TW: Animal cruelty

It took a while before it dawned on me that the person that I saw was Leviticus Kile Conjuanco himself. Pinakitaan kasi ako ni Enoch ng larawan nito. And who couldn't recognize his handsome face? Halos tuwing weekend ko na siya nakikita roon. Pinakakain ang isang palaboy na pusa. For some reason, he never brings the cat home. Binibigyan niya lang ito ng pagkain at pinaliliguan.

I sighed inside the car as I leaned towards the window. Pinagmamasdan ko si Kile habang hinahaplos 'yong pusang itim. Kahit si Enoch ay nakamatyag din sa ginagawa ni Conjuanco. Even Enoch finds it weird that Kile never brings the cat home.

"May mansion 'yan pero hinahayaan lang 'yong pusa na gumala. Bakit di na lang niya dalhin sa mga kumukupkop ng stray cats?" ani Enoch habang titig na titig din kay Kile.

I couldn't answer his question, and I merely shrugged. Bumalik ang tingin ko kay Kile. He looked ethereal but almost emotionless too. Tulad noon, naka-squat ito sa harap ng pusa. Kumikinang ang nag-iisang piercing niya sa tainga. Sa mga araw na sinusundan namin siya, ni hindi siya ngumiti. Kahit bakas ng maliit na ngisi ay wala. Mukhang naka-jackpot na nga ako no'ng inirapan niya ako dahil nagpakita na pala siya ng emosyon sa gano'ng paraan.

Sumandal ako sa upuan ko habang si Enoch naman ay pinagana na ang kotse. Humarurot na ito papalayo sa lugar kung nasaan si Kile. We never tried to get close to him, kusa siyang umaalis kapag lumalapit kami. He was obviously not open to any discussions.

"Saan tayo?"

"Phoenix," Enoch answered, his eyes never drifting from the road. "Nandoon na sina Naiara at North."

"Pumayag na talaga si North?"

"Watch me. Wala siyang choice." Enoch laughed. "Barbara is on my side. We're pretty close, childhood friends kaming dalawa."

Barbara is friends with Enoch. Childhood friend pa nga, so she must have come from a wealthy upbringing, considering Enoch is part of the upper-class people. I heaved a sigh. It must be so nice to be pretty, rich, and have a decent boyfriend. Grabe, kahit siguro di ko na makuha ang latter basta ba't pretty at rich din ako.

"Only child si Barbara," Enoch said amidst the conversation. "Pareho kami kaya, we both clicked."

Only child.

Must be nice.

Napapikit ako at di ko namalayan na binatukan ko ang sarili ko. Enoch stared at me for a while before shaking his head in confusion.

I don't want to be portrayed as ungrateful. I thank the gods for giving me a lot of people that I could cherish and who would cherish me too. Totoo naman na takbuhan mo talaga ang pamilya mo hanggang sa dulo. Pero . . .

A part of me is just a bit jealous of someone who doesn't have to think of the future of others.

Hindi ako puwedeng huminto dahil ako ang inaasahan ng magulang at mga kapatid ko.

Hindi ako puwedeng maging tamad dahil ako ang ginagawang role model ng mga kapatid ko.

Hindi ako puwedeng sumuko dahil karga ko ang mga kapatid ko hanggang di pa nila kayang tumayo sa sarili nila.

Even my parents rely on me. I couldn't simply give up, not because I need to keep going forward, but because a lot of people are expecting me to be their helping hand.

Para bang hindi puwedeng maging option ang isipin ko muna ang sarili ko. I always have to think of them first. Sure, puwede ko namang unahin ang sarili ko, but they would view me in a different perspective.

I would be viewed as selfish.

And I don't want that. Ayoko naman na mawalay sa kanila at magkaroon ng away sa pamilya. I'd rather compromise because I love them. And when you love someone, you tend to put them first, even if it means breaking your own heart sometimes.

The series of thoughts wandering inside my mind was cut off when Enoch parked in front of a familiar club. Mahilig siguro talaga si Enoch sa parties. Pero sa palagay ko ay huling party ko na 'yong dati. Ayoko nang mahabol ng itak ni Papa. He was really furious that day. Mabuti na lang at napakalma siya nina Mama at Mon kundi siguro ay imbes na maging nurse ako, isa na akong ganap na pasyente.

We moseyed our way inside the club. Walang LED lights, tahimik, at may isang babaeng nagwawalis. She immediately looked up at us, and a small smile curved on her lips.

"Maaga pa, Enoch!"

Enoch grinned boyishly. "Phoebe! Nakita mo sina Barbara? Naiara? North?"

Phoebe, who removed the tangled apron she was wearing, seductively hugged Enoch. She rested her head on his chest.

I can only sigh, grabe naman. Tirik na tirik ang araw pero sa harap ko pa talaga.

"Phoebe." Enoch only laughed. "Later, alright? May kakausapin lang ako."

"Enoch, naman." Phoebe pouted. "'Tapos mamaya ay iba na naman ang kausap mo! You don't even make time for me anymore."

"Later, babe." Enoch gently moved away. "Sandali lang talaga."

The girl begrudgingly went away. Napatingin pa siya sa akin at nginitian ako. I returned her smile knowing that I'll see her often. Or not, depende sa kung gaano kadalas silang maglandian ni Enoch.

"Babe, yuck." I retched. "Umay na umay na ako, Enoch."

"Don't worry, iba na itatawag ko sa 'yo. Sa kanila lang 'yong 'babe.'" Enoch winked at me.

Siniko ko nga nang malakas ngunit tinawanan lang niya ako. Napahawak ako sa aking siko dahil ang sakit, tumama pa yata ito sa muscles niya. I forgot that he's working out, maganda ang pangangatawan niya.

"Never, kadiri kaya."

"Sus, di ka lang tinawag na babe ni Leand, e."

"'Tang ina ka, Enoch," I hissed before putting my arms across my chest.

Pumasok kami sa isang kuwarto kung nasaan may babaeng nakaupo habang nakatingin sa isang songbook. A girl was sitting beside her too. She was familiar to me.

Ah, si Barbara.

She was sporting her straight hair, creamy skin, and she was wearing light makeup on. Plantsado rin ang uniporme niya. Based on what I know, pareho siya sa uniporme ng ATU. So, we're in the same school.

"Hello," bati niya sa akin. She smiled for a bit.

Ngumiti rin ako. "Hello . . ."

"Barbs! Ang tataas naman ng mga pinili mo! Girl, bakit naman mga kantahan ni Ariana Grande? De pota, may pa-whistle pa nga!" reklamo ni Naiara sa tabi nito. Kunot ang noo at tinitingnan ang title ng mga numerong nasa karaoke.

Barbara only pursed her lips. I couldn't help but stare at her. Mas maganda siya sa personal. Naging conscious tuloy ako bigla dahil kompara sa damit niyang mukhang bagong bili, ang sa akin ay medyo kupas na ang kulay. Hindi ko naman kasi inakalang makakasalubong ko siya.

It's not like I have to compete with her anyway. So, I didn't mind.

Enoch pointed towards the other seat for me. Agad naman akong umupo roon upang makapagsimula na sila sa interview at sa mga balak nilang gawin.

I busied myself with my phone. Scroll lang ako nang scroll habang si Enoch naman ay kinakausap na sina Naiara. Barbara was drinking her strawberry shake, naka-de-kuwatro siya at iginagalaw ang kaniyang paa. She never looked at me again. She probably didn't want to start a conversation, or she's shy. I think it's the latter. Nginitian naman niya ako kaya alam kong walang ill feelings sa aming dalawa. It's not like we have anything against each other. Ngayon ko pa nga lang siya nakita sa personal.

"May band name na ba?" singit ni Naiara habang nag-uusap silang dalawa ni Enoch.

"Wala pa."

Naiara's brow furrowed. "Lasing ka ba no'ng nagplano kang magbanda o ano?"

"Tipsy lang." Enoch chuckled. Napailing na lang si Naiara.

No band name. Biglaan ang mga member. At kung si Enoch man ang leader, banda ba talaga ang binubuo nila o isang grupo kung saan kailangan ng backup lang ni Enoch?

I can only sigh. Bakit ko ba ito pinoproblema?

Umawang ang pinto at iniluwa nito si North na naka-plain white shirt lang at pantalon. Kahit sa civilian na damit ay malinis pa rin siyang tingnan. Umurong si Barbara upang tumabi sa kaniya si North.

"Nandiyan na pala ang vocalist natin!" Enoch exclaimed, pertaining to North.

"Sabi n'yo, kakanta lang . . ." North chortled. "Nagulat naman ako, may banda na ako. Akala ko, kakanta lang ng Happy Birthday, gano'n . . ."

It looked like he wasn't even aware. Tama nga si Enoch na si Barbara ang mas close niya, dahil kung si North ang nakausap niya, I'm sure North would decline. President's lister, at sa pagkakaalam ko ay may part-time job din siya. He's too busy to even pick up a hobby, moreover, a band that will perform gigs.

Napaka-understanding naman pala niya kung gano'n. I saw Barbara tilting her head, having a curdled expression plastered on her pretty face.

Tumigil naman sa pagtawa si North. Agad siyang nanahimik at nakinig na lang sa usapan nina Naiara at Enoch.

"Ako na lead guitarist?! Agad? Wala man lang audition?" Walang pasidlan ang saya sa boses ni Naiara.

"Oo, wala namang choice," Enoch said.

Naiara frowned at him. "'Kapal nito! Ikaw 'tong naghanap sa akin, baka nakakalimutan mo?"

"Uh, tuwing weekends naman ito, di ba? May part-time job kasi ako kaya itatanong ko lang sana kung may schedule kayo para dito," North raised a question.

"North, I told you . . . drop the job already," Barbara said. "Hindi mo naman kailangan."

"Barbs." North sighed, still holding his girlfriend's hand. "Gusto ko lang masanay na may trabaho na."

"Hindi ka na naman nakikinig sa akin," sikmat ni Barbara. "Bumubuo ka na naman ng desisyon na wala ako."

Enoch whistled upon seeing them quarreling. Si Naiara naman ay napainom ng tubig, at ako na busy kanina sa pag-prepare ng pagkain sa isang cooking simulation game ay nasunog ang mga niluluto.

"Ay, sunog na itlog!" I gasped to clear the dead air. "Talo na naman ako. Magkakamukha lang naman 'tong customer ko, bakit iba-iba sila ng order?!"

"Grabe? Anong level ka na riyan?" Naiara chimed in.

I smiled at her and told her my level. Dahil doon ay nabaling ang atensiyon sa aming dalawa. Barbara was obviously having a rough time with North. Kanina pa nakatitig sa kaniya si North pero nakatingin sa ibang direksiyon si Barbara. I could see both of them from my peripheral view.

Matapos ang maikling usapan ay sumama si Enoch kay Phoebe. Naiara and I opted to commute while North went with Barbara.

"Ganda ni Barbara, 'no? Mukhang model," ani Naiara habang naghihintay kami ng masasakyan. Enoch offered to contact a Grab driver for us, but we declined. Sanay naman kaming dalawa ni Naiara sa commute.

"Oo, bagay sila ni North," I agreed while looking at the sky slowly turning in the darkest shade of blue.

"Di ko alam kung sino ang mas suwerte sa kanilang dalawa, e. Kausap ko kanina si Barbara, halos eight years na pala silang dalawa . . ."

Nanlaki ang mga mata ko. "Ano raw?! Elementary pa lang silang dalawa no'n?!"

Grabe, sa edad na 'yon ay naghahanap pa ako ng limang piso pambili ng paper doll!

Humalakhak si Naiara. "I had the same reaction! Pero eight years lang silang magkasama. Para bang crush lang hanggang sa niligawan daw siya ni North no'ng junior high school, pero sa senior high school pa siya sinagot ni Barbs. Technically, hindi eight years na relationship pero walong taon na pagmamahal na rin."

"Close kayo?"

"Ch-in-ika ko lang kanina! Mabait naman siya, saka madaling kausap. Nagtaka nga ako kanina kung bakit siya nagsusungit. Mukhang LQ sila ni North."

I bit my bottom lip. The fight they had earlier reminded me of my situation before. Seeing it from a different perspective, was I too possessive? Did I control Leand too much?

Naiara and Enoch immediately clicked. Gumawa nga agad si Naiara ng group chat at ang pangalan ay 'Mga Inuto ni Enoch.'

Naiara:

Kinakabahan ako huhuhu

Enoch:

Naaaai 🥺

whenever i see your name

i can see my future children

tinatawag ka rin nilang nai 🥺

Naiara:

What if mag stfu challenge ka?! wala akong balak mag-anak, kung mayroon man ayaw ko sa lahi mo.

ano pala instrument ni Miye

Miye:

Di ako part ng band huhu baka ako lang maging gitara if ever dyan kasi kahit sa boses di ako pinagpala.

Enoch:

woaah . . .

grabe, shock ako roon? gitara? ayaw mo ba maging drums na lang? lol 🤔

Naiara:

Miye 😇😉😚 ???

Gitara ko ba or what kasi so far ako pa lang naman gitarista if ever is this a confession or what, im confused.

Miye:

HOY KAYONG DALAWA HINDI GANUN.

Both of them have the same wavelength. Hindi na ako magtataka kung isang araw ay magdeklara silang mag-BFFs na sila. I highly doubt that one of them would admit, though.

Miye:

Tulong na lang ako sa mga gagawin sa backstage gano'n.

Saka may isa pang kulang sa inyo . . .

Naiara:

Sino?

Miye:

Si Kile.

My thoughts were lingering on the conversation. Sinubukan ko uling matiyempuhan si Kile no'ng Sabado para makausap siya. Ilang linggo na niya kaming iniiwasan. Baka naman kung sa Sabado ko siya kakausapin ay baka pagbigyan na niya ako.

It was calm, but also the air was eerie. Wala akong naririnig na halinghing mula sa pusa. I remember I could hear the purring of Kile's cat even from afar. Pero ngayon ay tila tahimik.

Not until I saw Kile standing while holding a paper bag on the exact spot that he feeds his cat. Sa harapan niya ay isang eksena na halos mangilo ako nang makita.

Lying there was the black cat in a pool of blood. Nahati ito sa dalawang parte. The guts of the cat leaked out, and some of the guts smeared the street itself.

Halos masuka ako nang makita ito.

Tiningnan ko si Kile na tulala lang at halos di makagalaw mula sa kaniyang kinatatayuan.

"Boy? Sa 'yo ba 'yang pusa? Kahapon pa 'yan naghihintay, e. Sinubukan kong pigilan 'yong mga lasing kaso hinabol nila. Gagawin daw sanang pulutan kaso pumalag, e," anang matandang may-ari ng isang tindahan kay Kile.

Hindi sumagot si Kile kaya umalis na rin 'yong matanda sa puwesto nito. Kile only stood there, no reaction at all.

"Kile . . ." I can't help but utter. Kanina pa siya blangko. Sanay akong walang nakikitang emosyon sa kaniya, pero ngayon, kahit reaksiyon ay walang bakas sa kaniyang mukha.

Nasilip ko ang hawak niyang paper bag. May laman itong pagkain ng pusa at mga laruan. He was probably going to feed the cat again.

Kile turned to me, his eyes glistening with tears. Nagtiim-bagang siya bago tumingala at muling tumingin sa akin. His jaw slackened in annoyance. I could feel the glacial feeling being transmitted through his own visage.

"Kung nandito ka para sa isang interview, wala akong pakialam kay Senator Conjuanco. If you're here for favors for him, hindi kami close at di ko rin siyang itinuturing na ama," he blurted out, still looking at me with his dead eyes.

He was like a flower made for decorations. Beautiful but dead.

"Just please, leave me alone," pagmamakaawa niya. His eyes softened, and the mask of coldness was unraveled. For once, he looked vulnerable. Parang isang salita lang ay mababasag siya. I always thought he was dominating; perhaps he is—but right now, he is obviously weak.

He wasn't cold after all. He was just scared and probably lonely too.

"W-we could bury the cat . . ." I gulped, which caught him off guard.

Naningkit ang mga mata ni Kile. "What?"

"Let's bury your friend . . . the cat," sabi ko.

I think if he ever declined the offer, I could understand why.

Pero hindi.

He looked grateful for my offer.

Tahimik akong sinundan ni Kile habang naghanap ako ng kahon. I found one in a nearby store. I gently scoop the body part of the cat using a clean plastic. Kinahon ko ito at kumuha ng marker na ginagamit kong pang-highlight. Pumunta naman kami sa isang bakanteng lote at doon nagsimulang maghukay para paglagyan ng kahon.

"Medyo matingkad ang kulay nito pero baka gusto mong mag-message sa pusa?" I offered Kile.

Kile snickered at me. "Ano'ng isusulat ko riyan? Meow meow? Pur pur? The fuck?"

I rolled my eyes at him. "Pota, arte naman nito. Susulat ka lang, e."

Kile sighed and took my marker. May isinulat siya pero di ko maintindihan. Maayos naman siyang magsulat pero ang liit. Halatang ayaw ipabasa.

"Bakit di mo inuwi 'yong pusa? Or ibigay sana sa mga nag-aalaga ng stray cats, for adoption . . ." I asked as we prepared to bury the cat.

"I was supposed to keep Midnight . . . kaso hindi lang naman ako ang nag-aalaga sa kaniya," Kile answered me briefly.

"Someone else is feeding the cat?"

Tumango lang si Kile.

"Do you think the cat is finally happy?" I asked, wistful.

Kumunot ang noo ni Kile at ngumiwi. "Ewan ko kung ayos ka lang, pero kung ikaw kaya ang pagtripan at muntik nang gawing pulutan, magiging masaya ka ba?"

Namutla naman ako. "I didn't mean that! Ang sa akin lang, ang lungkot kaya ng mag-isa . . . baka roon, kung nasaan man siya ngayon ay may kasama na rin siya."

Kile sighed. "We love to hope for ideals too much that sometimes it distorts our reality . . ."

"Hindi naman sa ganoon. Maybe the cat was lonely here too. Baka masaya na siya ngayon . . ."

Kile's lip curved into a small smirk. "Sa bagay, living is shitty. It's a tunnel with an endless murky path following a false light."

"Grabe naman . . ."

Kile only tilted his head to divert his attention.

Lumingon ako kay Kile. "I'm Miye, hindi ko kilala si Senator Conjuanco."

"Hala, same." Kile faked his expression of shock. "Sino ba 'yong pangit na 'yon?'"

I only laughed. "I'm sorry. Nakulitan ka na siguro sa amin. But rest assured, this will be the last time . . . sorry, Kile."

His tongue briefly glided on his lower lip. "Why are you following me anyway? If it's not for Senator Conjuanco?"

"Banda," I replied curtly.

Kile tilted his head, his piercing shining in my sight.

"A what now?" Kile chuckled sarcastically. "Scam ba ito? You haven't even heard me play or sing . . . what if sintunado ako? You wasted your weekends."

"Pogi ka naman, e. Okay na 'yon." I shrugged. "Ikaw na lang ang visual ng banda."

"The fuck?" Kile furrowed his eyebrows.

"Please? Kahit try lang? We really need someone to fill in the gap," pakiusap ko sa kaniya, pinagdaop ko ang mga kamay ko.

Kile looked like he was contemplating an answer. He sighed before getting his phone.

"Name mo? Twitter."

"Miyedey, lowercase 'yong m," I answered, trying to remember my account. "Pero minsan lang ako mag-Twitter."

"DM me," Kile said, then shrugged. "Details . . . and let's see."

"Sa FB na lang! Ano ba'ng name mo sa FB? Add kita."

"Leviticus Kile," Kile responded and held on to his ear, unconsciously showing me his dangling ear piercing. "Add me."

I didn't know how, why, or when, but Leviticus Kile really did complete the supposed band of Enoch. Looking back, if it's not them, it wouldn't probably be anyone else.

(:̲̅:̲̅:̲̅[̲̅:♡:]̲̅:̲̅:̲̅:̲̅)