Flashbacks are in bold

Harram shifted in her seat feeling the weight of all the gazes in the room on her. She fisted her shirt in her hand and didn't look up.

"Harram, we do not want to pressurize you into anything, dear. We just want to you make a decision which you want. This is your house so is your father's. But in this condition and with your Iddah upon you, We do not want you to juggle places and stay where you are comfortable all these months."

Yahya Duraid leaned forward after putting his thoughts in front of her. She looked up but there was nothing in her eyes he could give a name to. Hollow orbs were staring at him.

"I'll stay here, Dada."

The words had left her mouth. Both Zara and Obaid shook their heads as if accepting it rather uneasily while Mrs. Aneesa was the most satisfied person. Khadija wasn't in the room.

"Very well, you should take rest now."

Yahya had the finality it his tone which meant Harram should be left alone. They all had walked out of the room when she sighed and ran a hand through her hair. There was nothing in this house she could hold onto like an anchor; still she had no heart of leaving this place. May be it was the feeling that Zaviyar had spent a whole chunk of his life here or because this was where she had met him for the first time, whatever it was, she didn't want to leave.

As she hit the pillow switching off the lights, her hand reached out to hold something. She knew there was nothing, but still she did.

No one held her hand. She wasn't expecting anyone to. It was just her way of reminiscing something. A habit formed over time. A habit which was going to take its own time wearing off.

Zindagi meri thi lekin ab to

Tere kehne mein raha karti hai

(It was my life but now

It goes as you ask it to) 

(Parveen Shakir)

As the dark curtain adjusted with her wide open eyes, she could remember just one face and with that a door.

A door she had no idea why wasn't leaving her mind.

______________________________

Zara poured the juice into glass and placed it in front of her who didn't even spare a glance its way.

"Harram, drink it."

Harram didn't budge. She had no desire to eat anything. Even looking at the breakfast in front of her was making her nauseous.

"Amma, please."

"What please? You haven't eaten one proper meal for two days now. This can't go on like this."

Harram shook her head vigorously. Suddenly she was feeling confined within her own mind. Like she was suffocating.

"Amma, I..."

She tried saying something but her sobs didn't let her. The pain was coming back in full force and she didn't have it in her to deal with it anymore.

Zara felt someone had squeezed her heart. The helpless cries and the tears were what no mother should ever witness. Harram shaking her head as if telling her she couldn't do this anymore. Zara was trying her best to console her but it was going in vain.

Both hadn't realized when someone had entered the room and sat next to Harram. Zara looked to her side only when she felt a hand gripping onto her arm telling her to be strong. Khadija wound her arms around Harram's heaving form who had immediately recognized who was with her. This should've eased her out but her sobs had increased in intensity. Both were grieving on a shared sorrow. Both had gone through hell, walked on eggshells and still lost everything.

Khadija was slowly patting her back as if lulling her to sleep but this solace was sending both into a world of memories, a life they had lived and cherished.

"Harram, it's enough, Bachay!

Khadija placed her hand on Harram's knee which she was shaking in nervousness.

"Auntie, I'm really scared."

"Of what exactly? He won't eat you up."

"Still...."

Her words had died on her lips when she heard the door unlocking. Her eyes had gone out of their socket. Khadija hid her chuckled when they both spotted a tired looking Zaviyar entering inside.

"Asslam Alaikum."

He greeted as a part of the norm but stopped short seeing Khadija standing there as well.

"Maa? When did you arrive?"

He reached her side. She ruffled his hair out of habit and pointed towards the couch where Harram was back to being the bundle of nerves that she was.

"I go and check up on the dinner."

Stifling her smile seeing Zaviyar's confused yet scared expressions, Khadija had walked to the kitchen.

Zaviyar took his seat next to her on the sofa.

"What did I do now?"

Harram turned to him who was eyeing her with soft eyes. She'd always get lost in those pools but now wasn't the right time.

"Me. I..messed up."

"That you do half of the business days. What's new?"

"Zaviyar, I'm serious. I think I'm really am in trouble."

She had started fidgeting with her hair and that was an indication she really was upset over something.

"Okay, we can work on it but for that you'll have to tell me what it is? Come on. It can't be that bad."

His encouraging tone wasn't helping either.

"You don't understand! There's so much involved and I think this is going to change things forever. Why do I think! It is going to change everything. I don't know if we are ready. You are not home most of the days and I'm such a mess. How will we adjust with this and what if I make any blunder? You'll scold me like there is no tomorrow. I really do hope I haven't but I think I've messed up."

"Harram!"

She stopped her blabbering and looked at him.

"Be specific."

"I'm pregnant."

She chewed her lower lip trying to gauge his reaction. He was shocked at first but then there was a slow smile appearing on his lips.

"You are...not panicking?"

He folded his arms on his chest and leaned into the sofa.

"Why should I when I know the basics? I'm not the only one who messed up. We both did it together. Alone it would've never been possible."

"Zaviyar!"

She had pushed him away. His deep laugh was like music to her ears.

"So, you aren't mad?"

"Why should I be?"

"Because, we weren't ready."

"We weren't, yes. But I really do not think it's a mess up. Not even remotely. I know things are going to change and we both will need to put some real effort here but that's the beauty of it, isn't it? We get to share a life with each other. A life that is part me and part you. Two messed up people who really did mess up. But this mess up, I'll cherish my whole life."

Up until now she was nervous but after his admission she had starting bawling her eyes out taking him off guard.

"Harram, not the waterworks."

His helpless voice reached Khadija's ears who was in the kitchen and she had finally started laughing.

When she came out, Harram's head was on his shoulder while he was caressing her back, she was mumbling something to him making him chuckle and shake his head.

Khadija wanted to frame this moment. And frame she did, on the curtain of her mind. She'd always want to see these two like this only. Together and happy. At times crazy but contented.

The wholesome picture had blurred so had her eyes. Khadija kissed Harram's head when her own tears had also started making their way. 

____________________

Ismail Ali ended the call with one of his business associate and took a deep breath. Many matters in the office needed his attention but he had no desire to go there. The mess up state at home had shaken him so much that he didn't find it in him to start with the normal life after Zaviyar's burial. He was reliving those excruciating moments once again when Gull pushed open the door and straight came to the closet.

"You are busy today."

Ismail couldn't stop the sharp tone of his.

"Yes, I'm. My club members had come for the condolences so I had to give them company."

"Funny. How you have time to take your friends' condolences but can't sit two minutes with those who've faced on the hands of this situation the most."

His jib had taken Gull at the brink of her rage. She pushed aside her perfectly layered hair and stood in front of him.

"If you want me to spend all my day with your crying family then don't expect this from me."

"Do I look like I expect anything from you? No. You haven't started showing how little you care is a miracle enough."

"Care?"

She scoffed coming close to him.

"Let's not talk about care here, Ismail Duraid Ali. And why so much anger over my behavior? I have always been like this and you know this. Is this really your frustration towards me or your inner regret is surfacing?"

The fire in her eyes had made Ismail restless. He took a step back while she raised an eye brow telling him she knew more than he thought she did.

With hurried footsteps he came out of their room only to bump into Hamail.

"Easy there, dad."

Hamail looked at his father's uneasy expressions but Ismail immediately recovered.

"Where were you?"

"I was on call with Soha. She's coming tomorrow morning. Raza finally got a leave."

"That's good to hear. Harram needs her. And I need you, young man."

"How so?"

"You know your grandfather and I, we can't go to office these days because of the circumstances. Few important deals need to be finalized. I need you, son."

His voice had turned pleading at the end and that was it. Hamail held his hand.

"I'll be there in the office from tomorrow on. Don't worry, Dad."

Ismail had felt a huge burden lifting off his chest. Hamail looked at the slumped shoulders of his father and dropped himself at the start of railing. Sitting on the steps, a distant memory was making its way on his mind.

Zaviyar was looking at his agitated state with amusement written on his face. Both were sitting in the lawn of Zaviyar's house. It was night and Zaviyar had gotten back home just yesterday. Hamail was meaning to talk to him so here he was.

"Bhai, it's not something amusing."

"Well, for me it is. Look at my ever confident brother all lost on the prospect of joining the family business."

"Their expectations scare me."

Zaviyar's nodded knowingly.

"I know. When I first got into army I had gone from here with my head held high telling everyone how in control of the situation I was in, but in reality I was so afraid of the unknown. And the atmosphere there, no doubt I knew what I was going to face, it still baffled me. So yes, I do understand but this will pass, Hamail. Abu and Chachu need you and you shouldn't doubt yourself. Just plunge right into it. You'll get somewhere. I did. You will as well."

His words were like always contained yet effective. Hamail had come here out of habit. The habit of sharing all his problems with Zaviyar. Both the cousins were very close and Hamail always Zaviyar the one person who'd always have his best intentions in mind.

"This is helping but I'm not entirely relaxed."

"But you can live with it."

"That I can. By the way, I'm your guest. At least offer me a glass of water."

Zaviyar shook his head getting up when the hot piping cup of tea was placed in front of both him and Hamail. Hamail immediately took a sip thanking the incoming person but Zaviyar closed his eyes as if he knew this was going to happen.

"Harram, I specifically asked you for a coffee."

She shrugged her shoulders.

"Tea is your favourite."

"And you still can't make one nice cup of coffee."

Hamail bent over his cup not wanting to laugh and call for her wrath.

"What's this obsession with coffee? They are spoiling you in your army camps. If I don't, you yourself will make one and then you will not get a blink of sleep, in return you'll keep me awake all night as well!"

She huffed but seeing the disbelief on Zaviyar's face and the naughty glint in Hamail's eyes, understood she had said something wrong.

"Errr...That...came out wrong.."

Their smiles only grew wider.

"Oh, go to hell you both!"

She was lost inside the house when Hamail got up.

"Okay, I should go now. Good night, Bhai. And please take it easy with her."

Zaviyar punched him in the arm.

"Shut up and get out."

But Hamail's laugh wasn't fading.

Hamail smiled remembering that time. Such was the impact of Zaviyar Ali in their lives. Not one memory faded but his existence had.

___________________________

Zara took the seat right in front of her husband and stared at his worried face. He wasn't someone to wear his emotions on his sleeve but here the person in question was his only daughter, the one he loved dearly, so his worry was making sense still she was feeling as if there was something Obaid wasn't telling her.

"Harram is safe there, Obaid. Those people are her family."

"I know."

"Khadija loves her more like a mother than a mother in law; her two best friends are also there. Soha will arrive tomorrow. I know you are worried for her but don't think she is in any kind of danger."

"Zara, my reasons for being anxious are different."

"What are those then?"

Obaid shook his head and got up. Zara had followed him.

"Come on, what is it?"

"Nothing. It doesn't matter now."

"If it concerns our daughter then it does matter."

"You yourself said she's safe there."

"So wasn't she before?"

Obaid halted in his tracks.

"No."

Zara looked on shocked.

"What are you talking about, Obaid. Please stop playing riddles with me."

"You know the official has said Zaviyar wasn't in contact with anyone before he left for his post in mountain ranges prior to the terrorist bombing. That's not true. He did contact someone. He contacted me."

Zara was shocked. He could tell seeing her face.

"What did he say?"

"He asked me to take Harram away from here. To haveli, to your place, anywhere. But away."

"Why? Did he tell you why?"

"No. His call was very specific and short."

"Oh, my lord."

"Zara, Whatever it was, it has taken Zaviyar away. It didn't put any harm on Harram but snatched her everything. I don't think there's any threat now. You know Zaviyar was working on a top army mission. May be Harram's safety was threatened by that only?"

"Did you tell Zaviyar's family about it? The call?"

"That's what making me anxious."

"What do you mean?"

"He asked me to not tell anyone about it. Anyone means anyone."

The clouds of worry had started looming over Zara and she couldn't deny.

_________________________

Teri khushboo ka pata karti hai

Mujh pe ehsan hawa karti hai

(It tells me about your scent

The wind is doing a favour for me)

The terrace of Duraid house was silent like always. The swing sofa under the shade and the plants around were filling the air with a calm melancholy. Harram folded her arms on her chest and leaned against the wooden swing. This terrace had so many memories of her that she felt like passing through a lane.

"I...I don't love you."

"Not even a bit?"

The torn and helpless voices of two people had echoed there. She closed her eyes. This terrace had seen a lot. Another moment spent right on this swing made its way through her being.

"Stay away or I'll poke your eye."

"I'm not doing anything just looking at my wife. So keep on doing your work I'm doing mine."

With closed lids a smile had reached her face. She was going back to the scented lanes of memories. Where the beloved was close. Not hers but still close. Where she was right in front of him. Where they longed for each other yet they had each other.

Harram took a mouthful of her cereal and checked her pictures on her phone. Jiya's engagement party was now two days old and just yesterday night Soha had sent her the pictures. Everyone was looking great but the happiness on Jiya's face was making Harram smile. Another reason for her to keep on going back to these pictures was the one shot she had no clue when was taken but it had taken her breath away.

She was there on the dance floor with Hamail and Soha. Three of them were having their own gala time dancing and enjoying. Her hand was up in the air while her hair and dress were flowing in the air. She was looking so free, so happy, and so full of life.

And she was in complete focus of someone's eyes. He was standing to the side with his perfect looks and persona. But his eyes were focused just on her. She had rebuked herself to not think much into the lines but her heart was swearing this was what she thoughts it was.

The picture had taken her back to the night when she had found him there close to the switch board. His dark brown almost black eyes were staring right into her soul as if reading all her secrets and unveiling all her unsaid thoughts.

But soon his focus had gone back to the switch and within two minutes he had fixed it. Handing her Hamail's phone he took large steps and was out of there not even looking back for once.

Harram had shaken her head. She would never be able to comprehend what he truly wanted so there was no point in trying as well.

She had placed her bowl in the sink when her phone had rung. She checked the caller ID and taking a deep breath answered it.

"Asslam Alaikum, Baba."

"Wa Alaikum Asslam, Shirin. How's my bacha doing?"

"I'm relaxing. Semester break you see."

"Just one more semester and you'll have you MBA done which means my daughter will be able to join her Dad's business."

Harram didn't say anything. Obaid wanted her to join in but she was not sure about this. Her idea was making an identity of her own but right now wasn't the right time to tell him.

"We'll see about that. Listen, I'm sorry for that day. You were here and I couldn't take time out."

"It's all okay. "

"I know right. I was telling Amma the same. You had also bailed out on me when your third number son, what's his name? Hassan had his birthday. Did I complain? No. We are chill like this."

Obaid wanted to laugh at her pettiness but Zara won't like this. Keeping Harram in check was necessary as Zara had always told him but he was so in love with this growing doll of his that he could never get offended on anything she did or said.

"Okay, now the real thing for which I have called. You have just passed your second last semester so there should definitely be a reward from your Baba. Do you see keys on your side table?"

Harram roamed her eyes at the said table and sure enough shining new keys were there. She dropped her head in her palm.

"Baba, this wasn't necessary."

"You broke your last car. I had to do something since travelling by public transport isn't safe and your mother isn't always available."

Harram wanted to cry out loud at his spoiling tendencies. She knew arguing with him to take it back would be a futile attempt so she just mumbled a thank you. A genuine one.

She had no desire of using the car. Since the time Obaid had come back in her life he had always tried to shower her with gifts. It was one of his ways of getting to her heart but it never really worked. She loved him but there wasn't much going on there. The fact that he broke her mother's trust would always be a hurdle in their bonding.

But she had gotten a text from project partner to meet her as there were few points to discuss. They had already been assigned their final semester projects and Harram had started working on it as well. She had her whole plan of working on it today so after getting changed, she had to get in the new car to reach the decided place.

Driving her new vehicle on the roads of Islamabad was fun. She had found it almost therapeutic. Once outside of the café, she parked it carefully and ran inside.

Azar Aleem was her project partner and almost the most intelligent guy of her MBA class. When he had been partnered with her, he was wry of the decision. For him Harram was a fashionista with no true sense of how business world worked but just one discussion together and he had admitted Harram was a combination of beauty and brains. Both were satisfied with the way things were going. Moreover both had formed a bonding and they enjoyed working together.

All the time she was discussing things with Azar, she could feel someone was looking at her. She looked around few times but didn't find anyone. Shrugging her shoulders, she finally winded up the points and bidding each other a bye both her and Azar made their way towards the parking lot. Azar's friend was picking him up so he straight went towards his car. Harram was walking towards her slot when her feet stopped seeing the person standing close to her car with a raised eyebrow.

"Woo. Nice car."

A small whistle left his mouth. He had his hand in his pants pocket while his shiny aviators were tucked at the front of his shirt. This man could pull off any clothing.

"Thanks."

"Must've been Dad's gift for his princess."

His snide remark had left a bad taste in her mouth. She glared at his calm composure.

"So what?"

"Nothing."

His smile had a sharp edge to it. Harram knew he was trying to rile her up. For a person who had never have a conversation longer than two minutes with her, Zaviyar Ali seemed to know her well.

"Azar Aleem Durrani. You know the guy?"

"I was in the restaurant with him. You must've seen us because you have your eyes everywhere so yes, I do know the guy."

She wasn't Harram Obaid for nothing. Pointing out that she knew he was keeping an eye on her was necessary.

"He is a bad news."

"Because his grandfather is your grandfather's political rival?"

"That's the other part of the equation but yes, that as well."

"I don't know any equation and I'm not associated with your grandfather anyway so it doesn't apply on me, Major. He's my project partner and I have to work with him."

"You are making it an ego argument."

"Was I the one who started off with a snide remark?"

"It wasn't snide. Aren't you your dad's princess?"

"You meant it in an insulting way."

"For your kind information, Durrani is not a friend of your Dad as well. So if not for my so called family, stay away from him for your own Dad's sake."

"I won't. I can't. You can't impose things on me. With which right you are telling me whom should I meet and who I shouldn't? I have nothing to do with Durrani no matter if he's an enemy of your grandfather or my father. I'm just doing my work."

"It was my mistake approaching you. I should've straight talked to Zara auntie. You don't care that Durrani is linked with your father and can harm you to get back on him that's fine. What else can I expect from you anyway especially when your father is concerned."

This was straight blow and it had left her unsettled. He had hit a nerve. She glared at him who had started looking somewhat remorseful.

"Whatever the hell happens between me and my father is none of your business. Stay away!"

She hadn't waited for him to say anything more. Slamming the car door she had zoomed out of there with tears blurring her vision.

A low blow had come from where she had never expected it.

Harram opened her eyes slowly.

"How it is possible, Zaviyar that you are the one person who gave me the most pain but filled me whole with love as well. You made me cry but then your mere presence always made me smile like I was gliding in a fairyland. I could never understand you but you knew me like the back of your hand? I had just started understanding you and now you are gone, without any goodbye. I did deserve a goodbye didn't I? Just one last time you uttering my name and I, yours. Just one last time you hugging me and I hearing your heartbeat. How unfortunate we both are. How tragic we both are."

Her close eye lid fluttered and a lone tear dropped to the ground.

The exact moment the lone figure in the basement opened his eyes. The darkness was not as painful as it had been few hours in the beginning. He had adjusted to it. All day he's spend leaning against the wall where he was sure an imprint of his slouched posture was forming. His mind was always a haze. A mess of different emotions. Some of which he couldn't even feel due to the slumber he was always under the effect of. Even moving one muscle was an uphill task for him. Voices from the door outside seemed to him like the voices coming heaven. He felt as if this was just the end and he would slowly drift off to a land faraway.

A blind haze of light had almost blinded him. Had the summons to that land come? Was he finally able to leave this dungeon once and for all? Someone was pulling his arm. He felt a needle piercing through his skin. Oh, he was being drugged again. Stupid imaginative mind. So asleep still had the tendency to form impossible scenarios.

"It has started kicking in."

The voice had come from somewhere close. He twitched his brow but had no strength to open his eyes. But his mind wasn't as weak as his eyes. It was registering that something was happening.

He was dragged towards the door and then it got opened once again and a flash of light of life fell over his face. He turned his face to the side was adjusted with the view in front of him.

The pillar.

The turn.

The switch board at the far end.

Before he could even take a full look, someone had started dragging him towards the back gate. The gate which was straight under the terrace. He could feel the blur of thing and walls around him but before he could register much his weak body had hit with a vase to the side making him hiss.

"Careful! Not even a scratch on him."

A chuckle escaped his lips. After sucking out his life from him they were trying to be mindful about a fucking scratch. He was thrown into the backseat of a car and that's when he had opened his eyes for the first time with great difficulty. The first thing his eyes found was the back of the house and the second one a lone figure standing on the terrace looking at the other side.

The eyes that were hazy up until now threw open. The dilated pupils were having their own fill of a presence they needed to keep going. The fingers were touching the picture of her formed on the back window of the car. A combination of reality and imagination.

The car slowly came into life. A tear left the eye and got lost somewhere into the leather seats. The eyes were still looking.

The beloved was here. But love was going.

Love knows when love is here. He wished his love also knew. As the car got away from the confines of Duraid House his head leaned against the seat.

Two days back Major Zaviyar's funeral had gone from this house.

Today he also was going.

اتنا سناٹا کہ جیسے ہو سکوت صحرا

ایسی تاریکی کہ آنکھوں نے دہائی دی ہے

جانے زنداں سے ادھر کون سے منظر ہوں گے

مجھ کو دیوار ہی دیوار دکھائی دی ہے

دور اک فاختہ بولی ہے بہت دور کہیں

پہلی آواز محبت کی سنائی دی ہے

Itna sanata kay jaise ho sakoot e sehra

Aisi tareeki kay ankhon ne duhaai di hai

(The silence is akin to the stillness of desert

The darkness is so profound that my eyes are begging)

Janay zindan se idher kon se manzar hongy

Mujh ko deewar hi deewar dikhai di hai

(Don't know what will be the spectacle for the living

I can see just walls and walls.)

Durr ek fakhta boli hai bohar durr kahin

Pehli awaz mohabbat ki sunai di hai.

(Far very far a dove had said something

I can hear the first echo of love)

(Ahmed Faraz)

_________________________

Woooooo