"Come on, come on
You have got to move on
This is not the you I know
This isn't real
It's just all you can feel
And that's the way that feelings go
And whether or not it's right or wrong you'll do what you will do."
--We All Need Saving by Jon McLaughlin

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Chapter 24: Obstinateness

| KENZIE |

"I hate him! I hate him so dam much!" I shouted when I reached the inner part of the Left Pegasus Park's forest. Thankfully, I hadn't slipped or tripped on my way here. Maybe it'd been because of my rage. The cool air and peaceful environment weren't enough to quench it, though.

"Kenzie!" Rachel cried, following behind me shortly without panting. "You--"

I whirled around to face her. "Chel, I swear if you're gonna tell me that I should apologize to that...that despicable--"

"Actually, I was gonna say that you forgot to bring your bag with you." She was holding my school bag in her hand and gave it to me.

I blinked. "Oh. Thanks."

"And that you should apologize to me 'cause you didn't tell me anything 'bout this," Rachel added while crossing her arms over her chest, frowning. "No wonder you texted me yesterday that your stomach wasn't feeling well and you'd be going home without me."

I couldn't help but feel guilty toward my bestie. "Um, right. Sorry I didn't tell you what happened between Lance and me yesterday, Chel. It's because..."

"Lance and I are also friends...?" she clarified.

I nodded. "Yeah, but scratch the 'also' word."

Before Chel could respond to that, we heard someone complaining, "Of all places in Weyral you could've gone to, why here?" Eunice almost slipped on a muddy ground. "Ugh."

"This was the only place I thought where I could scream what I'm currently feeling," I answered. I didn't choose the Right Pegasus Park because that was where the heartless musician had taken me to go firefly-gazing with him. And because there were more people hanging out there.

And the Left Pegasus was where the headless priest could be seen. Well, only on every night of a full moon, according to Spencer.

"Mackenzie..." Nis said in a hesitant voice as she reached us. "I don't know what the deal is between you and Lance, but I wanted to say sor--"

"Stop," I cut her off. "Don't apologize on his behalf, Nis. That's wrong. And what he did--" I kicked a rock angrily, sending it a few feet away from us.

"Tell us what happened, Kenzie," Rachel said. Well, it was actually more of a demand. "And I mean everything."

I sighed in defeat. I needed to let this out anyway, so I didn't argue with her and told them everything that had happened, even the events last Sunday with Spencer. I was also sure that Dee and Spence were currently "interviewing" Lance back at The Cafeteria.

When I was done, Rachel's comment was only, "Well."

I turned to Eunice. "You and Dee knew all along, didn't you? That the reason why I chose to study here at Weyral instead at Eldreez Point was because of my ex."

She nodded. "Yeah. And we knew the reason why you two broke up, too. But we didn't want to clarify it to you back then 'cause...you know...we didn't want to intrude into your private love life."

I smiled earnestly at her. "I appreciate what you did."

"I still can't believe Lance told you those things, though."

I leaned my back against a tree. "Me, either."

"This is all your fault, Kenzie," Chel frankly said.

That caught me off guard, and my eyes widened in disbelief. "The heck, Chel? Lance judged me without knowing the full details and now you're--"

"If you told him the real reason why you wanted to back out and not that 'just because' crap," Chel interrupted, "then maybe he'd understand and accept it without holding any grudges against you."

"I can't believe this," I said while shaking my head in disagreement.

"Believe it, brokenhearted."

I looked at Eunice. "You're not agreeing with her, are you, Nis?"

She looked conflicted. "I must say Chel has a point, Mackenzie--"

"I always do," Chel butted in.

"--I mean, I agree that Lance shouldn't have said those things to you; he should've found your reason understandable. What he did was a wrong move. But..."

"But...?" I prodded.

"He hasn't experienced falling in love. Yet? I don't know. So maybe that's why he found your reason preposterous; he can't relate to it. And I want to hear his side just to be fair." Eunice paused. "Are you angry with me?"

"No, I'm not," I honestly said as her words sunk in. "I can't blame you for wanting to hear his story. The only person I'm angry with is Cocky Violinist Freak!"

"If you and Lance talk this through in a peaceful and calm manner," Chel said all of a sudden, "then everything would be all right again. Let go of your pride, because it can be a dangerous attribute to have; it holds you back from forgiving the person who've hurt you."

I scoffed. "I'm not prideful, and I'm not gonna forgive him."

She rolled her eyes. "You're still the hardheaded Adams I know. But Lance is also right, Kenzie, that you have to move on and not run from your problems any longer! Brandon's not worth it. Look, he still has gotten a hold on you 'cause you don't wanna do one of the things you love: playing the piano with the person you love!"

I almost choked on air at her last sentence. "Wait, wait, wait! I don't love that cocky violinist freak!"

"Oops! I mean, you platonically love," Chel corrected herself with a teasing grin on her face.

"No, I'm so not gonna apologize to him!" I told them. "I was--am--very hurt with what he said--"

"'Cause it's the truth!" Rachel burst out, cutting me off. "And you still love that pretentious guy!"

Crossing my arms while glaring at her, I said with force, "No, I don't!"

Rachel stared at Eunice with raised eyebrows. "See, Nis? This stupid blonde isn't listening to her bestie! I've already given her a 'How to Move on from Your Worthless Ex' list months ago, but this is still the result! I'm not an effective adviser and therapist! I cry!"

"As far as I can remember, Chel, your list was called 'Tips on How to Move on from a Relationship,'" I said back with a scowl. "Tip number seven was 'Sing 'The Fox' song every day and night,' and let me tell you it wasn't effective!"

Nis looked lost. "Wait, what?"

"It was effective for some peeps," Rachel replied with swag.

"'Sides, moving on isn't easy like you're just taking a stroll in a park," I told her.

"But it's been months already!" She sighed. "Anyway, do you remember tip number eight, Kenzie?"

I wracked my brain to remember, but to no avail. "Er, no."

"'Focus on today and your future.' Seriously, though, you should make up your mind now before things go haywire. If you really want to move on, then you should forgive the people who hurt you, trust your new friends, and follow what you really want to do," Rachel said in an exasperated tone. "And as for your quarrel with Lance, don't allow your anger to control you; you have to relinquish it. Be kind and compassionate. Forgive him. Take the first step. Don't forget the meaning of your name, Grace!"

A sharp dagger pierced through my heart, but I still stood on my ground. "I have the right to be 'bitter' because--"

"But we have no right to hold a grudge," Chel said firmly while shaking me on my shoulders with her hands. "Why not resolve this issue before the sun sets? If you keep this up, you'll just end up hurting yourself more. You should recognize your mistake--"

"My mistake?!"

"--because it's important!" she exclaimed. "Kenzie, I know anger is a hard emotion to shake, but you have to get rid of it. Don't let the events of yesterday replay in your mind. Thinking about what Lance did to you only allows bitterness to grow in your heart and does you no good. I mean, look at your face; it's all grumpy. Maybe you'll end up having a serious disease sooner or later." Rachel stared into my eyes, determined. "You know what? If this were a movie, the title would be The Fall of Grace."

I was also determined not to lose in this argument. "He wasn't being understanding. He should apologize to me first," I retorted.

She gave me a stern look. "You know deep inside it's your fault why you're in this kind of situation in the first place. You're just too stubborn to admit it, Kenzie."

I also heard the unspoken words in her voice: If you don't do this, you'll always regret it.

"I don't know what you're talking about, Chel." But for some reason I couldn't hold her intense gaze and my eyes wandered around the forest. Eunice was just standing beside us, unsure of what to say.

After a moment of silence Rachel released my shoulders, stretched her arms, and turned to leave. "Well, I'd better head back to The Cafeteria now. I didn't get to finish eating my popcorn! I hope it's still on our table." She stopped in her tracks and said without looking back at us, "Oh, and talk some sense into her, Nis, will ya? She's being unreasonable."

"O-okay, Chel," Eunice sheepishly said.

After my best friend had left without another word, Eunice asked with worry, "Is Rachel angry with you?"

"Nah, she's just irritated with me 'cause I interrupted her popcorn moment, and that I didn't want to listen to her advice...." I faltered, replaying my best friend's words in my head.

She bit her bottom lip. "Mackenzie?"

"Yeah?" There was something in her tone of voice, causing me to squint at her.

"I agree with Rachel."

I groaned and asked in disbelief, "So you're on Team Lancelot? Is that what you're telling me, Eunice?"

"No, I'm on Team Rachel. I just want you and Lance to be friends again. And if...when you're Lance's accompanist again and you see your ex at E.P., Chel, Spence, Dee, Lance and I got your back," Nis assured me.

We were back at the Brandon topic again.

"I...I know that you guys won't leave me in the dust. It's just that..." I faltered again, the corner of my eyes starting to fill with tears.

"Oh, Mackenzie." Eunice hugged me for comfort, and I desperately embraced her back. "You still love that guy, don't you?"

"I don't know, Nis," I sobbed, my head buried in her shoulder. "All I know is that if...when I see Brandon again...maybe my feelings for him will come back at full force."

"But you deserve someone better than him, and you don't deserve to think about him. It's a waste of your time. I mean, he's the reason why you're sad sometimes, why you can't sleep at night sometimes, why you're afraid to trust people these days," she said while drawing soothing circles on my back. "You don't have to suffer like this anymore. And as your friends, we'll help you get through this storm."

"I know, but..." I was overwhelmed by worry.

Eunice understood. "It's fine. We'll respect your pace. Whenever you're ready."

I lifted my head from her shoulder to give her a warm smile. "Thanks, Nis."

"You're always welcome, Mackenzie. But you deleted your pics together with him on your phone, right?"

I bobbed my head. "And burned our printed photos and his stuff that he'd given me as gifts. I also blocked him on my social media accounts and his number on my phone after I found out what he did."

However, I still memorized his cell phone number in my mind.

"That's great to hear, 'cause I heard those steps are also effective when you're moving on from your ex." Eunice chuckled a bit to lighten the mood. "By the way, you should stop crying now; you look like a major disaster! When you're moving on, you should look blooming and fresh everyday."

I chuckled along with her while wiping the tears on my cheeks with my hankie. "Yes, Grandma Eunice."

"I really hate it when you guys call me that," Eunice reprimanded, but there was a hint of a smile on her lips.

Before we left the forest, Eunice said something that made me think about it for a long moment.

"It's better to regret something you've done rather than you haven't done, don't you think so?"

🎹 🎹 🎹

Later that evening, I was studying Greek because there was a high chance the teacher would give the class a pop quiz tomorrow (and because I wanted to forget Lance for the meantime), when I received an email from Denver's House of Hope for Kids with Cancer, one of the charities I was a part of. It was a nonprofit organization dedicated to providing hope and serving local children with cancer and their extended family members.

One of the reasons why I wanted to be an actress is because I could get involved in the community and give back in an effective way. Thanks to my career, I've been able to use my voice and speak things I'm passionate about and share them with the world, and DHOH is one of them. I wanted to spread awareness about children who have cancer and help them do the things they love and have a positive impact in their lives, even with their sickness. That there's still hope. For them. And for the world.

I read the contents of the email and smiled to myself. This wasn't about me. This was for the kids and the organization, and I was willing to lend them a hand again without second thoughts.

🎹 🎹 🎹

It was now Wednesday, and I still wasn't acknowledging Lance's presence. Well, he was also ignoring me anyway. What he'd told me last Monday and yesterday were haunting my mind again.

I hate him. I hate him. I hate him.

In homeroom, the gang was shooting us pointed looks, but Lance and I just disregard them. Good thing the rest of the class were oblivious with our conflict.

But later in chemistry, Marcus, Sabrina and Lauren were starting to notice that something was wrong between Lance and me. The tension in our group was so thick, it almost suffocated me.

Since there was still ten minutes left before the subject would end, Mrs. Steward told the class that we'd be doing the make-your-own-soap experiment tomorrow.

"Each group will get to experience transforming coconut oil into a usable bar of soap," Mrs. Steward said as she wrote the materials we'd be bringing tomorrow on the white board. "The rest of the items and equipment are already available here in the lab. While we're waiting for the dismissal bell to ring, decide who'll bring the following items in your group. Don't make too much noise. I'll discuss more about the experiment tomorrow. Understood?"

"Yes, Mrs. Steward," the class replied with respect.

Since Lancelot was the leader of our group, he asked, "Who wants to bring three clear plastic cups?"

"Me," Lauren volunteered, stealing a glance at me.

Sabrina read the materials that were written on the board. "I'll bring peppermint oil."

Lance nodded and turned to Marcus. "Is it okay if you bring coconut oil?"

Marcus shrugged. "Sure thing."

"I will be the one who will bring a bottle of distilled water. Okay, that is all."

Lauren looked nervous. "Um, Lance? There's still one item left, and you forgot to include Mackenzie..."

He blinked with a bored expression on his face. "Oh."

My grip on my pencil tightened.

"Well, will you bring a timer tomorrow?" Lance asked without looking at me.

"Yes," was what I only said. I had a timer app on my phone.

"Very well."

An uncomfortable silence settled over our group. Marcus combed his hair, even though nothing was out of place. Lauren discreetly checked her phone so that Mrs. Steward wouldn't see it. Sabrina gazed around the room. Lance stared blankly at the wall to his left. I was just continuing to write nonsense stuff in my notebook.

After a while, Lance suddenly said in a monotone, "By the way, Marcus, I would like to speak with you after this subject."

Marcus was startled. "Y-yeah. Why not? I mean, after chem is lunch time anyway."

Lance just nodded, then the bell rang. He stood up and told him, "Come with me, please."

Marcus stared at me for a moment, silently asking me what on earth was going on, then followed Lance outside the room. I was sure Lance was going to ask Marcus to be his accompanist instead.

No biggie. He should've done that in the first place, before he asked me to be one.

"Girl, what happened?" Sabrina instantly began after the two were out of the room.

"Dang. I didn't expect my ship would fight like this," Lauren mumbled.

I rolled my eyes at what she'd said, then told them, "Lance and I had an argument. Er, sort of."

"Really? About what, if I may ask?" Lauren questioned with a comforting smile.

I paused. Not many people knew that I was--had been--Lance's accompanist. Should I tell Sabrina and Lauren about the "Mackenzie and Lancelot's War"? I could trust them, right?

Right?

But Lauren sensed my hesitation, so she told me quickly, "Hey, we understand if you don't wanna tell us. Sorry we're prying, Mackenzie."

"No, it's not that you're prying," I told them as the three of us exited the laboratory room. "It's just that...it's hard to explain." For some reason, I didn't want to tell them the hurtful things Lance had told me.

Sabrina smiled warmly at me. "It's all right. We understand, Mackenzie. But if you need help, we're always here for you."

"Yeah. And we hope things between you and Lance will return to normal ASAP," Lauren added as she hugged me briefly.

I looked unsure. "We'll see."

"Anyhow, speaking of help, I watched the video you posted on Facebook last night," Lauren uttered as we descended the stairs.

I'd recorded that video using Cameron, my DSLR camera.

Sabrina clapped once, her face beaming. "Oh, right! The fundraising campaign you started for Denver's House of Hope for Kids with Cancer. I'll donate later when I get home."

I grinned widely. "Thanks, Sabrina! You'll get to claim perks depending on the amount you donate."

"I was itching to pay for the highest amount so that I could have a video call with you," Lauren said with a laugh. "But, heck, we always see and talk to each other every school day, so I chose the personalized letter with a DHOH button pin, all for fifty dollars, instead. I wanna give other people the chance to have a video call with you. But only one lucky person could get to have that opportunity."

"I bet some of your fans will fight to the death like in The Hunger Games for that rare chance," Sabrina joked.

"Well, that one lucky person will also get a Twitter shoutout on my profile and DHOH's. And have a personalized letter, DHOH button pin, signed poster of me with the children, and a signed DHOH T-shirt from me--free shipping worldwide. So, I could totally see that happening." I laughed along with them. "Anyway, I'm grateful for any support you can give, guys. A donation is a donation no matter how small, and all proceeds from the campaign will go directly to DHOH, of course. The kids will be ecstatic. Thanks so much!"

"We're just happy to support our friend and the organization. Anyway, do you wanna eat with us?" she asked as we were heading out of the main building.

I shook my head. "Thanks for the offer, Lauren, but I think I need to give myself a breather for a moment at the Left Pegasus Park."

"We understand, Mackenzie. Stay strong, okay?" Then Lauren and Sabrina waved good-bye at me.

I returned the gesture with a smile. But when they were gone, my smile turned upside-down in an instant.

🎹 🎹 🎹

"I can't believe that my most favorite actress in the world is a coward."

I instantly opened my eyes and saw Cindy standing in front of me. The leaves rustled on the ground because of the steady wind. My eyes fell on my lap. "What do you want, Dee?" I was sitting on a bench and gestured to the vacant space to my right, but she just remained standing.

"Chel told me I'd find you here."

"Did she ask you to come here and fetch me? Tell her I'm not hungry. Thanks."

Cindy exhaled impatiently and said without any flowery words: "Gosh, you can't live your life being afraid of taking risks. You can't live your life doubting yourself and focusing on the past. You should laugh in the face of fear!"

I was about to protest, but she pressed on.

"You can't let Brandon Colfer get you down. Letting go of the hurt--the past--is the first step, if you seriously want to move on from the bottom of your heart," Dee said, her voice unwavering. "This is to free yourself so that you can start loving again."

After her blatant speech, Cindy left me all alone in the park with a disgusted look on her face. What she'd told me hit home.

"You're right, Dee," I said when a moment passed. Staring up at the cloudless sky, I could feel tears starting to flow down my cheeks. "I am a coward."

Thinking about the decision I'd chosen made me ache with doubt.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~

~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Ah, yes. It's the month of love but nothing was lovely in this chapter, I think. 😂 Still, I hope you enjoyed reading it. Heh.