Nowadays, the amount of time I get to spend with my older sister is often very small.

I understand that we're both busy with school and other activities—especially Brooke, considering she graduates this year—though this isn't the only obstacle that gets in the way of us being able to see each other.

It hurts to think that the bond Brooke and I used to share is now fading. It seems that every time we make our way back to each other, something gets in the way of us being able to reunite. Just when I think we've finally reached a point where nothing can break us apart, the strings of our relationship come loose all over again. It doesn't help matters that the two of us have very different personalities and don't always see eye-to-eye. Nevertheless, Brooke will always be one of the most important people in my life. I looked up to her growing up, and I think part of me always will.

I'm supposed to be giving Brooke a ride to our parents house, as a friend of hers is borrowing her car. We haven't hung out alone in a while, so I'm looking forward to the time I'll get with her, even if it's only a car ride together.

I spot Brooke walking toward where I'm parked outside of her apartment, so I snap out of my head and return to the present. I wave at her through the windshield, and Brooke offers me a grin and small wave in response. Brooke opens the passenger-side door and slides into the seat next to me, turning to face me with a smile.

"Hey!" Brooke exclaims brightly. "Thanks for the ride. I know it was last minute."

"It's no problem," I assure her as I back out of the parking lot.

A moment of awkward silence spans between the two of us. It's almost like neither of us know what to say to the other, which breaks my heart in a way. Brooke is my sister. Why do we constantly find ourselves stuck in this place between being family and strangers all at once?

"I wish things were different," Brooke murmurs out of nowhere, seemingly reading my mind. She doesn't look my way as she says the words. Instead, she glances out of the window, expression stony.

"What do you mean?" I question, though I have a feeling I already know what Brooke is getting at.

"I feel like I never see you anymore," Brooke admits. "I mean, I get we're both busy with school and everything, but it sucks. You're my sister, Blake. I feel like I hardly know anything about what goes on in your life now."

Brooke's words bring along a serious case of déjà  vu. It feels like it was only yesterday she had said something similar along those lines to me. It takes me back to three years ago, around the time I was dealing with being sexually assaulted by an ex-boyfriend of mine, Mason Chase.

"It is weird, isn't it?" I agree. "I mean, we're sisters. Yet I have no idea what you even did last week."

Glancing over at Brooke, I find that she is looking down at her hands, her expression sad and somewhat guilty.

"But," I add, wanting to cheer her up, "at the end of the day, we're family. No matter how much time and distance drifts between us, you'll still always be my best friend, Brooke. That's what makes our relationship so special. Nothing can change that."

Brooke offers me a genuine small, which I'm quick to return. She then clears her throat and says, "I've been meaning to ask you how things are going with that med student you've been seeing. Dylan, right?"

Just the mention of Dylan has me blushing. "I think things are going well," I tell her. "We're taking things slow. He's different from the other guys I've dated."

"I can tell he makes you happy," Brooke muses. "He seems like a great guy. I hope to meet him soon."

"If we ever reach that point," I joke, "you'll be the first I introduce him to."

"I'm not exactly sure how to ask you this," Brooke says, hesitating for a moment before continuing, "but how are you doing?"

I glance at Brooke, slightly confused. "What do you mean by that?"

"Well . . . I mean, with Noah back and everything . . ." Brooke trails off, stumbling over her words. "I know that must be hard for you. I didn't even know he was back until Dad mentioned it during dinner the other night. I was just wondering how you're holding up."

I take a moment to think before answering her question. Honestly—at least up until I ran into him—I hadn't put much thought into Noah being back in town. Instead of allowing my mind to go there, I'd force myself to think about anything but him. Maybe this is because it does bother me somewhat to know that he's back, or maybe it's because I'm tired of living in the past.

"I was shocked at first," I admit, knowing I owe it to myself to tell the truth. "I saw him at the café the other day, actually. Running into him brought back a lot of memories. But this is Noah's home too, so I guess part of me always assumed he'd be back eventually. So to answer your question: I'm okay."

For the first time in a long time, I mean it. I am simply okay. Does it sting to have to see Noah considering the history we have? Absolutely. But I've learned that I have the strength within to see him and not feel the need to immediately burst into tears. Noah Reed broke my heart, but I've healed. I suppose anything can heal if given the time to.

"I wonder what it must have been like for him," Brooke murmurs softly as she glances out of the window. I just barely catch the words.

"You wonder what what must have been like for him?" I ask.

Brooke shrugs, expression almost guilty, as if she hadn't meant for me to hear her. "To see you after all this time. If it was hard for you, I wonder what it must have been like for Noah."

"I can't imagine that it was too hard on him," I mutter in response. "I mean, he's the one who left. Remember? He broke up with me. Besides, it's been years. I'm sure he's moved on."

Brooke releases an almost somber laugh. She shakes her head at me like I'm an oblivious child. "You didn't see it, Blake," she says to clarify, which only leaves me more in the dark than I'd been before.

"I didn't see what?" I question, eyebrows furrowed as I look through the windshield and frown at the road before me.

"I was on the outside looking in," Brooke says evasively with a small chuckle, tone almost sad. "You didn't see it, Blake. You didn't see the way Noah would look at you when you weren't paying attention. You didn't see how hard he tried to become someone you could be proud of. You didn't see how important you obviously were to him. I know that his actions were a big reason as to why you two split up, but sometimes I wonder how much that had to hurt him. It had been so easy to see how much he loved you, Blake. I know you're both working on moving on, and I hope that both of you have found happiness. But I also know that your first love is something special, almost like a fantasy. No matter how hard you try, you can never quite forget it. I think that, deep down, nobody ever really stops loving the first person they ever truly fell in love with."

I sit in silence once Brooke stops talking, absorbing her words. I can't get them out of my head, can't stop hearing them. Maybe this is because the information is new and I need a moment to wrap my head around it.

Or maybe I can't let go of my sister's words because even I have to admit that they hold a ring of truth to them.

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a/n: i know i'm gonna sound like a hopeless romantic but i am such a sucker for first loves. 🥺 like just the thought of dating multiple people throughout my lifetime sounds crazy to me. i couldn't imagine having someone be such a big part of my life and then just . . . not. :(