Putting on a fancy dress in an airport bathroom wasn't exactly something I'd been itching to cross off my bucket list, but then again, neither was being late for Lakyn's wedding. I couldn't control the weather in London that had delayed every damn flight I tried to get home, but that didn't make it feel any less my fault.

At least the stalls weren't small. They were made for fitting people and luggage. I wasn't about to put my bare foot on it though, so holding the wall with one hand - and a protective layer of toilet paper wedged between it and my skin - I tried to slip my heels on with minimal damage.

I tried to remind myself that Matt was there, he'd take care of things, but that led me to remembering that Matt had taken care of most things, and my only real wedding job had been to be there, and I'd fucked that up.

I tested my balance before swinging my bag over my shoulder and pushing out of the stall. My luggage was going to be late, but I'd shoved the essentials in a carry on. Thank God, because I likely wouldn't have survived without touching up my deodorant. Apparently anxiety made me sweat.

I combed my fingers through my hair as I rushed down the corridors, fitting in with everyone else trying to make a last minute flight. I'd done my makeup on the plane, just before landing, and I'd made the messy hair look a thing since high school. I was fine.

I was fucking late.

I took an Uber from the airport, nearly lost my shoe in a gutter in my haste to get into it, and almost picked through my nail polish as we sat in traffic. I barely remembered to thank the driver as I barroled out and into the venue.

I was there. I'd made it. No one noticed my entrance, or the way I slid into a seat in the back aisle. Everyone's attention was drawn up front, and I felt my heart warm as I took in the sight of Scott and Lakyn. I'd seen them six months ago, but somehow they looked different. Happier.

At Scott's side was Matt, grinning as wide as the day was long, handsome as always. I could probably make it to Lakyn's side, with how distracted everyone was, but there was Lena.

Lena.

I don't know why I hadn't been prepared to see her. I hadn't even let the possibility of it cross my mind, like she wasn't more a part of the boys' lives than I was these days. Maybe it had been safer for me, if I pretended she didn't exist. If I pretended I wouldn't have to make small talk with her on the day our closest friends got married.

My heart stopped. Her hair had grown out, and it hung over her shoulders in thick wind blown waves. She was curvier now than she had been in high school, the black dress she was wearing showing her body off flawlessly. There were pearls around her neck, resting against the swell of her breasts, and her long legs were settled into a pair of fancy black heels.

I couldn't see the color of her eyes from where I was, but I knew the exact shade of green they were - I'd committed them to memory years ago; and I knew that they were messy as she pressed a bouquet so tightly to her chest she almost crushed them.

Suddenly, I had the crushing reminder of what it felt like to be sitting on a plane, flying thousands of miles away from her.

"I'm not a public speaker," Scott warned the crowd, and I tore my eyes away from Lena to focus on what was actually happening today. He continued with, "But I'm not talking to you guys anyway."

He lifted Lakyn's hands in his and smiled softly. "I'm talking to you, because that's what I want to do for the rest of my life. I want to talk to you about dumb tv shows, what we're going to eat for breakfast, the cats. I want to talk to you about every little thing and every big thing. I always want you to be the one I come to first, even with the things that hurt, even with the things that make you roll your eyes. Even when you don't feel like talking back. I've been talking and talking since the day we met and I don't intend to stop any time soon."

Lakyn chuckled, it sounded wet, and his grip on Scott's hands tightened. Scott leaned forward and kissed him on the forehead. "We're going to be alright, baby. As long as we're together. And fortunately, that little piece of paper we're going to sign means you're stuck with me."

Lakyn rolled his eyes hard and everyone laughed again.

"Anyway," Scott said. "I guess what I'm saying is that I love you, and I've been waiting for this day for too long, so I don't plan on going anywhere, okay?"

"Okay," Lakyn answered and leaned in for a quick kiss. When the officiant asked if he was ready, Lakyn gave a nod then took a deep breath. "I've had a crush on you since the first day I saw you, way back in second grade. Your stupid uniform was too big and you had marker all over your fingers but you had this smile that lit up the whole room and I couldn't take it.

I've spent so much of my life wishing that I wasn't alive, or that I was someone else, or somewhere else. It was only ever with you that the voices in my head went silent. That I felt like being me was okay. I did my work to get better and stand where I'm standing now, but you Scott, you're the light at the end of the tunnel. So thank you. For loving me when I couldn't love myself. For waiting for me. For knowing, without a doubt, that we would be here one day. For fighting when I was willing to give up and for suffering through this long ass engagement. I'm so lucky to get to call you my husband."

Lakyn didn't cry, but Scott did, and they barely made it to the officiant telling them they were allowed to kiss before they were on each other. Matt let out a wolf-whistle and Lena clapped through her tears and I felt a grin stretch across my face.

I was late, but I hadn't missed the most important part.

I found my dad once everyone had moved into the reception building. He was talking with Ms. Alvarez, and his eyes lit up the moment he saw me. He pulled me into a bone crushing hug while she said, "I'm so glad to see you! Everyone was afraid you wouldn't make it!"

"I'm here," I said, hugging my father back tightly. "I had to sacrifice my luggage and some dignity, but I made it."

"It's not lost, is it?" Rick asked, and Dad let go of me so I could greet my brother with a hug as well.

"Nah, just on another plane. I'm not sure they're going to let me back in the UK after how I behaved, but I did what I had to do."

He chuckled and re-introduced me to his new girlfriend, Beatrice. I'd met her over zoom, but never in person. She was shorter than I'd expected, and she smacked Rick in the chest when I mentioned that, like he'd had something to do with it.

We migrated towards a table and my family took the time to fill me in on anything I'd missed. I hadn't had a chance to grab Lakyn, or Scott, but I'd be home for good in a couple of weeks, so there would be plenty of time to catch up when they weren't on a newlywed high.

Beatrice had the same sense of humor Rick did, which meant neither of them were actually funny, but they seemed to understand each other. She was majoring in business, and was incredibly interested in what I was doing with my fashion line and where I planned to go with it.

Rick smiled at her like she'd personally hung the moon.

The ringing of a wine glass brought our attention to where Lena was standing to give her Best Woman speech, and my breath caught.

I couldn't even remember what I was going to say when it had been my speech to give. The world narrowed down like only the sound of my heartbeat and Lena's face existed. She was smiling brightly through the awkwardness of a hastily thrown together speech, clinging to the microphone with both hands.

I should have gotten off the plane. The first one, the second one, the third one. I should have turned back. I should have written more. I should have answered more calls that showed a US number. After the first year, I should have asked her to go with me. Screw being adults, screw being mature, screw the tears I had shed, the late nights talking to Lakyn, the ignored romantic advances before Thea. The studies I'd focused on and the designs I'd bled for and the girl I'd forgotten because there wasn't time, wasn't time, wasn't time.

"Wow, wow, wow!" Matt's voice rang out. I hadn't even noticed him and Lena change places, and I needed to focus. I'd kicked ass to be here, obsessing over Lena was something I could do at home.

"I bet not one person in here was surprised to get that wedding invitation, am I right? Except we probably all thought it was going to come at the same time graduation invites did." Everyone laughed. "Yeah, that's what I thought. So if anyone doesn't know me, I'm Matt, I've been Scott's best friend for an embarrassingly long time. And I mean 'embarrassingly' in a serious manner. Like, I have a picture of him with his underwear on his head and my mom's high heels on. I mean, I'm pretty sure that was taken last week, but-"

There was another round of laughter and Matt chuckled when Scott shot him the finger. "I'm kidding, I'm kidding. He was like, five, alright, give the gay a break. But seriously, on to the real stuff, jokes aside. Scott's my best friend, and it's seriously an honor to be up here as his Best Man on the best day of his life. Things haven't always been easy for Scott but he faces each damn day with a smile on his face and optimism in his step and sometimes I don't know how he does it.

When Lakyn came around I knew they were going to end up together. They balance each other out. There's a lot of love there. I've only ever wanted the best for Scott and I'm lucky that he found it so young so that I didn't have to stress out. Lakyn, buddy, thanks for loving him even more than I do. And listen you guys Lakyn really puts up with a lot because when these two got together it was all bickering and awful flirting on Scott's part and being pushed into pools. I mean, I was there, I watched it happen, what a fucking trainwreck."

There were more laughs and Lakyn shot Scott a look that he pointedly ignored.

Matt grinned again and waited for the noise to die down before continuing. "It's been a trip, from sophomore year to here, and a few bumps along the road, but there's no one else I know as in love as these two assholes, and no one else more deserving of this day. So, with much joy, Mr. and Mr. James!"

Cheers and applause went up and Matt stepped down from his chair to hug Lakyn first then wrap Scott up for a few solid minutes. I went to turn my attention to Rick, but that was when my gaze caught Lena's.

I'd honestly thought for a moment that we'd go the whole night without crossing paths.

I forced myself to breathe, in and out, before I managed a smile. I suddenly remembered seventeen, standing in a cafeteria in front of a girl with the most endearing stutter when she said hi for the first time. Then, my thoughts had been a mess of: what's your name, are you single, do you like girls, would you maybe like me?

Now, they're: where is the line between regret and resentment? Do you hate me? Or, worse, are you completely indifferent? Are we strangers now?

Someone announced the first dance, and I forced myself to look away and focus on Scott and Lakyn again. Lakyn rested his head on Scott's shoulder, and Scott pulled him close as the music started to play. It wasn't perfect, they hadn't practiced, but it was so them that it was lovely, and as the music changed into something more modern, the boys ripped their button ups off to reveal Spiderman and Deadpool shirts. I couldn't help but laugh, and rose my glass to cheer with the others.

Rick took Beatrice to dance, and our father took Ms. Alvarez, and I stayed, because there was no one for me to take.

I was scanning the crowd, and I tried to pretend like I wasn't looking for Lena. I caught sight of Sebastian, dancing with Lacey. They'd broken up, I'd heard about it months ago, so it'd be understood if she was with someone new now.

"You made it."

Lena. Again, my heart stuttered. Again, I managed to smile. I put my hands in my lap so she wouldn't notice how anxious I was, and used my foot to push out the chair in front of me. I hoped she would take it, and I hoped she would leave, all at the same time. Because if she stayed, and we were strangers, I wasn't sure I could take it. But if she left, then we would be strangers. The kind of people who only speak at family functions, quick 'how have you been?'s and 'oh, just fine's that never meant anything.

Lena collapsed like standing was too hard for her and I wondered if we were in the same boat. Unsure, unknowing, nervous but curious. I wanted to just ask - to pick Lena's brain the way I used to, but I didn't feel like I could. Not anymore.

She was different from the last time I'd really seen her. There was a tattoo of a lipstick print kiss on her shoulder, and she had streaks of pale blue in her hair. Her eyes held secrets I didn't know, but somehow, she still felt like home.

I tucked my hair behind my ears and tried to remember what Lena had said. You made it.

"I stumbled in about the time they were starting their vows. I thought about going up there but," she paused, "you looked happy and capable, so I left it alone."

"I'm glad you're here - everyone is," Lena said, and I tried not to feel too excited about her word choice. Sometimes it hurt to be missed, but sometimes it felt nice. With Lena, it was a little bit of both.

I untwisted my hands from my lap and took a sip of wine. "So, what have you been up to?"

Lot's of things, as it turned out. School, visiting Lacey, makeup shows and contests, and what about you, Jules? It was easy, talking to her. Like the last three years had only been a week or two. Lena was quicker these days, confident with her humor, and I could hear Scott in her jokes. She picked on me when my accent would slip into something 'very London', and I laughed and told her she sounded 'quite posh.'

We were interrupted when a waiter handed us another bottle of wine. I hadn't even realized we'd finished the one my table had started alone. My mascara was ruined, Lena had told me so with a jab of reminding me that waterproof brands existed, and how had I lived in a place like London without waterproof mascara?

Lakyn flew into me from my side. I didn't even realize who I had a lap full of until Scott appeared behind him, smiling brightly with his hands in his pockets.

"You're drunk," I said with a laugh.

"So are you!" he shot back, and didn't let me go. Scott gave Lena a side hug, and nodded at me in a way that said good job making it. I would have murdered someone to be here today.

"Hey, guess what?" Lakyn asked, pulling away from me.

"Hm?"

"We're okay," he said with a smile, and I couldn't help but smile back at him. I squeezed his arms and repeated, "We're okay. Now go. Enjoy your honeymoon."

He smiled again and gave Scott enough time to hug me too before they left, hand in hand. An applause and bubbles followed them out of the building, but Lena and I hung back. We'd get to see them sooner than the other guests, there was no reason to push up front.

Then it was over. The guests would stay for awhile, dancing and drinking and taking photos, but Scott and Lakyn were gone, and with them went my connection to Lena.

I didn't want her to go. Not yet. I turned to her. "More drinks?"

"More drinks!" she agreed, with tipsy happiness.

I found my dad, Rick, and we found Matt, and together we took what the bar had left and met up with Beatrice, Ms. Alvarez, Sebastian, Lacey, and Lena - who invited us back to her place.

I was drunk by the time we got there, tripping out of my heels. I didn't remember much besides games, laughter, more drinks and falling all over Lena. Everything felt different and the same and I hadn't been so happy in so long.

I fell into Lena's room with her, long after the adults had left and our friends had fallen asleep on the couches or where they'd landed on the floor. We knocked into each other through giggles as we tried to make it to the bed.

Lena was right there, with her big green eyes and her pouty lips, and I didn't know who moved first. Me, with my aching heart, or Lena, who somehow knew she still had the power to heal it, even after all these years. But we were kissing.

And kissing, and kissing, and kissing.

Sunlight woke me in the morning, and I turned my head away from it, my head pounding. Lena smelled like lilacs, and it soothed the nausea. I only knew Lena was awake because she had a tendency to wiggle, and I smiled before watching her blink her eyes open.

"Hi."

She stared at me for a moment, like she wasn't sure if I was real, before she whispered, "Hi."

I smiled and leaned in for a kiss only for Lena to tilt her face away from me. For a moment my heart sank. Maybe I'd misread this. Maybe it had been the wine, and not us. Maybe-

"Morning breath, Jules!"

Maybe we were still seventeen. I buried my face in Lena's neck and laughed. "You still worry about that?"

"Well, it's gross!" Lena replied, indigent.

I kissed her anyway, just once, and we laid there in silence. It wasn't uncomfortable. It wasn't filled with anxieties or wonderings. It felt familiar, like sleepovers and lazy Sunday mornings. I took her hand in one of mine, and used the other to trace her skin. No one was going to be up, the amount we'd drank meant they'd likely be out all day.

I thought about the past few years as we laid there. About Theodora and other flights, about weddings and futures and everything I had left behind. I thought about the last summer I'd spent with Lena, when we'd still been something to each other. Running around a slip-and-slide, soaking wet, laughing so hard we couldn't breathe.

Her eyes had been so bright when she'd grabbed my face and said I love you, and then so sad when she realized it.

"By the way," I murmured, and she looked up at me. Same bright green eyes, same open expression. Waiting for me, always waiting for me. Her mouth opened, like I'd paused too long, but I laid a finger over her lips. If she spoke, I would lose my nerve. I smiled, amused at myself, at the very seventeen feelings I had. "I love you, too."

It'd come too late, but Lena didn't seem surprised. The morning light caught her smile, her messy hair, and yesterday's makeup. I still thought she was beautiful when she leaned in to kiss me, and I met her halfway. It was unrushed and easy, not meant for anything but conveying feelings. A kiss years in the making. She tasted like wine and wedding cake and the summer after senior year, but in that kiss I found something that I had been searching for a continent away.

Home.