H A R P E R

Prom 2022

Unlike my cousin Zoey, prom was a big deal to me. Call it the result of a social construct or the result of years of reading romance novels and watching romcoms, but I liked that this little school event, full of golden banners and non-alcoholic punch was a rite of passage for us all. It was cliché, I'm well aware.

So far, my prom experience was going really great. Other than the fact that I had all my friends with me, Wyatt Stone (Chloé's sister), who I'd met last New Year's and with whom I've kept in touch ever since, came all the way from New York to be here with us and be my date tonight. We weren't actually dating or anything but we were close plus, everyone else was already paired up.

The prom took place at the school gym, and it all was pretty much like I'd imagined it would be. There was music, there was a photobooth, there were over the top dresses and prom king and queen acceptance speeches. But we didn't want to end our night when the event ended, so we all went to Chloé's afterwards. She also had music and she had better drinks.

Sometime during the night, as it started to feel chilly outside, I felt a little cold and Wyatt lended me his jacket right away. I accepted it, and placed it on my back, leaving only my arms out. It felt nice, like a permanent hug from Wyatt. I had his warmth and his smell all over me and it made me feel like I was floating on air.

A couple of songs later, Wyatt held my hand in his and, without questioning, I let him lead me to wherever he wanted to. He pulled me to a secluded area of the backyard of his house, where there was a round table and three empty chairs. I took a seat in one of the chairs and readjusted the jacket around my body. Wyatt sat on a chair he deliberately pulled closer to mine.

"I've got some exciting news to tell you."

I sat up straighter and flashed him a genuine smile. "Oh, I'm curious!"

"I finally started the photography classes."

"Oh." My smile slowly fell down but I didn't let it show too much. "That's really cool!" I said before adding, "How are you finding it?"

"I've only taken a couple of classes but I'm enjoying it so far." He was beaming. His cheeks grew bigger as he smiled. His eyes were shining. "This photographer that's teaching me, he was actually in Iraq once. Back in 2008, I think."

"Wow." I said the word but did not feel wowed at all. However, I still managed to praise him. "You're gonna do such great things, Wyatt. I'm sure."

Which was true. This guy sitting next to me was bound to be great and he was bound to make a difference. He has that fire in his heart and that's fucking fantastic.

"Just don't tell Chloé." I gave him a questioning look and he explained. "I wanna tell her myself when I'm at least finished with the classes. I'll let her know what the plan is, then."

I didn't love having to omit something this big from one of my friends but Wyatt was my friend too, and a close one. He and I had grown to be very close throughout the past months, when we'd been texting and talking on the phone to each other. So, I respected his wishes and winked at him before letting him know his secret was safe with me.

"When are you flying back to New York?"

"Sunday night." His words hit me like a punch in the stomach. As much as I knew we'd keep in touch, I really liked it when he was around.

"Look, Harper..." He looked down at his hands, as if he was trying to figure out how to say what he was going to say. "I feel like there's this conversation between us has been a long time coming. Like an elephant in the room since we met."

"You're scaring me."

He wasn't scaring me, at least not for the reasons he thought. The topic of the conversation wasn't a complete surprise to me, and I knew exactly what he was going to say because I had been meaning to say it as well.

I was scared because I knew that after learning that he was still thinking about pursuing war photography for a living, we couldn't be what he wanted us to be. What I also wanted us to be. That piece of information single handedly changed the course of the evening.

"I like you a lot." Wtatt's words came out as whispers. "You're so fucking special to me."

"Ever since I first saw you, I was drawn to you. I knew I'd want you in my life forever." Wyatt took a deep breath, the kind you take when you're about to do something monumental, something which requires courage, like skydiving, asking for a raise at work, or admitting to something you know you're guilty of, and you know you'll face the consequences for it.

"And I don't mean it as just friends."

"Wyatt, I-"

"You felt the same on the night we met. Look into my eyes and tell me you didn't." Wyatt's brown eyes became darker, looking like two black orbits that were glowing in the dark. The twinkling lights that reflected on them, made it seem like two bright stars in the night sky. "I dare you."

"I did feel the same about you on the night we met." I said those words with the most certainty I'd ever said anything ever.

"But it's not always about how we feel. It's about what we can be for each other. I would never commit to a relationship with you like I want to, if I couldn't be supportive of you, if I couldn't be that person in your corner always rooting for you." My eyes opened wide and somehow that made the tears grow faster. My voice wasn't soft anymore, and, in my head it felt like I was screaming.

"But you can be!" Wyatt's face was a mixture of a plea and desperation. "You are that person for me."

"I am that person for you because we are friends." I felt my voice shake in my throat when I said that last word. "But I can't allow myself to love you because the minute I do, I won't be there for you like you want me to, like I am now."

"I won't support your decision to put yourself in the eye of the tiger just to show the rest of the privileged population in the world what it's like out there, so then they can share it on their social media and still not do a damn thing about it!" Rage and irritation took over me and now I was pretty sure I was screaming.

"And knowing you like I do, you will most likely give up on your dream just to suit my needs and I don't want that. Wyatt, I won't make you happy, and the last thing I want to do is be the cause of your unhappiness."

"Wait, Harper... We can talk about this. We can discuss the details."

Wyatt just couldn't see it from my perspective. He didn't understand that the two of us, in a romantic relationship, could never make each other happy. None of us could win. Because one of us had to give, and that would cause heartbreak to the other. If he visited the most dangerous places in the world for a living, like he wanted to, I wouldn't be supportive, I wouldn't be what he needed me to be, and I'd make him unhappy. And I'd constantly be worried sick that someone might call me in the middle of the night or while I'm drinking my morning coffee, to tell me the news you never want to hear.

On the other hand, if he didn't pursue his dreams in order to accommodate me, he would be miserable and I would be just as sad to see him like that. That was not an option.

"No." I said, sternly. I had to be strong for the sake of us. I had to be big enough for both of us to see that we weren't a match, not like this anyway. "I think we're better off as friends."

"Harper." He said my name like a prayer, and I allowed the following silence to linger between us. "Just tell me... why?"

"Together, we're both doomed to heartbreak. And we don't deserve that."

He put his hands on either side of my face and pressed his forehead against mine. Our breaths mingled and his lips brushed against mine while a tear rolled down my cheek.

"Do you think you can do that?"

I said nothing.

"Do you think you can only see us as friends?"

"I do."

"Alright, you do. That's great for you." He swallowed hard, and I was sure he was holding onto a small piece of hope that I would say otherwise. "I would never force you into being in a relationship you don't want to be in, so I'll try my best to be able to do the same."

He let go altogether. His forehead left mine. His hands dropped from my cheeks. His body shifted backwards before he got up from his seat. I felt freezing cold, and no amount of jackets could warm me back up.

"But, if you do love me as much as I love you, which I think you do, I don't see how being friends will change things."

That was the first time the word love was mentioned when referring to us, and I felt a tingle run down my spine.

"Friends, boyfriend or girlfriend, prom dates... Those are just labels. The feelings remain the same, we can't just snap our fingers and suddenly not feel the way we do."

"We have to." I countered back, hoping I would believe myself as well.

But he was right. We couldn't.

 * * *

author's note

aaaand another flashback is here! this time it's from prom night 💕

question: are you team love conquers all or team love takes work?

lovelies, if you're enjoying LEOYAM, please don't forget to vote, and leave a comment with your thoughts! also, considering sharing this story with your friends and whoever you think might like it <3 and last but not least, follow me on ig - missmarswrites - i'm fun, i swear!

xoxo, mars