Having anxiety is just like walking on the border of a cliff, if you don't look down you won't feel a difference from walking anywhere else.

Most times I don't feel anxiety as something screaming in my ears, it's more like gravity, a constant pressure that you wouldn't know existed if you hadn't stopped to study.  

It's like I can shut its door, but only if I don't look into the inside of it, it is a room of which I know the walls all too well.

When I feel it is being triggered I force myself to hold on to the ropes and as reach the summit and I can hardly breathe, I push on to another step. I have learnt to fight against all the things that make me feel insane, even though I have been just as sane for the past years, I just didn't know.

The little things that used to make me crumble now only make me fold, I've learned to get ahold of all that reminds of the present and push the future and past away.

I am the best acrobat I have ever seen, one step after the other one rope followed by another one heartbeat and my anxiety now goes away. Or at least I think it does.

I am proud of how I have become practically a master at handling my own feelings, the circus inside me has begun to learn to obey to its owner, the jugglers are professionals at handling my schoolwork and the weird anxiety I have before parties.

I am proud of how my feelings are bottled into beautiful mugs of my creation, the way that they are trapped into myself is carefully crafted within each step I take towards the end of the rope.

The weight of the worries I carry on my back has never weighed so little and I have never enjoyed watching myself so much in the mirror.

The kind of constant happiness that I feel is unusual because of its color, of its shape and sound sometimes I take it for granted, but it is in my hardest moments that I appreciate the calmness of a quiet ocean.

I have never been so good and spending time with myself and enjoying it, of being free of thought. I had been for so long imprisoned within me that I had forgotten how beautiful silence was.

And I finally understand that my therapist knew that the only one who could ever make myself happy was me.

And I'm loving it.