke's words. She must take my silence as some sort of sign, because she removes her hand from my shoulder and offers me a faltering smile, reaching for the tea pitcher once again.

"It really is good to see you again, Noah," Brooke says breezily. Then she's gone, exiting through the sliding glass door without another word, leaving me alone. I watch her go, joining the scene playing outside, the one that I'm not a part of.

Staring out of the glass, I find myself wondering if I will forever be stuck on the outside looking in.

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a/n: today has been one of the best days i've had in a while mentally so i'm celebrating with an update 🥳