Sometimes my life felt like hitting a wall and I am saying that with experience. Once or twice I have cracked my knuckles punching the wall. So my life is like that, I tried to keep fighting it but in the process I get hurt but it stands there without moving, without getting a scratch, without responding to my grunting protests.

"I think this will be a befitting role for you," Ash said reading a script and I snapped back to reality.

It has been fifteen days since I last had a fight and twelve days since I last saw Magenta. She was the only question I did not get an answer to even after more than one meeting. Come to think of it, I knew nothing about her, not even her name.

I shouldn't get to know her due to several reasons but I wanted to. She doesn't hate me yet and that was encouraging.

"Is it the role of a psychotic handsome killer?" I said with amusement.

The immediate stiffening of Ash's expression answered my question, he actually thought I was right for the character.

"I will do it as long as they don't give me a clingy co-star."

Ash nodded and made the call while I leant back on the car seat. 

"where are we going?" I asked not sure of my schedule for today.

"We have a photo shoot."

I sighed because I hated photo shoot. Prior to becoming a star I was camera conscious and I hated posing for it but it came as a job necessity.

"Where?"

"Lampton's"

I squeezed my eyes shut at his words. You can never escape the past, who said forget the past? The life doesn't allow you to, it catches up and torments you till you succumb to its darkness.

Near Lampton's is a Cafe called Coffee Cottage and it was a place where I and my sister use to go. It was that cosy hidden from the world Cafe that was good for someone like me followed by reporters everywhere.

It was a place that I never visited after she died.

"Postpone it," I said and Ash gave me an incredulous look.

"We can't, you know that."

"I don't want to go near that place." I declared but today was Ash on his authoritative mode.

"Fine then we can't go downtown because there is that bridge where you use to cycle, then in the city centre there is the library where Char use to read and billion things like this around the town. Then don't go to studio as well because Char often came to your shootings as well." His voice was a level up and he was angry.

"Take me to the charity hospital." I answered in a spur of moment.

I don't know why I said that but I knew it has something to do with Magenta.

Since the night of my sister's death anniversary which I spent with Magenta I know her presence was... distracting.

Ash was about to open his mouth to say something, object me or scold me.

"Then we can go to photoshoot."

This made him shut his mouth and we turned to the direction of charity hospital.

***

She was not there and I felt heavily disappointed. I was glad Ash didn't eat my head about it.

"She works night shifts now." Shawn told me.

"Where does she live?" I asked.

"Why are you so curious about her Jeremy, she is an opposite of what you expect."

"Shawn I am not messing with you right now, just tell me what I ask." I was on edge because he knew her secret and I didn't which was messed up since I shouldn't be affected.

"It is not my place to tell." He said and infuriated me further.

"Call her up for work then."

"Jeremy, that's enough." Ash put a restricting hand on my shoulder.

I realised I was getting edgy for no reason at all but then again I was known for that impulsive anger.

"I am indebted to her, I want to repay." I was using this card now.

"You are indebted to her?" Ash asked.

I glared at him to be silent.

"Then come in the evening, her shift starts from then."

And something clicked, "She will not be coming this evening."

She should be coming to my fight.

"I respect you Jeremy but can you please mind your own business." Shawn said sterny.

"Oh, hey Jer, why are you here?" Her voice surprised us all as she called out.

"Sorry Shawn for today, I will be absent in the evening so I came to work now."

I gave Shawn I-told-you-so shrug.

"Jer?" I asked her.

"Jeremy." She corrected and was walking away without talking anymore.

And before I even knew it I was walking after her.

"Let's go for coffee."

What in the name of fuck , Jeremy what did you just ask?

"Ah, so you finally see sense or are you going to be even more ruthless tonight and is worried that I might run away." She said with a dry smile.

"I am repaying you, you said you don't like to be indebted." I said defending my actions.

"We will see what happens after the fight, right now I have to work." And she walked away refusing to drink coffee with me.

This was a first.

***

Magenta always met me after the fight but this time she was waiting by the lockers when I came in.

"Jack is fighting today." She said looking at me inquisitive expression I suppose.

"I never asked." And my mood became even more sullen than it already was.

"He is not fighting a royal so I am relieved its not you." She talked nonetheless.

"I am fighting someone named Jawcrusher today." I grunted back a response.

And just like that my mood lifted as she started laughing. I felt my lips lift a little in a small smile.

"Jawcrusher? Seriously that's his name?" she laughed even more.

"How come you are here when you know it is surrounded by filthy men?"

I couldn't afford to feel happy go lucky right before I was suppose to make someone bleed.

"I have been around fithy men all my life." She said and I sucked in a sharp breath at her words.

Before I could ask, she came closer to me as if she did not fear me even in the mask I now wore. It surprised me and my heart as well.

"Is he dangerous?" She asked in a furious whisper suddenly not sure why she was whispering.

"I am more dangerous." I answered her back in whisper for some reason.

"Okay, can I give a little pep talk?" She asked with aweful amount of innocense in her captivating eyes.

"You will give it even if I refuse." I said in a tired tone.

Her lips lifted in a bright smile like I was right and she whispered yet again ,"Lesser injuries you get today, more time I will spend with you."

I just stared at her for a while letting my brain process her words.

"And who said I want you around." I narrowed my eyes at her assumption.

"The fact that you seem to hover around me." Her eyes twinkled with mischief.

"I came after twelve days, that doesn't mean hovering." I sounded like a fucking twelve year old but I didn't care.

"And I was not the one counting the days." She smirked and I realised I played right into this trap.

Lesser I get injuries, more time she spends with me.

But can I survive without my dose of pain? Can I keep dying thoughts at bay without having my mind busy stitching up the wounds?

"Why, you don't hate me anymore?" 

"oh, I still hate you. I am just trying to make you hate yourself less."

There she said it, the thought that haunted me. She was right, I hated myself and made sure everyone else did too. How does she know such things?

"Whatever." I said and she had a smile of relief.

"What?" I asked the reason for her mind boggling smile when I did not even agree.

"Your response was better than fuck off you stupid minion." She said and I stopped myself from cracking a bemused smile at her way of thinking.

***

I noticed it for the first time how she watched the fight with a pale face. Jawcrusher was an easy opponent at least for me. But in the arean I forgot her words and my feelings went on the dark corner of my mind from where it was shieled from my brash thinking and suicidal thoughts.

I attacked and dodged and attacked and got hit. The pattern was constant. I forgot that I said something to a girl and allowed myself the pleasure of the pain as he hit me on my older injuries still not mended completely. It was when Jawcrusher fell down from a punch that broke his nose and blood flowed down, I looked up at the crowd and like a growing bad habit I searched for her face.

She was pale, uneasy and looked tortured.

I realised she hated coming to these things and yet here she was.

After the fight I sat down with my back leaning on the locker not bothering to pack my stuff or even tending to my many fresh injuries. As stupid as it sounds, I waited for her to come. An hour passed by like that and she didn't came.

She was not coming and she shouldn't and shouldn't want her to but here I was.

She didn't know what she asked, she doesn't know that I am a pain addict. I pulled up my mobile and saw my face looking bad. Photo shoot was out of option for another week now and I sighed in relief.

Finally I got up and arranged my stuff, my body sore and stiff with pain. I dragged my feet out of the arena into the back alley. Covering my head with an oversized hood, I opened the door to face a spiralling fire escapes. behind the houses.

Every moment was taking it's toll as I gritted my teeth in pain. I should have been in the parking lot but I walked out here in desperate need to get some air feeling suffocated for some reason.

"Here you are." A wave of relief and warmth hit me on hearing her voice.

"Magenta." I whisper out her name with pain consuming all my energy.

Her fingers curled around my hand and I felt a freaking world dissolve around me as she pulled me along. I should feel angry at her for not coming but then again she never promised she would.

Pain used to be my cure to all my feelings, a shield for all the overwhelming emotions but right now something else took over the pain as I felt utterly defeated in that moment.

"You are a stubborn asshole." She murmured or maybe it felt that her voice was distant.

I needed to say something to her but I couldn't get words out of my mouth as she manuvoured me through the blurry lights and bustling crowd even at this time of night.

"Where?" I choked out the words.

"Get you cleaned up." She answered.

I immediately agreed because I wished maybe this time she will ask something in return like she did last time.

☘ ☘ ☘

Don't hate Jeremy or you can xD Since he is habitual to hate :P

If you are surprised why Maureen is being a little more friendly towards him, he is now a part of his wishlist, she trying to mend his broken soul.

Any part of the chapter, you could relate with? Let know.

And vote and comment.