"Come on you guys, is this really necessary?" 

"Yes. Absolutely necessary."

"Don't you think that you may be overreacting just a little bit?"

"PIPPIN YOU AND YOUR TWO DWARF FRIENDS BLEW HALF OF ROHAN AND GONDOR OFF THE FACE OF THE MIDDLE EARTH!!!!"

Pippin put up his hands surrender. "Okay Merry, so we might have just a wee bit crazy-"

"STOP RIGHT THERE! I DO NOT WANT TO HEAR IT!!!"

Pippin rolled his eyes. "Gosh Merry, you've been kind of grumpy lately."

"Agreed." Fili and Kili said nodding their heads in unison. 

"STAY OUT OF THIS DWARF BOYS!!!!"

Merry was certainly acting the opposite of his name.

"Alright, I'll be the first to admit that the three of us got out of control," Fili began. And the only reason why he was doing the mature and responsible thing was simply because he was the oldest one there and it was expected of him. "and the three of us are willing to face whatever punishment you have deemed necessary."

Then Merry laughed. A dry, cruel, slightly insane laugh that caused the dwarves and hobbit to glance at each other nervously.

"It's not just me who thinks you should be punished! EVERYONE IN MIDDLE EARTH WANTS TO SEE YOU ALL GET WHAT YOU DESERVE!!!"

"And uh.... what exactly did you all decide to do to us?" Kili asked suddenly growing very very very very fearful of what awaited them.

"The three of you..." Merry let his voice trail off for dramatic effect before adding in an even more dramatic voice, "THE LAND OF COMPLETE AND TOTAL DESPAIR AND DEPRESSION!"

Fili gasped.

Kili cried.

Pippin screamed.

All three threw themselves at Merry's feet and begged for mercy.

"I'm sorry but the people have spoken. You are sentenced to thirty minutes in THE LAND OF COMPLETE AND TOTAL DESPAIR AND DEPRESSION!!!"

"Thirty minutes?!?!?!?" Pippin shrieked.

"You monsters!!!!" Kili added.

"You guys should be thanking me! Some people wanted you guys to be in there for thirty five minutes but The Hobbit Squad and I managed to talk them out of it. You owe us all one Pip."

"But still... thirty whole minutes?" Fili moaned.

Merry shrugged. "That's what was decided. So do you want to get this over with or wait until everyone changes their minds and you have to stay there for forty five minutes?"

Sighing, the three nodded. 

"Alright then," Merry looked up at the two elven sentries who stood by the heavily armed and fortified gate that led to THE LAND OF COMPLETE AND TOTAL DESPAIR AND DEPRESSION!!!!"

The elves nodded solemnly and opened the gate while several armed men and dwarves escorted the three inside. 

Meanwhile, those who had sentenced them to this fate were now regretting it.

"What have we done?" Jayden moaned dramatically. "We're monsters!"

"Oh I feel so guilty!" Theafandir added.

"Absolutely no one deserves this." Thaladir hung his head in shame.

"I feel no guilt whatsoever." Phoenix tossed a handful of popcorn into his mouth as he leisurely stood amongst his companions.

"Really? Don't you guys feel even a little bit sorry for them?" Elena asked in disbelief.

"Nuh uh." Caladhiel replied also eating popcorn.

"Laugh now, feel guilty later." Piper said looking down in shock when she realized that her bucket of popcorn was missing. "Alright who stole my snack?"

Es popped up with an empty bucket of popcorn in her hands. "Stress eating." Was all she said as she handed the bucket back to Piper. Phoenix and Caladhiel held their own snacks tightly for fear that they too would lose their-

Oh too late.

"Dang it Es!" Phoenix shouted.

"Stress eating!" Es handed the empty buckets back to Phoenix and Caladhiel.

"What do you mean "stress eating" Esmerelda? You're never stressed!" Sam said arriving into the story.

"I have a lot on my mind right now Sammy, do not make me emotionally unstable by bringing it up." Es said gobbling down an entire bag of jaw breakers.

"Hey! Those were mine!" Listal shouted.

"Those are my cookies!" Berylla paused and groaned. "Those were my cookies..."

"Do you hobbits seriously carry food around with you everywhere you go?" Merilwen's question was answered by each hobbit present pulling out a food item of some kind from their pockets. "Why did I even ask?"

"Getting back to the subject at hand," Arbrandir said trying to ignore the fact that Esmerelda had just stolen all of the other hobbits' food and had consumed it in less than a minute and asked, "What exactly is that place we're sending them into anyway?"

"It's not where they're being sent into," Amarea said mysteriously, "It's what's inside the place that they're being sent into."

"Which would be?" Arbrandir waited for someone to answer.

After a long and really dramatic pause Ithilwen turned to Arbrandir and said: "Fangirls."

"Fan what?"

"Fangirls," Lerinde said with a shudder. "No one knows where they came from, but rumor has it that they were spawned by Morgoth himself."

"OKAY, that is just offensive." Es said suddenly appearing in front of everyone. "Not all fangirls are bad, you can't just stereotype them all. Some fangirls can be very nice, it's the ones that we keep locked inside that gate that you must fear."

Arbandir had no idea why these "fangirls" were to be feared, but didn't want to dwell on the conversation any longer and decided to just go with it.

"They've been sent inside!" Erin announced.

"Their thirty minutes has begun!" Rowen added.

"I can't believe that Merry allowed his own cousin to be sent inside that place. Does no one else think that this punishment is way too harsh?" Caramiriel hoped that someone would agree with her.

"This is exactly what they deserve!" Aragorn shouted. "Do you know how long it's going to take for me and Eomer to build a bridge to connect Gondor to Rohan? I won't be able to get back home for years!" 

"Are you telling me: that their firework completely cut off Gondor and everything south of it from the rest of Middle Earth?" Losider asked skeptically.

"Yes! I was being completely serious when I said that I won't be able to get home for a few years."

"Couldn't you just ask the eagles to give you a ride home?" Shazad asked clutching her duffle bag.

"I don't know how to speak eagle! Besides, they only show up when Middle Earth is on the brink of destruction."

"Vili you're not the least concerned for your brothers?" Pearl asked, she herself was worried about her own brother, Pippin.

Vili groaned and rubbed her forehead. "Those two have been driving me crazy for the past six months! Thirty minutes trapped with a bunch of screaming fangirls is exactly what they deserve."

"That seems really harsh." Livia said.

"Hey guys, what happens if the fangirls break out of there?" Tatharel asked.

"Oh please, they could never break out of there! It's impossible!" Pely said even though she herself secretly worried that one day the fangirls would break out.

"I sense foreshadowing," Bilbo whispered to Thranduil who was now looking seriously concerned.

Meanwhile everyone was getting bored with waiting for Pippin, Fili, and Kili's sentence to be done so everyone pulled out their phones and began watching Netflix. No one knew that somewhere far away, a major plot point was taking place.

ππππ

"Let's see, this wire is attached to the wall, but if I pull this one the machine will explode and I'd rather not die thank you very much." 

A small figure started messing around with the many wires that were hooked up to a strange machine in someone's basement.

"Maybe if I shut off the power- no that won't work than I won't be able to see what I'm doing! Come on you idiot! You're supposed to be a genius!"

The figure began messing around with the wires again when their eyes landed on something very helpful. A wire with some writing on it, words written with a black marker that read: For quick removal pull this wire

Pulling the said wire, the machine safely detached itself from the wall.

"Perfect!"

The figure than pulled out a small gun and shot it at the machine. A bright, blue light appeared for a moment before disappearing again. 

"Success! My Teleportation Ray was a success! Now to carry on Phase 2 of my plan." The figure than shot themselves with the Ray gun before disappearing from the basement.

ππππ

"Alright times up! Let them out!" No one in particular shouted. Emerging from you know where, Pippin, Fili, and Kili looked more terrified than an elf who had just realized that he was going bald.

"Are you guys alright?" Jenrail asked genuinely concerned.

"I-I just want to go home, hide under my blankets, and never see the light of day again." Pippin mumbled while Fili and Kili nodded their heads  in agreement.

"What exactly happened to them in there?" Arbrandir asked disturbed by what he had just witnessed.

"Well they go in," Lerinde began, "and they stand around while a bunch of shrieking fangirls watch them through bullet proof glass windows and beg for whoever is in there to marry them."

"That's it?!" Arbrandir shouted.

"Do you want to go in there and see what it's like?" Amarea asked skeptically.

"No, no I do not."

"Then keep quiet about it and don't do anything stupid like cut off southern Middle Earth from the rest of the world."

"I'll keep that in mind."

With all that said and done everyone went their separate ways. Everyone except Aragorn who had absolutely no idea where he should go.

"Seriously guys, I can't get home. Uh... help?"

Meh! Meh! (I can help!)

"Really Foe Hammer? How could you possibly help?"

Meh! Meh! (I can give you a ride home!)

"Foe Hammer, you're a goat."

Meh! Meh! (I'm also stronger than I look. Come on, do you want a ride home or what?)

Aragorn sighed. "What choice do I have? But we do not speak a word or a Meh! to anyone understand?"

Meh! Meh! (My lips are sealed!)

"Alright then," Aragorn groaned, "let's do this."

And I'll leave you all to imagine how that went for them.