"Wait why are we picking up here? The last chapter was about us."

"Don't question the power of Eeny meeny miny moe Boromir."
"What are you two talking about?"

Both FWBs ignored the question they were asked as they continued to straighten things out amongst themselves.

"Well, I guess it makes sense," Boromir admitted, "it's been ages since the last official update and this is the only chapter that's been fully planned out since then."
"No, it was chosen because of EMMM!" Es insisted stamping her foot.
"Why are you so insistent on that?"
"BECAUSE IT'S BETTER THAN ADMITTING THAT MORE TIME WAS SPENT ON THE CHAPTER WITH ME IN IT THAN THE OTHERS!"

It took a second for Es to realize what she just said and two more for her to lower her head in shame.
Boromir patted her sympathetically on the shoulder and offered her a cookie.
Meanwhile Tatharel and Pearl (you remember them from the last chapter right?) were watching this all play out and were very confused.

"Maybe this wasn't such a good idea Tath," Pearl whispered.
"I'm starting to agree with you."
"Do you think we should leave now while we still have the chance?"
"Good idea."

Just before the two hobbits could make a break for it Es snapped out of her three seconds of despair.
"Hold it! You can't just walk away after agreeing to be trained to be an FWB! It's against the rules!"
This, of course, caused both hobbits to stop in their tracks and turn around to fix startled looks at Es.
"Rules? What rules? You never mentioned any rules!" Tatharel exclaimed.
"Of course there are rules! Sacred, ancient rules that have been passed down from Wall Breaker to Wall Breaker since the beginning of time!"
"But... there's only ever been four of you... and from what you said you guys haven't been around for that long, so how can you have a bunch of secret and ancient rules?" Pearl pointed out somewhat awkwardly.

"Honestly we just make them up as we go along," Boromir stated with a shrug.
"And we never really follow them anyway," Es added while eating another cookie.
"So if you guys don't follow your own rules then why should we?" Tatharel asked crossing her arms.
"Because if you don't you'll... you'll...um..." Boromir tried to think of some dreadful punishment but all he was really good at creating were memes. Rulemaking was usually left the other three FWBs.
"If you don't stay and complete your training you will be reduced to minor characters!" Es declared triumphantly.
"Exactly what I was going to say," Boromir lied.

Tatharel and Pearl glanced at each other. Neither of them was sure what being a minor character meant, but apparently it was a big deal according to Es.
"Well," Tatharel sighed, "it's not like we have anything better to do."
"You're darn right you don't! Now that that's out of the way, let the training begin!" Es announced with a flamboyant wave of her hand.

"Okay, so what am I supposed to do?" Tatharel asked.
"First off: you should know that there are different Levels that we FWBs can accieve," Es explained. "For example, I'm level 187 and Boromir over here is 243."
"Wow, how many levels are there?" Pearl asked.
"500." Boromir replied.
"WHAT?!"

"Yep! 500 levels. And you, my dear Tath, are at level ZERO." Es smiled and patted the discouraged hobbit lass on the head. "Do not fret! I was once Level 0 just like you."
"How long did it take for you to level up?"
"Eh, it's really inconsistent." Es shrugged.
"We mostly just level up based on plot convenience or the writer forgetting what level we're actually at," Boromir explained.

"However!" Es declared with much flare. "That does not mean we can't offer our assistance. We are here to guide you on the path to becoming an FWB. Which is why we're here at this lake."
"Wait how did we get to a lake?" Pearl looked around in bewilderment wondering how they had arrived at this lake.
"Sorry, I tend to randomly change whatever scene I'm in without warning." Boromir held up his hands in apology.
"And it affects whoever else happens to be with you." Es narrowed her eyes but quickly turned back to the matter at hand. "Now Tath, for your first lesson in FWBing we're going to have to ask you to do something really crazy and kind of stupid."

"Uh, okay?"
"Excellent! You see those mountains over there?" Es pointed to some mountains that were over there.
"Yeah..."
"Those are the homes of the giant eagles. You must climb up there, find an eagle, and fly it back here."
"Are you crazy?!" Tatharel shouted.
"Why are you even asking?" Boromir tilted his head to the side, utterly confused.

Es ignored him (as she usually did when he was utterly confused because trust me, explaining things to an utterly confused Boromir is as frustrating as all of the inconsistencies in the last two Hobbit movies) and continued to focus solely on Tatharel.

"It's an FWB tradition! Those eagles have caused so many problems amongst Middle Earth fans that they deserve to be made part of the complete craziness just like everyone else."
"But aren't the eagles, you know, sacred?"
"Only if you've read the Silmarillion. But let's be honest how many of us have actually read that thing?"
Boromir was about to say something but decided not to because he was still somewhat confused.

"Look Tath, it's easy. Just climb all the way up there, find an eagle, and ride it! We all did it right Boromir?"
Boromir was still a bit confused.
"Fine, I'll do it. But just to get it over with."
"Really? I thought it would take more convincing than that."
"The writer wants to get things moving along." Boromir is no longer confused.

"Should I go with her?" Pearl asked.
"Nope! This is for FWBs only. Tath must embark on this journey alone." Es began eating an ice cream cone.
"I'll be fine Pearl, and if things go wrong then they'll come help me, right guys? Right?"
Both hobbits turned to see that Es and Boromir were no longer beside them and were now making snow cones beside the shores of the lake.
Tath sighed and looked towards the mountains.
This is a bad idea...

Realizing that she didn't really have a choice, Tath began her journey. I could go on and on about the terrible, harrowing trials the young hobbit faced, but why would anyone want to here about an exciting adventure when we have three characters eating snow cones?

"These actually turned out really good." Es was devouring a blueberry snowcone and was enjoying it immensely.
"I told you I was an expert snow cone maker." Boromir grinned as he enjoyed a delicious raspberry snowcone.
"I never thought of you as the cooking type," Pearl commented while she too ate a snowcone, hers being strawberry.

So enthralled were they with their snowcones that they didn't see another character walking towards them until he was beside them.
"Hey Bard, want a snowcone?" Es offered.
"How can you three sit here and eat snowcones? It's freezing!" As if to prove his point, it started snowing.
"Perfect timing! Now we can have infinite snowcones!" Boromir announced happily. He really did enjoy the crafting and creating of snowcones. It was his one passion besides avoiding death.

Bard rolled his eyes but decided not to push the subject.
"Whatcha doing all the way out here Bard? Es asked finishing off her third snowcone.
"I told Bain that I would take him fishing. He's out on the lake now." Bard nodded towards the center of the lake where Bain was all by himself in a boat, fishing.
"Why aren't you with him? Doesn't that defeat the purpose of taking him fishing?" Pearl questioned.
"I said that I would take him fishing, I didn't say I would do it with him. Personally I dislike anything having to do with water."
"Bard, you do realize that you live on a lake?" Boromir was whipping up another batch of snowcones but that didn't mean he couldn't be a part of the conversation.

"And it's a miserable place to live." Bard's tone made it clear he didn't want to talk about it anymore, but no one really cared.
"Why are you so grumpy?" Pearl asked, truly concerned for his wellbeing.
"Are you brooding over how your story arch in the Hobbit movies was just a rehash of Aragorn's but a lot less interesting?" Es and Boromir (who weren't really concerned for his wellbeing) laughed while Bard just narrowed his eyes at them.
"No, that is not why I'm upset."

"Is it because they switched your personality with book Thranduil and made you the one who wanted peace instead of keeping it how it was in the book where you were the one who wanted to kill everyone over a bunch of gold?" Es asked with a sly grin.
"I never wanted to kill anyone! And no that is still not why I'm upset!"
"Poor Bard, they just gave him the personalities of already established characters instead of letting him be his own thing." Boromir sighed as if sad but still found the situation completely hilarious.

"At least people actually like me. Unlike a certain someone who tried to steal the ring..."
"Hey!" Es sprang to her feet. "No one is allowed to insult Boromir except me!"
"Um guys? What are you talking about?" Pearl asked timidly.
"We're not talking, we're arguing and insulting each other," Es explained.
"Which is all you FWBs ever seem to do," Bard muttered.

Pearl's eyes widened.
"Wait a minute! Bard knows about the FWBs?! How?! Is he one too?!"
"Weeeeelllllll yes and no." Boromir put the finishing touches on the new batch of snowcones and passed them out to everyone. Even Bard had a change of heart and accepted one.
"You see, there are three kinds of FWBs," Es began between bites of her snowcone, "you have the Unintentional Wall Breakers (UWB) who break the fourth wall without meaning to. They might indirectly reference the writer, the fact that we're all fictional and nothing we do really matters, or they might spout random story ideas without thinking. Pippin is an example of this."

Pearl's eyes widened again.
"Really? Does he know?"
"UWBs don't ever realize that they're breaking the fourth wall. That's what makes them both hilarious, and infuriating."
"Oh, what's the second kind?"
"RWBs or Reluctant Wall Breakers. These characters are aware that they can break the Fourth Wall, they just prefer not to. Which is pointless because whether they like it or not, they're completely aware of where they stand as far as fiction and reality are concerned. Old sour puss over here," Es pointed at Bard, "is one of those guys."

"Why don't you want to break the fourth wall Bard?" Pearl asked.
"Because I was just fine with being oblivious to everything, I didn't have a care in the world when I was unaware and now? I HAVE NEVER ENDING HEADACHES!!!!"
"Oh yeah," Boromir said with a wince, "we do suffer from constant head pain..."
"I found that constantly eating random food items makes the pain lessen." Es munched on some random food items.
"For me it's making snowcones. Speaking of which, this sudden snowfall has allowed me to make infinite snowcones. Who wants another one?"

Bard rolled his eyes.
"The other reason why I don't want to join the FWBs is because they completely waste their powers!"
"We do not!" Es dramatically declared.
"You guys literally have the power to (within reason) bend the fictional world however you want and how do you guys use this power? You goof off and mess with everyone who isn't involved in your little club!"

"Hey we keep an eye on things and intervene when things go south," Boromir said while carefully decorating his snowcone to look like his shield, "in fact even now Thranduil and Bilbo are investigating some strange occurrence while me and Es wait to hear from our informant."
"You mean Varonwe? Is he seriously still helping you guys?"
"Hey, he may be an RWB but at least he's still willing to help out."
"Who's Varonwe?" Pearl asked but by that time the others had forgotten that she was there and were now arguing amongst themselves.

Sighing, Pearl looked towards the mountains, wondering where Tath was and how she was doing. She squinted when she noticed a fairly small shape flying towards them, gradually becoming larger and larger as it drew nearer.

"Um, guys?"

No one (as usual) was listening.

In fact, they were still arguing.

"I don't care how you try to justify it! There is absolutely no denying that you guys are useless!"
"Excuse me, but we entertain all kinds of readers."
"Where were you in the second book again? Oh that's right! You weren't in the second book except when your name was typed by accident! In fact I think that typo is still in there somewhere..."

The big dark shape was getting closer by the second, causing Pearl to worry even more than she already was.
"Hey guys?" She tried once again to get their attention.

No luck.

"Really? You guys think that you're actually entertaining people? Both of you are just running gags that repeat the same jokes over and over again. You're doing it right now Es by pulling some food out of thin air and eating it for no reason other than that you're a hobbit and you've been doing it since the first book!"
"Hey the mystery of where I get all this food is one of the best ongoing gags in this series. The truth is out there! But I'm not revealing it."
"Where do you get all that food Es?"

There was no denying it now. The giant shape that was rapidly approaching them was a giant eagle.
"Guys..."

"She just told you that she wasn't going to reveal the truth!"
"Hey stop yelling at him!"
"Thank you Es."

Faint screaming could be heard in the distance. Pearl's worry had grown into a full-blown panic.
"Guys it's Tath! I think she's in trouble!"

"Why are you always defending him? He didn't even show up until the second book and when he did he almost got you all killed now you're suddenly BFFs?"
"For your information Mr. Lookslikeorlandobloombutisntorlandobloom I have been friends with Boromir way before the second book started. We met in between those books while I was in my early stages of training."
"That's true we did. I was being trained at the same time so we spent a lot of time together."

The giant eagle was now in full view. It didn't take long for Pearl to realize that the screams of terror were coming from Tath.
"Hey! Will someone please listen to me?!"

"So in the first book you didn't have a best friend, you just hung out with your Hobbit Squad. In the second book you were best friends with Legolas and we all know what became of that fiasco. And now in the last book your new best friend is Boromir?"
"I'm allowed to have more than one best friend Bard."
"You are? I only thought you had one best friend, then you had another friend who was kinda like your best friend but way cooler and a lot less uptight."

The eagle was headed straight towards the lake. Pearl could faintly make out the small hobbit lass who was clinging onto the eagle for dear life.
"Is no one going to help her?! I think that bird is going to drop her in the freezing cold lake!"

Of course, just as before, the three took no notice. So Pearl could only watch helplessly as the eagle divebombed towards the lake. At the very last second, it did it a barrel roll before gracefully flying back up into the sky.

Meanwhile Tath had fallen into the frigid water and was now drowning.

"Tath! Someone please help her!" Pearl begged.

"Honestly you two are hopeless."
"We are not! We've got Aragorn right here on speed dial."
"Hehehehe..."

Pearl was beyond hopeless, and the fact that Aragorn wasn't around only made matters worse because let's face it if he were here none of this would be happening.
Sadly, he wasn't.
So Pearl was left with no choice but to watch her best drown in a watery grave.

However!
(I love using that)
A certain character happened to be fishing all by his lonesome in the middle of the lake exactly where Tath was now thrashing frantically as she tried to stay afloat.
While hobbits are good at many things, swimming is not one of them.

Fortunately for our unfortunate Tath, Bain just happened to notice the drowning hobbit and quickly went to offer his assistance.
Grabbing a life preserver he threw it at the hobbit and it somehow managed to fit perfectly around her so he could pull her to safety.

Now because the writer was running out of time to finish this, let's pretend that some kind words were exchanged between Bain and Tath as he wrapped her up in a warm blanket, gave her some hot coco, and began to row his boat back to shore where all four previous characters were standing and watching.

"Well it seems that my son has finally done something useful," Bard muttered.
"Seriously what is your deal today?!" Boromir was nearing the end of his rope with Mr. Grumpy.
"I just can't believe she actually did that," Es said munching on some popcorn and offering some to Boromir.
"Me neither," Boromir replied accepting the popcorn, "I mean did you see how she managed to hold on to that eagle? Honestly I didn't think she'd make it all the way to the lake."

"Wait a minute- you guys were paying attention that whole time?!" Pearl shouted.
"Of course we were," Es tossed the now empty popcorn bucket into the lake, "why wouldn't we be?"

Pearl stuttered and did weird jerky movements with her hands before groaning really loud.

Meanwhile Bain and Tath had finally made it to shore and the two climbed off the boat.
"Did you enjoy our fishing trip Bain?" Bard asked.
"I would have liked it more if you had been there..." The boy replied awkwardly.
"What are you talking about? I was standing here the whole time!"

The others decided not to get involved in this and quickly moved away. Once they were safe Pearl engulfed Tath in a hug.
"I was so worried about you Tath! I thought you were a goner!"
"S-so wa-was I," Tath stuttered. She was freezing after falling into a freezing cold lake while freezing cold snow was falling down on her freezing cold body.

Seeing that her friend was fine Pearl turned on Es and Boromir.
"Your little test almost got Tath killed! What was that supposed to teach her about wall breaking anyway?!"
"Nothing." Es and Boromir replied in unison which freaked them both out and caused them to glance at each other awkwardly.
"WHAT DO YOU MEAN NOTHING?!" Tath threw the blanket off her shoulders and thanks to her sudden burst of anger, was no longer cold. "I ALMOST DIED IN ORDER TO COMPLETE YOUR "TEST" AND YOU'RE TELLING ME THAT IT WAS FOR NOTHING?!"

"Correction," Es said holding up her hand, "the test was designed not to teach you about wall breaking, it's purpose is to teach you how to go against the narrative."
"What?" Pearl and Tath said at the same which also freaked them out a bit.
"Let me explain: when I first told you to ride an eagle what was your initial response?"
"I thought you were crazy!"
"Didn't we already establish that she was?"
"Not now Boromir."
"Sorry."

"Now back to explaining: you are right Tath. You were completely against the idea. It was absurd, insane, and you didn't want to do it. And that was when the true test began: the narrative wanted you to go fly on a giant eagle, if you went against the narrative and said no then congratulations! You would have passed! Sadly, you ignored your own common sense and followed the narrative despite knowing it was a very dumb and bad idea."

Tath stuttered and tried to justify herself, but the writer was rapidly running out of time to finish this chapter and needed to wrap it up real quick so the following dialogue was used.

Es: Don't worry Tath, there are still plenty of other tests. All you have to do is pass and you'll become an FWB!
Boromir: YOU SHALL NOT-
Es: Not now Boromir.
Boromir: One does not simply-
Es: Please stop quoting Middle Earth related memes.
Boromir: But I'm the Meme King!
Es: We don't have time for this! Now come on, you and I have to go meet Varonwe so he can give us his report. Come along friends!
Boromir: Where has Varonwe been? I feel like I haven't seen him in forever.
Es: I don't know, but I'm sure he's fine and not in any kind of mortal danger. Now for real this time, come along friends!

With that dialogue used the four companions headed on their way into the unknown. While Esmerelda and Boromir were in high spirits and didn't have a care in the world at the specific moment, Tath and Pearl were both nervous and unsure about the events that were to come.

And somewhere far, far away, all the way in another chapter, the very character they were going to meet was certainly not fine and in the worst kind of mortal danger.

But I'm not going to tell them that.

Best to let them figure it out themselves. Now if you'll excuse me, it's time for an author's note.

Hey guys! I finally did it! I finally updated this thing! Thank you all so much for your patience and for sticking with this story. I've been kinda lacking in the writing department as of late, but I'm slowly starting to get my motivation back so never fear! More updates are near!

Before I end this chapter I wanted to give a shout out to

She has a book titled Middle Earth One Shots and she's hoping to receive some requests for it, if some of you wouldn't mind checking it out that would be great!

Alright, I'm out.