tw. suicide, self harm and possibility of death due to fire. please, please stay safe. if you ever have thoughts were you want to hurt yourself in anyway please get help. tw starts with this -> •🌻• and ends with -> •🌸• once again please stay safe.
••

I stare at the ceiling, lacking the emotion to pull myself up and leave the party, despite the fact that it sounds like everything has calmed down. I block out the little sound coming through the door and start softly singing a song to calm myself down.

"R-rise up th-this mor-morning,
S-smiled w-with-th th-the r-rising s-sun,
T-three lit-little bi-birds
P-pitch b-by m-my do-doorstep
S-singing s-sweet songs
Of me-melodies pure an-and true,
"This is my m-message to you:"

"Don't w-worry about a thing,
Because every little thing g-gonna be all right."
"Don't w-worry about a th-thing,
Because every l-little thing gonna be all r-"

•🌻•
All of a sudden I hear screaming. I stand up to investigate it. I open the door and look down the hall, and I see the source of the panic. A fire. Burning in all its glory. I stare at it, almost in a trance. I don't notice myself doing it but I start to move closer to the fire.

If it kills you Jeremy won't care, no one will. As I move closer to the fire the heat increases, but so does my need for pain. I want this. I want this. I want this. You deserve to die. The only person who loved who you truly are was Jeremy, and he doesn't care, he probably never did.

I don't notice the tears streaming down my face, but then, out of nowhere, I hear someone yelling. I turn around to see Rich and Jake staring at me like I'd grown an extra head. I quickly wipe my tears away, attempting to look like I haven't been crying for twenty minutes straight.

•🌸•

"Hey- antisocial-headphones-kid, what are you doing?" Rich yells at me.

"We need to get out of here," Jake says to himself, me, and Rich. I don't have time to saying anything before Jake grabs my arm and pulls me through the flaming house. I let him pull me, but I stare at the flames, wanting to join them.

Jake starts slowing down, looking around him. Flames. So many flames. Suddenly Rich drops to his knees coughing from the smoke. I start coughing too, but Rich's lungs were probably filled with more smoke, because he can't stop. Jake kneels down next to him, "Rich, we can do this. Just breath." Rich nods and Jake pulls him into his arms, hugging him. After a second he pulls Rich up.

He takes Rich's hand and my arm, and continues to pull us through the flaming house. Soon we see the back door and start sprinting to it.

We emerge from the house, stilling having trouble breathing, half from panting, half from the smoke. Rich had collapsed to the ground, coughing. Jake was looking at him, panicked."Fuck, his asthma." He scoops Rich off the ground and holds him tight. "Come on, Michael," He says, holding Rich to his chest. "Let's go to the front."

I follow him to the front, and he sets Rich down on the grass, a good distance away from the burning house. He rubbed his back, trying to help him breathe.

"Does he have an inhaler?" I questioned, and Jake sighs.

"Yeah, but it's in there." he gestures towards the house.

Rich suddenly sits up, "I-I'm o-okay-y." Jake helps him stand, so Rich thanked him.
We looked at the house that was fully engulfed in flames. Everyone from the party seemed to be outside, and some of the neighbors were as well. They seemed to not be panicking, so 911 must have been called.

Rich was standing and looked like he felt a lot better, so I relaxed. Jake looks rather scared, but Rich looks excited, probably from adrenaline.

I don't know exactly how to feel, may be disappointed that the two ruined my probable death, then Rich speaks up, interrupting my thoughts, "gosh anti-social-headphones-kid, what were you doing?" He still sounded a little out of breath, but that was probably because of his asthma combined with smoke.

•🌻•

"Yeah," Jake added, "that would have killed you."

I guess I should be scared of telling my bully and his friend that I was attempting suicide, but at this point of time, I didn't really care.

I look them straight in the eye and just say, "That was the point."

They looked shocked, and I instantly thought of Jeremy. What would his reaction be? He wouldn't care. No one does. You are unimportant.

I feel tears spring to my eyes, and I start focusing on not crying, but a second later I feel a hand on my shoulder, so I look up. It was Rich.

Both Rich and Jake were looking at me, concerned.

Rich quietly says, " I didn't realize what I was doing was affecting you so much. I'm so sorry." he sounds genuine and regretful.

I shrug, "It's alright. That's not what made me want to do it." I think back to Jeremy, wondering if he had known about the past events of the last hour, would he even care?

Rich and Jake exchange a glance but don't push any father. Suddenly Jake exclaims, "Hey! I have an idea! Give me your phone." he gestures to me.

I cautiously give it to him, unlocked, and he taps into it for a few seconds, then gave it back, "Here, I put mine and Rich's phone numbers in there. Now you text or call one of us if you ever have those thoughts again, or if you just want to talk." I nod and thank him.

•🌸•

"Hey, Michael?" Rich questions, "You like old, retro things, right?"

I nod, thinking about my favorite old, discontinued pops and video games, "Yeah, I guess so, why?"

He smiled, "Do you know what Mountain Dew Re-" all of a sudden he intrupts himself, grabbing his head an d screaming.

"Rich, man, are you okay?" Jake says, concerned.

Rich doesn't answer, but looks up at us with bright blue eyes. I take a step back from shock, but Jake takes a step foward, "Rich, seriously, are you okay?"

Rich doesn't answer, just pushes him away, "I need to take the upgrade." He mutters under his breath.

Jake, who had fallen to the ground, looked up to his friend, and shakily says, "He's gone insane."

I look at Rich, slightly confused, "Rich! What are you doing?"

•🌻•

"This is the only way." The boy with the red streak in his hair says, before taking a step towards the flaming house.

"Rich, stop!" I yell, pulling him back by the shoulder, but he just shoves me down to the ground with Jake before he sprints full speed into the house.

"Rich," Jake screams, "Fuck."

He gets up and looks like he's about to run into the fire after him.

"Jake, no!" I say, grabbing his arm, "You're going to die."

He glares at me, "Yeah, but so is Rich," He says before ripping himself away from me and running after the other boy.

"Jake!" I say, but can't do anymore. He was already in the flames.

I quickly pull out my phone, and calling 911.

"911, What's your emergency?" The dispatcher says calmly, too calmly.

"My friend's eyes started glowing blue and he just ran into a flaming building, and then my other friend ran in after him and no-" I scream as I watch the roof collapsed onto the building, "HOLY MOTHER FUCKING SHIT, THE ROOF JUST COLLAPSED!" I start panicking, worrying about the two in the building.

"Sir, I have to ask you to calm down, can you please tell me your location?"

"Umm... Yeah, sorry." I say before giving her the address.

"Thank you, Sir. A call has already been put in for that emergency, but we have sent an ambulance as well." She says again.

I nod, panicking more.

"Sir? Are you alright?" The girl asks, "Are you there?"

I don't answer, and my breathing speeds up, and I'm not able to breath.

"Sir? I need you to calm down." She says calmly. "Please, calm down."

"I-I c-can't," I manage to stutter through my pants, "I-I c-can't br-breath."
"Alright, Sir. Please breath in for four seconds, hold it for seven, and release for eight."

"O-okay."

"Ready? In, 1-2-3-4, hold, 1-2-3-4-5-6-7, out, 1-2-3-4-5-6-7-8, in, 1-2-3-4, hold,1-2-3-4-5-6-7, out, 1-2-3-4-5-6-7-8, repeat."

I follow her voice, slowly calming down.

"Sir, Are you okay?" She questions. "The ambulance is on it's way. Please relax."

"Thank you," I say, "I'm going to go now."

"Alright, sir, have a good da-" I hang up on her, staring at the building that the firefighters were attempting to get into.

I suddenly feel sick, so I turn to my side and vomit, bringing up the dinner from earlier.

Suddenly I feel someone rubbing my back, and I turn around to see a woman rubbing my back, smiling softly at me. "It's okay," She says, "it's gonna be okay."

I nod, and look at the young boys behind her. They were dressed up in Halloween costumes, and two of them were in awe of the fire trucks.

"Mommy, Mommy, look," one of them says excitedly, "look at the big truck."

She smiles at them, "Yes, honey, very cool. Please stay away though, let them do their job."

One of the kids, who wasn't really caring, looks at me, somewhat concerned, "Are you okay?" He asked, sitting down beside me. The boys couldn't have been more than five, but it didn't really bother me.

I don't know what to say, I just stare at the fire, in shock.

The boy must have realized I wasn't talking, so he just says, "That was a big fire." I nod, lost for words, "We could see it from all the way down the street."

The mom had gotten up to calm the other kids. I felt a tear slip down my cheek.

"There was lots of screamin- are you alright?"

I shake my head, pulling my legs to my chest and covering my face. I can't breath, until suddenly I feel a small pair of arms wrap around me. "It's going to be okay." The young boy says, and I slightly smile at his innocence.

Then I hear one of the other boys yell, "oh yeah, group hug!" And two other boys jump onto me, hugging me tight. And even though this is just three little kids hugging a seventeen-year-old, crying, stranger, I can't help but remember when Jeremy and I were this age, and He would hug me the exact same way.

•🌸•

Word count: 1824 words.
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so i have a story. i have a friend who went to the u.s. and brought back mountain dew red, then when giving it to one of my other friends for their birthday, just said, "i even brought my own refreshments." and gave them the soda. also, i didn't do gym today because i broke my wrist and have back problems, so my friend and i just sat to the side and talked about musicals, t.v. shows, and books for two hours. :) fun times. also i hope you guys have an amazing day. <33
-madi <3
april 2 2019