I gasp- and then suddenly I'm laughing as waves of relief break over me. I'm shaking. My heart is humming wildly in my chest. My head is aching from my conversation with my father, and I'm still recovering from watching him fade away right before my eyes. But it's okay, because Jude's alive. He's alive.

Before he can ever register that he's awake, Teddy is hugging him tightly, burying his pale face in his shoulder. He doesn't seem able to speak. Jude makes a strangled sound, his grey eyes blinking in confusion, then he wraps his arms around his boyfriend with difficulty, grinning softly.

"You're alive..." Eclipse repeats over and over, her eyes shining. She somehow manages to pull all of us into a hug at once, so we're all tangled together in a jumble of limbs and warmth and relief. I can barely breathe, but it's definitely worth it.

"I won't be for much longer unless you guys let go of me," chokes Jude. We break apart with difficulty, and he smiles at all of us. "Don't worry. I'm fine, I promise."

"Thanks to Teddy," Eclipse beams at him, wiping her eyes. "He healed you. He managed to beat Saleos's magic."

Jude's eyes widen. He takes Teddy's hand gently. "You did? That's awesome."

Teddy is still trembling. His green eyes are still terrified, as though they're still seeing the blade plunge into Jude's back, as though they're trapped in time. "I thought... I thought you were- We thought you were dead."

Jude sighs, pulling Teddy into another hug. Teddy hugs him as though he's scared it'll be the last time, his breathing unsteady.

"It's okay," Jude promises in a whisper, kissing his cheek. "Everyone's okay." He looks around suddenly, his eyes back to their usual bright alertness. "Where's Saleos? Ash, did you turn the glass?"

Ash looks at me, his dark eyes unreadable. "Not me. Maya."

"Maya?" Jude echoes, staring at me blankly. "But it only works if you're related to-"

"Yeah," I say flatly.  

"But that means-"

My mind flickers back to the memory of the shadow in Manchester, and my stomach lurches sickeningly.

"We need to go," I stand up, swallowing. "We have to meet Marty and Jamie."

"Wait," Teddy says. "Give him a minute..."

"No, I'm fine," Jude pulls himself to his feet, but I notice that he has to lean into Teddy a little. "Maya... You're related to Saleos?"

There's nothing accusatory in his tone, but guilt constricts around my throat as though I'm being hanged. I feel like some sort of traitor, working together with them against Saleos when I'm the reason he's attacking them in the first place. I dragged them into this mess, after all. Teddy was tortured in the very place he's being trying to escape from his entire life, and now he'll be in pain for the rest of his life, because of me. He and everyone else had to watch Jude crumble to the ground with a blade through his chest, watch as blood painted his shirt and his breathing slowed, because of me. Ash was left clinging to life by a fragile, glowing blue thread, because of me. Me, me, me. And now this, on top of everything... How can I expect them to trust me?

"I didn't even know until today," I whisper miserably. "Honestly, I didn't."

Eclipse picks up on the fact that I'm upset immediately, and I feel her hand on my shoulder. "Hey, it's all right..."

My nails dig into my palms, leaving crescents in the skin. "He's my father." 

It feels shameful to even say the words.

Ash smiles weakly. "Hey. I guess that means that we're cousins. Pretty cool."

I blink at him, then smile back hesitantly. So much has happened in the past few minutes that I hadn't even properly thought about that. Well, I suppose it's good to know that not everybody on my father's side of the family is a psychopath.

"It doesn't change anything, Maya," Eclipse wraps her arm around me.

"No, of course it doesn't," Jude insists. "We're still family. A messed up, freaky, awesome family."

Teddy shifts his arm to support Jude better. "Yeah. We can't choose our parents, Maya. I wish we could, but we can't. But that doesn't mean that we're anything like them."

His eyes suddenly become even more faraway. I suspect that his mind has drifted to a clearing in the woods with a smooth gravestone, where the black star that hangs above it must have long since faded away.

I nod, and we wait in the room in silence for a while, recovering. When we eventually pass back through the castle, the guilt - which had just started the fade away- tightens again. Every footstep we take echoes a thousand times, yet there isn't a single voice to be heard. Every room is cold and empty, and the air throbs with loss and emptiness as the castle grieves the loss of its inhabitants. Every inch of the stone fortress is deserted.

It feels so wrong and so right at the same time.

We cross through the iron gates and find Jamie and Marty in the cottage.

Then we set off home.

***

That night brings the last proper nightmare I have for a while. And it isn't even a nightmare. After it ends, I wake up smiling.

It was rare that I ever came home from school feeling happy. Every hour I spent there seemed to drag me down a little lower, drowning me in schoolwork and tests and bullies and pressure and second-hand uniforms and nasty comments as I walked through the halls. Whenever Marty asked, I always told him that my day had been fine, but the truth was that having a good day at school was about as common as finding lucky pennies on the street.

Today was not one of those rare days.

I stormed through the front door, letting it bang against the wall and not bothering to close it behind me. Jamie and Marty scrambled through after me. Jamie was wide-eyed and nervous- no matter how long the string of bad days I had grew, I usually tried hard not to bring my bad mood home with me and not take it out on my brothers. I just couldn't help it that day, though. Out of the corner of my eye as I stomped upstairs, I saw Marty check to see that I hadn't permanently damaged the door, and then glower in my direction.  He had looked happier than usual as he'd waited for me outside the school gates, but apparently my anger was contagious. 

"What the heck is wrong with you today?" he yelled after me.

I slammed my bedroom door and tried to bury myself under a tombstone of pillows and duvet.

I don't know how long I was there before the door opened. There was no knock and the footsteps were heavy, which meant that it couldn't be Jamie. I groaned into my cushion. I didn't want another argument, and I couldn't deal with more yelling right now. At that specific moment, I just wanted to stay in bed until I suffocated. 

"Get lost, Marty," I said harshly.

Predictably, he ignored me. I felt him sit at the end of my bed.

"Sorry I yelled."

"Mmph."

"Bad day?"

"It's always a bad day," I scowled.

Marty fidgeted. "Um... Worse day than normal, then?"

"Mmph."

"Uhh. Do you want to... Talk about it?"

"No."

For once, I didn't. I spent most of my life wanting to talk to Marty, even when he was being particularly insufferable, but I was honestly too tired to get into it all. For now, I just wanted to forget that school even existed.

"Alright, fine. Put your shoes back on."

I removed the pillow from my face to stare at him. "What?"

"We're going out," he grabbed my hand and pulled, dragging me into a sitting position and ignoring my angry squawk of protest. "Come on, you can mope around in bed when we get back. It won't take long."

"I really don't want to."

"Too bad. I have a surprise for you."

"I don't want a surprise."

"Stop being a Grinch and put your shoes back on."

By the time I'd grumpily dragged myself out of bed, he's already hurried downstairs to help Jamie into his coat and shoes.

I kept my arms tightly folded as we walked outside, stubbornly determined to cling on to my bad mood for as long as possible. I didn't want to be cheered up. I wanted to be annoyed for as long as possible. All the same, when the Lost and Found charity shop came into view, my scowl started to disappear a little. More out of surprise than anything else. As we stepped inside, I blinked in the pinkish light and the kaleidoscope of colour that greeted me, startling my eyes. Already, I was struggling to keep myself from smiling.

Marty grabbed my hand and poured a few coins into it. "Here. Pick something. anything you like. You too, Jamie."

Jamie squeaked with delight, clutching his money and hurrying off to the toys section. Marty watched him go with a fond smile, then turned to see me gaping at him. The situation was so familiar that it ached. I wondered if Marty remembered a time long ago, a time where I felt upset after a day at school and someone had brought us here, told us to pick whatever we wanted.

He shuffled uncomfortably. "What?"

I found my voice. "Why are we here?"

"I figured you needed cheering up," Marty shrugged. "So?"

"Mum used to do this," I whispered. "Don't you remember? She brought us here one time, told us to-"

"Yeah. Yeah, I remember. That's why I did it."

I gulped, cradling the money in my hand. I tried to blink the tears out of my eyes. "I thought you were angry at her."

"Of course I'm angry at her!" Marty said defensively. "But... Still. She got a couple of things right, I guess."

My usual instinct whenever Marty said things like this was to argue back and defend our mother, tell him that she wasn't as terrible as he made her seem... But I couldn't today. We'd already had that argument a thousand times over, and we'd probably have it a thousand times more. Marty had just done something incredible for me. I didn't want to tarnish that with another fight. Instead, I gave him a quick hug.

"Thanks," I said quietly. Then I held out my handful of money. "C'mon. We'll split this between us. Or we could pick something together."

Marty shrugged again, the corner of his mouth quirking upwards. "As long as we don't buy another weirdo book about demons, I'm good."

I laughed and punched his shoulder lightly, then we walked deeper into the shop together. And as we did, I felt the remains of my bad mood slide away.

When I got back home, I didn't feel like moping around in bed any more.

***

A lot changes in the following week from our return from the Feallan castle.

The portal to the human realm closing has more of an effect that we thought. The sea feels calmer, as though we've somehow brought peace to the waters. It can no longer bring us lost items from the normal world, though. When we got back home, we collected all of the last items that it brought, regardless of whether or not some of them are even useful. Now, the only things that lie in the golden sands are shells and pebbles. Obviously, this makes things a little more difficult, especially seeing as it's dangerous to go to the Venari to trade things now, but Eclipse has promised that we'll be fine. There are other, friendlier demons that we'll be able to rely on when our food runs out, or when we need new things or magic or something. As long as we save money and items to trade, we'll be alright.

Besides, the beach looks much more beautiful now. Perfect and undisturbed. There's more room to run and swim, and that's fine by me.

On another note, I finally took Eclipse's advice and started to paint on the blank walls of my room. It was beyond satisfying to watch the colour light up the walls, put there by my own two hands, making the room truly mine. The first thing I paint is a sort of recreation of four-year-old Teddy's pink crayon drawing of the family that hangs downstairs, although I add Jordan, Jude, Coby, Marty, Jamie and myself onto the picture. And I do actually add colours other than pink. And add detail to the pictures so that you can actually tell who is who without writing names over everyone's head. All the same, I paint 'OUR FAMILY' above it in huge pink letters, just like he did. It takes a while to finish, but when I've added the final touches of paint, a warm feeling floods through me. Our family. 

I know now that I don't have to feel guilty for feeling at home here any more, because this is home. The walls may be crumbling and the roof may be falling to pieces and it may be a million miles from perfect, but the house that I'd lived in for barely a month feels warmer and more comforting than our old house had felt in a long time. Jamie relaxed immediately into the new environment, introducing himself to everyone and running outside with Coby and the twins to play a game. It's taking Marty a little longer to adjust, but I can see even him starting to relax. The idea of never going back to the other world again is going to take some getting used to for both of us, but I know that we can be happy here. We already are.

That's another thing that changes. Me and Marty. For the first time in the longest forever, we talk. Properly talk, I mean. About Mum, about school, about Richie, about everything I've ever wanted to talk to him about. I tell him the truth I learned from Saleos, about what really happened to our mother. It shakes him up a lot, I can tell, and I feel guilty for rattling him so much, but I can't hide the truth from him. He has the right to know. It'll take some time, but I know that he'll come to terms soon with our new reality. Besides, he needs to know that it wasn't Mum's fault that she left.

And that brings us to today.

Our mother is dead. She's been dead for a while. We always knew that it was a possibility, but now? It's real. We know. I wonder sometimes if it was easier not to know, easier to keep holding onto that useless ray of hope that she was okay and that she would find us one day. The truth hurts. Sometimes it hurts almost too much to handle.

There's no body for us to bury. No way to say goodbye. Still, everyone in the family helps us to make a makeshift grave in the forest. We find a clearing far away from Marco Mallay's, close to our house so that we can visit easily, filled with so many beautiful flowers that the ground looks like it's covered with a multi-coloured blanket. Teddy and Ash work together to create another force field, protecting it from anything that could disrupt its quiet, peaceful perfection. Mum would've loved it, I know. We find other smooth rock to act as a gravestone, and I borrow Eclipse's knife to carve a message on it. Then I kneel there, listening numbly as my new family tells me that they're sorry, and that it'll all be okay. I know that what they're saying is right, and that they're trying to help, but the words feel empty. A jumble of useless nothings. 

Eventually, everyone gives us a moment alone, and it's just Marty, Jamie and me, watching the grave in silence.

Marty traces the letters on the stone with his finger. Here lies Jane Mossley, who now walks among the angels. We love you, Mum, and we'll never forget that. 

"I love you, Mum," Marty whispers to the stone. His voice is choked. "I'm sorry I blamed you."

Jamie is clutching the one-eyed-bear that I found for him on the beach, teary-eyed. "G-Goodbye, Mummy."

I lift him into my arms, and he rests his blonde head on my shoulder.

I honestly believed that I wasn't going to cry. When she left... Well, I got used to the ache of loss, after a while. I thought I'd grown accustomed to the idea that Mum was never coming back, to the point where I could accept this new loss, take it in my stride and start to move on all over again. After all the hours I spent crying when she disappeared... You'd think I'd have run out of tears. But apparently not.

"I miss you, Mum," I sob. "I miss you so much."

Marty stood up and wrapped his arms around both of us.

After a little while, Jamie wriggles away and sits cross legged in front of the grave, hugging his teddy. He stares solemnly at the stone.

"She's in heaven, right?" he asks quietly.

Marty sits down next to him, smiling softly. "Yeah. Yeah, she is."

This surprises me, because I never would've expected Marty to believe in heaven or hell or whatever it is that happens after we die. He's too logical, too full of doubts and endless questions to believe in something like that without absolute proof. He doesn't believe in a god, or gods, I know that for certain. Is there really a part of him that believes that Mum is in a better place now, like I do? Or is he just playing along to make Jamie happier? 

If the second thing is what he's doing, it seems to work. A small smile breaks across Jamie's face. "A-And... Is she happy?"

I sit down with them. "Of course she's happy. There's no Richie or Saleos in heaven."

Jamie actually laughs, but tears spill from his eyes again. 

"Does she miss us?" he whispers to the grave.

There's a stab of pain in my chest.

Marty recovers faster than I do. "Of course she does, buddy. Just as much as we miss her. Why would you ask that?"

"You... You said she was happy," Jamie looks at me.

"She is," I promise. "But... Well, you can miss someone and still be happy, Jamie."

"Really?"

"Really."

Jamie considers this, his face scrunched up in thought. "But... I missed you when we got caught, and I wasn't happy."

The hole in my chest deepens. 

"I missed you too," I manage. "Both of you, a lot. But we can be happy when we lose somebody. It just takes a little time."

Jamie looks a little doubtful, which catches me off guard. That's when I realize that the past few weeks have changed him, too. The days in the dark prison, days of fear and sadness and never knowing why... They must have broken his trust a little. It hurts to think about. Gone are the days where he'll just accept anything Marty or I say without question.My little brother has grown up, just a little, but enough to leave an empty ache inside me.

Just like his older brother. I remember how Mum's disappearance changed Marty, forced him to grow up before he was ready and carry an entire family on his eleven-year-old shoulders. I remember the dark circles that gradually swamped his eyes and snuffed out the light, how he became paler and thinner and his smile dwindled until I barely saw it at all. It was scary to watch, and there wasn't much I could do to help. I want to protect Jamie from that as long as I can.

"Look," I place my finger on the grave, using it to trace tiny circles on the stone. "I know you miss Mum. So do Marty and I. But even though we miss her... I think we can be happy here, at this house. Don't you?"

Jamie looks through the trees in the direction of the house. We can just catch a glimpse of the red bricks through the leaves. The sun shines against the walls, turning them almost golden.

This time, Jamie's smile is stronger. 

"I think we can too."

I look at Marty.

"Yeah," he nods. "Maybe."

The conversation is lulled into silence after that. We sit together by the grave, lost in thought and memories and regrets. It takes a while for me to find my way back to reality.

When I hear a soft whimper next to me, I immediately turn to pull Jamie into a hug. But this time, he isn't the one crying. 

"Marty..." I wrap my arm around his shoulder, and he leans into it slightly, taking deep breaths. I try to find the words to comfort him, but there's nothing I can think to say. But it turns out I don't need to say anything at all.

Marty splutters out a feeble laugh. "I hate you."

"Love you too."