Bilyamin

Six years.

It's been six years since I left Kuwait to study and work Abroad. The day was July 15, the day of my flight back to Kuwait. I tried changing the date but all available flights to Kuwait for two weeks were fully booked and since I'd quit my job, my rent was almost due and hotels in Geneva were unbelievably pricey, I couldn't afford to wait that long.

I got to the airport by 5 AM since the flight took off by 7:30. I checked in and waited for my flight to be called. I texted Omar and Hashim to tell them I'd be there in 6 hours. Omar replied with a thumbs up emoji and Hashim left me on read, as usual.

Ever since I left Kuwait his attitude towards me changed. We were never as close as he was with Omar, which was to be expected, but our relationship was never so, strained.

It'd gotten worse in the last year, he stopped replying to my texts, picking up my calls and practically ejected me from his life almost three months before he began giving curt replies or leaving me on read.

I was looking forward to talking things out with him. I know he hadn't been pleased with my decision to leave Kuwait for such a long time, but he couldn't still be hung up on that, could he?

I  landed around 2 PM with a headache and the urge to throw up. I hate flights. I stood outside the airport looking around for my brothers who were to pick me up.

"Bilyamin!"

I turned to see Omar waving at me. Hashim walked silently behind him collected my luggage and muttered a greeting before walking back to Omar's car. I sighed, at least he wasn't outrightly ignoring me. Omar gave me a tight smile and hugged me.

"Damn, what did they feed you over in Switzerland? You look great." He ruffled my hair, ruining the bun I spent twenty minutes on.

I rolled my eyes at him and brushed his hands aside. I looked around and smiled. It felt good to be back.

We got into the car and it was a silent ride back. I tried speaking to Hashim but his replies gave no room for conversation so I gave up and dealt with awkward silence instead.

"So how does being an engineer feel?"

I shrugged, I had gotten over the initial excitement of attaining my dream. Having gotten a job relatively quickly, I got a reality check after experiencing the stress of having a job.

A lot had changed in the six years I'd been gone. Omar had gotten married -something none of us thought was possible - Hashim was in college, Omar was a father - another shock to him, and everyone else I was sure - a lot had changed, including me, or at least I told myself that.

We arrived at our house. Some butlers came over and collected my stuff as soon as we parked.

Father and his wife were sitting in the living room, his wife stood to hug me while Father nodded in acknowledgement before returning to his work. I raised an eyebrow. His wife was never an evil stepmother, but she wasn't the "love you like my own" stepmother either. I returned the hug regardless.

The whole house felt sombre for some reason. Even Hashim looked like he was barely holding himself back from doing or saying something. I decided to ignore it, they would eventually tell me what was wrong. They probably didn't want to tell me immediately after I had gotten back.

I went to my old room where my luggage was already set down and prayed. I was exhausted from my flight and soon fell asleep.

I woke about an hour later feeling a bit better. I came back downstairs and overheard my siblings arguing in the kitchen.

I had lived with them my whole life and I could count the number of arguments they'd ever had, so hearing the tone in which they exchanged words was concerning.

I was about to walk in and intervene when her name popped up, freezing me to the spot. I had told myself for six years that I was over it, that it wouldn't matter when next we met.

Yet here I was once more, heart pounding and palms sweating at the mere thought of seeing her again. What's worse was that I wanted to see her. Even after I'd spent all those nights telling myself I didn't care, I still did. I cared more with each passing day and I yearned to see her again.

But I couldn't, not yet. I wasn't ready to face her or remember what she'd said to me that night. I've always been sensitive, but even I found it pathetic that her words still affected me to date.

I contemplated going back upstairs and letting them sort it out, but I couldn't help but eavesdrop a little on their conversation. So, I put my ear to the door and listened.

"He deserves to know about Maryam, if nothing else Maryam would've wanted him to," Omar said softly.

"He doesn't deserve to know! Even if he does he doesn't even care about her, what difference would it make now?! He probably doesn't even know today's her birthday!"

"You don't know that. Bilyamin has always been very sensitive and is still hurt but that doesn't mean he wouldn't remember her birthday. He probably just doesn't want to talk about it."

"He never has Omar! Because he's so up inside his head he doesn't care about what's happening outside of it. I saw how much Maryam suffered because of him, I won't let him have anything to do with her!"

They had been going back and forth with each other, talking about Maryam and me a lot but never giving any useful information.

At some point, I couldn't take it anymore and burst through the door.

"What the fuck are you both talking about?! And what does that have to do with Maryam and I?!" I demanded.

They both looked a little startled but Hashim recovered first.

"None of your business, we were just talking about stuff. I was leaving anyway."

Hashim tried to walk past me but I grabbed his arm and pulled him back.

"You're not going anywhere until I get answers, why has everyone been looking so down in the dumps lately?"

Hashim jerked his hand away and glared at me.

"Why don't you drop by the Rabbah residence and go see for yourself?"

He walked away, purposely bumping into me as he passed. Omar runs a hand through his hair and grabs his keys.

"Come on, let's go say hello to Khadijah and Ashraf."

We got into his car and drove off. The drive was silent and the air thick with tension. I wanted to break the silence but the look on Omar's face told me otherwise.

We arrived and were warmly received. We walked through the front door and I was immediately tackled to the ground.

I groaned as I opened my eyes and looked to see the culprit. A spitting image of Ashraf was looking back at me with a mischievous grin on his face.

"Hello to you too Suwayd."

"Welcome back Bilyamin! It's been a while!"

"It has, you've grown pretty big. You're nine now right?"

"We'll be ten in four months!" He laughed.

"We?" I raised an eyebrow.

The answer to my question came running down the stairs with a bag of chips in hand. I tended to forget about her since she used to be so quiet around people outside the house.

"Suwayd! Where are you? The  movie's about to start!" Tasneem called.

She was quite plump, I could see strands of her wild red hair sticking out of her bun, her cheeks red and round giving her a sort of chipmunk look. Her small lips were in a cute little pout as she puffed out her already chubby cheeks.

"Coming Apple! Gotta go Bilyamin, Tasneem and I are watching something together. Mom and Dad are upstairs but they'll be down in a while."

Suwayd got off me and ran upstairs with Tasneem.

As they ran up, Khadijah came down, one hand supporting her round belly. If I remember correctly she was about six months along at that point.

"Bilyamin, good to see you. You've grown up a lot since you left Kuwait."

"Good to see you two Khadijah, I see your pregnancy is coming along well."

"Yes, we're expecting a girl and Ashraf seems to be more excited than I am. Unfortunately, we were just about to go somewhere with Omar. But we won't be long, feel free to stick around or go for a drive in one of Ashraf's cars, he won't mind."

I smiled and nodded. Ashraf soon joined us. We exchanged pleasantries and they left. I couldn't help but feel like something was wrong. Khadijah's smile felt forced and Ashraf was just completely off. I decided to wait till they had pulled out of the house then I hailed a taxi.

I asked him to follow them but not too closely so they wouldn't notice. We kept driving for about half an hour and they stopped at, a cemetery?

I paid the driver and was dropped off a bit far from the cemetery so they wouldn't see me. They all got out except Khadijah who remained in the car. I took the other entrance and spotted them standing in front of a grave praying.

I quietly snuck up behind them, planning to stand quietly till they finished, but when my eyes landed on the name engraved on the grave marker my whole body froze.

Maryam Ardal

My knees gave out instantly, alerting them of my presence. They turned to me, Ashraf surprised while Omar simply looked sad.

"I knew you would follow us. I'm sorry you had to find out like this, I just didn't know how to tell you without you shutting down the conversation before I even started."

“This couldn't be true, right? I know I never responded to Maryam's texts or letters but that didn't mean I didn't acknowledge them. I kept every one even though I never dared to open any. How could this be?”

"Maryam, is dead?"