海辺
10. dalampasigan
— where the waves meet the shore.

---

8:28 p.m. NIGHT #10.

dedicated to Chaamie.

---

NOAH

The evening breeze that tonight brought was different. It was colder, yes, but also windier — as if it carried so much more than air that was swept across Tokyo in excited fervor.

Or maybe it was just because I was by the bay, feet buried in the sand, salt air stinging my cheeks, and the crashing of waves as my company. Up there was the moon, round and incandescent, but ethereal nonetheless.

My whole demeanor felt different too. There was a flutter in my stomach that couldn't stop, different from the usual nausea I would feel ever since the accident. Hands weren't shaking, but they were sweating; knees weren't weak, but they were slightly trembling; and my heart was so alive — so, so alive it could burst out from my chest at any given moment.

In my mind, I couldn't seem to erase the entirety of her. She was bones and flesh and human; but oh was she beautiful.

The daze I have gotten myself into was cut short when I heard the familiar sound of the rickety troll, a few yards from the beach.

I turned around to see a young girl bow to the conductor in gratitude, before holding on to her straw hat in fear of it being blown by the wind, and walked towards my position. By the time she raised her face, our eyes locked and we both greeted each other with shy, nervous smiles — different once again, from the teasing grins and playful expressions we have grown to do over the past few nights.

She was wearing a long frolicky, pale green dress with ruffles below. It was shorter in the front — barely just above her knees — and longer from behind, trailing like a wedding gown.

As she approached, I couldn't help but notice that her hair, that seemed to have grown a few inches longer, had been caught by the salty air, making her face brighter, clearer. 

"Hey," she greeted with a smile, eyes squinting as she did. Despite this, I could still see the moon reflected in her irises as if inviting me to a trance.

"Hey," I respond back, barely with a breath. I notice that her dress had shorter sleeves, and so I instinctively shrugged my coat from my shoulders before placing it around her.

"Thank you," she whispered, our faces close. My hands had grown even colder with the evening breeze fanning up its sweat, and so I stuff it into the pockets of my khaki shorts.

"No problem," I smile back.

"Have you waited for a while?" She asked, standing beside me and staring into the vastness of the ocean — black rocks and indigo waves pushing and pulling, crashing and falling.

If anything, the water reminded me of myself, pulled by the magnetic force of the lady beside me, and pushed by whatever decency and control I still have left. As for the crashing and falling part — well, let's just say this was a whole other dilemma.

"No," I shook my head, watching the waves as well. "Just enough time to think."

"I see, the waves does hypnotize you in a lucid state of mind when stared at long enough." She remarks, and I manage a smile.

I wonder if my expression is obvious, if she could see right through me and read my thoughts, know that it was her that hypnotize me, her that continuously places me in a trance.

We let the sound of the waves engulf us.

Right above the line where the sky meets the sea, a few blinking lights could be seen floating by, silhouettes of ships and boats lit with lanterns lighting up the ocean like the stars above. From a distance, a lighthouse was lit up in all its glory, with the ships heading towards it like it was their anchor.

I bask in all of this. In the silence, in the view, and in her company.

It seems as if time has stopped, and this was paradise — silent but full of heart. I have long since given up on my heart, but tonight, I am hyper-aware of its beating. Loud and thudding, ringing in my ears.

One could bring a microphone close to my chest and the sound of its thumps would echo throughout Tokyo — maybe even reach the Philippines now that I think of it. I could feel the rush of blood with every pump of this little organ.

I wonder if she hears it.

"You seem awfully quiet tonight," she commented, speaking while her eyes were still fixated on the ocean before us.

I gulp. Maybe she does hear it.

Yuuki finally turns her head to face me, hair blowing, cheeks red, and eyes expressive. "Is there something wrong, Noah?" She asks in concern, and I let out an awkward laugh.

"No, no, nothing's wrong," I mumbled hastily, shaking my hands in the air. "I was just, I'm just—I just-t—"

"Are you okay?" She frowns now. There is a slight pout in her lower lip, and her forehead creases in worry.

I let out a cough. "Yes of course, why wouldn't I be—"

"Are we..." she breaths. "Are we okay?"

The question throws me off the tracks, and I halt underneath her gaze; holding my breath, stiffing my shoulders, and jaws clenched.

"Noah?" She whispers, as if anticipating the worst that I could say.

I close my eyes — shut them tightly until I am in a state of phosphenes — lights swirling, stars passing, zigzags bursting.

The words were stuck in my mouth. I had been pondering over this question — this night — for the entirety of the day, letting it haunt me until I was deemed impossible to go forward with the rest of the day.

Fuck, fuck, fuck. My mind cursed.

But this was it. There was no other chance, no other way to release this tension and burden that had kept me falling, falling, falling — down the abyss. I need to crash and land, I need to reach the shore somehow the way the waves rush to the sand rapidly; and the only way I can is to confront her and just ask — ask the damn question.

I finally release my breath, letting the air expand and fill my lungs. My eyelids flutter open and I see her still there, patiently waiting, and still as beautiful as ever. She was a dream with my eyes closed, and still dreamy with my eyes open.

"We are," I mumbled. "We are okay."

Fleeting silence.

I hung my head low to count the sand, but then decide to raise my head once more. I needed to say this and see her reaction, see her eyes, or else I would end up with even more regrets to drink upon in my future nights.

"Then why do you seem... different?" she demanded, her mouth slightly agape now.

"I am different." I replied awkwardly, shifting my feet, struggling to find the words. "I mean, I guess I want our nights to be different."

She shakes her head in confusion, gaze not leaving mine.

"I don't understand." Her face is red with impatience and frustration now, as if trying all her might not to cry.

I open my mouth in the hopes of saying something, but nothing comes out.

And the final thread snaps. She shakes her in disbelief, and finally turns around in a manner so swift, I get a tiny portion of the smell of her hair wafting through the breeze.

"Wait—" I gasp, reaching her arm quick before she could leave.

Fuck, here it goes.

"I've been contemplating," I panted, as if the mere act of speaking was tiring and overwhelming for me. "All day I've been pondering on the thought, on whether I, whether you—we— could..."

I close my eyes. "...go out?"

The tone in my voice is unsure and meek, but it was enough to pull Yuuki back in as she turns to face me.

"What?" She frowns. And even with the creases in her forehead or the furrows of her eyebrows, she is still beautiful. And it is this thought that finally gives me the courage.

"I think I've fallen for you Yuuki." I said quietly, hands grasping her arm and letting her feel the rush of my veins, and the beating of my pulse.

"W-What?" She repeats, but this time with an evident stammer.

"I think you've caught me from the ocean of people in Tokyo — wrapped me in your little finger, hook, line and sinker." I said in raspy tone. "And I know it's absurd—how I've known you for less than a month, meeting you only at night, and with nothing but shallow knowledge of each other. But it feels more than that, like I've known you for so long, maybe years, or lifetimes—it doesn't matter."

I let out a shaky breath. "And now I want to take you out for a proper night, different from the casual relationship we've been teetering on back and forth like kids in a seesaw."

Her eyes are round and wide now, like two little moons, staring back at me in surprise. "Yuuki," I whispered, in all the seriousness I could muster. "I want to take you out. For a date. A real one. And maybe you can wear again that fancy pant suit of yours but this time you won't be teasing me for not dressing up to occasion and making me turn red with the idea of a date."

I then pull her towards me. "Because we'll be on a real one. That is, if you allow me to... To date you, I mean."

The words come tumbling out recklessly and I let out a relieved breath. My heart was still hammering, sure, but I felt like a castaway reaching the soil of the city. I had finally crashed and landed.

There was a pause in Yuuki's expression, as if she was contemplating what the best answer was.

But instead of saying something, anything, her lips curve into a shy, but playful grin.

"Alright," she nods with a smile. "I accept that very chivalrous offer."

I could feel my ears point in disbelief at her answer. But before I could comprehend it, she leans forward with a mischievous glint in her eyes.

"But only if you catch me first." She grins before running off in the sand, her hat finally carried by the wind and her hair running free in all sorts of different directions.

I stood there, stunned, before picking up my self from the surprise and darting first to grab her hat before running after her.

Yuuki's giddy laughter rings throughout the beach and overpowers the sound of the waves. Catching up to her was easy, and by the time I reach her, she lets out a high-pitched squeal as my arms wrap around her waist; lifting her from the ground and spinning her around in ecstacy.

"NOAH!" She bellows, red from all the shrieking before we fall down on the sand in laughter.

I propped my elbow up and let my sand-stained hand reach out to her face that was lit up in an expression I've yet to memorize.

"Is that a yes now?" I ask softly, my fingers brushing her cheek as I pushed her hair away from her face.

"Yes," she breaths in between laughter. "Yes in a million lifetimes."