Jiwoo was not quick to trust. 

Maybe she was entitled to that.

She had liked Jungeun for forever. Too long. Too long to forget.

And then Jungeun went and ditched her for a girl called Jinsoul.

While Jiwoo had spent nights crying, Jungeun had spent nights laughing with Jinsoul.

The worst of it? Jungeun had been nice about it. And Jinsoul had always been kind to Jiwoo. They were unbearably good people. As much as Jiwoo hated Jinsoul with her entire soul, as passive-aggressive as she got around her, as terrible as it was to have to look her in the eyes and treat her like an adult, Jiwoo couldn't say that Jinsoul was a bad person.

But when Jinsoul stole away Jiwoo's girlfriend, Jiwoo's open heart broke as easily as an egg shell and there was no one left to gently piece it back together. 

It just stayed there, getting weaker and weaker as her mind built more and more barriers around it. Stone walls, bricks, cement surrounded her heart while it attempted to heal. And like any other muscle, after long periods with no use, Jiwoo's heart became rusty and awkward, and she found herself alone. She hadn't used her heart in so long, she sometimes couldn't differentiate sadness from happiness, anger from fear. Hate from love. 

Maybe that was a good thing. It protected her from feeling anything too deeply.

Jiwoo didn't have a problem with the constant solitude.

To Jiwoo, the world hated her and she hated it right back. 

Those little flutters in her heart when she stared at a lush grey sky with numerous wet diamonds falling from the clouds? That was what she felt when she was with Lip - it was hate. She hated rain.  

The butterflies in her stomach when she sang on stage with her choir? Lip gave her those - those butterflies were the epitome of black hatred. 

And when she was with that sophomore... what was her name, Sooyoung? Yes, that was it. Ha Sooyoung. The one that gave her all of the above along with flushed cheeks and the temptation to smile after years of being stone faced? That was hate at its largest.

But this hate made Jiwoo want to tear down the barriers she had so cautiously built, and she couldn't quite wrap her mind around why.

Jiwoo sat her hooded head on her hand, barely picking at her food, when said annoying sophomore Sooyoung came to sit at her table. 

She wasn't sure what it was about Sooyoung that was so different - the fact that Sooyoung wanted to sit with her alone was different, but that wasn't it. Maybe it was Sooyoung's everlasting, unbreakable smile. Maybe it was how Sooyoung would tell Jiwoo about anything and everything, always making sure that there wasn't any silence. Maybe it was how Sooyoung had been trying to get some reaction out of Chuu since they met. Sooyoung had sat with her every day, picked her as a partner for projects, and occasionally walked her home. 

And Jiwoo hated her. 

She couldn't stand the way Sooyoung made her feel. She hated those little flutters of resentment, butterflies of anger, blushes of disgust. She didn't like having a flushed face all day because of one stupid little sophomore. Flushed faces made her uncomfortable.

But Sooyoung clearly wasn't getting the message. Or she was ignoring it. 

"...Ms. Bae was so mad. Like, high-key, detention-for-everyone, end-of-the-world, death-and-suffering, two-hours-extra-homework mad. And Hyunjin was just sitting there, laughing like her life wasn't about to end..." Jiwoo carefully examined the way Sooyoung's lips curled into a grin that made her cheeks glow and her eyes brighten. She examined the way Sooyoung exaggerated her words with her hands. Her hands never got any rest. 

It was endearing.

For everyone but Jiwoo.

And everyone but Jiwoo would probably think that it was really cute.

But not Jiwoo. Jiwoo thought it was annoying.

"...and then Heejin, who is Hyunjin's best friend by the way, got this look like she wanted to kill Ms. Bae and at the end of class, she and Hyunjin did their we're-best-friends-but-we-could-be-dating staring thing. Hyejoo keeps telling me how she's ready to kill something every time they say 'we're just friends', but she doesn't know how everyone ships her with Chaewon..." Jiwoo raised her eyebrows at the mention of Hyejoo, who was Sooyoung's desk partner, and was often complaining about how Heejin and Hyunjin should just get together while Chaewon, the girl from pre-calculous, pined from her seat in the back of the class.

Sooyoung caught Jiwoo's gaze as she talked and her smile grew.

Jiwoo didn't like the eye contact and looked down as she violently stabbed a lettuce in her salad, unable to look directly into Sooyoung's eyes for more than a few seconds.

At the end of lunch, Jiwoo didn't miss how Sooyoung shot her the brightest grin she had.

Like, ew. Smiling? Gross.

Hate hate hate hate.

Right?

It's not like she didn't hate Sooyoung. It's not like she enjoyed listening to Sooyoung rant about the girls in her class and her pre-calc teacher and the best friends that needed to get together. 

It's not like she liked Sooyoung.

Pursing her lips as her heart rate accelerated with an uncomfortable jolt, Jiwoo tucked away that thought and continued making her way to history.

She hated Sooyoung.

She did not like Sooyoung.

She did not like Sooyoung.

Sooyoung was the most annoying person she'd ever met and she didn't like her in any way whatsoever.

*

"Jiwoo!"

Jiwoo turned around, not surprised to see Sooyoung running from the double doors to catch up with her.

She couldn't quite bring herself to walk faster when Sooyoung smiled that smile that made her eyes into crescents.

... because that would be rude.

And Jiwoo wasn't rude.

And that was the only reason she didn't walk away. That was the only reason she let Sooyoung walk beside her. 

That was the only reason she let run through her mind for fear of anything else.

"...hear the screaming? It was Hyejoo, which actually isn't that much of a surprise considering how long she's been waiting for them to go on a date..."

Jiwoo listened, silently trudging alongside Sooyoung. 

The backs of their hands brushed and Jiwoo's hand exploded with goosebumps.

"...and they're going to a bakery and Hyejoo wants to spy on them with Chae..."

Jiwoo squinted down confusedly at her small hands and Sooyoung's nimble fingers, trying to decide why her whole hand was tingling and how the tingles spread to her ears. The tingles kept her from coherent thought, so she was probably thinking something like "sooyoung glitter ponies and rainbows with happy pineapples", but the idea was there. The idea that was questioning the sanity of her hand.

Jiwoo's back straightened when she felt Sooyoung's fingertips against her palm.

"...and her face was so red it wasn't even funny and the both of them were just standing there, awkward and cute and so, so in love..."

Jiwoo could no longer pay attention to what Sooyoung was saying.

Her entire attention had focused in on their point of contact.

Sparks traveled from her hand through her arm and down her spine, through her legs, into her cheeks, making them warm.

Sooyoung's hand was soft. But that wasn't relevant. 

The flutter was stronger - Jiwoo was skipping three or four, maybe even five beats at a time when Sooyoung so much as looked at her.

The rational part of her mind tried to think. What was she doing? It was just Sooyoung's fingertips for goodness' sake. They weren't even holding hands. 

Do I want to hold hands with Sooyoung?, she thought, before deciding this was stupid and that she didn't because Sooyoung was annoying.

She was short of breath.

Was this panic? Was this anxiety? Maybe she was developing something. Maybe-

"...woo? Jiwoo? Jiwoo, is this not your house?"

Jiwoo's face warmed as she realized she had walked straight past her house. 

Muttering an apology, she detached her hand from Sooyoung's and quickly made her way up the front steps. Her hand was echoing with Sooyoung's touch.

She turned to see if Sooyoung had gone.

Sooyoung had not gone and had caught her watching.

Jiwoo's cheeks went darker.

And just when she thought her face couldn't get any hotter, Sooyoung waved a tiny, little wave and Jiwoo's face went absolutely nuclear.

She hated Sooyoung so much.

Jiwoo didn't realize that a smile had spread across her face until Sooyoung's eyes widen. 

Then she reached up her own fingertips and felt the way her lips had turned upward.

Sooyoung giggled and brightly smiled back. Jiwoo's face flushed again. She looked down and closed her front door.

And she sunk down, back against the wall because she couldn't have smiled. Not at an annoying sophomore. That wasn't possible. That could not be possible. No.

Jiwoo tried to slow her breath, her pounding heart, but to no avail. 

She was scared. 

This had never happened before.

Never before had she smiled like that. Not since Jungeun.

She was terrified.

There was no way someone could have hacked the system that protected her heart for so many years.

Trying (again) to think rationally, Jiwoo sucked in a breath for four, long seconds, held it for four seconds, and released for four.

Okay. Okay. 

We're all good.

I hate Ha Sooyoung. I hate Ha Sooyoung. I hate her. I hate her. I hate her.

But because Jiwoo hated Sooyoung so much, the only object of her thoughts for the rest of the night was the sparkle in Sooyoung's eyes, the shine of her smile. 

Absolutely horrible. Jiwoo couldn't stand it.

And she desperately pretended to think that it was unpleasant to be visualizing Sooyoung's beaming face.

*

The next day, Sooyoung smiled extra wide at her when Jiwoo passed the taller girl in the hallway. 

Jiwoo tried so hard not to smile back. 

Her efforts failed.

The hatred must be really strong, Jiwoo convinced herself without thinking. No thought process was put into that sentence... right?

Right.

Hate hate hate hate. Nothing more, nothing less. Simply hatred.

Jiwoo was praying for hatred.

Sooyoung flopped into her seat with Jiwoo at lunch.

Jiwoo didn't think she was smiling.

But she was.

"Has anyone ever told you how cute your smile is? 'Cause it's adorable," Sooyoung said nonchalantly, mouth full of rice.

Jiwoo's face went absolutely nuclear... with anger. Anger.

...

Of course it was anger... why would she even hesitate?

Jiwoo was slightly worried by then. There had never been a glitch in her carefully thought out system. Never.

But then Sooyoung giggled and Jiwoo automatically giggled back. 

Sooyoung, pleasantly surprised, laughed, throwing her head back and looking like the most beautiful thing that Chuu has ever seen.

What. Was. That. Thought.

That's when Jiwoo realized.

Oh crap.

Oh crap.

Jiwoo could tell - it wasn't a glitch. Not a bug. Not a missing slash mark in the closing code.

No, her whole entire system had been single handedly destroyed by Ha Sooyoung.

She felt her smile quickly fade. 

Tears burned her eyes. 

She couldn't breathe. 

Was the air being sucked in by everyone else? Had the air been claimed by the windows and open vents? Or was Jiwoo just unable to take in anything to her lungs? 

Jiwoo could barely feel the slight pain in her legs when she sprinted all the way off campus to a place she'd never been to.

Jiwoo barely noticed the worry and betrayal in Sooyoung's face that would've made her unused heart ache if she had paid better attention.

Jiwoo barely noticed that Sooyoung, whose legs were much stronger and longer than hers, was sprinting right behind her.

Sooyoung grabbed her arm. 

Jiwoo desperately tried to detach her arm from Sooyoung's grip, the grip that was burning her arm. She put up a good fight, flailing and kicking and punching, but Ha Sooyoung was strong. Much stronger than she'd ever be.

Jiwoo stared in horror at her useless, weak arms, sinking to the tiled ground around the water fountain she'd never seen in her life, and promptly burst into tears. 

How could she let this happen? How could she be so utterly stupid?

Jiwoo felt warm, protective arms warp around her tiny frame.

And she could collapse. She could totally lose it, because she was safe in Sooyoung's embrace.

"Are you okay?" Sooyoung whispered, making Jiwoo's cheeks warm with hat- no. 

Jiwoo was flustered. 

She tried to take in big breaths, tried to ground herself as her whole universe fell down, burned, exploded, and destroyed itself in front of its confused, vulnerable creator.

"N-no." She muttered bitterly. "I'm not fine."

Her lip was trembling, her chin pouting with the rest of her mouth. 

"Ha Sooyoung, how could you?" Her voice was small, flat. "How could you? How could you?!?" Almost immediately, her pitch had risen, volume had risen, she had stood.

"What did I do to you?!? Why would you ruin my life like this?!? I'M NOT FINE! MY ENTIRE-" Jiwoo's voice cracked and tears she had worked so hard to hold back fell. "You ruined it and I can't put it back together again."

Jiwoo's cheeks were wet with tears as she stared at Sooyoung. 

Beautiful, worried, confused, and a really hurt Sooyoung.

"Do you want to expand on that?" Jiwoo hated the way that she loved Sooyoung, especially when she couldn't keep her crap together. She loved the way Sooyoung could keep a straight voice, kindly encouraging her to tell more.

Jiwoo just tried to talk like a sane person. 

"My first girlfriend. I liked her for a really, really long time. But she ended up leaving me for another girl. And she was sorry about it. I know she was. And it makes it worse. She broke up with me, and she was sorry. Her new girlfriend was kind and sweet and tried to make me feel better." Jiwoo let a joyless laugh slip past her lips. "But I was destroyed. That was the last time I ever trusted someone in my life. I left behind anything that could potentially ruin me again back at my old home - happiness, love, adoration, jealousy, the whole package. And I was fine not speaking to anyone, not interacting with anyone. Until you came along, Ha Sooyoung." Jiwoo spat her name angrily, even though the three syllables made her heart positively flutter.

"I thought I hated you, but I didn't. I don't. I-I think I love you, Sooyoung. But I have nothing left now."

What Jiwoo really hated was the fact that that was the longest thing she'd ever said to Sooyoung.

But beautiful, perfect Sooyoung pulled Jiwoo into a hug. 

"You're have everything left," she murmured soothingly into Jiwoo's ear. "You're still the same Jiwoo I've wanted to meet since day one. You're still gorgeous and kind and unreasonably sarcastic, but we don't need to talk about that." They both giggled. 

Sooyoung continued. "Look, there's nothing wrong in falling apart once in a while, but when you do, remember that I'll be here for you. I won't leave you. Promise."

Jiwoo smiled sadly. "That's what everyone says."

"Do they all pinky swear?"

Jiwoo giggled. "That's a new one."

Sooyoung stuck her hand out and they pinky swore. 

Jiwoo was smiling. 

"Would you consider going on a date with me, Kim Jiwoo?"

"I would consider that, yes."

Sooyoung leaned forward and Jiwoo closed her eyes. Sooyoung's lips met Jiwoo's forehead.

"Thursday night, 6:30. I'll meet you at yours.

*

Eventually, when the pair got out of high school, they both went to visit Jungeun. They were welcomed into her home with opened arms. Jinsoul was, in fact, just as nice as Jiwoo had remembered, and Jungeun was just happy that she and Jiwoo could still be friends.

Jiwoo and Sooyoung stayed together through all of college and graduate school. They stayed together in the same apartment until they both decided to propose on the same day in the same location at the same time.

At some point, Jiwoo decided to start a flower shop, meaning that Sooyoung got a new flower every day with a different meaning. At some time later in their marriage, they found the whole apartment decorated floor to ceiling in daffodils at their anniversary, due to the fact that Jiwoo knew the meaning and had asked Jungeun to decorate the apartment and the fact that Sooyoung looked up "meaningful relationship flowers" and had Jinsoul decorate the apartment with them. They got a great laugh out of that.

Sooyoung still made pinky promises whenever she wanted Chuu to know that she meant it.

Chuu was still just as cute as she was in high school at age 50.

At least, that's what Sooyoung told her.

*

Clearly, my ending skills are at their peak.

I figured, if I'm going to end up writing here, I should take requests. Right? Idk. If you have a request, put it here. We'll see if I can figure out how to see the comments.

Thanks for reading, love you all :)