Flashbacks are in bold*

Silence often has a noise of its own. The shrieking questions which bore into someone mind. The calculation of what was and what is, the possibility of impossible. There's a storm ensued but on the surface everything is calm, composed, and ordinary. That's the language of silence and it is often louder than the words said, excruciating than the spoken.

Harram couldn't remember for how long she was standing there in that alley. Her mind was devoid of anything coherent; still she could feel it buzzing with questions. The still air around them was forming into an eerie silence, the kind which reminds you of narrow paths, graveyards and the bushes. Waleed hadn't said anything, he was giving her the time to process the possibility he'd just told her about.

She'd opened her mouth to say something, may be ask a question but then she had closed it. Her forehead was scrunching in an expression of being hit by lightning, as if she was under some kind of spell.

The voice of footfalls had broken into the silence and Waleed immediately straightened. Pulling his shades back on he gave Harram a knowing look and ran into the narrow passage on the side of the house they were standing in front of. Harram opened her mouth to ask him to stop but words were surely betraying her after what he had told her.

"Madam, I've been looking for you."

Shahab reached her side and looked around.

"It is not safe to be roaming at this time. Please, get back."

The poor man was pleading her. It was the question of his job. Harram nodded and started following him towards the familiar path leading to Duraid House.

"Did you see your husband's body, Mrs. Zaviyar?"

The question was booming in her ears and she had no hope of tuning it out.

________________________

When she got back home she was relieved to know no one had any idea where she'd been to. There was no one in the living room which was a good thing. She had no stamina to talk to anyone right now. Her hand was slipping on the wooden railing as she was going up the stairs. The duppata had dropped to her shoulders and hair were sticking out of her bun but she cared less. Getting straight to her room she locked the door behind her and slumped to the floor.

She had gone through the soul shattering reality three weeks back that the pillar of her existence was gone. It didn't come easy to her. She had lost a part of herself in accepting that her husband wouldn't be here with her and for as long as she was alive. For past few weeks she was surrounded by his memories and a losing echo of his being. She hadn't accepted that he wouldn't come back ever but she was getting there.

And now out of the blue, a man who claimed himself to be a coworker of her husband was stating that there was suspicion around his death. That there might be a slight chance that, things weren't as they were looking. She couldn't even let herself to explicitly call what he was implying, even in her mind. That'd be too good to be true and truth was right in front of her at this very moment.

That hint in Zaviyar's last letter, the note, his car keys and then that suspicious key he was asking her to protect, his phone call to her father and now this? Was it all making a pattern or she was reading too much into the lines? And what was the surety that Major Waleed wasn't wrong? Did he have any substantial proof to back his claim? What if all this was nothing but just the doing of a messed up mind and at the end she'd be still left heartbroken and vulnerable even more than before?

Getting up she sat down on her bed. She couldn't even share this piece of news with anyone. It was way too raw at this point and she herself was keeping her hopes and the what ifs in check but that'd not be the case with everyone. She didn't want their hearts to break once again if even a bit of fallacy was there in what was said to her.

The spirit and the strength in her were slowly dissolving into nothingness. Everything was turning weirder with each passing day and she didn't know if she had anymore stamina left in her to keep on going. Hitting the pillow behind she placed her hand on the other side and closed her eyes with an expression of unease still settled on her face.

The city lights were looking like small fireflies from this top. In the corner Faisal mosque was illuminating like a beacon of luster and the shadow of Margala hills in the background was covering the whole city like a protective sheet.

"Islamabad is only beautiful when it's night."

Harram mumbled stuffing her mouth with another spoonful of her favourite ice cream.

"You are a permanent resident of Pindi now but it is way too early to start pointing your native city out."

"Am I wrong though?"

She challenged him who just shook his head and taking advantage of her short term negligence took a large spoon of her ice cream.

"I had told you to buy one for yourself as well!"

She shrieked not liking how the scoops were now looking so small. It wasn't her fault. She was possessive when it came to her ice cream.

"I also told you I'm a normal government employee who doesn't have that much money."

"Or you like snatching from me?"

Zaviyar chuckled.

"I do actually. No denying."

Harram narrowed her eyes and turned back to her ice cream.

"This self-pity doesn't suit you, Major. Normal government employee. Ha."

He just shook his head and pushed his hand in his pants pockets. The jacket was doing fine warding off Islamabad winter. He was not ready to leave his bed midnight just to go and get some ice cream but his habits were slowly molding into the likes of Harram Obaid since the time he had married her and he had no complains over it.

"Baba called me yesterday."

It was few minutes into their comfortable silence when she started talking.

"He wants me to work on this new business deal with Aalee."

Zaviyar was aware of Obaid's efforts to get her into his business. But he had never given her any suggestion over this matter. He wanted it to be solely her decision whatever she decided.

"So, are you going to?"

"Working in my father's company with my brother? Yeah, that's a great opportunity but that's not what I wanted to be honest. I've always dreamt of making my own identity. I don't want to start my footing with Baba's help. That's not why I got this degree after so much hassle. I want to use my MBA on something I've made for myself. You are getting me, right?"

He held her hands with an understanding smile on his face.

"I'm, because this was my thinking all my teenage years. I didn't want the carved road Abu had set out for me. I wanted something else and now here I'm, living that something else. Whatever you want to do, I'm always here rooting for you. You want to join Obaid uncle's business? Go for it. You want your own thing? I'm with you in that as well. Just never underestimate yourself, Harram. You are way more than you think of yourself. You are way more determined and level headed than me and that's saying something. So, just have faith in yourself and ace anything you want to, because you can."

"Aren't you full of praises today?"

"Can't help after all you are my favourite wife."

"You forgot to say only or should I be worried?"

"The kind of mood swings you have I don't think I need any more wives. I can enjoy the feel of almost 10 in just one. Just two hours back you were whining about the cold and here we are now, In Islamabad at this hour enjoying your favourite ice cream while it's freezing around. Talk about mood changes."

"You are never going to change, Major."

"Where's fun in that. By the way I'm not driving back to Pindi. Let's get to Maa. Will go back tomorrow."

"That's a great idea she'll be so happy to see us. Let's go!"

With her clinging to his side they had started walking towards his car. Islamabad was still freezing but there was just the halo of warmth surrounding these two.

How he was so confident about her, how he had so much trust in her. She got up with a start. If there was even one percent hope she'd have to look into the things. Because he deserved this from her. They both deserved this from there relation.

She'd do whatever she'd have to. Comes what may.

_______________

The morning came with a new resolve for Harram. She had thought of her next course of action and knowing more about Zaviyar's last day here and contacting Colonel Bukhari was on top of her list. After breakfast Khadija was in her room when Harram got there. She had no plans of sharing what she had discovered so far with anyone. Zaviyar had told her that no one can know about the keys and whatever happened after that was also going to stay with her only.

"You have taken you morning medicines right?"

Khadija had asked in her affectionate way. Harram sat down next to her and nodded. She was finding it hard to start with asking the questions she wanted to. How to bring up a topic that was on everyone's mind but still talking about Zaviyar was going to get both of them in a an abyss of nothingness and sorrow.

"Harram? Are you okay, Bacha?"

Harram nodded but she was not okay. Not in slightest.

"Auntie, can I ask you something?"

"Yes, of course."

"Do you remember the last time Zaviyar called you?"

Khadija kept on looking at Harram's face then took a deep breath.

"He didn't call. He came to meet me."

"When?"

"The day his posting orders had come."

"In the evening?"

"No, in the morning. No one was home and he came straight to me. I remember he had hugged me and then he said I should take care of myself."

Harram nodded but something wasn't adding up here. What she also couldn't decide.

"He was worried though."

"Was he?"

"Yes, seemed like he had gotten the inkling of his posting that's why. He was gloomy and not right in spirits. I tried asking him but he said it's work related so I didn't prod further."

A thought had appeared into Harram's mind like flashing of light. Zaviyar's posting orders had come in the evening. She was sure of it because as soon as he'd got them she was the first person he had called. That brief and last time they were talking to each other was still fresh in her mind.

"I've been posted. Just got the letter."

"Where?"

There was panic in her voice. Everyone was aware of the situation around a check post in mountain ranges and under such circumstances she knew what his posting meant. He hadn't said anything in return.

"Can't you just stay back? Don't go."

The plead in her voice was enough to break her own heart. How much of a pain it is to know someone you love is going to be at the forefront of such a situation.

"Zaviyar..."

"Hey, don't worry. Nothing's going to happen."

"What if something does happen?"

"Then we face it."

"Together?"

He had taken a sharp intake of breath.

"May be. May be not. But we plunge into this together, coming out together or not is always going to be bleak, Harram."

How truthful he was. How brutally honest.

"Harram, I...I just want to you to be safe. Can you do that for me?"

"I will. I will be safe. But you should also promise me the same."

His response was just a painful chuckle.

"I've gotta go. Bye. Take care and be brave."

The line had disconnected after that and that was the moment Harram's heart had started giving the alarm that something was going to happen. The next day his martyrdom news had told her she was right. Every bad feeling was actually the echo of something that was about to hit her.

"What else did he say, Auntie?"

She had shook the memory and was now again back to what she was doing.

"Nothing much, he met me, and then went to his room and when he came out he was looking kind of relieved. He didn't stay for long."

"Did he tell you that he was being posted?"

"No, he didn't talk about any such thing."

Khadija had stopped there. May be she was now reminiscing the time her son had met her for the last time. Harram didn't disturb her chain of thoughts. She had her own worries to take care of.

That day Zaviyar gone to his work place normally. Him going to meet Khadija was not something to look much into. But the fact that he was already stressed over something when his posting orders hadn't even come was not clicking with Harram. She knew him. He wasn't someone to fret over a thing even if it was worrying. His composure was always intact not giving out how shaken he was from within. So there must've been something of importance if he was already stressed even before he was asked to move away.

Harram wanted to look much into this and she knew there was only one person who could help her at this point. Meeting with Colonel Bukhari was necessary. But he won't tell anyone about it. This was going to stay with her for as long as she could keep it.

____________________

Jiya's marriage functions had started busying everyone. The trio of Harram, Hamail and Sohaira were done with their MBA and were very much active in the preparations for this event. With everything being sorted it was finally the day of Jiya's mehandi which was being organized in a famous hotel of the city. Right now the whole clan and the guests were getting ready for it and as usual Harram was the last one along with Sohaira because both of them were checking the bride and her look.

"Your grandfather is nothing short of a dictator."

Harram said clasping her bracelet. Sohaira was narrating her whole incident of how Zaviyar had arranged for Hamail and Meeral's apartment. Three days after Meeral was taken back to her house from the hospital she'd a showdown with her family who had threw her out of the house. Yahya Duraid and Ismail Ali had warned Hamail to stay away from Meeral but when he'd come to know about what had happened he was the first person to go for her rescue. Having no place to go, Meeral was taken to Harram's house where they all contacted Zaviyar and him being the always mindful one had suggested the Nikkah. With few mutual friends they had arranged for it. The whole situation was hidden from Zara as it was risky. Once the Nikkah was done Harram had offered to keep Meeral at her place for a few more days till then Hamail tells his family about this new development but to their dismay, Yahya Duraid was not ready to even hear anything from Hamail on this prospect. It was the wisest choice to keep the Nikkah a secret only as of now. Jiya's wedding had come like a boon and had derived the attention away from Hamail's situation. Harram was ready to keep Meeral with her for as long as she could but Zaviyar had come back from his duty and had told them he'd take care of things from here on. Meeral had left with him and Hamail and now after a week Harram was getting to know that Zaviyar had arranged for an apartment for them.

"He's difficult to understand sometimes."

Sohaira mumbled meekly. In her heart she also was wry of the way her grandfather had refused to even talk about Hamail's feelings for Meeral. Closing the chapter forever. What he was expecting? For Hamail to forget the person he was dying to see every day. If Zaviyar hadn't come to their rescue, Hamail and Meeral's love story would surely be in tatters.

"Still, he should've listened to Hamail. What's with this nonsense that Meeral's family background doesn't match yours? Not everything can be measured through the scale of political and social standings."

"You are right, Harram but look at the brighter side. Zaviyar Bhai took care of everything and I'm sure when it's time to tell the elders he'll do that too."

"Yeah, thankfully a sane voice."

She rolled her eyes while Sohaira just smirked. Harram gave her a look and started wearing the necklace she'd specially matched with her dress.

"God, it's stuck I think. Soha, can you check it?"

She turned around for Soha to see what the problem with the piece of jewelry was when her hand slipped on the hook and it went out of her hand straight hitting the tiled floor below.

"Oh no!"

The voice of pearls scattering closely was an indication that she won't be able to wear this tonight.

"It's okay, Harram. Let me check may be I have a replacement."

"No, you don't. I know your jewelry collection."

It was such a waste. She had specifically chosen this one because it was going so well with her dress but nothing could be done now. They were already getting late. Only them, Khadija and Mrs. Aneesa were home right now and Zaviyar was already waiting for them in the car outside.

"Let's go. I'll manage."

She held Soha's hand and both walked towards Mrs. Aneesa's room outside of which Khadija and Zaviyar were also standing. Mrs. Aneesa was instructing the house help to lock all the doors. As soon as her eyes fell on Harram she instantly came to her.

"Harram, why you aren't wearing the piece you had shown me? It was looking good with the dress."

Harram sighed.

"Dado, It fell and now it's no longer suited to wear and since I have no spare one so here I'm."

Mrs. Aneesa examined her look with a thoughtful expression on her face. Zaviyar shifted agitatedly in his place indicating his mother they were really getting late. Mrs. Aneesa went inside her room and when she came back Harram's face scrunched into confusion seeing the delicate and expensive looking necklace in her hand.

"That's like a family heirloom. I got it from my mother in law and then when Khadija came along I passed it on to her but she gave it back to me after.....I've never used it much but it goes well with your dress so wear it."

Harram widened her eyes. This was sweet of her but no she couldn't take it.

"Dado, I can't take it."

She tried protesting when Mrs. Aneesa started clasping it herself. Sure enough it was matching with her dress.

"No uts and buts. You are going to own this one day so better start wearing from here on itself."

It weren't her words only but the way she had said it and then patted Harram's head in an affectionate manner. It had conveyed so much. Harram's initial shock took a turn to euphoria understanding what she meant. While the other person to whom it was concerned looked as if he had been stung with something. His grandmother's smile, his mother's suggestive look and the way so many colors had spread on Harram's face only a fool could misunderstood what had just conspired here and he was no fool.

"Come on, Zaviyar. We are already late."

Khadija held him from his arm but his mind was working overdrive. Still he chose to stay quiet.

During the whole ceremony his eyes were closely examining his mother, grandmother and their way of looking at Harram and what he had gathered was enough to make him worry. Even Harram was looking lost in her own thoughts after that comment made by Dado. The shine in her eyes was telling him a story he had always turned a blind eye to. He had to put an end to it.

Harram sat in a far corner away from the crowd formed around Jiya to put henna and oil on her. The butterflies she had always heard about in movies were having a marathon in her stomach. What Dado had suggested was totally understood by her and only the mere thought of it becoming true was making her want to float on the clouds. Was it this easy? Getting a person you'd loved all your life. Both Dado and Khadija auntie were looking forward to this. She could tell. And getting her mother on board would be a cakewalk. And Zaviyar was also there. He didn't seem to have any objection as well. Was it really happening? The elders were thinking about her and Zaviyar and were serious about it. Was she getting this lucky?

The whole function went in a daze. Sohaira had somehow informed Hamail about it as well and now both were continuously teasing her about it. But she didn't mind. She was still in the process of believing it was really happening.

After getting rid of her jewelry she was getting to the kitchen to have tea when her breath hitched in her throat. A serious looking Zaviyar had crossed her path midway in the stairs.

"I want to talk to you."

"Right now?"

"Yes, right now."

He pointed towards the terrace. Harram scowled but followed him nonetheless.

"Were you aware of whatever my mother and grandmother are planning regarding us?"

Once they had reached the stairs, he had shot his question without delay.

"No."

"Maa just told me about it."

"So what was your answer?"

She asked with feeling her heart running a marathon.

"I can't. I can't marry right now."

Someone had pushed a bucket of ice water over her. His body language was telling her what she didn't want to think, didn't want to know.

"You can't marry or you can't marry me?"

There was a heavy silence.

"I can't marry you."

His words had broken it and her heart too.

"Why?"

"Because I don't have the same feelings as you."

So he was aware of her feelings. She always knew he was but now she knew why he always neglected them.

"I don't love you, Harram."

The feelings and emotions she was nurturing since the moment she'd come to know the meaning of the word Love were being cut by a sharp knife the edge of which was pointing straight to her heart.

"Not even a bit?"

A helpless whisper had escaped her lips along with helpless tears from her eyes.

"Not even a bit. You are dear to me like a family friend. Like a friend of my own but nothing more than that. I've never felt the same for you as you do for me. And I'm sure I never will. You don't want to tie a person into something he doesn't want. That's give both of us nothing. You deserve better. Far better. I've refused my mother's suggestion. I'm sorry."

He had turned away from her. She took a step back but could feel with each inch of distance widening between them a part of her heart was falling and getting lost here somewhere in the ground.

Her back hit the sofa swing and that's when she came to her senses. Wiping her tears she took a shuddering breath. The pain of which had echoed in that small space. Not looking back she left the terrace.

Holding the railing and looking down at the illuminated lawn of Duraid house a tear had stuck on the tip of his eyelash. The face was contorted into an expression of agony. She was gone but that last shuddering painful breath was still echoing in his ears.

Main bhi bohat ajeeb hu,

Itna ajeeb hu kay bas

Khud ko tabah kar liya aur malal bhi nahi

(I'm weird, I'm so weird

I've destroyed myself and have no remorse)

~Jaun Elia

___________________

Luxury had never looked such a curse to Zaviyar. This house was such a nice place to live in but living here was testing his patience. The patience he was so famous for. It had been four days he was here and without Sheraz informing him, he knew the security here would be fool proof. The area of the house accessible to him was devoid of any door leading him to the outside. Sheraz was at his head almost all the day. There were CCTV cameras in kitchen, lounge and one on top of his bed. He was free to use the kitchen and the washroom. His room was filled with books of his choice. All the details his hawk like eyes were noticing.

The outside was being guarded by two gunmen. He had gathered that much from the window which was half boarded. It was not possible to reach the outside through the window because the CCTV camera was right in front of this side. He'd be caught in no time. The fence in front of the house was dense which meant it wasn't totally out of question to dodge the gunmen but the risk was huge and he couldn't take that. So escaping through the front was ruled out.

The next task was looking for escape routes inside the part of the house he was able to roam in freely. The kitchen was devoid of any sharp and heavy objects much to his frustration. The only knife was a pocket one which had just one blade to it. The other utensils were not even worth mentioning in his ongoing list in his mind.

Inside his room there was a chair close to the bookshelf for reading. The book shelf was to some distance to his bed where the CCTV camera was direct in front of. He had tried to look around as discretely as he could but it had been caught on the camera and that day Sheraz had given him a punch on his face.

So now the only hope was the bathroom and if he was true to himself there was not much hope other than the fact that there were no cameras inside. He had suspected it the first time he had gone inside and after his further prodding he was sure that the bathroom was devoid of any eye watching. That had filled him with hope but one complete look around the small space and he was sure there was nothing he could do here.

It was his fourth day here when he was taking a shower just to calm his mind. His eyes were closed as the water ran through his body. Looking up he opened them and scowled at this only place where he could actually do something for his escape.

May be it was the figment of his imagination or his frustrated mind had overlooked it before but at the end of the roof corner was looking a bit different from the remaining area. A scowl had settled on his face. The bathroom was small so the roof was also quite low. He filled the toothbrush glass with water and threw it at that portion of the roof and when the water slowly traveled down smoothly his suspicion was proved to be right.

It was made of glass. Covered in the white wash roughly it was glass. A smile had reached his lips. The glass that was wide to let a full grown 6 ft man into it. He could try. He would definitely try.

The next two days went in planning what his next action would be. He needed to get to the glass first. The chair in his room was the best option but taking it out of there was not possible without being seen in the cameras. He sat down on his bed and did all the calculation in his mind. The bathroom door was not in comers view. He'd have to somehow take the chair to the bathroom door.

He started giving attention to the books there. He would adjust his chair looking deeply immersed in all his favourite genres but he was slowly taking the chair close to the bathroom door. He was so sneaky that he himself was sure it wasn't looking suspicious. It took him three days to get the chair at the place he wanted to and then he played the master move. While getting out of the bed he "accidentally" bumped in the chair and it moved straight to the bathroom door, away from the camera eye. He waited for anyone to suspect it, what he had tried doing. But he was lucky no one paid any heed to it.

Getting the chair inside the washroom he examined the roof and sure enough that part was glass only. He washed the white wash to know where it was leading to but even after having a somewhat clear look the other side was dipped in plain darkness which told him this bathroom had an abandoned room above which could be his escape from here.

Now the next thing was looking for anything which could break the glass. The kitchen was the ideal place for it but he had to be very careful with his search or else he'd be in trouble. There were few glasses, a mug and few plates. But what took his interest was the pocket knife. The knife of which wasn't much of use but the handle was pretty heavy. It wouldn't break the glass with one kick but gradually it'd do the work. He took fruits in his plate and with the knife in his hand came to his room. That was the day he enjoyed a book with fruits and at last kept the pocket knife in his trousers pocket without being noticed.

Sheraz was there watching him almost half the day but surprisingly he wasn't present at night which was a good thing. He had everything planned for tonight. He was going to escape this beautiful hell if things worked out his way.

"This place is growing on you. Your face is no longer a visual representation of being smothered."

Sheraz commented lighting up a cigarette. Zaviyar shook his head not liking the smoke at all.

"If I hadn't known you better I'd assumed you've made your peace but I know you Major Zaviyar and I also know you are not easy to sit down calmly so if you are thinking of anything, forget it. The consequences would be grave for you only. When I say this is the best setting for you, you should believe me."

"Who are you? My guardian angel? Trust you, Sheraz? Go hit a pole once again which messed up your head in the first place."

The warning in Sheraz's eyes had no effect on his whatsoever. Sheraz put his cigarette in his mouth and left the room but to his out most poor luck he had dropped his lighter which hadn't hidden from Major Zaviyar's eyes. His smirk had deepened. Another useful thing to ease out his plan for tonight.

_______________________

The car stopped in front of the GHQ. Harram looked through the windscreen and took a deep breath. She was clad in her chaddar from head to toe. It was her first time coming here and she didn't know how well she'd be able to accomplished for what she'd come here.

The area had a sense of power to it. She was sure Colonel Bukhari was somewhere inside of this building but getting to him won't be easy she also knew. Still she would try her best. Parking the car she settled her chaddar over her head and started walking towards the main entrance. She could see men in uniform everywhere. The military cars and jeeps were coming in and out. Few men around had looked at her with strange expressions but she held her head high. Reaching the entrance she was asked to identify herself.

"Whom do you want to meet?"

The officer on the gate was asking looking through her ID card.

"Colonel Bukhari."

"You'll have to state the kind of work you have with him."

"That's confidential."

Her no none sense attitude was making the officer wry.

"Then I'm sorry you can't enter inside."

"Look, I have a very important matter to discuss with him."

"Still you can't just barge in there. There are some rules we have to follow and according to them I can't just let you in."

Harram was about to argue further when she felt a presence behind her. Turning around she found Waleed's devoid of any expressions face. He was clad in his uniform and for a change those shades weren't anywhere to be seen. Good riddance.

"Mrs. Zaviyar."

"Major Waleed."

He looked back to the officer and then back to Harram.

"Come with me."

"I'm here to meet Colonel Bukhari."

"I figured that much out on my own but we should talk first, please."

His tone was suggesting she better get away from here. She stood her ground for a few second but at last starting following him towards her car.

"Drive."

He said once they were inside. She huffed and pushed the key in the ignition and soon they were in front of a famous park in Rawalpindi.

"You shouldn't have gone there."

Waleed exclaimed taking his seat on the birth. Harram just shrugged her shoulders.

"You never told me the whole thing so I had to do something on my own."

"The thing is I'm myself not aware of the whole thing."

"You told me that you were Zaviyar's mission partner."

"I had been. On so many but this one was the first Zaviyar was handling alone with just few members of our team where I wasn't included."

"You should've cleared that to me."

"I didn't get the time. But your coming here was a bad idea Mrs. Zaviyar. That place have eyes everywhere. You never know when you'll come in notice. I thought being an Army man's wife that was clear to you."

"He never told me much about his work places and all."

"I can see that. My wife knows a lot but Zaviyar has always been protective about his loved ones so may be in that way he didn't give you much insight into his work life. That's the way this works. The less someone knows the less are the chances of getting into trouble."

"How do you know so much?"

A thoughtful expression had settled on his face.

"The mission Zaviyar was working on included some big names. The names no one knows about. It was like a internal anti-terrorism moment getting to the people who are the master minds of many wrongs in the country. And your husband had unsettled few very high above ones. Their names I don't know but I knew that Zaviyar knew things few people would never want to be disclosed. And then came the order of his transfer. That was the first thing that rang the alarm bell for him and for me as well. He was in my cabin waiting for Colonel Bukhari to be free from his meeting. But it didn't come to this. He had to report there in just few hours so he had to go. And he went. Whatever happened after that was not normal. His martyrdom and then the refusal to show his body. I had come to know that his last letter was addressed to you. I knew he would've left a hint and that's why I started keeping an eye on you. And it sure cleared things some more. Your husband did know things people didn't want him to disclose."

"Are you sure that it wasn't him in the coffin?"

"I'm not but everything starting from his funeral looks sketchy to me. Call it an officer's intuition or what but I'm damn sure there's more to this martyrdom than meets the eye. That's why I want you to be careful and to look around you. I'm trying on my own. We can unravel this mystery. If this brings forth your husband's work for which he sacrificed so much then there's no harm."

She nodded. He was right. Things were surely looking sketchy but there was no point in making big assumptions out of it. She couldn't even let her mind drift to the point that there might be truth in Zaviyar's coffin not being his after all. Right now she had lots of questions and no single right answer.

_________________________

When she reached back Islamabad it was almost lunch time. Parking her car she entered inside the house but to her utter relief no one was in sight. Her first instinct was to get fresh up and go meet Khadija. She was half way through her room when she heard the voices.

"One time someone can neglect, two times as well but it is happening every day. She goes out and then for hours she's not home. And what's the point of these back to back visits to Pindi? This is why we have kept her here with us. But she keeps on doing things on her own terms."

Harram was no fool to not know whom Mrs. Aneesa was talking about.

"Ammi, she visits her and Zaviyar's house. There's no harm in it."

"There is. She's in Iddah and going out is prohibited for her. Why can't she stay back like normal widows? She's pregnant for crying out loud. This is going to affect her baby as well."

"She's the mother and I can bet she knows more than you and me what her baby needs. She's gone through such a life changing trauma, Ammi. Please do not be harsh on her."

"She had gone out for a walk few days back and Shahab told me he had seen her talking to a man in the next street. I'm telling you, Khadija stop her from doing any harm to my grandson's name."

"She's ready to live her whole life in your grandson's name, Ammi. What's gotten into you suddenly? I'm not saying anything to her. She's coping and I'm not going to be someone to dictate her how she should do that. I'm not the one who has lost her husband when pregnant. That's her and if by getting out and breathing in fresh air she feels alive then I'm no one to stop her. My Zaviyar always let her live on her own terms. He never was the typical husband with her and I'm his mother only. I'll never be the typical mother in law neither will I let you say anything to her. Give her the margin here, Ammi."

Harram slowly turned back and started walking towards her room. She'd heard this society makes it hard for the women who have lost their husbands. The first blow had come and how many were going to be there? She didn't know and she didn't want to know.

__________________________

The night had spread its darkness everywhere. In the dimly lit room a groggy looking Zaviyar got up as if woken up from a deep sleep, pushed his feet into his slippers and slowly came to the bathroom. Once inside his senses were working overdrive. First he took off his slippers and pushed his boots on that he had gotten into the bathroom. Wearing his military jacket above his shirt she got dressed and stood on top on the chair that was in the bathroom for days. The pocket knife was in his hand. His started trashing the glass with its handle. There was nothing on the first strike. Nothing on the second as well but the third one left a long crack and with next few strikes the glass had slowly started breaking. It took his exact ten minutes. He struck the sides as well and it made the block weak and within next few seconds the glass was weak enough to be pushed to the ground. He didn't care for the cuts his hands were getting and pushed it to the side using all his might.

The wide square shaped hollow in the roof was the magic door of his escape. Jumping up and keeping one foot at the shower he pushed himself through the hole and in one moment half of his body was through it. The room above, in which this hole was leading to, was filled with darkness. He pushed through the hole and stood there taking deep breaths. His eyes adjusted to the darkness and the first thing he found was an old looking table. He pushed it upside down and covered the hole with it. Now his next move was to look for an escape through this room. The door was a fragile iron one which was locked using iron strings which had held it together. Shaking his head he took out the lighter and started burning them. The corrosive iron started melting right away. The strings were slowly forming a ring and he was cutting onto these with the knife in his hand.

The last bit burnt and the churning of door opening felt like music to his ears. But that was short lived. He could hear the commotion from beneath which means they had been aware of his disappearance. Running on the open terrace of this house he looked around anywhere. Stopping on the edge he glanced underneath and sure enough the lawn of the house next door was in his view. The height was not minimal but not that much that he couldn't jump. So, jumped he did and landed in the middle of the lawn. His leg had come under pressure on the impact and was now paining like a bitch but he'd survive it. The gate was open. He sprinted towards it and once outside of it he didn't look back where he was running. He just kept on pushing himself forward and forward. The feel of free wind was the most beautiful thing he had felt lately. His feet weren't stopping. All other thoughts had left his mind. Just him and this freedom he had been longing for so long.

But what hardships had been written in your fate you have to live them to get where you want to. His fate wasn't this easy. The moment a car had hit him he had believed there were many more trials and more still for him. Someone had gotten out of the car. Bending on the road Zaviyar held on to his throbbing leg and slowly looked above. A smile full of pain and mockery reached his face.

"Took you long, Chachu. Wasn't getting the permission to visit me?"

Ismail Ali gazed at his nephew with both pain and anger.

"Get him in the car. And tell Murad I need a doctor as soon as we reach there. He's injured."

Zaviyar spat on the ground and laughed mockingly.

"Ha. The famous Duraid House values and care for each other. The crumbling Duraid House."

As he was being hauled in to the car a tear rolled down his cheek. He wasn't going to see her. He wasn't going to be there for her. He had failed.

In an other corner of the city his love was also letting the tears soak her pillow. She was being questioned for the things she herself wasn't enjoying. She was battered and she was missing him.

Both were missing their other halves. And both were not even able to catch each other's echo. It was losing somewhere in the dust.

اس کو پانے کی توقع ہے بہت
جب تلک یہ چشم تر موجود ہے

Uss ko paane ki tawaqau hai bohat

Jab talak ye chasham e tarr mojood hai

(The longing of getting my beloved is enormous

As long as my teary eyes are open)

-Jamal Ahsani