'Tears come from heart not brain'

What a great quote right? But what if your heart stops thinking and brain takes all your decision.

Heart can deceive you but brain will never, I already did a mistake by believing my heart.

I wish I could just go in the past and change everything. Sometimes, I feel that I would be so lucky if I had the superpower to time travel.

I wish, I had it. There are moments in life which you either want to forget or just change it.

I had too, which is impossible to change and even more difficult to forget. Those scenes, blood, guns, his face, that torture everything comes in front of my eyes like nightmares.

The suffocation is killing me from inside. I do want to move on but it is like a trigger to me. I do not think anything can melt a frozen heart, it will always stay at its place and never beat for anyone.

Maybe this is also the reason why I have become emotionless or more like an emotion mess.

My heart feels dead.

It stopped beating for everyone, after my parents, I thought that I lost my everything but after losing him, I actually lost myself too.

♥

A ringing of phone call got me out of my dreamworld, It was Isaac.... I sighed, rubbing my temples.

If I say honestly, then I cannot even work without him. He is in his early 40s yet so active.

" Hello " I answered.

" Hello mam " he greeted in his usual chirpy voice and I rolled my eyes.

" How many times do I need to tell you that do not call me mam but Alaia." I scolded and could already imagine him biting his tongue.

" Sorry, Alaia. "

" Better "

" Actually, I wanted to tell you that we made the deal successfully with Aries. Your presentation was so good that he finalised the deal on spot and the employees you chose were perfect for this meeting. " He said, excitedly.

" Well that is good, congratulations. "

" I should be the one to congratulate you, right? It's your company, the hard work you put in these years made the corporation so strong that it's the best company in the world right now. " he said exaggerating the whole thing and chuckled lowly.

" I know it's mine but honestly it's you and the employees who does all the work in my absence. Even when dad was the CEO you were the most hardworking employee and you still are. " I said, and breathed out.

" Alaia you make presentations for us at night, you barely sleep. And I know that you don't eat your meals properly so you better not give me credits right now and focus on your health. " he said and my eyes widen.

I stammered, trying to form words.
How the hell did he knew about sleep and meals? I better surrender or he will give me a whole lecture on it.

" I know, and I will " I said, biting my tongue.

" You always say that but you never follow your words. If this continuea then you will fall sick, Alaia. Please take enough sleep and eat your food at time. We are here for Houston's, right? "

I let out a sigh and nodded as if he could see me and mentally smacked my head for this nonsense act of mine.

" Yes I know you guys are there but I still have responsibilities towards it. " I tried to argue but he left no room for me.

" We told you that you don't need to worry about it. You fulfill your promise and come back to Paris. Wait.... you will come back here right ?" he asked and I heard hesitation in his voice.

" I don't know.  " I admitted, softly, and could feel my heart thudding in my rib cage.

"That place haunts me, the memories still flashes before my eye. When I will complete the promise then I am thinking to work in England branch " I mumbled looking at my hands.

" You're too Good for your own bad Alaia. Just for a mere promise you made to them you're leaving your own self and working as his PA "

" Isaac my words are everything to me and they were like my own parents. After they died, angel was the only one with whom I could share my feelings.

"But I lost her too along with David who looked at me like his own daughter. They meant too much to me. I lost my everything one by one "

" I know them, Alaia. And I know why you are doing all this but we care for you, it's been years since everything has happened yet you're not moving on with your life, you left living, you forgot smiling. " he said, concern lasing his voice and I closed my eyes, breathing out slowly.

This conversation was anything but what I wanted to have right now. I was not ready for this. I was still not.

" Isaac wait I will call you back. I need to work right now, " a sudden urge built inside me to just hang up the call.

" I know you are trying to run away from this conversation but mark my words, you are running from reality, Alaia and also from your future. " He said and cut the call. I flinched.

I felt my heart piercing with his words. I know, somewhere, he is right. I am actually running from my future, from reality.

Keeping the phone back on the bed, I let out a shaky breath and stared at the platinum ring that still adored my ring finger.

Ian became my ruin. My utter devastation, his non presence made me devastated, he crushed me unknowingly, he broke me apart and I obliged to let it happen.

He is everything wrong and everything right, he holds the key to my cage in his palm. I don't know if ever I would be able to give those keys to anyone, my heart became my cage.

Where sometime my beliefs were that love is the most beautiful feeling but now, it's the most devastating feeling, it leaves you broken.

After giving me the dreams, the beautiful dreams, he took them all away.

He was always mine to have and I was his, we loved each other in and out. I wanted to walk through this life with him by my side, his hand in mine, forever.

"But you left Ian, left my hand, broke your promises. " I whispered, my lips curving into a sad smile.

Letting go someone is the hardest thing we ever do, some people never surrender to love for the fear of being hurt, the feeling is far worst than death.

It's the suffocation that kills you, the guilt burns like a fire inside and that fire haunts you like nightmares.

♥

" Alaia, I want you in my office now" I heard a voice through my intercom, of course, Mr Ashton. I sighed and rubbed my temples before walking to his cabin.

" Yes sir, do you want something? " I said, and he nodded without looking at me.

" Yes, I want you to bring me lunch from Bay leaf " he said still looking at his laptop and my eyes widened.

This piece of shit, Is he mad? That restaurant is like 40 minutes away and lunch time is just for an hour. He will eat whenever he wants but seems like my meal is gone today.

I took deep breaths and clenched my fists, trying to control my anger and not murder someone.

It's OK, Alaia.

It's OK.....

Murdering someone is a 'crime'.

And it always happens with you, I reminded to console myself.

But I too will take lunch from there and eat after the lunch because he will be the reason I won't be able to eat so he better UNDERSTAND.

" OK sir, but which dish do you want?"

There were several dishes so it will at least take you 10 minutes to decide, well my personal experience.

" Uh... bring me spaghetti alle vongole "

I tried hard not to cringe and keep a straight face.

I hate it, why the hell do they even sell it? OK not to offend anyone by my opinion but I seriously hate it.

It was all fine till spaghetti, basil, tomatoes and other veggies but why add clams? I know that is the speciality of the dish but still, I honestly feel bad for number of clans who lose their life for us people. Especially people like Ashton.

" OK sir " I said, and walked out of his cabin to bring his food.

Well the drive till there took an hour to reach there, all thanks to traffic.

I sighed, seems like my meal is officially gone now.

.....

I returned to his office and knocked at his door, hearing a faint come in, I entered the office.

" Here is your lunch, sir " I said, and placed the packet on the table.

He looked at his lunch but suddenly his gaze shifted to my hands.

" What's that? " he said, pointing towards the packet in my hands.

" Uh... That is my lunch" I said, hesitantly.

" what is it? "

" White sauce pasta "

His deep piercing gaze was on my pasta for a while and what he said next,  made my jaw drop.

" I want it. "
He said it as if it was not a big deal. I gasped and looked at him wide eyed.

" But it's my lunch! " I protested, still in trance. I couldn't believe my ears at the shit he just uttered.

" but I want to eat pasta now " He shrugged.

" You told me to bring spaghetti so I brought it for you and it's my lunch " I argued.

He sat up straight looked into my eyes and the only thing I could see in them was amusement.

Seems like he is enjoying. Yeah, right, of course, troubling me is an absolute enjoyment for him.

No in the hell way I will give my lunch to him.

" You can eat my lunch instead." he said, and I tried keeping my disgust aside, his offer was not at all tempting instead, it was gross.

" I said 'NO' " I said and he sunk back in his chair with a stupid smirk playing on his lips.

I let out a frustrated sigh, almost stomping my foot, I think I soon need to give up, I can't quarrel like a child with him.

I have many other important works to complete. It's better that I stay hungry rather than eating those clams.

I just slammed both of the packets on his desk and walked out, fuming in anger.

♥

I tried to concentrate in work but my empty stomach wasn't really helpful also Isaac's words were constantly ringing in my ears and somewhere he is right.

Slumping deeper into my chair, I rubbed my face and let out a breath.

He is right.
I am scared to move on, it's the toughest thing ever. The memories which are stored in your brain, will all come back to you.

"I think I need to clear my head" I mumbled to myself and sighed, rubbing my sweaty palms.

I left office early today and reached home.

Here I was in my special room, this room is very special to me. You can never judge this room, in the side it has a study table on the side where I write my most of the emotions and a boxing bag in the middle to take my frustration out.

I tried to complete my work faster just to come back early, I needed something which would help me clear my mind and boxing was the only thing which would help me right now.

I prepared my position, hands under my chin and right leg back.

"Babe you why do you love boxing so much? "

Punch.

"I love it because it helps you beat the shit out of jerks and not to forget, it was the reason we met. "

Punch.

Why did you leave me Ian?

Punch.

After promising eternity with me, After promising the song of immortality with me? You went taking my sun away and now, it's all dark here.

Punch.

How will I see the light again huh? How will I smile again?
How will I be happy again?
Why did you become so important to me?!

Punch.

How will I love again?
You went away taking my emotions with you.

Punch.

You went away taking my soul with you, how will I live again?

Punch.

You took my every damn thing, I want to hate you so much, I fucking want to. My eyes still search for you everywhere, everyday. They yearn for you. You took my fucking life with you.

Punch.

I kept punching continuously, my brain and body begging me to stop. Sweat dripped from my body, bruises covered my hands, but still, I did not wanted to stop. The pain gave me solace. Hurting myself felt so right at the moment. 

" I want to be so bad in your arms, the warmth, the tenderness. "

This is the reason never love anyone so dearly, the person leaving doesn't hurts as much as attachment does.

You start craving for the love and warmth again.

My phone ringing interrupted my thoughts, it was Ashton. I groaned,

What does he wants now?

" Hello, yes sir, do you need something?" I tried controlling my heavy breathing .

" Alaia are you OK? Why are you breathing so heavily? " he said, concern lacing his voice.

" Yes, I am fine, I was just exercising. Now tell me, do you need something? Or any file? " I said, trying to catch up my breath.

" Uh...no " I heard him taking a breath.

"Actually, I called to ask whether you you had your food or not? Due to me, you were not able to eat."

" Yeah. I had my meal " A clear cut lie

" OK just wanted to make sure. Uh.... good bye and good night "

" Good night, sir "

" And actually, I am sorry " He said, and the line went silent.

I stared at the phone dumbfounded. Did he actually told sorry to me? He is a person who would never say sorry or thank you to anyone.

Woah! I think I am dreaming.

He said sorry?!

~♥~

OK people hope you all are doing good and belated merry Christmas and advance happy new year. I have some surprise for you this new year, no not a surprise update.

But something different.

Hope you all liked the chapter, please comment and tell me your thoughts.

Till then stay safe.